You are allowed to be angry. I don't know what I am doing too, although I know where I'm going.
Chapter 81
Wei Li Lian
Black Sword Academy
Li Lian loved the person she had become. A week ago, Master Oren told her that her father died.
King Tobba is gone, an assassin killed him.
She should be mourning for him and putting on white clothes in honor of his life, however there she was, rather concerned about stealing the letter Ruo Xi received the previous day.
King Tobba did not deserve a single tear from her, he did not deserve to be missed because her life is what he stole. To say it literally, before he died, murder is what he had committed against her.
Li Lian fixated her eyes on Ruo Xi. She desperately needed the letter, to just see it and feel a little closer to Yuwen Hong so she could exorcise the demons responsible for her heartache.
Ruo Xi rose from her mat and stretched. “I think I will start my afternoon training. Lance, are you coming?”
Lance yawned from the mat he shared with Li Lian on the deck of the academy where they sprawled like lizards seeking warmth. They had the blazing fire in the middle of the deck to warm themselves up while enjoying the outside fresh air.
“I will stay here and sleep with my wife for a while longer.”
“Suit yourself." Ruo Xi stood.
“Wait, Ruo Xi,” Li Lian called, not wanting her to leave. “May I just see the letter, just for a minute, please?”
“No, sorry. When the emperor writes to me, it is confidential. You are my friend Li Lian, but I can't comply with your request." She cleared her throat. "I am not comfortable with giving away what has been entrusted to me without his permission." She skeptically eyed Lance, who had his body clinging to Li Lian possessively. "That would be treating him deceitfully.”
Something told Li Lian there was more to her words than she was letting on. Ruo Xi and her were getting better until Lance started to spend more time with Li Lian in Ruo Xi's presence.
It resulted in Ruo Xi becoming distanced and unwilling to make an effort with Li Lian, which was unsettling. Did Ruo Xi like Lance and Li Lian was messing it up?
“I understand,” Li Lian resigned as Lance curled his arm around her waist and patted her stomach.
Li Lian wanted to know how Yu'er was doing. Did he kill people after the massacre? Had he moved on yet? Did he think of her as much as she did?
“Should I be jealous? You seem quite disappointed over a mere letter,” Lance eyed her suspiciously.
Why would he be jealous? She was the one struck with jealousy.
Yuwen Hong was writing his feelings to Ruo Xi and the woman would not show her the letter. Surely, friendship this deep cannot exist between a man and a woman, without either of them having feelings for the other. Even with her, Yu'er had never opened up before; she had with her heart, but not him.
“Why do you care about what the mean emperor wrote in that letter anyway?”
“Lance, please keep quiet.” She was annoyed already.
“Li Lian!” Kong Cheng ran to the deck. “Li Lian!”
“Yes?”
“I suddenly got an idea." He tried to catch his breath as he climbed the stairs. "I was thinking… What if when you get back to the palace, you ask the emperor on my behalf that I enter the palace as a guard?”
“Black Sword students are not permitted to be involved in serving the court,” Lance grumbled.
“That is why I am asking Li Lian in the first place. If she asks for this favor on my behalf, he may grant this wish of mine. His Majesty’s words are gold, who may speak against them?”
“That would be magnificent if Li Lian was going back, but she is my betrothed. Ask someone else because―”
“Lance, may we please have a word privately?” Li Lian stared at Kong Cheng so he may give them privacy.
“All right, I am leaving, don’t cut my head off now.” Kong Cheng leapt and disappeared from them.
“What is the matter?” Lance seemed concerned as he sat straight up.
She ran her hands through her long luscious hair. It was the first time in her life that she could have it down in public without binding rules. “I would like to talk to you about our plans.”
“What is it? Are you still concerned about waiting for me? It is only a few weeks that we are left with now.”
“No, I just would like to tell you that I wish to go back to the palace. I no longer wish to go to Furia.”
He frowned and his face hardened. “What is the meaning of this?”
“I cannot imagine my life anywhere else, Lance.”
“You want to go back to the man who doesn’t value you and be controlled like his slave?”
“He loves me,” she whispered, feeling ashamed under his condescending eyes.
“Whatever you may say or try to lie to yourself with, you won’t be free there." He ran his hands over his face in frustration. "Isn’t that what you said at the beginning? That you want freedom?”
