Dinner with his parents is a sticky affair, to say the least.
It should have been a peaceful and even somewhat enjoyable 'date' between just the two of them, but then his parents had decided, partly due to Yibo's unexplainable fall, to join them.
"We'll eat the duck with you both," his mother said, while his father just grabbed a full serving of rice. "I'm hungry again."
Xiao Zhan on the other hand, is not.
He can't even taste the food, because throughout the meal and as his parents chat lightly with Yibo, all he can do is watch him with full blown mesmerization. He finally understands what Mi Mi had meant by her comment during her date that 'Yibo is the only meal that she wants to enjoy.'
He wholeheartedly agrees.
The boy is just pure, unadulterated delight.
The way he speaks and laughs with all of his heart and body, and the way his lashes flutter and lower when he becomes shy or embarrassed.
The way he is quiet in one moment, and then in the next seemingly unable to shut up and most importantly, the way he indulges his parents and speaks with such reverence, as though they are his own or as though he is trying to impress his in-laws.
Xiao Zhan cannot help but laugh quietly to himself at the thought.
The very idea would have seemed ludicrous to him just a few weeks earlier, but it is just like Yibo to once again come into his life like a raging storm, and turn everything right side up. Or is it 'upside down? He honestly still can't tell... and this is the problem.
With a sigh, he turns away from Yibo's smile and picks up his can of beer to empty it. When he puts it down, he finds Yibo watching him, his gaze hooded, but just has been the case thus far he quickly turns away.
It is quite astounding to Xiao Zhan of just how aware of each other they are. It is as though someone has set a fire underneath him and now his blood is at a constant boil.
Mei Li had been right. Before Yibo he'd thought that he knew what attraction was, but he was wrong.
He knew absolutely nothing, because right now what he feels for Yibo is a post apocalyptic level of affliction.
"Zhan Zhan are you alright?" his mother asks. "You're being so quiet."
"I'm fine," he replies and without thinking, rests his hand on Yibo's thigh.
He feels Yibo automatically stiffen at the touch, and is about to take his hands off and apologize when the thought occurs to him that he really doesn't have to. With both of their busy schedules, who knows when next he will be able to spend as much of a decadent time with the boy again. So now that he can, why not just torture him to the fullest?
He has already almost made him come in his pants from kissing him, sent him crashing to the floor from yet another kiss, so how much of an atrocity is it then to stroke him so boldly before his parents? After all, his hands are underneath the table so as long as Yibo keeps his cool, his parents will be none the wiser.
But then Yibo doesn't exactly have the best track record of keeping his cool when it comes to him.
Hm. This makes him hesitate.
But then once again, Yibo smirks at something his father says, and Xiao Zhan's demonism is reborn. The boy's magnificence needs to be taken down a couple of notches.
Thus, he begins to stroke up and down Yibo's thigh.
At first it is the tip of his finger, just teasing him and making light motions on the fabric of his pants, but then pretty soon that finger turns into a full hand that also begins to inch closer and closer to Yibo's crotch.
Xiao Zhan has his full attention on Yibo as he explains something about motorcycles to his father, and he is beyond amused at watching him struggle to maintain control over his brain and body. His pupils dilate and eyes widen at intervals, and at some point, Xiao Zhan sees him slightly tremble. Then he starts to stutter over his words, which leads to a lot of repeat requests from his mother, and then eventually, his eyes begin to glaze over.
Xiao Zhan can barely hold on to his laughter, but then he takes it a bit too far. His hands move even downwards to grab Yibo's hardened cock, and at this Yibo explodes.
"Xiao Zhan!" he roars, and the entire table goes silent.
Xiao Zhan is startled, and so are his parents, his mom's hand even going to her chest in fright.
At this, Yibo's face instantly burns a deep crimson red, and he instantly begins to bow in apology, his head nearly slamming into the plates.
Xiao Zhan can't hold himself back any longer.
He laughs out loud as he rises to his feet, while Yibo sends him a murderous glare. His eyes are reddened, and for a second Xiao Zhan believes, filling with tears.
"What happened?" His mother asks. "Yibo, what did Xiao Zhan do?"
"Ma, don't worry about it. It's an inside joke."
He begins to gather the plates, but Yibo doesn't let him go so easily. He quickly excuses himself to come after him and for a few minutes afterwards, Xiao Zhan is subjected to painful bows and slaps on his arm from Yibo. It takes him right back to the set of 'the untamed' when Yibo hitting him became his manner of communication more than anything else. However back then, things were somewhat purely platonic.
Now?
