Chapter 30- Telling the truth is a lot of hard work, especially to people who you love the most.
“You’re what?” asks Mike after we get up to my bedroom.
“Pregnant. P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T,“ I say spelling it out. I mean how hard is it to get.
“You’re kidding right?” I glare darkly at him and he shrinks back.
“Do I look like I'm mucking about? To I look like I'm playing some sort of practical joke.” He shakes his head.
“How did this happen?” he asks in shock.
“Um.... Long story, that you really don’t need to know.” I say nervously. I mentally slap myself to make me less of a wimp. It doesn’t work.
“I have all day babe.” I look down at the bed not sure how to start telling him. I know I need to but I don’t know how. “Okay, let’s start by saying who the father is,” says Mike getting impatient.
“Okay fine....” I'm silent for a minute. “You don’t really want to know that.” I say getting up and walking to the window.” Mike and Joe are good friends. However much I hate Joseph I can’t hurt mike like that.
“Saffron, tell me.” I sigh.
“It’s Joseph.” I whisper, hoping, praying that he didn’t hear.
“What?” Mike literally shouts. “That son of a.....” NO!
“Calm it okay. You can’t tell him. He doesn’t even know yet.” Don’t really want him to know.
“Then you need to tell him.”
“I will,” I lie. “When I’m ready, but I’m not ready yet. I’m still trying to believe the fact that I have a baby growing inside me,” I say looking at my stomach then frown at the bump.
“Okay, so how did this happen anyway?” Mike asks a little calmer now. I tell him the whole story from the start to the finish. At the end of it Mike’s fuming.
“You can’t act any differently around him though otherwise he will know something is up,” I say with my hand on his arm. My voice was firm but understanding.
“Okay, I will just hate him in my own head then.” I do that a lot.
“Yes, hate him in your head but not out loud,” I say nodding. Mike smiles and then grabs me and gives me a big bear like hug. I love Mike; he’s the best friend anyone could have!
By the time we’ve finished our conversation it’s 8:00pm and it’s time for Mike to go home. Mike drives himself home and after he’s gone I have a shower and then I have an early night as we have school tomorrow.
I wake up at 6:30 to my alarm going off. “Turn it off Jasper!” I moan. Straight away the alarm turns off. I look up and see Phoebe sitting on Jaspers bed. “Oh, hey,” I say to her.
“Hey, how you been? Haven’t seen you in ages?” she says. She comes and gives me a hug.
“I’m...... okay I guess,” I say to her. She looks at me frowning and then says,
“You look different? Have you put on weight?” That is offensive.
“Excuse me?” I ask shocked, but she’s right, I have put on weight because of this baby.
“You look like you’ve put on weight,” she says still frowning.
“Okay, you caught me.” unfortunately.
“What do you mean I caught you?”
“I have put on weight,” I tell her.
“Why?” you don’t want to know.
“Because I’m kind of pregnant,” I mumble.
“What, how, when, why?” she says shocked. “Was it when you went to that old church?” I nod. “With Joe?” I nod again. “Joe’s the father?” I nod, yet again. “Oh, My, Gosh!” She says. At least she worked it all out for herself.
“Yes, I know, now shut up. I need to get ready for school,” I say and push past her and go towards the bathroom. Just before I close the bathroom door I say “And don’t you say a word to him about it.” And then I close the door. I can hear her laughing before I turn the shower on and start getting ready.
It takes me 15 minutes to get to school. I walk there on my own listening to my iPod Touch. When I get there Mike runs over to me and gives me a big hug. “Hey babes,” he says.
“Hey bud,” I say hugging him back. We then walk over to the others who are all talking at our usual meeting place. Some of the boys are playing football, some are talking to the girls. “Hey Safi, how was your weekend?” asks Jenny. Eventful, painful, annoying and regrettable.
“It was great thanks Jen, Mike stayed the weekend and we had great fun didn’t we,” I say nudging Mike.
“Yep, we went to a farm with Vicky’s aunt and Vicky’s little cousins, it was great fun,” says Mike laughing. I laugh too and then everyone else joins in. Just then the bell goes and we all make our way to our different form rooms. I walk with Vicky to form.
“We didn’t finish our conversation the other day,” says Vicky while were in form. “You were going to tell me about, you know?”
“Oh yeah,” I say nodding. “That conversation.”
“So, who is the, you know,” she looks around and then whispers “Dad?” everyone I know is going to hate him by the end of this year.
I look around and make sure know ones looking at us and then whisper “It’s Joseph.”
“What?” she says a little too loudly. The teacher glares at us and I look at her and put my hands up in surrender as if to say sorry. “Joseph?” She hisses. “How?”
“He took me to an old church for a romantic picnic, got me drunk and then had sex with me,” I tell her quickly, my fists clenching on my lap at the memory.
“What a pri....” she starts.
“Don’t say a word, he doesn’t know yet.”
“Then you need to tell him,” she says urgently.
“Not yet, I’m going to wait a while,” I tell her truthfully. A long while. Maybe when the baby is born I tell him. ‘hi Joe, this is your kid by the way. Yeah, your an ass’. Sounds like fun.
“Okay, but just be careful. Does anyone else know?”
“Yeah, Mike and Phe...” I start saying and then stop.
“Huh?” she asks.
“Just Mike and you.”
“Oh, okay. When are you going to tell you dad?” That’s a point, when am I going to tell him. I don’t want to tell him. Although he could then tell Joe and that crosses one thing of my to-do list.
“Um.. I’m not sure, I haven’t really thought about that yet,” I say uncertain.
“Okay. If you need me, I’ll be here for you, all the way through to the birth,” she says smiling and patting me on the back.
“Birth? Wait a minute, I’m not even sure if I’m going to keep it yet,” I say but then realize I have to.
