Ever since I'd been back in LA all on my own I'd been having variations of the same dream.
It would start with me waking into the Shangri La studio in Malibu and being directed through the rooms to where a group of people were recording some music. I'd then become aware of a weight clinging to my left side and find my lips pressing against the forehead of a little girl as I carried her into one of the studio rooms.
This part was always exactly the same: I would step into the studio and my eyes would find the silk covered back of a dark haired man sitting before a baby grand piano. Alex.
Upon hearing my arrival, he would turn around and smile that dazzling wide grin that stole my heart from my chest. As he stood from the piano, the little girl on my hip would exclaim out and wriggle from my grasp until I let her down. And I would watch as she ran as fast as her little legs could carry her over to Alex as he bent down and lifted her off her feet into his arms.
"Amour, darling. How are my two best girls?" he would always say. And from there the dream would take its own path depending on the night.
It was probably heavily influenced by my longing for him during our separation by continents and oceans, along with the fact that I'd been babysitting both Saorise's baby and Matt and Breana's in my spare time to give them a bit of a parenting break.
Matt and Breana were planning a weekend away for a bit of much needed alone time with each other. Which meant, at my offer, I was taking care of little Amelia for a couple of days whilst her parents kicked their feet up and got drunk like they hadn't in so long.
That's probably where the baby fever really kicked in; and then disappeared as thick as it came when I realised that if I had a child of my own, I wouldn't be able to give it back after a weekend. Knowing myself, I knew I was nowhere near ready to be a mother any time soon and that I much preferred being 'Aunty O'.
Alex called or messaged whenever he could. It was pretty obvious to both of us how much more we were missing each other since I visited. Having that sweet taste of what it was like to be by each other's side and then moved apart made the lust for one another more strained than it was before I left.
"I miss you...so fuckin much," Alex sighed, lying sprawled in bed with nothing but the warm lamp beside him illuminating his tired eyes.
"Careful, there's little ears listening," I warned as I sat back on Alex's 'settee'. Amelia was on my lap, playing with my hair.
"Sorry," Alex chuckled tiredly. He moved an arm up behind his head, his muscles flexing ever so slightly. "When's Matt and Bre comin' back?"
"This afternoon," I said, smiling down at a giggling Amelia and then looked back at my phone screen to Alex.
"I'm sure they'll be very appreciative that you took the little one off their hands for a bit," Alex smiled.
"Babysitting wasn't as easy as it was when you were here, I'll tell you that," I admitted. "But Amelia's been an angel so I can't complain."
Alex rolled onto his side, the side of his face squishing into his pillow as his heavy eyes trained on the image of my face on his phone. The mound of white covers shifted around ever so slightly behind him and that's when I noticed that someone was occupying the other side of the bed.
First came a cold flush that washed over my body. Then came that overwhelming sense of dread I used to know all too well. I almost dropped my phone but instead found myself clinging onto it for dear life. Suddenly, everything Taylor had said to me about touring seemed to become increasingly threatening. Swallowing the lump in my dry throat, I forced myself to say something before I internally tore myself to shreds.
"Al?" I said quietly.
"Yeah honey?" he hummed, half awake.
"Who's behind you?" I asked timidly. Even Amelia noticed the fragility of my voice and curiously looked up at me with furrowed eyebrows.
Alex looked behind him, "oh that's Miles," he said casually and lifted his phone up to show me Miles sleeping under the doona on the other end of the bed. "He and Taylor got into a fight and she kicked him out of their room."
I cannot express how inviting the relief that flooded my body at that moment felt. I hated that I'd ever doubted him but I'd ignored red flags before and we all know how that turned out.
"I'm bloody losing it with that woman," Alex said and rubbed a hand on his forehead. He was always such a kind and easy going person that it was almost comical seeing how frustrated and pissed off Taylor could get him. "And don't worry, I won't give Miles any spoons, I'm saving that all for you," Alex joked.
