You stayed with Kylo for the rest of the week still uneasy to stay overnight at your apartment. You knew you'd have to get over it though. As much as your heart warmed at the thought of staying at Kylo's forever, you knew that's not what he wanted. You would have to go back.
"I'm sorry if I'm overstaying my welcome," you said, interrupting the bite of breakfast he was about to put in his mouth. It was strange how easily it was to "live" with him. Usually, you would get so annoyed with a roommate but with Kylo it was simple. You both knew how the other functioned in a way you couldn't explain. He knew when you needed space and you knew when he wanted to be left alone as he worked busily.
You found his eyes as they looked at you intently.
"You haven't overstayed your welcome at all," he replied, continuing his bite.
Your face fell because you felt like he was lying. You felt that having you around might be too much or a burden. You always felt that people thought you were a lot. That you were annoying. So it was hard to believe that anyone would even want you around as often as Kylo did.
He caught the look on your face. You saw him panic a little thinking he might have said too much or the wrong thing. "But if you're anxious to get back to your apartment, I can install a security system for you so you won't have anything to worry about," he finished.
You both weren't saying what your hearts were screaming at you. "Oh," you said, thinking that meant he wanted you to leave. "Sure that would be great."
He just looked at you for a moment before answering, "Ok."
You continued the rest of your meal in silence not wanting to communicate your true feelings to him out of fear. Fear of exposing too much. Of being humiliated and embarrassed when he didn't feel the same.
Kylo got on the phone after cleaning up from your meal and you could hear he was giving instructions to someone. Then you heard your address. Wow, he's moving quickly on this, you thought to yourself and it only made your mood sadden. Kylo hung up and headed to his office without another word. He was able to work from home today and as much as that could be used to your advantage you knew he would be too busy anyway.
You made your way up to the bedroom and rooted around through the pile of things you had building in the corner. You hadn't been back to your apartment at all so all your Christmas gifts were here. You rooted through to find the one you bought for Kylo. You debated on whether you should physically give it to him but you figured you'd save yourself the embarrassment of him opening it and absolutely hating it. You wanted to hide it somewhere he would find it.
You tried to think of all the rooms he frequents and the different things he typically uses in a day to figure out a place to put it. You didn't care if he got it before Christmas, you just didn't want to be there when he did. You figured he gets clothes out of his dresser every day so you placed it in there under the shirt that was on top. You hoped he'd find it there.
While Kylo was busy working away you got all your things together, packed them up, and brought them downstairs sitting them by the door. You didn't want to leave. Your heart ached at the thought of Kylo not being the first and last thing you saw each day. But you knew you had to.
You pulled out your phone to send a quick text to Poe, Finn, and Rey telling them you wanted to get together. You still hadn't told them that Kylo offered for you all to take his jet. You figured you'd surprise them because you knew they would all freak out from excitement, especially Finn. You felt bad taking his jet...almost like you were taking advantage of him. But he had insisted and you really didn't want to have to do that drive.
Kylo must have heard some of the noise you were making because he came out of his office and found you standing by your things. You couldn't help but notice the pained look on his face.
"Leaving already?" His voice was soft, not as booming as it usually is. You searched his face for more but found nothing.
"Yeah I should get back, I still need to pack before I leave to go home for Christmas." Now it was your turn to see his face fall. Had he forgotten already that you were leaving for a few days?
"Right," he said, "well I'll make sure Elliot picks you all up and takes you to the jet. When are you leaving?"
"Tomorrow. We wanted to have a few days before Christmas." Whether he wanted it to be seen or not, he looked so sad. You wished he was coming with you so you could do all the fun Christmas things your hometown did during the week, even though he would probably hate every minute of it. You know he had said he had work but what would be the harm in asking again.
"You're still welcome to join us," you said, closing the distance between the two of you.
You saw him consider it for a moment. Spending Christmas with you. A million scenarios playing throughout his mind at once. Thinking of a million ways it could go wrong or a million ways it could go right.
"No, it's ok I'll be working anyway." Your heart sank. You knew he would say no but for the briefest moment, your hopes were high. You thought maybe, this time he would say yes.
"Ok well...well then Merry Christmas Kylo," you said standing on your tiptoes to place a kiss on his cheek. Just as your lips left his cheek he turned towards you, capturing your lips in his own. You couldn't even put into words how he made you feel. Unexpected kisses had to be the best kind. His lips were warm and inviting. Your tongue slipped in to graze his own, deepening the kiss. He tasted of a smokey bourbon and you knew he had been drinking. He often did that when he was stressed or had a lot on his mind.