They're both so charged with sexual tension, that if they both don't at least do this to let off some steam, Xiao Zhan is sure that one of them is liable to just lose it and take the other, damn the consequences to hell.
And with the way he currently feels towards Yibo, he highly suspects that he is the one closest to the edge so this laughter is good. It is the best release and consolation to his brain for the time being.
Beyond all else though, he is just quite appreciative of the ways things have worked out between himself and Yibo tonight, when they otherwise could have gone very sour. And for this, he cannot help but look at Yibo with a greater sense of awe and staggering fondness. For a boy as young as he is, he truly seems wiser than his years.
The perfect balance of fire and ice, and a whole lot of bone melting warmth in between.
When it comes to him, Yibo somehow knows when to advance and when to retreat. How much to hold back and how much to reveal.
This makes Xiao Zhan feel in this moment, a deep seated possession towards Yibo, and he hopes for Yibo's sake that the boy only possesses this level of understanding towards him and no one else.
They are at the sink now and clearing up, with Yibo washing the dishes while he is rinsing them.
Perhaps it is because of the gloom that has come upon his face at this thought, because just then, Yibo nudges him.
"What is it? Thinking of more ways to torture me in front of your parents? And just so you know, I'll never forgive you for this evening. I'm going to get you back."
Xiao Zhan regards him quietly, his heart swelling with so much emotion for this boy that he can barely take it.
"You understand only me this well right" he asks, and Yibo seems a bit taken aback by the question.
"What do you mean?"
"Earlier, when I acted like you were manipulating me, it's because I feel as though you understand me a little bit too well and so you use that to your advantage."
At this, he can feel Yibo's gaze slightly darken as though he cannot tell if he's once again being attacked, so immediately, Xiao Zhan reaches into the soapy water that Yibo's hands are submerged in, and grabs him.
"No no, I'm not attacking you. I just... I'm just in awe of how much you seem to understand me. You always seem to know when I need space and when to push me. You also always seem to know just exactly what to say, and how to act to move me. All of this is just towards me right? And no one else? You're not just someone who is adept at understanding people?"
At this, Yibo scoffs and pulls his gaze away from his.
"I can get a good sense of people quite easily, but it doesn't mean that I go ahead to willingly invest my time into getting to know them completely. That takes deep observation and near obsessive interest."
"And so..." he feels a little nervous asking this, but he can no longer stop himself. "You feel this, for only me right?"
"Feel what?" Yibo lifts his gaze to Xiao Zhan's, his tone hard and something akin to a challenge in his eyes.
Xiao Zhan rolls his eyes then and gives up. Yibo is not going to allow him to easily pull anymore admissions out of him for the night. "Forget I asked."
Yibo laughs, but then eventually, he responds.
"I don't want to bring this up again, and I somewhat regret even saying it in the first place but, you've forgotten what I told you upstairs?"
At his quiet tone, Xiao Zhan feel his muscles tighten with concern.
"What you told me upstairs?" he thinks back, and there is only one phrase amongst the others that completely stands out to him.
He holds Yibo's gaze, and without needing to ask it is confirmed that this is what he is referring to.
"How can I forget?" Xiao Zhan breathes.
"Then why would you think that I would so casually say that if I didn't deeply understand you? I've never said that to any one else in my life apart from my parents."
At this, Xiao Zhan once again feels smacked in the face. "Oh," he smiles shyly. "You're right."
"It appears that you're the one that now needs to deeply observe me with 'near obsessive interest."
He doesn't admit to this out loud, but in his heart he acknowledges that the truth in these words can simply not be measured.
So they continue on with their tasks, and both are left to their thoughts. Xiao Zhan's mind rummages through this evening they have had together, and of all the words and acts that have been exchanged between them.
The fires started, the ones put out and the ones that are still burning.
Soon, they are finished with the dishes and Yibo announces that it is time for him to leave.
This makes Xiao Zhan's heart heavy, so he begins to consider asking Yibo to spend the night. However, he wonders if this is too forward, and simply just not the best course for their still quite delicate relationship with each other.
Plus, he doesn't see how he is going to be able to share a bed with Yibo, without eventually giving in and screwing his brains out in the middle of the night.
So he decides against pushing the boundaries too far, but then his mother blasts all of that caution to pieces when Yibo goes over to announce his departure.
"Yibo why don't you spend the night with us?" she asks. "Zhan Zhan you have enough space for him don't you?"
Xiao Zhan is flabbergasted. Well yeah inside me, but not yet! Jeesh.
Yibo doesn't even give him the chance to respond.
"Ayi, no," he says. "I'm not done with my shoot in Banan so I'm going to drive back there tonight, and then wake up early tomorrow to round up. Afterwards, it's back to Beijing."