"You ought to see if he needs one though," I teased, "maybe he could use a big hug if he and Taylor aren't getting on?"
"He gets enough on stage," Alex chuckled. Amelia began to whine, getting bored of sitting still with no stimulus. I didn't want to say goodbye to Alex but I already knew what I'd be in for if I didn't tend to her soon.
"I'm gonna have to go, before she goes wild," I said with a pout, admiring Alex's digital face and longing to see it in person once again.
Alex pouted and nodded respectfully. "I hate to see you go but I understand yer duties. I'll talk to you in a bit yeah?"
"Of course," I smiled, wishing to just hug him tight and breathe in his scent until I went to sleep.
"I love you, ma ange," Alex hummed, his eyes twinkling in the warm lamp light.
"I love you so much more," I professed. And the Amelia began to whine and paw at my face. "Okay I think that's my que to go," I laughed.
"Alright, I'll let you go," Alex laughed softly. "I miss you, talk to you tomorrow."
Amelia began crying right as we hung up, tugging at the front of my shirt. "Alright Miss Whiney, let's get you some milk," I said, lifting her onto my hip and carrying her to my kitchen.
The following weekend, Natalia, Megan and I decided to go out and let loose like we used to every weekend when we were starting college. Megan's new boyfriend was DJ-ing at some venue, a very different atmosphere to Alex's shows but not impossible to have fun in.
"Orion!" Megan called out from another room. We had all gathered at her place for pre-drinks before we went out.
"Yeah?" I called back, my eyes trained on my reflection as I curled the last bits of my hair.
My focus diverted to the door as Megan popped her head around the corner. "We're getting drunk tonight. College drunk. Understand?"
I laughed and looked back to my hair, "I understand."
"Good, now hurry up, we've gotta go now," she said.
"Uh-huh," I nodded, "I'm coming."
On a night out, if Megan wanted you to get drunk, you got drunk. You didn't have a choice. She was like Miles in the sense that if she saw you without a drink in your hand she'd go and buy another one for you and if you were starting to sober up, she would make it her personal mission to get you wasted onto the floor.
Following true to her reputation, Megan bought us all a round of double shots the second we got to the place her boyfriend was playing at. I'm not proud, but I'm not ashamed to admit that after the first half hour, Natalia was supervising me in the bathroom, holding my hair back. Coughing up all of the tequila sunrise I'd just sculled down so I could continue on with the night.
"You good?" Natalia asked me as I flushed the toilet and stood to my feet, wobbly on my heels.
"I'm good, I'm good," I nodded, feeling slightly more refreshed now that all those toxins were out to stop me feeling sick. "Okay, let's go."
"Already?" Natalia laughed.
"Got it all out, now I've gotta refill," I said, fixing up my hair as we moved out of the stall.
"You know what?" Natalia said.
"What?"
"You're really starting to sound like Alex more and more each day," she smiled.
Megan was all drunk and cheering when we came back to join her. She was over the moon that I hadn't decided to go home and instead chose to keep drinking like we did back in the day. It didn't take long for me to get tipsy again. Wobbling as we walked down the road to another club venue once Megan's boyfriend had finished his set.
As we waited in the line, I pulled out my phone to check the time and instead got lost in the picture of Alex that I had as my wallpaper. It was him poking his head out from behind a door, fresh out of the shower and his wet hair smoothed up into a spike on his head.
I hummed and pouted as I looked down on it, resting against Nat for balance because I was beginning to see double. "I miss you," I cooed, pressing my finger onto the image of his face.
"O, your arm," Nat said, nudging me out of my separation depression.
"Oh right!" I exclaimed, quickly putting my phone in my bag and holding out my wrist for the doorman to stamp me. "I'm so sorry! I'm sorry! I'm a bit drunk—wait! Sorry! I shouldn't have said that!" I babbled.
"It's okay, you can go on in," the doorman said uninterestedly, probably sick of all the drunk people he had to deal with every weekend.
