—
I stare forward at the topic of discussion written in messy handwriting from my professor. I know I should be paying attention because we're moving into a new unit, but recently all I can seem to think about is Harry.
Things are different between us. A good different. I can tell he's trying to do better, which he is. He's actually showing up to his classes and doing his work. It's been about two weeks since his relapse and when we talked, and everything is going smoothly.
He's also been talking to Zayn more but I know he still isn't on board with the idea of therapy and or meetings, which is fine. I think Zayn and I could've both seen that coming seeing as Harry is the most stubborn person to ever walk this earth. I just wish he'd give it a chance. It could really help him.
In all honesty, I feel slightly at fault for making Harry talk about his past. I know he claimed he wanted to open up and tell me about it, but maybe if I hadn't made such a big deal about him being closed off, he wouldn't have felt obligated to do so. I just feel like I pushed him when I shouldn't have. It wasn't fair of me. Even though there's so much more that needs to be talked about, I think he's had enough.
He opened up to me so much more than I had ever expected he would have. Thinking about how he said he felt safe with me makes my heart begin to ache all over again, even after two weeks. All I've ever wanted was for Harry to trust me enough to talk to me, and it may have taken about four months or so but it's slowly happening. And I don't think he'll ever understand how much him telling me what he did means to me.
It's pretty obvious he isn't familiar with sharing or expressing his own feelings, but that's another thing he's gotten better at with me. He's slowly being able to tell me what's bothering him or if something is wrong. And that's also something I appreciate.
I've been thinking about the fact that Harry seems more unhappy than I had originally thought. I could sense from the very beginning he wasn't the happiest person alive and there was a lot going on in his life, but now that I'm apart of his life, I wish I could take it all away. I want him to be happy.
I can understand why he isn't though. He was given up on multiple times. No wonder he's only just sort of starting to trust me, it probably took him much longer to trust his adoptive mother. Or if he even trusts her.
There's still so many unanswered questions and as much as I wish I could ask him, he's been through enough. I can surely wait to hear about his trust issues and his adoptive mother, all I want is for him to get sober and back on track. And I'll do anything for that to happen.
He seems happy when he's with me, laughing and teasing me. But I know deep down he's sad. He won't admit that he's sad but that one sentence he had spoken about simply taking the next breath and how it's getting hard, stuck with me. I think it'll stick with me forever.
I don't look at Harry and assume he's a broken and needs me to fix him, that's not what I'm doing and I surely don't think of him like that. He's allowed to feel the way he does, he's allowed to be sad. And I want him to feel happy but sometimes he doesn't and it's okay because it's important that he comes to terms with that. He can't disguise his sadness with anger and quietness. Not with me at least.
I'm relieved when my class finally ends, all of us quickly packing our things away before filing out of the building. The sun is actually shining today, and slowly but surely the weather is getting a bit nicer and the snow is finally melting away.
My lips tug into a smile when I see Harry walking towards me, his cigarette resting between his lips as he slowly strides forward, looking good like always. He wears a pair of light washed jeans and a brown crewneck, his torn up vans covering his feet as usual.
"Hi handsome." I grin widely when I approach him, watching as he blows the smoke out from his hollowed cheeks and leans down, pressing a firm kiss to my lips, my smile breaking off the kiss.
"Hi sweetheart." He replies smoothly. "How was class?" He questions, tossing his cigarette butt to the ground and stepping on it as we walk slowly, my arm wrapped around his own with my other hand intertwined with his.
"Longer than usual, I thought about you the whole time." I shrug, glancing up at him with my cheek pressed against his bicep. His jaw is sharp as he laughs, his eyes crinkling which is a new thing about him I've found myself completely obsessed with.
"Me? What about me?" He questions curiously. I simply just shrug my shoulders, not wanting to tell him the truth. "Mm we're keeping secrets now are we?" He hums teasingly, my lips parting as I shake my head at him.
"I was just thinking about how proud I am of you, thats all." I tell him. Harry's tongue runs over his bottom lip as he stops walking causing me to frown and look up at him.
"I really like you." He mumbles causing me to grin up at him, his eyes sparkling as he leans down and presses a kiss to my lips. His rosy lips are soft and addictive, leaving me wanting more and more from him.
"I really like you, too." I laugh, Harry grinning softly when we reach his car. He gently pushes my back against the passenger side and shoves his lips against mine hungrily and desperately. His hands roam down my body, finding their desired place one my waist as mine rest against his stomach.
His tongue runs over my bottom lip and pries them apart. A low groan vibrates from his chest causing me to suck in a sharp breath through my nose, our tongues fighting for dominance which I let Harry have.
He gently bites my lower lip and pulls with his teeth before letting go and moving down to my neck, my hands now tugging through his soft curls, my eyes fluttering closed as he works his lips against the warm skin of my neck.
"Harry." I whimper out into the silent and cool air. He bites down with his teeth and sucks just above my collar bones, my head leaning back against the window. "H." I mumble weakly, wanting him to keep going but simply not here in the student parking lot.
"Mm I like that on you." He pulls away and runs his thumb over the new mark on my skin, a closed mouth smile on his lips as he meets my gaze. "M'going to hangout with Zayn and Tiff, you should come with." He mumbles.
"I can't I have to start a new project for art." I tell him, watching as he throws his head back dramatically causing me to laugh. "You'll survive without me." I tell him.
"Please, baby." He whines, his hands gently squeezing my sides causing me to squirm lightly in his hold. "I always knew you hated me." He grumbles causing my jaw to drop as I scoff at him.
"You are such a baby, oh my god." I laugh, Harry giggling as he hides his face in my neck, wrapping his arms around my waist. I shake my head as he pulls away and kisses me briefly.
"You'll sleep over tomorrow then." He tells me, opening the passenger side door for me. He nudges me into the seat with his knee, watching as I tug the seatbelt over my chest. He leans into the car and presses his lips to mine slowly and teasingly before returning to his side.
"Are you demanding I sleep over?" I ask him once he's roared the engine to life, a smirk playing on his lips as he shrugs his shoulders.
"I mean I don't see why you wouldn't want to sleep over with me." He answers easily. I smile and shake my head at him, sinking my teeth into my bottom lip.
"You've got jokes today, huh? Mr. Cocky." I state. Harry smiles as he looks over at me, his hand reaching over to rest on my thigh, my fingers immediately moving to play with the rings on his slim fingers.
"Mm." He hums. I grin and shake my head at him, wishing we could spend the rest of the day together. I know we'll be together tomorrow too but sometimes I feel like I never want to leave when I'm with him. I wonder if he feels the same.
—
Happy update, here's a little soft one after the last chapter. Everything's okay. . . for now. Anyways I really hope you're enjoying as much as I am, I appreciate the handful of the consistent readers on here, I see you guys and I love you.
Much love
~C