Loveliess! Ohmygosh, it's been so long. I'm so sorry. I was really intending to update before but i just can't seem to find a free time. It's been hard and i really tried to update but i'm so sorry I failed 😭 Luckily, it's our Christmas break! Finallyy! Lots of free timee! I'll be sure to make up the lost times and updatee maybe 4-5 chapters the next few dayss! Thank youu for still being here my loveliess! Loveyouulotss! Takecaree! 💛
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MERRY LATE CHRISTMAS, LOVELIES!
Mew's POV
I gulped down the remaining liquids of the bottle that I am holding. I ignored the way it made my throat burn and how my vision started to get blurred.
I gasped after the last sip and slammed the now, empty bottle on the table. I leaned back on the couch and watch the characters and subtitles appearing on my tv screen.
After a few minutes of blankly staring off into space, someone frantically knocked at my door.
"Mew?! Mew? Are you there?! Open the damn door!" I snicker and grabbed the remote and turn the volume on higher attempting to ignore the person behind the door.
"Mew! If you won't open the door, I swear to God—" I groaned loudly and ruffled my hair. I stood up and dragged my feet on the ground.
As soon as the door opened, Kaownah came rushing in, hitting me hard on my chest. I winced and rubbed the spot to where his fist landed. That fvckin' hurt.
"Where the hell were you?! We've been so worried! It's been two days and you weren't fvcking answering our calls! What the hell, Mew?!" Kaownah snapped, glaring right at me before he seemed to take in my situation. His expression changes to worry as we stood there in silence, letting him take in everything.
I was only wearing one of my gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt which were drenched with a mixture of sweat and alcohol. I haven't took a shower for I don't know how long and I only ate instant noodles everyday and—beer. My hair is probably all messed up, my eyes having so many red lines in them because of lack of sleep and the bags under my eyes are turning darker.
I closed the door and stood in front of him, my vision becoming hazy.
"Hello to you too, Kaownah. Have a sit." There wasn't any emotion on my face or any changes on the tone of my voice. Everything just feels so...empty.
I sat back on the couch while Kaownah remained standing in front of me with his shocked expression.
"You want some?" I asked him casually while opening another bottle of alcohol.
Kaownah wondered his eyes around my condo. Scanning every trash and mess that I have caused. Which were, a lot. I was always a meticulous type of person. I don't like how messy my condo or things get. I always clean and organize my stuffs. But, I guess. There will always be a time where change is inevitable.
"M-mew, what? What is going on with you? Look at all of this mess. There are atleast 20 bottles on the floor. Is this what you've been doing?!" Kaownah pointed at the bottles that are scattered on the floor. Some are broken, pieces of glasses stuck in every gap between the floor.
I took sip from the alcohol that I just opened and shrugged, "Maybe."
In disbelief, Kaownah released a huff. "I can't fvckin' believe this." I almost flinched at the sudden change of the tone in his voice.
He snatched the bottle from me and I immediately snarl at him, "No! You don't get to do that to me. Stop. You haven't been attending school these past few days. We've been trying to contact you but you never responded. God, even Hiter was asking about—" I stood up growling, and threw the bottles across the room. Hiter? As far as I remember, we weren't close. We weren't on our best terms. He hated me. As he should.
"MEW! WHAT THE FVCK?" Kaownah yelled, surprised by my sudden outburst. The sound of the glass breaking echoes throughout the room.
I was still growling as I stared at the broken pieces of the bottles. My heart feels so heavy. I can't decipher my own emotions. My wolf is just—so silent. Am I even still myself?
"Mew—" I turned to him and his eyes immediately soften.
"Is this about—is this about them?" I blink my eyes a couple of times, trying to push away the tears that were threatening to fall.
I laugh. I laugh hysterically. To cover up the pain. Because, yes. It's about them. It's always about them. I'm not ready to face the past. I can't. I can't do it.
"No. Pfft. You know what? I'm tired and I appreciate you visiting me but I need some alone time, kaownah." To prove my point, I knelt down and tried to clean up the mess. I bit my lip to stop myself from breaking down.
Please. Just leave me alone.
I heard some shuffling behind me, before a hand rested on my shoulder. I tensed, immediately.
"Mew. Stop. Stop. Mew." I shook my head and smiled. It's okay. I'm used to this.
"No. I—i need to clean this up. I'm sorry if I made you all so worried. I'll come back tomorrow. I promise." I pick up the broken pieces of the bottle not caring if it hurts me. I'm used to it. I stopped myself from hissing when the glass dig deeper onto my skin drawing some blood.
"Mew! Stop! That's enough! You're bleeding!" I sniff and finally, a tear escaped from my eye. Why can't they just leave me alone? Why can't they understand?
"Mew. It's okay. You can cry." With that, I slumped down the floor, the broken pieces of glasses I was holding fell from my hands, and I let myself cry. Why does it feels so heavy? So—colorless?
The pain that I was holding these past few days finally caught up to me. I was lost. I still am. When Hiter showed up, the memories weren't my shadows anymore. They have become my present, once again. I'm not ready. I was only starting to get better but—all of it has crumbled down. The Mew from 6 years ago came back. I can feel that everything will change. And i'm so fvckin' scared.
"Mew. You're gonna be okay. We'll be here, alright? You're not alone. You're gonna be fine." Kaownah pulled me into his embrace and I leaned into his chest. It wasn't the warmth I was looking for, but it was enough to make me feel safe and comforted.
"It—it was my fault, wasn't it? I-if only I got there in time. If—if only I run a little more faster. If—if only i trusted my wolf. If, I have done those things. Will—will he still b-be here? Kaownah, will he still be w-with me?" I managed to let out as I sob between my words. Will he have stayed by my side like he promised?