"Thank you!" I said, extra gratefully, and followed Nat, Meg and their partners into the club.
We managed to grab ourselves a lounge where Megan's boyfriend ordered us a bottle of champagne in celebration. I kept having to telling myself: don't drunk text Al. You'll wake him up. But God did I feel extra lonely surrounded by two couples.
Some guy who was very clearly freshly twenty one tried offering to buy me a drink at the bar. I declined as politely as I could and as he was about to respond I interrupted him with a loud exclamation of excitement.
My ears caught on to that unmistakable smooth voice. Snapping up every nerve in my body was the realisation that an Arctic Monkeys song had began playing.
"Oh my god!" I squealed, "my boyfriend sings this song!" I said to the poor young boy.
"Really?" he laughed awkwardly.
"Yeah!" I said, grinning ear to ear as Al's voice flooded through my entire system. "Oh my god, Nat!" I squealed and jogged through the crowd to find her. Just the sound of his voice, even through recording, made my entire body ignite. Even if he wasn't by my side, it was like he was still with me.
"Nat!" I exclaimed as I found her, "it's Al!"
Natalia laughed, drunk enough to deal with my two hundred percent excitement. "Yes it is!" she exclaimed back. "Come on, let's go dance to him!"
And as always, I managed to find myself dancing on a table drunk as hell. Once Miles told me I needed an anchor on my ankle to keep me from doing so and honestly he was probably right. As Nat and I were dancing and singing our hearts out together like teenagers, I felt a hand land on my shin and damn near kicked whoever was standing on the floor below me when I felt it. That was until I looked down and realised who it was.
"Oh my God!" I exclaimed and jumped down from the table I'd been on. As heavy as my eyes were, they shot wide open to the size of golf balls when I recognised who had beckoned for my attention. "Joey?"
Smiling back at me was a dark haired man dressed in a white shirt that glowed under the club's black lights. "If it isn't Florence Water-fountain," he smiled teasingly. That nickname always annoyed me in a good way.
"Oh shut up you," I laughed and hugged him tight. For some context, Joey was a high school friend of mine. We used to be really close until I declined his offer to go to the Senior Prom with him in favour of a girl, he'd always been a bit snarky but it had gotten to the point where things he said really hurt me internally.
I hadn't seen him since the year Christian and I got together and he had changed drastically. His once clean shaven face now thick with dark stubble and his short hair now even shorter sitting barely styled on his head.
"What are the chances I catch you in a place like this?" he laughed. "What are you doing here?"
"Megan, my friend, her boyfriend had a gig and we're just hopping around to different clubs," I said drunkenly stumbling over my words.
"I haven't seen you in years," Joey said, "let's find somewhere quiet to sit and talk."
"Oh! We have a booth!" I smiled, "we managed to find one before." Joey just smiled and followed me through all the dancing people back to the booth where Megan and her boyfriend still were. "Tell me what you've been up to!" I grinned as we took a seat.
"Freshly single, moved houses three times, work a nine to five, nothing special," Joey said. He never liked talking about himself. "What about you Flo? You've changed."
"Have I?" I asked, ignoring that he'd always call me by my middle name.
"Despite finding you on a table, you're not the same girl I used to know. Never used to second guess yourself, life of the party, type of girl to turn heads and make people laugh till their stomachs hurt," Joey said.
"Oh..." I said quietly.
Joey shrugged his shoulders, "time's been kind to you though. You haven't aged a day."
I rolled my eyes and shook my head, "don't flatter me Joey."
"You still with that business guy?" Joey asked, making my stomach sink, "what was his name?"
"Christian," I said quietly.
Joey grinned, "that's the one. You two still together?"
I shook my head, "definitely not."
"Good," Joey nodded, "he was terrible for you. From the beginning I could see he was tearing you down."
"Yeah um...can we just...change the subject?" I asked, beginning to feel sick beyond the alcohol settling in my stomach.
