Floating at Night

10. Happy Anniversary

One year ago...

I placed the fresh flowers in the vase beside their grave. The same case I refill not nearly enough. It's the anniversary of my parents death. They've been dead five years.
I wish I could go back in time and hug them just a little tighter. A little longer.
"Anyways. I met this new guy. His name is Justin. I don't think we'll be more than friends, though." I heard a motorcycle roar in the distance and I froze. Looking up at it as it passed by, I could almost swear that it was Baker. But that's not possible. This man has a heavily tattooed right arm, and a pistol strapped to his hip.
I finished my trip to the cemetery and left. I never stayed long. I wrapped my arms around myself as a chill settled in the air. There were a few people visiting family members as I drove away, it saddens me to think about how each of these people must have felt when they lost their loved one.

My mom always said that she loved my father more than anything. Except me, of course. She said when she met him she was drawn to him. Maybe it was his smile, or maybe his eyes, I have a feeling she really just wanted to ride around on his motorcycle.
My dad would say she always screamed and held on so tight he could barely breathe, but I think he loved it. I have a sneaking suspicion that Baker wished we could have been like that.
Me on the back of his bike, holding on for dear life as he sped down a highway or back road. There was a part of me that misses it, and I never even experienced it. I didn't get to ride on his bike, he always drove me in his truck.
Days like today make it hard to hate him. Days where it's all I have to just breathe. Days where the only thing I feel is the loss of my parents, and the loss of him. Him and our daughter.

David smiled as Ali let me in. It was officially the one night a month that we stay over at her parents place. They have to travel once a month for a work meeting and we get to go over and watch the dogs and unbeknownst to them we also steal their liquor. "Ali, is it okay if I invite Justin?" She nodded her head, ignoring David's grunt of disapproval. "What do you have against him?" I asked. He shrugged his shoulders. "Then you should really give him a chance. He's a great guy." Ali nodded in agreement but just shoved some fries in her mouth. Grabbing a few myself I sent him a text and waited on him to give me a response.
Two hours later we're all laughing at something Tina was saying, she was new to town and a really fast addition to our group. "You want another drink?" David asked, standing up beside Ali. I nodded, holding my cup up as he took it and left the room. Ali was nursing the same beer she had when I got here. "Ali, do you mind showing me where the bathroom is?" Tina asked, standing too.
Tina and Ali left, leaving me and Justin in the room. There were a few people in the kitchen mingling, but no one really ventured further than that at the moment. "I'm glad you invited me. Your friends are great," Justin said. I smiled. His eyes were sparkling tonight.
Justin was sitting on the same couch as me but there was about a foot of free space between us, so I slid down a bit. He watched my movement but didn't say anything. My hand rested on the sofa between us for a second, until he scooted himself a little closer. Then I did. Then there was no space between us. We both let out a laugh, but it wasn't until I met his eyes that I realized how badly I wanted to kiss him.
So I let myself enjoy the feeling of the alcohol running through my veins and leaned toward him. "Do you want to kiss me, Justin?" I asked, a few inches from his face. "Do you want to kiss me, Noelle?" He matched my tone, ignoring the heat between us.
"No." I whispered, letting my lips graze over his ear. He leaned even closer to my lips and mumbled something so quietly, I almost didn't catch it. "Prove it."
I was just about to let my lips meet his when David came back around the corner with me another beer. "What the fuck is going on in here?" He asked. I grabbed my beer and stood up, rubbing my heated cheeks. "I need some air," I said. My chest was rising and falling quickly as I swallowed my alcohol in a quick gulp and shut the front door behind me. I leaned against the side of the house, ignoring every fiber of my being screaming at me to run away while I can.

I went to take a step off of the porch when a hand caught mine. He spun me back around, into his chest. "Justin... what are you doing?" I asked, letting my hand hold onto his arm. This is the closest we have been since we met, and the closest I've been to a man in over a year. "You never answered my question." My breath caught in my throat as I answered him. "Y-yes I did. I said no." My heart was beating out of my chest as he placed his palm under my cheek. His eyes poured into mine. I could tell he's already made his mind up about me. "You were lying." I grinned as he leaned down to me, capturing my lips in his. I melted into him, my lips aching for him to kiss me again, and again. I pulled back for a second.
Then I kissed him again. I kissed him urgently, because I needed to feel him. I needed him to remind me what it was like to be touched.
I let my hands clasp his shirt tightly, pulling him flush against me. He grunted as he lifted me up, wrapping my legs around him came naturally. The fluttering between my legs was growing and spreading warmth throughout my belly and I knew I had to have him.
"Let's go." I pulled away, running my fingers through his hair again as I did so. He looked disappointed for a second, until he realized what I said. "Justin..." I waited for him to start walking.
We practically ran to my house. It's not like there'd be anyone there to catch us. I spotted a motorcycle parked half a block from my house, it almost seemed like the one from the cemetery this morning. Then again, I'm no motorcycle guru, and to me they mostly look alike.
I pulled him through the front door of my house and locked it behind us as I pulled him down to me again. I crashed my lips to his with enough force to bruise them, but he didn't seem to mind.
He picked me up, setting me down on the counter as I pulled back to look at him.
Fuck this man is gorgeous.
"Baby, where..." he couldn't finish his question as I pulled him in for another kiss.
"Down the hall on the right," I stopped kissing him long enough to pull my shirt over my head.
He picked me up and carried me, grinning as he laid me down on the bed. He left sloppy kisses down my neck as he took my breast in his hand and massaged it. I moaned in pleasure when he found the other one with his mouth. His tongue danced around, leaving me moaning as I bucked my hips up toward his.
He slid my leggings off, reaching for his button when I replaced his hand with mine. "Let me do it." He complied, letting me remove his shirt and his blue jeans. We were both in our underwear.
He laid his body down on mine again, grinding against me as he pressed his lips to mine.
"I don't have a condom." I kissed him in between breaths, "I'm on the pill," I answered.
His fingers slipped between the thin fabric between him and my skin. He rubbed slowly, gently, making me come undone within minutes. "Oh, Justin," I moaned. His lips tugging into a smile. "I like it when you moan my name, Baby." I was breathing hard as I pulled his boxers down.
I moaned as he slipped himself inside of me. He felt so good, every inch of him.
I let my nails dig into his skin as he drove himself further inside of me, faster and harder. "Fuck," he groaned under his breath. His strokes slowed down and I knew he was almost there. I arched my back as he gripped the sheets above my head with one hand and my hip with the other.
He dropped his head onto my shoulder, panting heavily as he pulled himself out of me.

I washed the last of his scent off of me. There's no reason to go to sleep smelling like him. If I start, I might never stop.
And as if things weren't already crazy enough, I heard Ali stumble inside downstairs and I swear it sounded like Baker's voice telling her to drink water.

It's probably just in my head... right?