“In love, there is freedom. I will be free as long as we love the other.”
He mocked her by fake laughing. “If love has freedom, then that means what you have between the two of you is not love. Li Lian, let’s be honest here, once the emperor gets you back, will he let you be free again? You think he will let you spread your wings and truly live, or rather, you will again be under those place rules, not allowed to go anywhere as his woman, spending all day looking pretty so that maybe, JUST MAYBE he will think of you once upon a night and come to your quarters.”
His opposition against her ignited rebellion, even though deep down she agreed with him. “What if I like that kind of life? What is wrong with that?” It was the only kind of life she had known anyway.
“You are being unreasonable," he exhaled. “Though, I have to admit, your rejection toward me and you choosing my nemesis over me, makes you more attractive.”
"Lance―"
Without warning, he pulled her to him and crushed his mouth on hers. He ravaged her closed mouth and made an intentional kissing sound as he quickly pulled back.
She didn't react. She just glared at him, still as the sea waters on a calm day.
Lance chuckled, pride dancing in his eyes. He then kissed her again as his hands went to the back of her head to hold her exactly how he wanted her. This time, his kiss was deeper and needy.
Her heart pounded vigorously and the yearning sunk in. She missed Yuwen Hong so much. This with him was always two worlds colliding.
Letting her go, he said, "You didn't even slap me away, are you not scared of falling for me?" His smile was pained, but he covered it by flatly laughing. "If it was him kissing you unexpectedly, you would push him away, wouldn't you?"
She sadly nodded. With Yuwen Hong, just him staring at her, threatened her heart from becoming his possession.
"Feels nice, I just wanted to see what it feels like to own what is his for just a second."
He took her head into his hands and forced her to meet his eyes. “Li Lian, I really care for you as a dear friend. Don’t do all this to yourself because this is a decision you are bound to regret. And I understand that you are having withdrawal symptoms from your previous life, but please, just hold on. You are almost there. A life away from him.”
She removed his hands from her face, feeling teary. “Call it whatever you want, but I am sad without Yu’er. I want to go back. Even if it is right now.”
"Like I would let you," he snapped.
“I am leaving tomorrow.”
“You are not going anywhere!”
Lance never raised his voice. Until today.
“Who are you―”
“You go back and I will tell him about your mission, let’s see if he will take you back.”
"Bastard child!" She punched him so hard that he toppled backwards holding his nose. "Idiot! That was for kissing me."
She was being nice all along, hoping he would not make this threat. But now that he had chosen this path, he didn't deserve her friendship.
"You are such a user! You just want me to go with you so that my mother will praise you for a job well done!"
He shook his head.
"I am going to kill you. Sleazy bastard! What a pig."
"Calm down."
In fact he deserved a beating. Yes, practising sword dance for a week was not a good enough skill, but she was going to reshape him on this day.
She threw herself onto him to teach him a lesson, only for him to roll her around and pin her to the ground with him on top. His hands aggressively held her wrists that she was sure it would leave marks.
Again, he kissed her, and this time his tongue was involved. The air left her lungs and she became light headed. He roughly bit her lips, goosebumps scattering all over her body.
Lance had always lived a life of competition, and that seemed to get him heated up. He competed in Furia to be her mate, he was competing with Yu'er to be the best fighter known in the empire and now he was competing for her body, hoping to hit a higher mark that could erase every touch Yuwen Hong left on her, that he would replace every claim left by Yuwen Hong.
When he pulled back, his dark eyes didn't leave hers, and it was astounding to see the tears in his eyes, threatening to strike his cheeks. It shockingly softened her more than she would like to and worry crawled on her nerves.
"Damn it." He sniffed and wiped his tears, sounding remorseful. "You know what, Li Lian? Maybe I am not using you." His eyes studied her expression to gauge whether he should say what he had in mind. "Maybe I have liked you and have been a chicken to admit it, choosing friendship to get close to you because only that way can you let me in."
He circled his hand around her back and lifted her for a hug. His body held tight onto her as if someone was about to snatch her from him. "With me, you will be the only woman, no one else. I will not tell you what to do. I will respect you. I will support your growth as a person."
"But you are not letting me go, what's the difference between you and him now? You are threatening me."
"Only on this part, let me hold you back because I'm afraid he will imprison you if you go back."
He rubbed her back softly.
"Please, stay."
S.V