I remained holed up in the hotel room, crying and sleeping. My food came on time without me ordering for them once. I nibbled on them, barely registering their taste. Gian might barge in, breaking through the window if I don't eat. I sat up and clambered out of the bed. I gasp in shock as I look around the room and the mess I have created since I hadn't allowed the housekeeping to set foot inside. But the lethargy took the best of me and I slumped back on the comfort of the bed.
On the third day, I showered and dressed to visit my house. The man Mario was at the front like he had never left. He had told me to call him up If I needed to go anywhere, but I had thought that offer was only up for that day.
"My house." I say quietly, typing on my phone to get the geolocation for him but he was already tapping on the navigation screen, my address was saved already.
"Unbelievable." I huff, leaning back on the leather seat, crossing my arms across my chest like a little kid whose mother has said no to the Tim Hortons passing by.
Mario stopped the car one house down mine and gave me time to get myself together. It was Wednesday. My parents usually have a day off today unless they have any important surgery scheduled.
My neck craned up to look at the house I had called home. The black patio umbrella on the balcony was partly faded into light grey now at the side where the sun is harsh. Ambling towards my house, climbing on the 10 step stone stairwell parallel to the car ramp, I scan the clay pots. The pots that once had small plants with blooming flowers on them were now replaced by ugly, unkempt Ornamental grass and Lamb's-ear. The clay pots were broken from the overgrown roots.
They were chosen because they require less care. Including the other plants with different shades of green. All of them were low maintenance and wild. My heart rate increased looking at the wildness dispassionately. My trudging feet turned into long strides as I knocked on the door. A few moments later, the door flung open.
Dad opened the door for me, my feet remain still on the ground as he crossed the small distance and hugged me, ruffling my hair.
"I missed you so much, Zee bear." he whispered, his voice quivering. But I couldn't get myself to say it back, even for courtesy.
He held my hands, taking me inside to the living room. I instantly noticed the award my parents wanted to receive. I pointed to it with a smile.
"Your mother received it." He told me with a proud expression. Making my smile falter for a fraction.
"Where is she.?" I whisper, shifting on my feet uncomfortably.
"In her room."
"is she okay.?" I ask in a panic. My parents would only go to their room to sleep. They spend their time in their separate home offices during the other time. It's 10:00 a.m. She can't be sleeping.
"She is okay. She is just resting." He answered, and I threw him a suspicious look.
"She is okay, trust me. Everything is fine. We will talk about it when she wakes up." he assured me, but my frown still didn't clear.
Even if she had performed an emergency surgery she wouldn't sleep now. She believes in taking power naps on the folding chairs.
Dad held my hand and squeezed as we seated on the couch. "It is fine. I would have told you, but it will be better if you hear it from her or both of us together."
"And how long were you gonna sit on that, huh. Because I came unannounced, dad." I retort, skulking at him.
"We were planning on visiting you on your birthday. We texted but..." he trailed off.
I'd read them 10 days late, but considering there was no follow-up or other texts, I let it be.
"You know where I live, dad. You could have just come like I did or perhaps I shouldn't have.."
"Don't be ridiculous." he said sharply. "You can always come and visit us."
Visit, not stay. A brittle smile tugged on my lips, watching him look around awkwardly. Unaware of how to talk to his daughter.
I stood up on weak legs, smoothening my dress. "I will take a walk around and just go back to the hotel." I inform. Relief washed over his face upon hearing about my departure from the house.
"You should join us for lunch someday." he offered reluctantly.
I hung my head low, not comfortable to let him know that I was hurting and on a verge of crying
"Someday." I repeat in a low voice. That stung. It's morning, we can have lunch or dinner tonight. They sure are gonna eat something. I am not expecting them to bring out their precious China dinnerware for me, but this is also good.
His expression crumpled as he realizes his mistake. "That's not what I had meant. You can always-"
"Visit." I complete for him, giving him a fake smile ignoring his weak attempts to stop me. I had to hold the railing whilst stepping down the stairs. The path was engraved in my memory, otherwise, I would tumble down from lack of vision through my tears.
I strolled towards Mrs Tanner's house, my body swaying like I had been drunk. I had given the house to a group of old women at half of the market price. My heart hammered against my chest, expecting to find it in a destroyed exterior as my parents were supposed to look out for it from time to time.
A long relieved sigh escaped from my mouth. I propped my palm on my knees inhaling deep breaths. The house was just as beautiful as it had been before. I had requested to maintain the flower vines surrounding the house, and they did as I had wished.
When their door opened, I pivoted around to leave to ignore talking to them. I kept walking aimlessly, watching the pavements. Hearing the sound of my heels clicking on the ground, and the slow hum of the SUV as it wheeled over the asphalt road, making a gravely sound following me like a shadow.
Sunshine was casting directly over my head as I moved my head up to find myself standing near the small basketball ground. It's at least two miles away from my house when the realization hit me. I began to feel pain in my legs. My feet stung like I have been standing on top of pins and needles.
"Zee.!" I close my eyes, hiding from a different pain upon hearing my name from a familiar voice.
Delicate fingers tapped on my shoulder, but I don't turn around. Keeping a hand on my shoulder, she turned around and came in front of me.
"Zee.!" It was Riley, dressed in a white halter neck top and navy blue skater skirt. She beamed at me brightly. I don't know if it was the sun or her smile, but my eyes twitched from the sudden sharpness.
"Riley..." I say stiffly, not offering a smile to one of my two ex-best friends who had chosen to be on Noah's side. A mute spectator of everything that I had gone through in school.
Her face ashen and her shoulders sagged. "I am sorry, Zara." She whispered, not meeting my eyes. My eyes widened in shock upon not hearing something like I am still hung up on it. I was totally taken aback, so I didn't answer her.