"I assume that means it didn't end well," Joey hummed. "I'm intrigued to know why."
"I don't really wanna talk about him," I said uncomfortably.
Joey hummed and nodded respectfully. "Got anyone new?"
I cleared my throat, "yeah."
"Well go on, tell me out it," he said.
I managed a smile, "his name's Alex. He's in a band. How we met is literally the longest most chaotic story. But he's really good to me."
"He make you like this?" Joey smirked.
"Like what?" I asked, confused.
"You know what I'm talking about Flo," he said.
I felt a bit pissed off when he said that. The assumption that Alex would do anything to hurt me without so much as knowing who he was. "He's actually putting me back together, thank you," I said, picking at the clear polish around my nails.
"Is he here tonight?" Joey asked.
"No, he's on tour at the moment in Europe."
"Shame, I'd have loved to meet him," he said sarcastically.
"Joey, don't be mean," I said. My intake in alcohol that night was making every emotion erupting within me rapid fire that it almost became overwhelming.
"I'll buy you a drink to cheer you up," he smiled.
"Okay then," I nodded, watching as he got up and left to the bar briefly to return with a vodka lemonade. I don't know why but lemonade always reminded me of Alex.
"So, Alex," Joey said as he sat down and handed me my drink. "Hush about him to me. Come on. I know you like to get gooey when you're drunk."
"Six years I haven't seen you, and yet still you know me like you did in high school," I groaned with a smile and brought the drink to my lips.
We talked for maybe an hour but in my drunken mind it felt somewhere around fifteen minutes. Joey met both Megan and Natalia but had never been one to be social with strangers and soon after prepared himself to depart from my company upon Megan's suggestion to hop on to the next bar.
"We're gonna head down the road," I giggled to him. "Do you want to join us?"
Joey clicked his tongue, eyeing me up and down. "I've missed you, Flo, we should keep in touch." He checked his phone then looked back up at me, "I've got to go but it was good to see you. Make sure that Alex takes care of you. I'd like to see that girl I used to know make a come back."
And as quickly as he came, he was gone. Never to see again for many more years' interval.
If I'm honest, my mind was hazy from the first venue we got to. And I can't remember much more after my first shot at that third club. If the night existed in my mind at all it would in Polaroid photos. A shot at the bar. Another five minutes in the bathroom. Stumbling home to my apartment at five am. Falling asleep briefly on the elevator up to my floor. Passing out on my bed. Even drunk I kept whining about how bad my hangover was going to be in the morning.
If only I knew I was going to be woken out of the best sleep in of my life by the blaring sound of my phone going off message after message. Call after call.
"Fucking hell," I groaned, reaching a hand out from my burrow under my bedsheets to answer my phone. My head felt like a drum kit. Everywhere aching and heavy, feeling constantly beat with the weight of my alcohol consumption the night before at cause.
"Shut up," I whined as I slapped my hand all around my bedside table until I felt my phone. Gritting my teeth hard to try and block out the pressure on my temples I pulled my phone under the covers and to my ear, answering before I saw the caller. "Hello?" I muttered.
"Tell your dickhead boyfriend that he can go fuck himself," a woman's voice said harshly, hanging up immediately after she'd finished.
"What the hell?" I groaned, pushing myself to sit up against my headboard and squint down at my phone to see who had just called me. I knew the voice but couldn't put a name to it in my hungover state of mind.
Unlocking my phone I tapped to see my recent calls and my eyes went wide as I read the name 'Taylor' right at the top. Hold up. It took me a moment to reprocess what she'd said. "Tell your dickhead boyfriend that he can go fuck himself." How dare she say that? What the hell is happening.
Quickly I moved to my messages to see message after message from Miles. Please tell me everything's okay. Shit. Shit shit shit. I began to panic, worried something bad might've happened, Taylor's foul words still hovering over my head.
Yet as I began reading through Miles' messages top to bottom, I received an incoming call from he himself.
