"What is love in this temporal life, if not just a distraction from the pain that doesn't seem to end."
After losing his best friend to an unexplained suicide, Mateu finds himself left to pick up the pieces with his best friend's younger brother, Fe...
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As I took a step back, I could see all the blood drain from Momo's face. I noticed a quiver in his lip, as his gaze darted across the floor, avoiding mine.
"I see," he finally replied, muttering under his breath.
With that, he walked back into the living room. I just stood there in the balcony, watching him make himself a cup of coffee. As he sat there on the dining table, sipping away – not even once did he look in my direction. I sighed, and turned around to face the street beneath me.
More than ever, I felt conflicted. I still wanted them both in my life. Both of them were important to me, but it seems that my attempts to reconcile these two conflicting worlds have failed miserably, and everything I tried in my power to bring them closer together only pushed them further apart.
A part of me regretted telling Momo that. He didn't need to know, first of all. And perhaps my phrasing too wasn't the best. Sure, I hadn't lied, but the way I have phrased it made it seem like Ferran moaned out Rafel's name yesterday. I was sure Momo believed that.
It was too late to try to correct or clarify anything now, I guess. A part of me even felt that Momo deserved it. Momo said nothing about it.
We never brought up the subject until a few weeks later. I had tried to simply forget our conversation on the balcony, to move on with my life. Yet, ironically I knew deep inside that I was in nothing but a state of everlasting limbo. Perhaps I needed someone, or something, to take me out of my misery.
I never even contacted Ferran in that period, and neither did he contact me. I couldn't tell whether he was swayed by Momo, or it was just his usual self, withdrawn from the world. It was difficult to tell. I couldn't help but feel like I was stuck in a purgatory of my own making.
It was a weekend, and I had just finished my exams. Momo and I decided to spend the day at the Palais Longchamp, just to unwind for a bit. We had just visited the natural history museum and we were just enjoying the grounds of the magnificent palace. I've always enjoyed the grand monument, with its ornate sculptures, colourful flower beds and magnificent fountain.
It was a rare moment that I got to spend together with the boy I love. We had been busy with our jobs and school. Momo was also rushing back and forth between my place, his dorm, and his old house. His grandmother had been getting worse. His aunt could barely leave the house anymore given his grandmother's frail state, and Momo and Hasan had to step in to help. Hasan had taken more days off from his gym too just to be there for his family.
As we walked up the stairs leading up to the colonnade, Momo brushed his hand against mine. I held his fingers in my palm for a brief moment, before finally letting go. Momo rarely ever showed affection in public, but we always managed to sneak in a few gestures here and there.
He was wearing a blue denim jacket over his black shirt, just perfect for the weather. Just when it wasn't too hot nor too cold. He told me how Hasan was happy for him that he was doing well at his internship, and that he was grateful for him helping take care of his grandmother. I only smiled.
