[LEVI]
Erwin: I'll meet you at the town station x
The smallest smile crept on to my face when I read that. I've been drifting in and out of sleep overthinking about this outing. The morning felt as though I was in a time lapse video, everything going far too quickly and before I knew it, it's time to leave my house and strode to the subway station.
My 20 minutes walk there was fine. Although there's so much going through my mind. My coat's pretty warm yet my hands still trembling due to the nonexistent cold that I created on my own. Nervousness. My heart's thudding and everything around me felt brighter than usual.
As I passed through the ticket barrier I could already see what I predicted. It's the weekend and the platform was crowded with filth of humanity. They probably went shopping for Christmas presents even when it's still mid-November. People were jostling for position, peering down the line, scowling at each other and ignoring each other, all simultaneously.
Screwing up my nerves, I joined the throng and exhaled in relief as the train started to move. I fished out my phone so I would look less awkward and decided to send Erwin a message.
Levi: I'll be there soon x
I'm not usually the type of person who sent those 'x' and 'o' stuffs but with Erwin, I'll try to do something contemporary. Like Hange said, 'Developing a new feeling.'
A glow spread over me. It felt quite nice actually.
Later on, the train clanked and wobbled as it approached to an end. As it slowed down, it dawned on me that I had become one of those people who stood up before it came to a full stop - I hate these people. Stepping off the train and walking to the platform, my heart started to gallop even more and my pace quickened.
And there he was, standing outside the station, next to the steps just as we agreed. He's already looking at me by the time I spotted him, smiling in that way which made me feel like I could collapse if he did it more than ten seconds. Not to mention the outfit that he chose to wear: black turtle neck with beige overcoat as an outerwear and black slack pants. I couldn't help gazing at it from top to bottom. Very attractive.
"Can you guess where I'll be taking you?" He teased and I gave him an unimpressive look.
"No." I replied.
A frown etched on his face. "Take a guess."
"I don't know." I sighed. "But I know for sure it's not going to be a mall date."
His face brightened and I stopped breathing for a brief second. "At least you got that right. Come on!"
***
"The National Portrait Gallery?" I asked, staring up at the magnificent entrance to the building. The architecture was identical to Pantheon which I had always been a huge fan of that. Oh, how much I've dreamed to go here someday. They held an annual 'Portrait of The Year competition - arguably the best in the world. And finally 5 years later, I got to step inside of this palace. What an honour.
Erwin nodded. "The very one."
"How do you know I have a thing for portraits?" I turned to look at him, my nose scrunching. There was no entrance charge so we walked straight into the foyer of the grand building.
He returned my gaze with a smirk. "Well, you like arts, right? I already take a guess the moment I saw you drew me on your sketchbook." He said.
My cheeks blazed and I punched his shoulder, causing him to wince. "Don't remind me of that. That shit was embarrassing."
He chuckled quietly and raised his hands in a 'Okay, okay I'll shut up about it' way. I rolled my eyes, attempting to hide my flushed face by walking a bit further from Erwin but he kept coming close to me.
The building was divided into sections and we both decided to roam around historical period first, trying to focus on a theme and technique and used them to make a connections between certain artworks. It was a good choice to go to an art gallery with Erwin. I didn't even know how knowledgable he was about the subject and I loved listening to him. The way he explained the meaning behind those arts, it was inspiring. His secret passion for art radiated out of him. He played as the tour guide, pointing out things I wouldn't even notice if I was alone.
The gallery was busy, bustling with people. It echoed with voices and footsteps, the occasional shrieking of children. Everything in it looked classical. Huge portraits in elaborated gold frames hung on the walls. I felt so smart with my hands on my back while surveying the pieces as though I was a professional judge, giving out points to them.
We spent the next hours commenting on the paints, overall effect and more. It was mostly Erwin though since I didn't know much about it but he went out of his way to explain things to me in an easy, engaging way. I admired it, every now and then he would give me some times to let me share my opinion and we would debate if we didn't have the same thoughts.
"You definitely got that one wrong." He would said arrogantly.