When he broke away your forehead rested on his own as you took in steady breaths. You didn't want to leave, you wanted to stay in this moment forever.
"Go," he whispered. You weren't sure if he said it because he knew you didn't want to go or if he said it because if he didn't, he'd hold you there forever and you'd never leave. You took one last look at him before grabbing your things and walking out his door. You knew you'd see him soon and that leaving him wasn't permanent but he had become like a drug to you. You were so addicted to him, to his touch, to the way he made you feel. It was hard to give him up even for a moment.
Elliot brought you back to your apartment. Suddenly the place you had called home for years didn't feel like home anymore. It was dark, cold, and missing him. You had told Poe, Finn, and Rey to just stay over at the apartment since you would be leaving early the next day. Plus you figured having more people in your apartment would somehow put your mind at ease if anyone tried to break in again.
"Ok everyone," you started, "I have some news." Everyone stopped what they were doing immediately to look at you.
"So we won't be driving tomorrow." As the words left your mouth, you knew they had no idea where you were going with this.
"What do you mean we're not driving?" Poe said, "how else do you expect us to get there."
"Well...Kylo is lending us his jet." Every single mouth in the room dropped. You couldn't blame them. You had the same reaction when you found out.
"Oh, he's just casually lending us his JET!" Rey couldn't help but share her disbelief and excitement.
"I can't believe I'm going to be flying in Kylo Ren's private jet!" Finn was stunned, it was like Kylo was really famous to him or something.
"Hey now," Poe said, taking Finn's hand in his own. Finn just laughed at the hint of jealousy in his tone.
"Elliot, er- Kylo's driver will be here to pick us up in the morning so we better get some sleep."
With that, everyone turned in for the night. It felt strange being back in your own bed. You weren't comforted by those silky-smooth sheets, the warmth of another laying beside you, or those pillows that made you feel like you were sleeping on a cloud. You wondered if he was missing your familiar warmth as he laid in bed that night.
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The flight went ok. You still didn't like the sensations of taking off and landing and this time, no one's hand was there to grip as you shut your eyes. It felt odd being on his jet, with the people he employs, without him. You texted Kylo once you were settled into the Uber you had ordered to take you to your childhood home.
Landed. Thank you again for letting us fly in your jet.
You figured he wouldn't respond so you stuffed your phone back in your pocket and prepared yourself to see your mom after so long. She had always been incredible and you never took for granted how lucky you were to have her. But, what mom doesn't get on their kid's nerves on occasion. You knew she'd have a million questions before you even stepped foot in the house. You had really missed her though.
When the car pulled up to the familiar brick home that housed so many memories from your youth, you couldn't help but smile. It did feel good to be out of the city for once.
Your mom was expecting you so she was already waiting by the door. She enveloped each one of you into her famous bear hugs making everyone feel welcome.
It was weird putting your stuff in your old bedroom. It felt like a different person had lived there. You've grown so much since getting out of your hometown. Being able to do your own things and make your own decisions, helped you understand yourself better. Your mom's loud laughter pulled you out of the nostalgia of your room.
She was already ready to go to your town's wishing tree event as she shared a laugh with Finn. Each year everyone would gather in the town square and tie their wishes to the tree in anticipation that the coming holidays' magic would grant their wish. When you were younger it was your favorite event but as you got older you understood that it was just a silly tradition. After all, none of your wishes ever came true.
Finn and Rey were both excited to go to the event. You and Poe had done it so many times there wasn't any real excitement anymore. But your mom, even after all these years, after everything that had happened, she still looked forward to it. She still hoped.
The night air was cold as you walked toward the square. You could already see the crowds forming around the tall, bright, tree. You couldn't help but be shocked that there were this many people who came to the event. You remembered when you were younger, you met a couple from Europe who had heard about your town's wishing tree and came to make a wish. To them, it was their last hope for whatever they were wishing for. You had hoped that whatever it was, it came true for them.
You all found a spot as the small opening ceremony began. The speaker gave the history of the wishing tree. When and how it started, the process and the legend that is supposed to make everyone believe their wish will come true. A few Christmas carols were sung and then everyone spread out to the different stations, set up with paper and pens. Your mom was quick to write down her wish and tie it to the tree. You weren't exactly sure what she wished for but you had a good idea, and you knew it was the same every year.
