Floating at Night

11. Bad Habits

Present...

Ali sat down on the grass with me, helping me wipe off their headstones and replace their flowers. It's been six years since my parents died. Six years of needing my mom's advice but having to listen to Ali's instead. "Hey mom and pop," Ali said, throwing some flower seeds out around their grave. She has been doing this for over a year, hoping they'll grow. The birds just come eat them once we leave. It's the circle of life.

Ali walked with me, arm in arm as we left the cemetery. Just then I heard a motorcycle roaring in the distance. "Oh fuck me," I mumbled, turning to see Baker riding up the path. "Maybe he just came to pay respects. Isn't his mother buried here too?" Ali asked. I always forget that Ali was friends with Baker once too. I forget that she picked me in the end. She picked me as her person and for that I am so lucky.
"Noelle," he greeted, "Ali." We both waved. I watched as he grabbed a flower from another grave and placed it on my parents, what the fuck is he doing?

"Baker what are you doing?" I asked. He shrugged, walking back toward us. "Well. You used to bring me out here every year on the anniversary, so..." he looked down. "You missed a few years." I mumbled. He shook his head, "no, baby doll. I came back every year on this day. For more than one reason."
I stared at him blankly, I can't believe he would come back here for that. He didn't even know my parents...

"It was our daughter's due date..." my voice was barely above a whisper as I realized. "I can't believe you forgot.." he mumbled, pulling his helmet back over his head. He started muttering something about being too invested in fucking random guys to remember our own daughter's due date, I tried to ignored him. I really did.

"Baker. Don't." Ali said, warning him not to say anything else. It was too late, I was already crying. The tears flowed quietly and quickly. They padded down my warm cheeks, drying before the hit the ground.
"It's okay, Ali. He's right." I slowly turned and walked back toward Ali's car. She caught up to me but knew better than to speak.

"He did what?" David said, his voice booming through my living room. Ali called him and told him to, "get your piece of shit friend before I bust his fucking skull open with a.." something something I can't remember the last part. The point is, he rushed over to see what the problem is.
"If you don't get him to stop, I'm going to kill him. She's been crying all afternoon. She wouldn't even let Justin in. She just got herself back in the right head space, David!" She kept yelling at him. I feel sorry for the poor guy.
He left about an hour later. They fought, then they made up. Ali was curled under the blanket with me now, some old romcom on TV. "Do you want to go out tonight?" Ali asked, trying to get my mind off of Baker. I surprised her when I nodded my head yes. "Really? Where do you want to go?" I thought for a second, there's only one thing I want to accomplish tonight. I want to piss Baker off.
And there's only one place to do it.
"Let's go to the pool hall. Let David know we're going." She jumped out of bed. I could tell she was excited so I didn't ruin it for her by telling her it was a quest for vengeance.

I zipped my top. It was a black leather piece that perked my boobs up in just the right places, but held any ounce of fat down. It made me look slim and hot, just what I was going for. I paired it with a short pair of blue Jean shorts, the kind you don't wear out in front of your parents. My hair and makeup were both done for the first time in about a year.
Justin won't know what hit him.
Neither will Baker.

"Why are you dressed like that?" Justin asked, lust in his eyes as he took me in. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" I asked. I knew very well what was wrong with it. I hadn't worn it since I was in a rut. I didn't care about anything so I would dress slutty and go out all the time. It was right after my parents died.
"Nothing, baby. You just look like you're ready to pounce. Is this your way of telling me to fuck off?" I laughed, spotting Baker in the corner watching us.
"Just the opposite, baby." I let the sweetness drip off my tongue like venom. Then, I pulled Justin down to me, placing a long, hot kiss on his lips. When he pulled away from me, he was in a daze.
"When a girl looks like this, and kisses you like that... you put a ring on that finger." I laughed. I know he's kidding. At least half way.
I pulled him onto the dance floor as they played some honky tonk typed song that Baker used to love to dance to.
I let my hips sway, the beat was just enough to dance to. Justin had his hands everywhere. I knew he wouldn't be able to resist me like this. As long as he's been around he's never seen me like this. "Justin, will you get me a couple of shots?" He nodded his head, disappearing between bodies.
A few shots later I'm still swaying on the dance floor as I send Justin to buy me a drink. Something to sip on since I'm already half drunk. "What are you doing?" I turned to find Baker. He's absolutely fuming.
"Well, I was wondering when you were going to get up and stop watching from your little corner over there," I yelled over the music. Smoke was dancing in the air around us from the lit cigarette between his fingers. I reached out and snatched it from him, taking a long drag.
The smoke filled my lungs, the taste oh so familiar and welcoming. "When did you start smoking?" He asked, watching my lips as I blew the smoke just above his head. "Just now. Decided to add to my list of bad habits." I took another drag off of his cigarette before Justin came back, handing me a drink. "Crown and coke for you." He placed his hand on the small of my back as I gulped down half of the drink. The liquor burned it's way down my throat, erupting fire in my chest as I closed my eyes. I reveled in it. The feeling of the alcohol burning in my veins, the blur of my senses.

Baker turned and walked away, and suddenly this wasn't as fun as I wanted it to be. I remember where this kind of behavior took me before, but with the buzz increasing in my ears I didn't care.
"Where ya' going?" I called after Baker. He shrugged his shoulders and kept walking. Justin tried to pull me in the opposite direction, "let's go see what David and Ali are up to," he said. "I'm not done." I pulled away from him, walking through the same door Baker just did.
The night was cooler than I expected it to be. It was quiet, calm. There was a stark difference from the life bustling inside the building. I peeked around the corner of the building, Baker was leaning on his bike, looking up at the stars. I walked over, leaning against the bike next to him. "What? No asshole remark about how I'm a shitty person?" I mumbled, picking at the bracelet hanging loosely on my wrist.
I tried to ignore his intoxicating scent as it pulled me in. I really did try. "I shouldn't have said any of that," he whispered. I heard the door of the hall open, watching Justin step out and lay his eyes on me. "He's worried about me." I don't know why I'm telling Baker this, I don't know why I'm sitting here talking to him. But I continue anyways.
"It took me a long time to talk again. After you left. After I lost her. Months." I found myself tearing up. "Now I won't shut up. How ironic. I want to, trust me. But I can't. I literally can't stop talking right now, Baker. Please make me stop." He glanced behind me, then his eyes found mine again. "You should go, Noelle." I nodded my head.

The ride back to my house was quiet, Justin didn't say anything and neither did I. He didn't even move when I opened the truck door. "Are you coming inside?" I asked, staring at him. "I don't know if it's a good idea." It's never been a good idea, why does he care now? "What do you mean it isn't a good idea," I climbed back into the seat, shutting the door behind me.
"Well, you're drunk." I smiled at him. "I was drunk for over half of our hook ups. What's your point?" He rolled his eyes at me. "It's different now." He wouldn't look me in the eyes and I can't help but feel like there's something bad brewing between us right now. "Justin..." I whispered, letting my palm rub softly against his cheek. "Don't do this tonight. Okay?" He nodded his head, finally meeting my eyes.
"Okay."