"Goddammit." And I would say that. "If you're so smart then, become an artist and participate in this whatever you called 'Imaginations' and 'Dreams'."
And we went on and on until we explored almost every part of the building. Trying out different types of brushes and drew on a paper that was prepared by the place for us to use as samples. Honestly, it was a surreal experience.
"I actually come here three years in a row with my father." Erwin spoke. "We came here annually to witness the Portrait of The Year competition. This year I wanted to bring you and it's the final day it's exhibiting."
My heart skipped a beat as my eyes instinctively looked around to see the banners advertising what he's talking about. Wow, I was so busy cherishing the time I had with Erwin until I didn't even know it was exhibiting today. How generous of him to bring me along.
"Okay, let's check them out." I suggested after a while. Erwin agreed and he led me the way as I trailed behind.
We entered another segment of the building which was more quiet than the others that we went. It said 'No Children Allowed' and it was quite understandable. It was a special room, only dedicated to the Portrait of The Year finalists. The room was dimly lit and there was only a few people in here. The walls were painted deep red, raising an intimate tension between me and Erwin. Yeah, who's responsible for this? I just wanna talk.
(A/N: the artworks, names and history mentioned below are all made up by me. This scene is inspired by a novel titled "The Day We Met" by Roxie Cooper.)
I shook the thoughts off and explored the The winner for this year's Portrait of The Year. I was kinda giddy and excited, ready for the masterpiece to blow my mind. Yet, I displayed the signature immobile face that I always show to everyone.
It was a painting called "Farewell Mother" by Jansen Inigo. I was taken aback when I saw it. It illustrated a one-hundred year old woman who had just died. It was revealing and harsh. The elderly woman slumped on her bed, eyes remained opened. Her long orange hair was bushy and listless and it looked as though a wind blew it so that you could see her features better. That was a drop of tears on her pale cheeks and the gown that she was wearing was threadbare. It was undeniably a corpse. The artist painted it - his own mother - over four days, after she'd passed away.
Mother.
My jovial mood of moments ago switched when Erwin stood beside me, inspecting it. He marvelled at it, talking about how shocking and disturbing it was. I couldn't even move myself even when I forced to. My eyes locked, tight on the painting. Erwin's words were hazy.
From nowhere, nausea stirred in my stomach and surged up my throat. No, this was supposed to be a good day. I felt strangely lightheaded all of the sudden. I finally moved away from the picture after pushing myself to the side.
"Is everything alright, Levi?" He questioned as he gently tried to touch my waist, in case I've fallen.
I shook my head quickly. "Uhh, not really. I'll just go to further back into the ... historical stuff or something." I voiced out the calm tone I could muster as I waved my hands off.
Erwin briefly glanced at the image, then back to me. "I'll follow you."
I didn't want to ruin this outing just because of my stupid trauma. I inhaled deeply, regaining my sense and vision and continued to survey like nothing happened. Hands in my pocket, both of us walked down in the quiet hallway and went deeper into a segment that has no one else in it.
"Look, I apologise about that picture." Erwin said when he assured that nobody was around. "Some art can be a little bit shocking. I suppose I take that for granted and didn't think to warn you. I didn't know that portrait won."
"It's fine, not your fault anyway. It's just a bit gruesome, that's all. Don't worry about it."
I really didn't want to waste the time we had talking about why it upset me. I moved on. It was a long time ago.
"So." I steered that topic off. "Why is there another special room in this building. They're hiding a secret or something?"
Erwin chuckled. "Nope. The first historical period that we went was just about brushes, techniques and types of painting that humans used over the years. This one however, is about 'Famous Painting' by artists like Picasso, Gustav Klimt and others."
I nodded, still looking to the ground. Few seconds later, we reached the quiet space. The entrance read "Top Ten Well-Known Painting Over The World".
There were Mona Lisa, Girl With A Pearl Earring, American Gothic and so much more. But there was this one painting that really caught my attention. It made all other portraits looked basic and boring. And the fact that I've never seen or heard about it made the art so much more interesting.