Poe and Finn were both tying theirs to the tree close to one another and Rey had tied hers as well. You were the last one and you hadn't even written anything yet. You didn't know if it was even worth it to wish for something real, it wasn't like it would come true. You debated wishing for a new pair of shoes, or the iPad you'd been dying to buy yourself for the past few years. But you couldn't deny that you longed for something deeper in your life. Something more than just material goods. You wanted to wish for that one thing. The thing that terrified you but the thing you so desperately wanted. So you wrote it down without a second thought, folded it, hole-punched it, and tied the red ribbon through the hole and onto the tree branch.
The rest of the evening was spent cozied up by the fire with your mom's homemade hot chocolate and Christmas movies playing on a loop. It felt good to be home and to be spending this time with the ones you loved. You just felt it was missing something. Or someone.
Kylo.
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When Christmas day came you were shocked at how quickly the previous days flew by. You all were so busy doing different activities and baking more cookies than needed, you couldn't keep up with the days. You had texted Kylo in the morning wishing him a cheery Merry Christmas. You had wanted to call but figured you shouldn't because you didn't want to interrupt him if he was working. He hadn't texted you back but you didn't mind. You figured he was busy and he really wasn't good with responding to texts in general.
You had all exchanged gifts in the morning in your comfortable pajamas. Your mom started crying at the number of gifts she received saying how much she "didn't need all this, you kids are too much." Once all the gifts were opened, you sat down to watch It's A Wonderful Life. It was your dad's favorite movie and he had insisted on watching it Christmas morning every year.
The holidays were always the hardest without him. Doing all his favorite things in memory of him never felt like what they did when he was here. You know your mom felt it too but she was tough. She always put a smile on her face because she knew if she didn't we would all be a mess.
Once the movie was over you got to cooking. There was snow in the forecast for the day and you kept glancing out the window in hopes to see a ballet of white snowflakes falling from the sky.
There was so much food when you were finished and you were starving. You all sat down for dinner and you didn't realize how much you had missed your mom's cooking. You had eaten everything so fast that sitting at the dining table was getting to be too much. You had to get up and walk around.
So, you grabbed your coat and headed out towards the small creek behind your house that you and your dad often walked down, to take pictures. The memories of the two of you flooded back into your head and this time you couldn't help the tears from falling. You tried to stop but every memory you thought of brought their own flood. It wasn't until you felt your phone buzzing in your pocket that you managed to stop.
Your eyes were blurred with tears. It was hard to see who was calling so you just answered it anyway.
"Hello," you started, hearing how clogged your voice sounded from crying.
"Hi." You almost dropped your phone when you heard his familiar voice. You weren't expecting him to call.
"Kylo?" You had to make sure it was him. That you weren't dreaming. Your excitement made you smile and caused you to sniffle which, of course, he noticed.
"Are you ok?" It was a stern question and you could just tell by his tone that he was concerned. Whether he liked to admit it or not, he was very possessive and protective of you and you knew he didn't like it when you even sounded hurt.
"Yes, I'm fine...Merry Christmas!" You said hoping to change the subject. There was a long pause. You weren't sure if he was trying to put the thought of you crying out of his mind or if he just really didn't like being wished a Merry Christmas.
"Same to you," he said finally. "Christmas is actually the reason I'm calling."
You weren't sure if you should be happy or terrified. "Oh?" you responded, wanting him to go on.
"I found the gift you left me." You waited thinking he would continue but when he didn't you got nervous that you might have overstepped or that he hated it.
"Oh that. Yeah, it was just something small. I saw it and it reminded me of Vermont. I just wanted you to have something to open on Christmas." The words came out in a jittery jumble and you couldn't gauge how he was feeling about it over the phone.
You had been shopping for Rey's gift when you stumbled upon a small moon keychain. You had bought it and wrapped it in a small box. You knew it wasn't really anything but you had wanted to do something for him and you hoped it might mean something to him.
"No, I wanted to thank you. It was," he paused, "it was very thoughtful of you, you didn't have to."
"Oh, it really is nothing."
Silence.
"Are you sure you're ok?" He asked again. You knew he wasn't going to let your crying go unnoticed.
"Yes, just memories flooding back from being home."
"Oh," he sounded uncertain on how to go on. "I'm...I'm sorry."