"Miles?" I said with a hoarse throat, my head aching like it was bruised and dizzy. "What's happening?"
"O?" Miles said. "You there?"
"Yeah, I'm here," I said, "is everything okay? Taylor just called me—"
"You need to talk to Alex," Miles said. I could hear voices and movement behind him.
"Is he okay?" I asked worriedly, immediately sitting up straight.
"He's pissed off his face and being a real arsehole," Miles said, "he won't listen to any of us so I was hoping you could talk some sense into him."
"What's happening?" I asked, chewing on my nail.
"We're out for drinks, Al had a bit much, then he and Taylor got into an argument and it's all just gone to shit," Miles said.
"Is Taylor okay?" I asked.
"I'm not really concerned about her at the moment," Miles sighed, "can you please just have a chat with him? I'll explain it all once he's calmed down."
"Yeah. Okay. Yeah," I nodded, my heart beating a million miles an hour.
"I'll go get him," Miles said. "Alex!" he called out away from the microphone. "Alexander!"
"What, man?" I could hear Alex slur back.
"Orion's on the phone, talk to her," Miles said a little forcibly, "I'm going to go find Taylor."
"O?" Alex cooed into the phone, ignoring the last of what Miles had said. "Are you really there baby?"
"I'm here Al," I said, exhaling at the sound of his voice despite how drunk he sounded.
"Fuckin' 'ell I miss you so much," he sighed.
"I miss you too...what's going on?" I asked nervously.
"Pssh," Alex hummed, "everybody's angry at me, Taylor's being a tool, I think she and Miles broke up. I'm just drunk as shit," he laughed. Whenever he was drunk I just remembered how he looked and sounded when we first met.
"What do you mean? They broke up?" I asked.
"I dunno, hope so. She's bloody dreadful," Alex said.
"Al...you need to be nice," I said softly.
"I've reached me limit, love," Alex groaned drunkenly.
"Why did you say everyone's angry with you?" I asked.
"Cause Taylor and I got into a disagreement and she stormed out like some drama queen and everyone got upset that I didn't want to apologise," Alex babbled, "and so I fucked off to the bar and drowned them out."
"Oh Alex..." I sighed.
"...you're not mad at me too are you?" Alex asked quietly. "...I'm sorry O."
"No, I'm not mad, Al," I assured, "but I think Miles wants you to simmer down a bit. Just grab a couple of glasses of water and sit down, you can talk to me the whole time yeah? Tell me how tour's going."
I had a thousand other questions to ask but none that I could direct to Alex. At least not in the state he currently was in. As I listened to him waffle on about tour as it moved his mind from being frustrated with Taylor to something that made me happy, I found myself going back to the messages Miles had sent me.
The majority of them were of him asking me to call Alex and sort him out. "He's not listening to anyone. He's completely smashed and keeps saying hurtful things. Could you please give him a call? I know he'll listen to you."
Eventually, I did get the full story told to me. Basically, the night was going fine for the most part, they were all out and around Athens for drinks, getting along swimmingly. Apparently Taylor kept making side remarks that just didn't sit right with Alex. For example, being rude to the bartenders, turning her nose up on the homeless people on the street, complaining to Miles that her feet hurt because he "always has to pick the bars that are the furthest away," and so on. Much like on the plane ride to Germany.
Alex was keeping to himself, not saying anything because he didn't like confrontation or arguments. That was until, they were all sitting around a booth in one of the bars and Taylor called Miles a word I won't use because he got her drink order wrong.
All Alex said was: "you shouldn't call him that, or even speak to him like that for that matter." And from there it just spiralled out of control.
Taylor telling Alex to mind his own, Alex telling Taylor that he was sick of her complaining about everything and acting like getting chase by paparazzi and fans was a luxury. Taylor in return telling him to "fuck off" and Alex saying something he did honestly regret when he accused her of using Miles for fame and attention.