I felt fingers slowly caressing the back of my head, "I—i don't know, Mew. But, everything wasn't your fault. Don't think like that, okay? It's all in the past now. There are things that we cannot control, Mew. And i'm sorry that you had to go through all of this, but, we'll be here okay? We'll stay with you. We can change the present and the future, together." He whispers softly.
My heart feels so heavy. I just want to be free. To be happy, again. Why can't—why can't I move on? Why is it so hard to let it go?
"Thank you."
"You're not alone."
But, why do i feel like i am? I just want—i just want to love. And be loved. Why does fate always makes it hard for me to achieve that?
***
Gulf's POV
"What do you mean you still have no news about him?!" I stood up and walk towards my bestfriend.
He shrugs nonchalantly while he was sitting down on the sofa of my room with his laptop placed on his lap.
"I don't know, okay? I went to the university he's attending and they said that the last time they saw him was two days ago." He stated while typing away on his laptop.
I immediately frowned. Something is not right. I can feel it.
He's been missing for two days straight.
Where the hell did that stupid alpha went?!
I groaned loudly and plopped down beside Mild. I suddenly feel so uncomfortable and somehow—my neck is starting to get itchy.
"Well have you tried asking where he lives?" I questioned him. I leaned my back on the sofa and looked up. Purposely counting the cracks on the ceiling, there were none.
"Yes, Gulf. But, it's obviously a private information. They didn't want to just give it away. Besides, Mew is like one of the top or like the best alpha in town. It's not just that easy to stalk someone, okay?" He explained while his eyes remained focused on the screen of his laptop.
I tried to ignore how I suddenly took interest of a certain sentence that Mild have said. Mew is one of the best alphas? So?
I huff and crossed my arms, "Did you try speaking to his friends?" I asked him again. Completely missing the side glance that he gave in my direction.
"Everyone was like Mew's friend. They knew him so much. Seems like he's a good alpha." He explained casually. Wait—Why does he remains so calm? Am i the only one who feels like palpitating?
I bit my lip and remove my gaze from the ceiling. I look down at my lap and played with my fingers. Suddenly feeling—anxious.
"Did you try to speak to the head of the school then?" I asked him, again.
He sigh and nodded, "Yeah, they all told me the same thing. They were trying to find and reach P'Mew but he wasn't attending school for two days straight."
My eyebrows furrowed at that. What the hell had happened to Mew?
"Well, did you—"
"Gulf, I tried everything okay? The past two days I followed your orders but they all said the same thing." He huffs and closes his laptop before he turned to me, catching me off guard.
He narrowed his eyes and leaned into me closer making me scoot away. What?
"Be honest with me, Gulfie. Why are you so worried about P'Mew? I thought you don't like him, huh?" I felt the tip of my ears reddened as I turn away from him, purposely avoiding his suspicious gaze. What the hell is he saying?
"Psh. W-who said I was worried? Be-besides! You were the one who told me to take him back as my personal trainer again! How dare you accuse me—hmp!" I pouted and glared at him. Me? Worried? The hell. No way. Never.
He raised one of his eyebrows and the edge of his lips turn up a little, "I did say that. But, i didn't say that you can order me around just to ask where P'Mew has been. You wouldn't stop pestering me the past few days, Gulf. Stop pretending. And you ask a lot of questions about him too. What do you think that means, huh?" He leaned in further, wiggling his eyebrows. I hate him. Why is this guy my bestfriend again?
I stood up abruptly. This time, my whole body feels so warm. I feel—ticklish.
"Shut up! I'm not worried about him! Why would I be? He's not my friend. I don't like him. Psh. Why would I care about him?" I argued back. I stomped my feet on the ground, completely annoyed by his teasing.
Mild gave me an amused gaze before he smirks, "Alright. If you say so, Gulf. Don't worry though, i won't stop asking around." Finally, he opened up his laptop once again and continued on what he was doing before he accuses me of stupid things.
I let out a sigh of relief.
"But, Gulf? You should look at yourself. Seems like your actions opposes on the words that you say." He winks at me and before i could comprehend what he said, he's running towards the door and went outside.
The gears on my head were going haywire. When I finally processed his words, my eyes widened as I dashed inside my bathroom.
The moment I looked at myself at the mirror, I gasped.
"Why the fvck am I so red?" I touched my cheeks and felt how warm they are. Even my ears are as red as a ruby. I fvckin' look like a tomato.
"Damn you, Mild." I cursed. This is all his fault! If he wasn't—
Why are you so worried about, P'Mew? I thought you don't like him, huh?
I stared at my reflection on the mirror and dropped my hands to grasp the edge of the sink.
"Gulf Kanawut. Wake the hell up. Why would you care about that guy? So what if he—if he doesn't show up? Or—or if he's mad at you? So what? You don't like him, remember?" I feel like i'm going insane. So many thoughts were filling up inside my head and all of them don't make sense.
"You don't. You don't. You don't. Stop. Stop overthinking, Gulf!" I ruffled my hair and groaned loudly. I hate this. I hate feeling so—so lost. I hate that guy.
I need my wolf. Why doesn't my inner omega still talks to me? I apologizes everytime but I still don't get any responses. I pouted. I just need my wolf right now. I just wish he'll show up anytime soon.
I sigh and gripped the sink tighter.
"You have to stop Gulf. You hate that alpha. That's never gonna change. You have a wonderful girlfriend. Focus on that. You're soon to be a king. Be responsible. Be mature." With those final words, I nodded determinedly on myself. You have to be strong. You have to do what is right. Don't be foolish.
As I turn around to walk away, I couldn't help but feel the sudden heaviness on my feet. Or the way my thoughts is still hang up on a particular scent. Or the way my heart longs for—something i couldn't really decipher.
Eversince that—stupid alpha came into my life. Everything weren't the same anymore.
And that what scares me the most.
Change.