"It's ok," you tried to make sure he knew that it really was. "How is your Christmas?" You didn't know it but your need to hear his voice, made you want to keep him on the phone.
"Busy." No matter how much you wanted him to stay on the line you knew your conversation had to come to an end.
"Well then, I'll let you get back to it. Merry Christmas Kylo. I'll see you soon." The sadness in your voice couldn't be hidden.
"Merry Christmas," he said before hanging up the phone.
You hadn't noticed how cold your fingers and nose had gotten from standing in the cold but more importantly you hadn't noticed it had started to snow. The flakes were large and beginning to come down in loads. The grass was no longer green but white. You wondered if Kylo was looking at the same snowfall. If something as simple as snow could still connect you even if you were miles away.
You quickly made your way back into the warmth of your home where you were greeted with laughter and the smell of freshly baked pie. It was that moment that you felt it. You felt that your dad was there with you. You felt happy to be home for Christmas.
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You said goodbye to your mom and though it was just as hard as always, you knew you needed to get back to the city.
Elliot was there waiting for all of you after the plane landed. He took Finn and Rey home and then finally pulled up to your apartment building. Poe jumped out but before you could follow Elliot handed you an envelope.
"From Mr. Ren miss." You smiled at him and thanked him, taking the envelope in your hands.
As you reached your door you noticed there was no key lock. It had been replaced by a digital system with a keypad. For a second you thought you might be at the wrong apartment but then you remembered Kylo had told you he would install a security system so you could continue staying at your apartment. That thought hit you hard as you rationalized the idea of him not wanting you to stay with him.
Poe's confused voice brought you out from those thoughts. "So how are we supposed to get in, we don't have a code." You remembered the envelope and pulled it from your pocket. You broke the seal and pulled out the note.
1101
-Kylo
Your eyes welled up realizing the code was the date of your night in Vermont. That night had meant something to him too. You didn't have much time to dwell on that as Poe was budging you to open the door so he could get his suitcase in. You entered the code and the pad made a beeping sound as you turned the knob. The door opened and everything seemed just as you left it. Only now you noticed there was a small camera facing the door and an alarm system that had been set up.
Both you and Poe were exhausted from a busy and hectic few days and headed to your rooms to get some rest. As you opened your door, your excitement easily made your drowsiness disappear. There were several boxes stacked on your bed with a note sitting on top. You were in complete shock. You had to open the letter first to find out what this was all about. You pulled out the note and saw the familiar handwriting, you weren't surprised.
Please keep them this time.
Merry Christmas.
-Kylo
Keep them? What on earth did he mean by that.
You began opening the boxes, an iPhone, jewelry, clothes... all the gifts he had sent you when he was trying to "win you back." You had sent them all back but you figured he had just returned them. You couldn't believe he had kept them all and you couldn't accept them all. You pulled out your phone to text him.
All these gifts? I can't accept them all, please
He answered quickly.
You can and you will. That's final.
A smile crossed your face. You loved it when he was stern. But suddenly you felt awful. You only got him a small keychain and he has given you all these expensive gifts.
But all I got you was a keychain. I feel so awful
Read.
It was perfect. I expect to see that necklace around that pretty little neck of yours the next time I see you.
Your face blushed. That was somewhat unlike him. He had never sent you anything like that over a text before but you felt obligated to answer. But you were going to have some fun too.
Yes sir.
You moved all your boxes off your bed and climbed in. You having those gifts was important to him. The first time he had sent them it wasn't right but he still wanted you to have them. It meant a lot to you that he put thought into those gifts. You had been in need of a new iPhone. Even though you never said anything or complained about your cracked screen, he saw it. He was good at noticing things and you loved that about him.
This was the first night you were actually excited to wake up in the morning. Like truly excited. You would go to work and then you would see Kylo. You couldn't help it anymore. You loved spending time with him. You loved seeing him. Hearing his voice.
You loved...him, all of him.
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hello loves! Hope you enjoy this holiday chapter and that it's not too boring for you. Just a heads up next chapter is going to be a lot so keep an eye out and make sure you read it when you are ready. I'm not sure when it will be up. With Christmas coming up I'm not sure how much time I'll have to write but I will try to keep you updated and get the next chapter up as quick as I can. Thank you all for being so wonderful and for your lovely comments! I enjoy them so, so much! As always feel free to comment on what you like or are excited for and DM on twitter @adamdsolo with any questions or concerns. ily, xo Laur