After that, Taylor slapped Alex's drink out of his hand and said: "if Orion saw you now she'd be fucking embarrassed to be your girlfriend," and that's when Miles got involved.
First trying to calm her down and then when she started mouthing off about Al, Miles defended him and he and her stepped outside for a heated argument. Miles told me she stormed off after five minutes and he returned inside to a very pissed off Alex downing drinks like no tomorrow.
I managed to calm Alex down over the phone and convinced him to get himself a ride to his hotel because I could tell he was tired and definitely didn't need any more to drink. Miles thanked me but I could tell he was hiding a lot of his emotions by the tone in his voice.
Once I found out what Taylor had said to him, I messaged Alex right away to assure him that I never and could never be embarrassed to be his girlfriend and that Taylor was just saying harmful things in the heat of the moment. The response I got was:
"I love you. I'm going insane, I can't wait until we're back."
I didn't hear from Taylor following her aggressive call that woke me up. It was a hell of a way to get me to deal with my hangover though. Trying to sort things out from the other side of the world. I didn't even hear much from Miles either. When I spoke to Alex he simply said, "he hasn't told me, probably cause he's trying to sort things out with Taylor or something."
"Is he okay?" I asked.
Alex sighed, "yeah, hasn't changed. Just doesn't talk to me about her anymore."
"Tour isn't fucked up is it?" I asked worriedly.
Alex shook his head, "it'll take a lot more that a stupid argument between me and his girlfriend to toss our friendship up."
Things seemed to simmer out over the following two weeks they had left of their tour before they came back for Christmas and New Years. When they came home, I met them at the airport, sprinting up to Alex and jumping up onto him as he hugged me tight.
"I'm so glad you're home," I exhaled, squeezing him tight and burying my face into the crook of his neck.
Alex took an inhale of my perfume and pulled me deeper into his chest as the people around us moved passed to grab their bags. "I missed you so much," he hummed. "Two months is too long for me."
"Tell me about it," I laughed lightheartedly, moving my face to his. Putting both hands on his cheeks, I pulled him in deep and hard, melting like wax into him and his lemonade flavoured lips. Taking a breath, I rested my forehead against his and stroked my things over his cheekbones. "Life is so freaking dull without you."
Alex chuckled softly and brushed his nose against mine. "Well I'm all yours until March," he smiled, "better not get sick of me cause God knows I'm never going to get sick of you."
I giggled and kissed him once more, easing my legs from around his waist until my feet reached the floor. "You know I won't," I said with a shake of my head.
"You look beautiful by the way," Alex said as we began walking after the others to the baggage claim.
"Stop it," I blushed, leaning into his side and wrapping an arm around his back. I couldn't help but admire him even as we walked. He had a small layer of stubble now around his chin and lips and he'd had a hair cut since I last saw him. His long stringy hair now cut to sit in fluffy waves around his head, his eyes hidden by yellow lensed glasses.
Looking ahead, I spotted Miles walking with Zach. As we slowed to a stop by the baggage conveyor belt, I moved from Alex's side over to Miles.
"Hey," I smiled softly.
Miles looked over and smiled, wrapping an arm around my shoulders to hug me into his side and kiss the top of my head. "How are ya, O? I've missed seeing ya."
"I'm great," I said, "where's Taylor?" I asked gently, not wanting to intrude.
"Went home two weeks ago," Miles shrugged and looked away from me, "we're actually not together anymore...couldn't see eye to eye."
My stomach dropped to the floor. "Oh...Miles...I'm so sorry," I said quietly.
"Don't worry about it, love," Miles said softly with a sad smile. "Shite happens and I guess it just means we weren't meant to be. Don't be sorry. It was good for the both of us."
I hummed guiltily and, not knowing what else to say, wrapped my arms around him tight until he was ready to let go. All I could think about was how inevitable this seemed to Taylor. How she said she worried she was getting in the way and the acceptance that they were bound to fall apart at some point. How she tried to prepare me for that just in case and now I found myself terrified that she'd be proven right twice.
