Floating at Night

16. History Repeats

For now, I contemplate.

I contemplate my relationship, I contemplate what I feel for Justin, and whether or not I still feel anything for Baker.
I contemplate if what Justin is telling me is the truth.

"I swear, Noelle. Baby. There's nothing going on with Katelyn. I don't even know why she was there still. A few coworkers came over and she was with one of them. Everyone left while I showered except her. When I got out and she told me she'd answered my phone I kicked her out and told her not to come back."

Justin drove home over night just to come explain himself. When I saw him this morning, I almost forgot everything that happened last night and wrapped myself around him like a scarf.
Then it all flooded back in.
So instead, I slapped him.

"You swear to me that there is no one else?" I asked. He promised me over and over again, placing gentle kisses everywhere he could reach. My neck, my cheek, my shoulder, his lips moved over my skin sweetly.
"Baby, what can I do? How do I prove this to you," his voice was pleading. It almost broke my composure.

"Do you love me?"

He paused at my question, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked down.

"Okay then," I mumbled, pulling my blanket further up my body.
"You didn't give me time." He mumbled, scooting closer to me.
"Time for what?" I couldn't stop the tear that fell down my cheek.
"To tell you that you're the most amazing woman I've ever met. The strongest, most beautiful creation I've ever seen. Of course I love you," he whispered.
I pulled him in and placed a kiss on his lips, a gentle kiss. "But you aren't in love with me," I answered.
"Yes, I am." A tear slipped down his cheek now, which I wiped away swiftly.
"Then why are you holding back from me all of a sudden?" I asked, scooting myself into his lap.
He shrugged his shoulders.

We talked for a few hours before we finally decided to leave the house. We agreed that there was an issue of trust between us. I couldn't trust him in another city and he didn't trust me to handle myself around Baker. Especially when I drank.
It was a nice beach day so we spent time by the water for a while before it got into the late afternoon.
When we walked into the pool hall to see Baker leaning against the counter, I could already feel Justin tense up.
"Baby, I'm going to be by your side all night. Don't worry. I'm not wasting any time we have." He smiled at my words but I could tell he wanted to say something.
"Let's go get a beer or two. Then I'm going to whoop your ass in pool," he threatened.
I grinned at the ease of our conversation considering last night I thought we'd be done.
"Hey man, good to see you," David patted Justin's back in a friendly way before he sat down across from us.
"Ali said you two were done. That not true?" I glared at him before explaining, he didn't ask anything else.
"Well, who's going to let me take their lunch money," David said, referring to the pool table.
After a short argument, Justin got up to play David in pool and I sat at the table alone, watching. He was losing when I crossed the floor to the bathroom, ignoring the nagging feeling that someone's eyes were on me.
It wasn't until I was washing my hands in the bathroom that I realized someone's eyes were definitely on me.
"Hello, mamacita."
No. Not him. Not Mo.
The voice I heard brought chills down my spine, the slight accent lingering in my ears as I felt his breath on the back of my neck.
"Long time no see," he slid his hand against my hip, bringing the beer back up my throat.
"Get the fuck away from me." I turned around, slapping his hand away, shoving at his chest hard. He laughed, I barely moved him an inch.
"You know, if I wanted you, again that is. There's nothing you'd be able to do to stop me from taking you... again."
I lunged for the door but he grabbed my throat and threw me back toward the sink, stepping between my legs as he pushed me back onto the counter by my throat.
I heard the door open, followed by a female screaming. Footsteps were quick to me, but it was too late. He was gone. He'd flung himself out the bathroom window before I could even catch my breath.
I expected Justin to be the one who scooped me up and carried me to the back room. I couldn't pull myself together in the bathroom and I couldn't focus on anyone or anything. My vision was blurry. I could see figures at best.
"Noelle... baby doll. Talk to me," I met his eyes, his ocean blue, pitifully broken eyes.
"Ba-Baker I... I. He..." I couldn't form a sentence or even a coherent thought.
I couldn't stop my hands from gripping his shirt in handfuls, clinging to him for dear life.
"He's gonna... Mo. He said-" he cut me off now, his lips next to my ear.
"Don't. Don't tell me. Don't think about it."

He held me steady as he put my feet on the floor. He never let his gaze leave mine as I took deep breath after deep breath, my racing heart calming. His hand stayed placed firmly on my lower back as he opened his mouth to say something.
Justin flung the door open, rushing over as quickly as Baker had.
"Baby... what happened?" He glared at Baker as I walked over to him.
"Where were you?" I asked, looking behind him at the open door.
"I was... I had a call I just stepped outside for a second." His voice was apologetic and his eyes seemed sincere but I knew him too well and I know he wasn't just on a phone call.
"You were on the phone? With who?" He looked at me sadly, he knew damn well I shouldn't have been left alone in a bar. Especially when he's the one who made such a big deal about me staying away from Baker.
"It doesn't matter who, are you alright?" He stepped toward me, reaching his hand out to hold my face.

"Who the fuck was so important? Katelyn?" He dropped his hand.
"It's not like that, Noelle. She just called to apologize." I laughed now, chuckled really.
"Can we talk about this at home?" He was seething after seeing Baker hold me and calm me down, but he wasn't there.
He wasn't there.
"No, Justin. You can go back to your apartment in the city. I'm done. I won't compete with another woman from the man who begged me to give him a chance." I started to walk off until he grabbed my arm, pulling me back toward him.
"Don't fucking grab her, you prick," Baker started in.
I put myself between the two, facing Baker.
"Thank you for helping me tonight." I left no room for him to reply before I turned around and grabbed Justin, pulling him out the door behind me, then out of the bar.
"Just some coworker, huh?" I laughed again, turning to face Justin.
"She has made it a point in the past to try and make something happen between us but I made sure she knew I only had eyes for you." He mumbled.
He ran his hand down his face, exhaustion laced his features.
"Look. Do you really think we can make it? A new relationship that's turning long distance and throwing in a whole load of baggage... Justin, let's think about this for a second." His face dropped.
He had to know this was coming. I mean, I only have so much room in my life for drama.
Right now Baker and my past are keeping that area at capacity.
"Okay. Where does that leave us then? I don't want you to not be in my life, Noelle."
I let my hand graze his cheek before I pulled him into my arms and held onto him. I don't know how long we stayed like this but when I finally pulled away all I could feel was relief.
"We'll always be there for eachother... as friends. Right?" I ask. He nods his head slowly before placing a slow and gentle kiss to my lips, then my forehead.
"Maybe one day, I can move back here. Or you'll be ready to leave this town. When that happens, give me a call. Yeah?" I nodded before he walked away, leaving me dumbstruck at his retreating figure.

And a fine figure it was.

What a shame.