"You're so busy," she sighs. "Please make sure to take care of your health and don't over work yourself. I'll pack up some food for you to take with you."
"Xiao Tuanzi (little rice ball) has already done that," he says, and lifts the plastic bag of food in hand that Xiao Zhan has already packed for him.
Xiao Zhan rolls his eyes at the nickname, but his heart however is about to burst from adoration for the damn cheesy boy.
"Let's go," he says to Yibo, and turns around because he is beginning to suspect that he is quite close to breaking down and begging Yibo to stay.
They both head over quietly to the entryway, and then Yibo turns to Xiao Zhan.
"Thank you for tonight," he says, and Xiao Zhan nods but he is not done with him. He has one more question to ask him before he leaves,
"Earlier when we were washing the dishes, you said that you regretted telling me ... what you said. Upstairs."
"Telling you what?" Yibo says with a smirk. "That I'm in love with you?"
At the repeat of the words, directly from Yibo's lips, Xiao Zhan once again feels his head begin to spin.
Unable to stop himself then, he reaches forward, his gaze lowered from Yibo's as he begins to adjust the collar of his hoodie.
"Yeah," he replies softly. "Why do you regret telling me?"
After voicing the question, he garners the courage to look into Yibo's eyes. He holds his gaze, willing from now on to deeply observe the boy with obsessive interest. To come to understand him better than anyone can, and to be able to read the truth from his eyes.
In Yibo's gaze and at this question, he first of all sees hesitation. So he moves one hand down and gently grips Yibo's arm in encouragement. The next emotion he then sees is sadness, and this takes him aback.
Yibo lowers his gaze, while Xiao Zhan's other hand moves to his hair. He waits and affectionately begins to stroke the strands.
"I regret it because..." Yibo begins, and Xiao Zhan doesn't dare breathe.
"Because by admitting it to you, I feel as though I've drawn a line between us, when previously there wasn't any. You're now standing on one side, and I'm standing on the other. And eventually, one of us has to chose to join the other otherwise..." he swallows.
Xiao Zhan doesn't know when it happened, but they are now both staring into each other's eyes, intently and deeply. He completes the statement for him.
"Otherwise we'll drift apart."
Yibo's eyes water, and then he nods his head. Xiao Zhan's hand moves from his hair and cradles the side of his face.
To this, he truly does not know what to say.
So he leans forward, and presses his forehead to Yibo's, his eyes boring into his. This way they can watch each other as closely as is possible.
Yibo eventually cannot take it, so just before his tears fall, he shuts his eyes. Then his arms come around Xiao Zhan's waist and crushes his body to his.
Xiao Zhan stumbles backwards at the force of this embrace, and in response wraps his hands around Yibo's shoulders as they find the consolation and comfort that they both need from each other.
For the longest time, Yibo's face remains buried in his neck, deeply inhaling his scent while Xiao Zhan gently strokes the back of his head.
Then Yibo speaks. "Ge," he begins his voice somewhat shaky. "Promise me something."
"What?" Xiao Zhan asks, ignoring the slight alarm that grips him.
"Please, promise me that... if after you've made your decision and ..."
He swallows. "And it is not in alignment with mine, that you will erase this line."
Xiao Zhan goes still.
"I don't know if it is possible to erase it, which is why I'm scared. But please, can we be the exception? Because I think that I can learn to accept you not being involved with me romantically, but I don't think I can survive you not being in my life." Yibo shudders, and then his voice goes even smaller as though he is now speaking more to himself than Xiao Zhan.
"I don't even want to consider it."
At this, Xiao Zhan feels a crack run through the entire wall of glass surrounding his heart.
He encircles both his arms even more tightly around Yibo, and crushes him to his body.
"I'll erase the line," he gives his promise. "If things don't happen the way we hope it will, I'll erase that line. I swear to you. I'll always be in your life. And you'll forever be in my heart, no matter what."
He means every single word, from a depth of him that he doesn't think he has ever reached before. So as a result, by the time Yibo pulls away from him, he is scraped so raw, that he can barely look him in the eye.
"Bye, ge," Yibo says, and Xiao Zhan nods, only lifting his head as Yibo pulls the door open.
He thinks to kiss him, just one last time before he leaves and the world has to start conjuring up another miracle with which to bring them together. However, he can barely say a word as he watches him go.
Yibo turns around one last time to stare at him, and Xiao Zhan leans against the wall, needing the physical support so that his legs don't give out like Yibo's.
I'm in love you, he replays Yibo's words in his head.
Or perhaps... they are now his.
He does not know how to tell.