"Cole you're being dramatic." Brian said and I rolled my eyes.
"Dramatic? Brian the man read smut to me, do you realize how fucking not dramatic my reaction to that is?!" I threw my hands up and rubbed my temples.
Here's how yesterday went.
After I shamelessly asked Nathaniel to read to me, he did.
The motherfucker actually started to read gay smut to me, in public, out loud, shamelessly.
I talk big. I'll admit that. I talk really really big. But when this guy started the paragraph I just couldn't let him go on. He may be perfectly fine with reading gay smut out loud, but I'm not okay with him reading gay smut out loud.
I mean come on! I was joking! It was a joke.
Wheres the laughter? The push and the 'oh Cole you silly goose'.
No where! Exactly my problem!
Anyways. I placed my hand on the book when he started reading, told him that I was being sarcastic and asked if he'd like to switch out the book of porn for the Box Car Children.
You know what this hot ass rich mother fucker told me?
"No thanks. I want to see what kind of books you read."
Then that led to me shamefully trying to explain that it was Brian's book and not mine, which led to Nathaniel looking at me with a raised eyebrow and saying 'uh-huh'.
I didn't even really like the book! Okay, I did. But I didn't read books! This wasn't the 'kind of book I read'.
So now I was beating up Brian.
Per norm.
I wasn't actually beating him up, I was just talking to him about my traumatic experience and how Nathaniel now thinks I read gay smut in my free time.
"Stop complaining dude. Why do you even care? You've never cared about what people think about you before." Brian said, raising an eyebrow and I rolled my eyes.
"Nobody's ever believed that I read gay smut in my free time. I mean..." I paused, "I do. But they don't need to know that."
Brian rolled his eyes and curled up in a ball on my bed. "He's reading it too, Cole, stop worrying. If he wasn't weirded out by it, then chances are he isn't weirded out by you."
I scoffed and placed my hands on my hips, "I don't care if he's weirded out by me." I grumbled before flopping in my bed and pushing him over. I snatched my blanket away and wrapped it around myself. "Everybody is weirded out by me and I love that." I grinned as I closed my eyes.
Brian groaned, "I'm not weirded out by you. Just annoyed."
I let out a loud exaggerated snore to show Brian that his opinion was falling on my ears, and my ears did not care.
I listened as Brian stood up slowly, grabbed a blanket out of my closet and laid back down. He grumbled as he faced away from me.
I sighed.
I could use a nap.
~~~
"Ow you mother fucker!" Brian shouted, throwing another pillow at me.
I yawned sleepily, letting it hit me in the face before groggily glaring. "What the hell-" I stopped short, "How'd you get on the floor?"
Brian glared, "Your fat ass pushed me off!"
I tucked a piece of hair behind my ears and fluttered my eye lashes, "You think I have a fat ass?"
Brian stood up and attempted to shove me off the bed but I grabbed his upper arm.
"Brian." I said slowly, "This can go two ways. You pull off of me and don't push me off the bed. Or I pull you in the bed and hit you with the pillow until you're screaming for mercy."
Brian grumpily ripped his arm from my grasp. "Violence. All you turn to is violence. And frankly, I don't have time for it."
I rubbed at my eyes with the back of my hand. "I turn to violence because the most popular boy in our school thinks I read gay smut for fun."
"But you-"
"I know Brian! I know I do! You don't have to shame me! Jesus Brian I'm trying to be inclusive. See the best in things." I half assed a pillow throw that he easily swatted away.
"So why are you caring so much?"
I cleared my throat and stood up, "I've done a lot of questionable things in my life. Like the time I ate a whole ass thing of ramen off the floor because that's a waste of food. However, how the hell are you supposed to write a book report on fucking gay smut?"
"Didn't you-"
"Yes Brian I did that too! But I have a way with words that Nathaniel could never compete with!" I huffed and crossed my arms, "Besides. I doubt he'll even understand the real premise of the book." I grumbled, crossing my arms.
"What's the real premise of the book?"
"That gay sexuality should be seen to be as delicate a thing as normal sex and taking a males virginity is as pure as taking a females."
Brian blinked at me for a second. "Are you alright? Where my best friend because there's no way that Cole just said that."
I stared at him before nodding and rubbing my temples. "You're right Brian. I need to do something... something fun like... like... Brian-" I pointed at him, "Let's go to a party."
"Hell no." Brian shook his head. "Hell no."
I groaned, whiny. "Why not? Come on. We can be all cool. You can get laid. I can get laid. We can both get laid! We can drink and smoke, and grind against equally as drunk people and-"
"You're listing all the reasons that I do not want to go to a damn party."
"Brian. Brian my bestest buddy. We need to go to a party. When was the last time you did the horizontal tango?"
Brian glared, "Like six months ago."
"Six whole months." I gasped, "You're poor penis must be sick and tired of your disgustingly calloused hands."
"I'm not going to a damn party Cole."
I stuck out my bottom lip, "please?"
Brian rolled his eyes, "No."
"Pretty please?"
"No."
"Ugly please?"
"Shut the hell up." He laughed slightly.
"Aw come on Brian. If it gets boring we can go to McDonalds and hang out there at 2Am and have a rare aesthetic moment." I grinned and swayed my hips slightly pretending to dance. "Don't you want to make fun of people singing disgustingly to Drake?"
Brain stared at me for a long time.
Any longer and I would've assumed he had something for me, despite being painfully straight.
Suddenly Brian sighed loudly. "Whatever. Fuck you."
"Please don't Brian. I've seen your penis and it's kinda..." I cleared my throat. "Why does it look literally like a straight man's penis?"
Brian stood up, "What the hell does that mean?" He asked, walking towards me slowly.
"Nothing. It means nothing! You've never seen my penis so you have no idea if a gay penis looks different."
Brian winced, "I never hope to see your penis."
"I'll have you know how beautiful my penis is. It's got a lovely vein on it, sexy."
Brian winced and put a hands over his ears. "If you continue to talk about your goddamn penis then I'm leaving."
I sighed loudly, "Always trying to oppress me in any way possible aren't you?" I crossed my arms, "Whatever. Enough about my penis. Let's go to yours and get you dressed."
Brian frowned, "What if my sisters home?"
I shrugged, "She can suck my cock."
Brian's sister, Abigale, is kinda homophobic. Okay you can't be 'kinda' homophobic so I'll put it bluntly. She's very homophobic. And because I happen to be homo, she's very phobic towards me. But I love her just because she kinda looks like the troll from Merlin when she's angry.
~~~
I'm going to be publishing another book and updating it along with this one. But I'm not sure when I'll be publishing it. Look forward to it!
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