"I realized that after you left. I wanted to reach out to you..." She trailed, looking at me with her wide brown eyes like I would hug and thank her.
I throw a dispassionate look at the original version of Helen in terms of selfishness. Who thinks that a girl's life is incomplete without a man.
"I met Derek in college-" she was beginning to say, like Helen making all the conversation about meeting a guy or seeing a guy.
When a man with dark skin and short-cropped hair appeared from the other side of the basketball court. He slapped his palms on the mesh panels, making a clanking noise as they rattled. His fingertips hooked on the wires, peering at Riley like she is a piece of meat he couldn't wait to devour. My lips parted in shock at his audacity to leer at a girl like this in broad daylight. My angry gaze roamed over him in question. His basketball shorts were dangerously hung low on his hips. His chest was oiled, defining his six-pack so clearly, like he had pressed his stomach to the fencing sideways for hours to make that impression on his body.
"Babe.!" Riley jumped towards him, kissing him through the diamond-shaped holes between the wires. The guys behind him in similar clothing to this man began to hoot and catcall them. But neither Riley nor the guy was fazed by it.
When I realized he was trying to grasp Riley's blonde hair, I felt like I was going to puke. I pivoted around and walked toward the SUV parked at a small distance from me. Riley called my name again, but I ignored her.
"Wait, Zee. Why are you in such a hurry?" She whined, running after me.
Okay. Now I have had enough.
"I don't want to watch you kiss that man and if your brain is still in high school and you think I am jealous. Go ahead." I bark out.
"I wasn't thinking, Zee. I met you after so long. I wanted to introduce you to Derek. We have been together for a year now. I was here to watch him practice." She mewled.
"Then you should have introduced me to him, not plunge your tongue down his throat." I say furiously because I was not getting the desired response from her. Either you tell me to buzz off or apologize. But no, she was blushing again, making this all about her boyfriend of one year.
"Oh.. okay. Look, I have already said that I am sorry, and I felt really bad when you stopped coming to school. I even went to your house... But you had already left." She said feebly, looking back at Derek who was watching us with an intense expression, ready to jump in to rescue Riley from my wrath.
"Oh...." I only say, my gaze flickering between him and Riley.
"So we should hang out someday now that you are back." She offered.
"Someday." I repeat, chuckling in disbelief. But she didn't catch on to the sarcasm. "Yes, someday. But I am not here to stay, by the way. I'll be leaving soon."
"Well, Noah started dating Patricia when I told her that you left. They were in a helluva toxic relationship, cheating and all that shit. The last time I checked, they were not together and Noah's injury...."
"I am not interested." I cut her gently.
"Sorry."
"I don't want to know what's going on in their life, okay." I say more gently.
"Fine by me. But care to tell me why.? Their world is on fire. It's the perfect opportunity. You have become prettier. And those boobs... Patricia went for surgery to get those fake tits and we all know..."
I press my palm over my chest, uneasy with the way she was ogling at my chest. Her mother owns 3 Victoria's Secret shops in town. She was a boob whisperer now Riley has become one too.
"I appreciate you trying to cheer me up by... And thank you for trying to see me after I left school. I should go now." I smile at her.
Her lips curled down sadly, but she nodded, fidgeting with the hem of her small skater skirt.
I turn around to leave but her small voice had me stopping. "I am really sorry for not standing up for you as I should have been. I hope you have a better life now because honestly, we could never figure out what to do with you, really."
"At times you would shock us with your confidence and then the next I see... You are a crying mess."
I hug her, forgiving her for everything I had been harbouring against her. "Don't worry, Ri. I have already found my balance..." I whisper in her ear.
But I threw it all away.
*****
Mario was driving me back to the hotel without any questions. The roads, the houses, and the shops passing by, I knew them all by heart. If you blindfold me in the middle of the city, I'll still find my way back to the house where my parents live. The place I had once called home was now reduced to a place where they reside now.
These streets were familiar, but I knew I didn't belong here anymore. I needed to go back to San Diego. but not before doing this one thing.
"Is my mother's address also in your GPS?" I ask, cutting to the chase.
Mario gave me a quick glance through the rearview mirror "Your mother?" he asked.
"You know that girl Riley I just met. She and I had been friends since kindergarten. But we're strangers now. I don't have the patience to beat around the bush." I say snidely, closing my eyes.
"It is not saved but I have it with me, signora." he answered.
"Will you take me?" I asked quizzically, pushing to a sitting position, angling my head to see the side of his face.
"I am your chauffeur and bodyguard, la signorina. I have been directed to take you wherever you want and keep you safe."
"So you will take me?" I ask dumbly.
"Yes, signora." he answered, not sounding irritated.
"Okay then. Turn around or go straight or take left or right turn... I am not good at this let's just go there." I say, throwing my arms in the air.
"It's lunchtime, signora. You need to eat something. If you want to go by car. I would rather suggest we leave after dinner. We will reach around 9 in the morning tomorrow. And I'll choose a better vehicle so you could sleep comfortably." He said and I almost cried, he was paid to care... By Gian.
"You shouldn't drive overnight. I made you follow me the whole day..." I say ruefully biting my cheek, feeling bad to have him follow me.
"I appreciate the concern. But I will be taking a power nap when we reach your hotel." he answered.
"And what if something happens when you are asleep?" I ask mischievously then bite my tongue. I shouldn't have said that I am behaving like a brat.
"Someone else will look after you." He said simply. Pulling over at the hotel.
"How many of you are there?" I nearly scream, looking around the interior as if one of them would pop up from under the seat. I look at him for answers but don't get any. Gosh, Gian.
*****
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