“Oh, but you can’t kill it.” I know that!
“I know, I know, it’s just. The thought of the birth and me being a mum, it’s a lot to think about.”
“I know, and I will help you though every decision you make,” she says and stands up as the bell goes. I stand up too and she gives me a hug before we start walking towards our lessons. My lessons today are RE, PE, Food tech, Art and German. They all go by really quickly and nothing exciting really happens. After German I meet Mike, Vicky, Malcolm, Max, Jenny, Kathryn and Joseph at the gates. Vicky has invited them all round for a movie night at our house. We all drive back to Vicky’s house in different cars. I go in Mike’s car with Max.
When we get back to Vicky’s house we all go up to Vicky’s room and laze around on her bed and chat. We start watching ‘Lovely Bones’ my favourite movie at the moment. Near the start of the film Joseph comes over and sits next to me on the bed. “Hey, I’m seriously sorry about what happened between us, please will you forgive me?” he asks. I can feel him looking at me but I keep looking at the screen.
“Do we really have to talk about this now?” I ask him still looking at the TV. I mean I really don’t want to tell him right now in front of everyone.
“Well when else are we going to talk about it?” he asks and my first thought is NEVER!!!
“I don’t know just not...” Oh great here it comes. The feeling of nausea- again. I jump up off the bed and run out of the room. “Saffron?” I hear Joseph shout after me but I just keep running. I run downstairs to one of the bathrooms that no one ever usually uses. While I’m being sick I feel someone take my hair out of my face and pull it back. They rub there hand in small circles on my back. When I’m done they give me a towel for my mouth and a glass of water. When I turn around after cleaning myself up I see that it’s my..... “Dad!” I say shocked, feeling like I could be sick again.
“What was that all about? You’re not usually sick like that, and you haven’t even eaten yet. What’s up chicken?” he asks. I pause and stare shocked at him not knowing what to say for a few minutes and then say “It must have been something I ate at lunch time.” I lie but I know its not convincing. I'm just too ill annoyed and scared to lie good.
“No, come on Saffron, tell me the truth. What’s wrong?” he says knowing that I was lying to him. I look into his eyes and try and see what he’s feeling right now. He looks worried but after what I tell him, he’s going to be furious.
“You don’t want to know dad.” I say shutting down my emotions, my only defence at the moment.
“Common it can’t be that bad. Whatever it is you’ll still be my little girl.” Or you might just hate e forever.
“I’m pregnant,” I say bluntly still looking deadly into his eyes. He stares back at me and at first he doesn’t register what I just said and then his eyes go big and bright like massive fire balls.
“What?!” he shouts and grabs hold of my arms. My emotions slip showing pure fear as he shakes me forward and backwards. “Who did this to you?” He stops shaking me and looks me straight in the eyes. “Hmm, who did this to you?” I try to shut down again but I can’t.
“Joseph.” I mumble looking away.
“I’m gunna kill him,” says Dad and then turns around and walks out of the bathroom and starts making his way upstairs.
“No Dad, don’t leave it,” I say running after him. Dad rushes into Vicky’s room and looks around the room furiously for Joe. “Dad, leave it,” I say again desperately now. When he see’s Joe he stomps over to him, grabs the front of his t-shirt and drags him out of the room and down the stairs. Vicky, Mike and I follow them downstairs and tell everyone else to stay in Vicky’s room. We rush downstairs and go out the front door and find Dad with Joe pinned up against the wall. Joe looks so scared and worried.
“How dare you do this to my daughter. You’ve ruined her life, and you know what, now I’m going to ruin yours.” Dad punches Joe in the face and Joe’s head bangs against the wall. I rush over to them and grab Dad’s hand just before he punches him again.
“Dad, leave it now, you’ve taught him a lesson. Look he’s bleeding.”
“But after what he did to you he deserves this.”
“Dad you’re not me, you can’t just go around hitting people.”
“But he...”
“I know, but, please, just leave it,” I say getting teary now. Oh great, here come the water works. This can’t be good, I never cry. I try once again to pull in my emotions but it only makes it worse when I fail.
Dad lets go of Joe and Joe falls to the floor into a crumpled heap. As I look at him tears stream down my face. Please say he’s alright, please, please, please! Wait why am I thinking this, I don’t know. Arh! I don’t know what to think right now!
Dad goes inside after looking at Joe for a few minutes. Max has now picked Joe up and is taking him over to him car. I puts him in the back seat of the car. He then comes over to me gives me a hug and a kiss on the forehead and then runs back to the car and drives off. Vicky comes over to me and pats me on the back and then walks back inside to see all our friends. I watch as Max drives off down the road and once he’s out of sight I run round the house and run out towards and gardens. I find the tree that I used to sit in. My tree! I climb up the tree and sit in the branches. This is the first time I’ve been in the garden since Joe took me to that old church. As I sit here a whole load of memories come back to me. One’s of my mum when I was little playing on the beach and at fun fairs. Memories of when my brother was born. When I moved here and met Joe. Meeting the horses for the first time. Being kidnapped. Going to the old church. Being with Joe. Being with friends. They all play back in my head like there a movie playing in front of my eyes. I can’t help but cry of I remember them all. Some good memories, some bad. I can’t remember when I fell asleep but I wake up a few hours later and it is pitch black. I manage to climb down the tree without falling this time, using my phone as a torch light.
When I’ve made it down I walk back up to the house and go to Vicky’s room. Everyone’s gone home and Vicky’s fast asleep in bed. I go back to my bedroom and see that Jasper is fast asleep in his bed too. I get ready for bed, go over to Jaspers bed and give him a kiss on the forehead. I don’t know why I did it because I don’t usually do that sort of thing, but I did it. After that I go over to my bed and get in and I fall asleep before my head has even hit the pillow.