"Ready to go?" Alex asked me, snapping me out of the very second guesses Joey scrutinised me for having.
"Yeah," I nodded quickly, smiling up at him, "I parked the car near the back."
Alex smiled and interlocked a hand in mine as we said goodbye to everyone else and headed through the carpark for our ride home. I found myself squeezing his hand that tiniest bit tighter, holding onto him whilst I still had him because the last thing I'd ever want in the world was for Taylor to be right. And for the one perfect thing in my life to fall apart because of me.
"I had a dream last night," Alex said to me on Christmas morning. He was lying on his side, propped up on his elbow, with the thick brown blankets draped over his waist.
"What happened?" I asked, looking up at him as I lay on my back beside him.
Alex smiled happily, "well..." he hummed and raised his eyebrows. "I were back at me old high school in Sheffield, but instead of being a student, I were a teacher. I think I were teaching English? I can't really remember."
I shuffled onto my side, hugging the pillow under my head and listening intently to each and every word that spilled from between Alex's lips.
"I dunno, but, but I were teaching the class, as one does as a teacher," Alex continued. I couldn't help but smile each time he stumbled over his words, his mind working too fast for his mouth which never seemed to find the word he wanted until he'd given it a moments thought. "And some kid puts his hand up and I realise he's got mushrooms growing out of him."
"What?" I laughed, admiring the excitement in his eyes.
"Like those flat, hard mushrooms you find on oak trees in the woods," Alex said animatedly, "anyways, obviously I started freaking out because if he died that was under my care and so I tried breaking them off and for some reason, the only way to fix him was if I threw a lime perfectly down the corridor."
"Like that game you play on tour?" I giggled.
"Exactly," Alex laughed, "and so all the kids in me class started throwing these limes down the corridor and they were all shit at it so I had to take over."
"Did you do it?" I asked.
Alex snorted, "no. I fucked it. I fucked it bad. And the kid with the mushrooms growing out of him started crying and then this...this...portal came out of nowhere. Swirling at the back of the classroom and out came this frog. Like man-size frog that were purple, wearing a wizard outfit. And he told me I had to come with him to save the child."
"Then when I went through the portal we came out in the middle of a forest and the frog turned out to be an oracle and started making me sandwiches," Alex continued. "And then I woke up."
I burst out laughing. "That's it?"
Alex laughed, "that's it I'm afraid. Don't have anything to say for meself."
"Your mind," I laughed, reaching a hand up to his hair, "is unmatched."
"It's a circus in there," Alex chuckled softly. "Don't know how you put up with me."
"Because I—"
"Wakey wakey you two," Matt said, bursting through our bedroom door. "Merry Christmas!"
"A bit of warning would be nice next time, man," Alex laughed, rubbing his eye.
"Everyone else is downstairs," Matt said, "we're making breakfast soon."
"Don't wanna miss that," I smiled and sat up, brushing down my hair with my fingers.
"We'll be down in a minute, Matthew," Alex nodded, watching Matt leave our door and head back downstairs. Instead of spending Christmas with our families this year, Alex suggested we stay in LA, heading up to Big Bear with a couple of our friends to spend Christmas there for a change. And as much as I missed my family and Alex's, I was enjoying the chaos of spending the Holidays with friends.
"Come here," Alex smiled and kissed me softly as we lingered in bed just a moment longer. "Thank you for listening to me dreams."
"Any time," I grinned and kissed him once more. "Oh! And merry Christmas, you."
Alex smiled and nuzzled my cheek, "merry Christmas darling."
We headed to the downstairs of the lodge we'd collectively hired out for the week where we found everyone else sitting around the plush brown sofas in the living room by a crackling fireplace.
"Morning," I called as Alex and I stepped off the stairs.