I stood about three yards away. The painting was called "Doomed Lovers" by Auden Eustace. It depicted two naked partners embracing and was about to kiss. The man in the picture had his arms protectively wrapped around the woman's waist while the female sat down on a stool as her hands tenderly touched the male's face. She wasn't technically naked because she had this white lace around her shoulders but it still exposed most part of her body. Both of their skin were canary yellow and they looked vulnerable and raw. It was a very sensual image.
The gloomy feelings just now instantly evaporated. My face tensed and the embarrassment that I had was immense. I coughed and pretended to gaze away when in fact, I was unable to take my eyes off it. It was too much.
I fixed my posture, acting natural. "It's very sexual, isn't it?" I said in between silence.
"Yes." Erwin whispered. "There's more going on than that, though. Look closer."
"Bloody hell, Erwin. They're naked! You'll look like a perv if you get any closer."
"There's no one else here. We're fine." He laughed and took my hand, sending goosebumps on the way. He slowly walked me near the piece as his hand still gripping on mine. The pounding in my chest increased every second and I wanted to explode right then and there.
Even as an art novice, I could see what an incredible portrait it was. It was so detailed and eye-pleasing. Well, not about their body literally sticking to each other of course. It's about the feeling.
"Do you want to know the story of who the lovers are?" Erwin asked, after we done speculating the art.
"There's a story?"
"Oh, yes." He began. "It's a scene from 'Forbidden.' The characters in this piece are Monet and Kael. Monet was married to Kael's brother, Karl but she fell in love with her brother in law after reading the love story of 'Romeo and Juliet'. Look, you can see the book almost slipping out of her hand in the painting ..."
I looked to see if he was right, and there it was, the book in her left hand. She held it tight as though it was valuable and irreplaceable. Then, I glanced at our hands, similar concept and I would say my face burned yet again for the thousandth time today. Why's Erwin not letting go? It's not like I want him to...
"You can see their expression capture perfectly about how they feel; passion and love. It's thought that Monet's husband killed them both immediately after he witnessed them making out." He added.
I was stunned. Very tragic love story indeed. "That sucks."
Erwin huffed. "That's all you have to say about this?"
"Serve Monet right for cheating on Karl I guess." I shrugged. Erwin laughed, in a way where his eyes turned into crescent and my heart beat quicker by the sight.
"Come on, now. Stay serious." His features dropped. "So, what do you see?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, now you know the story, look at it and tell me what you see." He repeated.
I was not good at this types of thing. I wasn't like those English teachers explaining the meaning behind every poem that they found. I should just say what was there. I didn't even realised Erwin already let go of my hand and my brows furrowed over the lost of his warmth.
"Come on." He said, crossing his arms. "Let's hear it."
I considered for a long period. I wanted to say something inspirational and meaningful but my brain was not working and everything went blank. I couldn't think straight. The portrait. The walls. The surrounding. Erwin. How was I supposed to concentrate?
I gazed closely at the art, trying to dissect it. Cocking my head to one side, I could feel Erwin standing behind me. Thankfully, a miracle appeared. To my immediate right was an information about the piece and I absurdly reread the sentence, hoping Erwin wouldn't notice it. "The lovers, fused in passion, the sleek and supple bodies provide a striking contrast to the roughly ..."
I said them word for word with an faux-intense voice. My hands stroking my chin as if I was a wise human-being studying about the meaning of life. I heard a laughter coming from behind and Erwin approached me.
"Nope. No cheating please. You're not getting out of this easily." He said and his face was really close to my left ear, I could feel his hot breath. Tingles and fireworks shot through me and I froze.
"Try again. I want you to feel. Be apart of the story." He whispered before taking a step back. He was still close, the presence of his on my back was strong. Suddenly, everything went silent like a television shutting off. A muffled sound drowned out the sound of my pulse rising by the minute. I took a deep, deep breath and studied the image in front of me.
Be apart of the story.
I thought about me and Erwin. Absentmindedly. Doomed Lovers. The whole time, he just stood behind me and it felt so good to be this near to him. I felt so safe, so secured. After about a solid minute, he whispered in my ears again, "Do you see it now?"
Still staring at the intertwined lovers, I confidently delivered my sentence.
