"What is love in this temporal life, if not just a distraction from the pain that doesn't seem to end."
After losing his best friend to an unexplained suicide, Mateu finds himself left to pick up the pieces with his best friend's younger brother, Fe...
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When we got back to Ferran, the boy was just lounging on the mat, scrolling through his phone. Momo had walked further ahead of me, walking up to the boy hurriedly.
"Sorry for the wait," Momo said as he plopped himself next to Ferran.
Ferran only nodded shyly. I sat back down beside him, running my hand through his golden hair. I honestly had lost my appetite – I couldn't help but feel disappointed in myself. I'm let everyone down. I've let Momo down.
With a sigh, I lay down on my back, looking up at the frigid blue sky. I was surrounded by the most beautiful flowers, together with the most beautiful boys, yet my heart was still clouded by the cold clutches of melancholy. It seems like no matter what I do, I can never shake away the pain.
Sitting back up again, I turned to look at Ferran. Every bit of him was perfect, from his blond hair to his blue eyes to the drops of red on his cream turtleneck. I could pin him down and take him there and then, under the almond blossoms, but I knew that would just be a death sentence to what I have with Momo. He didn't say it, but I knew what he wanted – for me to cut things off with Ferran.
I had to think about it.
Momo sat behind the boy, legs tucked to his chest as he rested his chin on his knees. He smiled. I smiled back.
"I think we should start heading back," I said.
Without a word, the two of them started packing up. I guess we all agreed that the situation was awkward enough as it is, and we were just waiting for one of us to speak up. And that person just happened to be me. Fitting, I guess.
It was only then when I realised we never took any pictures. Not like I was too keen on it, but I guess it was just something good to break the tension that was gnawing away at us. Ferran didn't want to, so that just left Momo and I.
We just stood next to each other beneath the almond blossoms, while Ferran helped us to snap some photos. As I stood closer to Momo, I caught the faint whiff of his cologne. The smell of warmth that I had grown so accustomed to. The warmth that I had taken for granted.
I leaned in to kiss his cheek, but Momo turned around, his lips meeting mine. It was a quick soft peck, almost like a mark of territory to show the world that I was his.
Ferran had snapped a few pictures of us on his phone. Momo asked him to send him over to him on his Instagram. I asked for them too.
The photos were pretty, but I couldn't help but feel so disconnected. It was all so perfect, the way the petals fell around us, the way I swooped in to kiss Momo, the way his chin craned upwards to meet my lips. But I felt like I wasn't there. I could only thank Ferran as we picked up our things quietly and made our way back.
Ferran walked ahead, while I fell back to be with Momo.
"Look, it's difficult," I muttered. "I made a promise to Rafel."