"There they are!" Miles exclaimed, reclining in an arm chair with his feet kicked up on the wooden coffee table. Outside it was bright and sunny, snow having fallen over night and glittering in the morning light.
"Merry Christmas everyone," I smiled as we joined them at the sofas. Joining us was Miles, Matt, Breana and little Amelia, Zach, and Alex and Miles' friends Tyler and Mikey. It was the most lovely group to spent the holidays with. Always a laugh among us and cheeky jokes mainly tossed around by the Brits.
After helping Matt with breakfast, we spent the morning back and forth between the snow and huddling up on the sofas by the fire with warm cups of coffee or hot chocolate.
Alex managed to get himself a blood nose when he and I raced each other sledding down one of the slopes. He'd decided to go down head first, belly on the rubber ring and as he reached the bottom he flipped over the front and tumbled off it.
"Baby are you okay?" I called out as I slowed to a stop a couple feet away from him.
Alex's hand shot up with a thumbs up. But then he sat up and that's when I saw all the red smudged on his face.
Thankfully, nothing was broken, but it did keep us in for the afternoon. Alex lying on my lap with ice on his face and a dozen red tissues around us that gave everyone a pretty good momentary fright when they came back in.
"One of us always manages to injure ourselves in the snow huh?" I joked as Al and I cuddled under a blanket on one of the sofas.
"At least Matt didn't try to shove a tampon up yer ankle," Alex chuckled. Matt had told Alex to soak up the blood with a tampon earlier.
"All reyt, time for presents!" Miles announced. Alex moved me onto his lap and hugged his arms snugly around my waist, gently placing a kiss on my neck as Matt put on a Santa hat and sat by the poorly decorated tree to dish out all the presents.
We all went to bed drunk as hell that night, tiptoeing upstairs as to not wake a sleeping Amelia. Paper party hats on our heads and bellies full with the most delicious roast and desert Matt cooked us.
New Years was just as luxurious in the best company. Alex and I snuck away for a few moments as everyone downstairs played cards and got ready for the countdown with sparklers, champagne and terrible looking '2017' glasses.
"Can steal me for too long," I giggled as Alex guided me upstairs with his hand holding mine. The promise ring he gave me that Christmas sparkling on my ring finger and binding my heart to his. "I owe Zach a game."
"I only need five minutes," Alex said and led us through our bedroom and out onto the balcony.
"What are you doing?" I giggled as he closed the sliding glass door. He moved before me and took both my hands, holding them tight to keep them warm as light clouds spilled from our lips in the cool air.
"Just wanted to look at ya," Alex smiled gently and moved a hand to my cheek, "under the stars. They always treat you so well."
"What does that mean?" I smiled, finding myself moving closer to his warm body.
Alex shrugged, "I rarely know what I'm saying. You should know that by now."
His eyes gazed skyward and tempted mine to do the same. "Bet I can find you before you can," he said cheekily. Before I could even process any kind of constellation, Alex's arm shot up. "There."
"How'd you find it so quick?" I asked, looking up at the imaginary shape of an archer as designed by the stars.
"Looked for it every night on tour, whilst I was away from you," Alex said, still looking up at the night sky whereas I found myself looking at him with eyes almost watering. "Made me feel at home."
I closed my eyes and hugged him tight when he said that. I think I took him by surprise. I didn't want him to see me cry so easily. Even if he'd seen it a thousand times before.
There was a muffled cheer from downstairs. Signalling that we had passed over to the next year.
"Sounds like midnight," Alex chuckled softly, moving me to look up at him. His breath on my lips, my cheek bursting at the warmth of his hand holding me so safe and so preciously that I felt as delicate as a China doll. I have never been so in love with anyone. It was as if, even after two years of being with him, the universe was still reminding me that what we had was love in its purest form. Never allowing me to take him for granted.
Alex brushed his nose on mine and held me close, the cosmos colliding above us and raining down onto our shoulders with the promise of a new year. "Here's to another year of you and I."