"What is love in this temporal life, if not just a distraction from the pain that doesn't seem to end."
After losing his best friend to an unexplained suicide, Mateu finds himself left to pick up the pieces with his best friend's younger brother, Fe...
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I still felt immensely bad for that evening with Momo, and told myself that I would make up for it. The fact of the matter was that I still did find him attractive and interesting, and that I knew I wanted to get to know him better and spend some more time with him. But there was one problem – I forgot to take his number before he left. I almost contemplated going to the department store he worked at and maybe try to see if he was there, but I suppose me showing up at his place of work wasn't going to be a pleasant surprise.
Eventually I got his number from Amélie, who didn't seem too impressed when I told her the story that I had forgotten to take note of his number.
"You can't be serious can you?" she texted over the phone.
But she did give me his contact anyway. I pondered about it for a few days, not really knowing what to say. It took me a while before I finally was able to gather my thoughts and draft the perfect response, after many, many deletions.
"Hi, it's Mateu. I hope you're okay. I'm really sorry about what happened the last time and I would be greatly appreciative if you'd let me make it up to you. What would you say to a walk one of these days, or maybe even a trip to the museum? I really loved spending time with you and I loved talking to you. Do let me know when you're free 😊'
I couldn't help but thinking about my message after hitting send. How would he react to it? The doubts gnawing away at the back of my head just kept getting louder and louder the longer I never got a reply. Should I have apologised? Did I sound like I was pressuring him? Perhaps I shouldn't have been too forward. Maybe I should've just apologised to him and left it at that. Maybe I should've waited for him to acknowledge my apology before I made a move. Maybe I sounded too eager. These thoughts kept playing in my head as the days passed by. It had even reached the point where I suspected that he was probably ignoring me too.
Finally, Momo replied after three days. His message was rather brief, agreeing that we should meet up again. He didn't specify where though. When I attempted to clarify, he suggested we go to the calanques. It was rather convenient for him, since they were just off his campus. I've never been there, so I agreed, even if it meant I had to travel for a bit longer to get there. After almost a year in the city I would finally go see the limestone cliffs up close.
I set out early that morning. I wore a white polo and black shorts, and had packed everything I needed in my backpack – my wallet, my water bottle, a picnic mat, sunscreen and a spare shirt. After much thought I threw in a towel and a speedo as well - in case I decided to go for a swim. For a moment I picked up my small bottle of lube and contemplated whether I should bring it along, but eventually decided against it. I didn't want to mess it up again.
The bus ride to Momo's campus took a little more than half an hour. The plan was to meet him there at the bus terminal before we started the short 30 minute or so hike to the calanques.
True enough, as I got off the bus, Momo was right there at the terminal. He was wearing a grey-blue jersey and grey shorts, a duffel bag hanging from his shoulders.