"They're completely lost in their own world. They get so far into the kiss until everything feels like a blur. They're oblivious about everything and everyone else. It's raw emotion. It's real. Their heart beat for each other, they become apart of each other as one. It just makes the fact that they can't be with each other even more tragic."
I turned to look at Erwin, snapping myself out of this art trance I've weirdly found myself in. His lips curved upward, looking proud.
"Wow. That was amazing." He complimented while clapping his hands unironically. He stood beside me and released a big sigh. "I never knew you were into romances and devastating love stories. The way you delivered it sounds so professional and well-written. I like it, good job."
I scoffed. "Don't you ever underestimate me, asshole."
"Did you feel some kind of connection?"
"Hate to admit it but ..." I paused, smiling. "I did."
He didn't say anything after that. We were now facing each other, next to this beautiful piece of art depicting doomed lovers and sexual infatuation. Fluttering of butterflies gaining in my stomach as our eyes locked and nothing else mattered. It was long forgotten. He edged closer towards me, sliding his right hand around my waist as his left hand caressed my face. His face moved closer and he rested his forehead against mine.
"I feel connected to you, Levi."
Millimetres away from each other. We made a choice. This was the moment to turn back, or change everything.
Then, our lips met. The kiss started soft and slow. It built and swirled deeper into an urgent, passionate one within seconds. We moved in sync, like our mouths were meant to be together. I kissed him even harder as I delicately placed my hands on his neck. He tightened his strong arms around my waist. All I could think was that, how amazing he was and this feels.
The whole world narrowed and I didn't care about anything else anymore. I wanted to stay like this forever. For the rest of my life. Eventually he broke away and neither of us said anything for the next seconds. Only our panting breath filled the stillness. Our eyes gazing upon each other as the tension between us crackled.
I smiled. Brighter this time and I couldn't help but to chuckle lightly. I was flustered and the confidence inside me had already disappeared. I stared at the ground instead and continued to laugh.
"You're more beautiful than all of these arts. You know that?" Erwin said and he planted a gentle peck on my nose. Fuck. I can't.
"Stop, Erwin. This is embarrassing. What if someone come bursting in-"
"Just let them be then."
A giggle rolling out from us. We grinned from ear to ear for each other. For the first time after so long. I felt a genuine happiness. And acceptance.
"I think I like you, Ackerman."
My cheeks flushed with the sudden confession. I was still lost in his captivating blue eyes, didn't even noticed my lips were quivering. Emotions scarred the back of my throat and the time stopped as I realised the answer. Erwin was in fact, the one that I was looking for.
Softly, I replied. "I like you too, Smith."
***
We walked back home hand in hand, lacing our fingers. We didn't utter a words, as though the silence spoke for itself. We were simply being over the moon for each other. It was probably the best days of my life today. No, scratch that - probably the best. I want this feeling all the time. Do people actually have that? I hoped so.
Afterwards, we reached my doorstep and I exhaled sadly. Erwin frowned and pulled me close. Soft lips grazed my forehead. I leaned into his solid form, melting in his intoxicating warmth. Oh, I wanted to kiss him senseless, but my head wouldn't stop rattling, spinning.
We pulled away after a moment as I tried to think of the right words to say which summed up how grateful that we chose to go out.
Finally, I said, "Thank you for making me feel again."
Erwin shook his head. "No, thank you. It's been truly amazing. I've loved every second of the day. You made it so much better."
We shared one last hug before he chose to walk off. I somehow managed to let him go home like this when I still wanted more of his comfort. However. we'll be meeting again anyway at school so, don't be so overdramatic, Levi.
Turning my heels to enter my house, I decided to send Erwin a text. I sent him a YouTube link that'll take him to a song I've heard so many times.
The lyrics was simple but beautiful. It described my feelings for Erwin perfectly. The singer's voice has a sadness to it; I've always found it rather melancholic. As a guitar strumming blended in with his velvety tone. 'Never Not' by Lauv.
I hoped that whenever he heard this song, he would think of me.
***
[word count: 3511]
Excluding A/N 👆