The next morning, Nicole woke up, tangled in the sheets, an arm wrapped around her waist, but instead of warmth, she felt cold.
She wasn't entirely sure on what had happened or how. She wasn't sure whether it was just the two of them watching Aladdin, or singing along to the songs, or if it was the way he shared secrets with her that he told no one else.
All of this, then the kiss...
Nicole felt like she was fighting herself.
Turning her head to the side a little, she saw the face that made her lose control over herself constantly.
Blake was still sleeping next to her, his head buried in his pillow, laying on his stomach.
He looked so peaceful and that just tugged at Nicole's chest even more. What they'd just done, just changed their relationship forever.
With Blake, it was never going to be a one night stand, and she'd never insult their night together by calling it that either. However, that being said, Nicole didn't think she could do this.
The flirting, the teasing, it was all fine till that point, but now together they had crossed the boundary and she knew they couldn't go back.
A part of Nicole didn't want to go back, but the other part of her was terrified of what would happen next.
A tear slipped out the corner of her eye and Nicole suddenly felt suffocated. She couldn't stay here. She couldn't be here.
Carefully, she moved Blake's arm from around her waist and instead sat up, replacing her body with a pillow.
A small smile came over her face seeing Blake clutch that pillow closer to his chest, mumbling something incoherent.
The cool air of the room surrounded her body, causing her to shiver due the lack of clothing.
Nicole saw her dress lying nearby and she vaguely remembered the hastiness with which Blake removed it from her. He was eager and she was no less.
Other parts of the night were a bit of a blur, Nicole could remember they were on the bed first, but at some point against the wall, then on the floor and somehow ended up back on the bed.
Her muscled ached and she realised their activities were clearly vigorous.
Slowly getting off the bed, Nicole looked around the room for her undergarments, after which she put on her dress.
Nicole was very clearly freaking out and she knew it. She was scared. Why? She didn't know. But she was.
She didn't want hurt Blake. She didn't want to disappoint the rest of the group. She didn't want to set herself up for hurt. She didn't want to go against her gut once again. She didn't want it all to turn to shit again.
Yet, in all that she didn't want, she wasn't entirely sure on what she did want.
Don't get involved. Don't lose focus. Don't lose control. That was something she had always told herself after her last relationship. The last time she didn't do those things, she ended up getting burned.
However, whenever it came to Blake, she always lost herself, unable to help herself.
It terrified her to her core to be something more than what they were.
She couldn't allow herself to get too deep with anyone, but with Blake it was hard not to.
Taking a deep breath, Nicole tried to remained composed, however that nearly shattered when she heard his voice.
"Nic?" Blake called out. "What are you doing?"
His voice was still rough and husky from sleep, and he tried to rub the tiredness away from his eyes, only to be confused by the sight in front of him.
Blake looked at Nicole, already dressed in her clothes from last night, and a worried look on her face.
He wasn't sure if it was the fact that he'd just woke up but he felt so lost.
"I...um," Nicole stuttered.
She hadn't planned on what she'd even say to Blake, and now looking at him, it wasn't any easier either.
"What's wrong?" Blake asked her, sitting up on the makeshift bed, the sheets pooling around his waist.
"I want to go home," Nicole blurted out, averting her eyes away from Blake.
He could tell she was avoiding eye contact, but as much as he knew about Nicole, she wasn't exactly a shy one, so he was still confused on what was going on.
"Okay...?" he stretched out the word, unsure on what was happening.
Nicole saw the frown on Blake's face and realised she had to tell him.
"This...this was..." she began to say the words, but the lump developing in her throat was stopping her.
Blake immediately narrowed his eyes. "Don't you dare say this was a mistake."
His expression had immediately hardened, realising what Nicole had intended on saying, since it was clear enough with the look on her face. But there was no way he was going to let her say those words.
"Blake-" Nicole tried to speak, but he didn't let her.
"No. Fucking hell," he cursed.
Quickly finding his boxers, he put them on, not willing to have this conversation naked or without having Nicole look into his eyes.
Standing in front of her, he stared her down.
"No. I'm so tired with your constant back and forth and the cold feet. What am I doing wrong?" He asked.
He always felt that feelings and everything that came with them, was a bitch, but when he finally had them for Nicole, it seemed right and he tried all that he could to make her realised it.
After last night, he thought he'd succeeded, but clearly not. Yet, he didn't exactly understand where he failed.
Nicole shook her head. "Nothing. It's not you-"
"Oh, fuck right off with that 'it's not you, it's me' nonsense," Blake snapped at the use of the cliche line. "I don't believe that. Especially not after last night."
Nicole's lips trembled and she bowed her head. She couldn't even look him in the eyes.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just don't-"
"I love you," Blake confessed, causing Nicole to look up instantly.
"I am stupidly, and apparently, hopelessly in love with you. I have been for a long time. I thought you knew that and after last night, I thought you felt the same," Blake said.
This is definitely not how he expected to ever say the words, but they were the truth. He loved her.
His words were breaking her apart.
Nicole took a step back back, shaking her head and trembling.
"I don't love you," she replied. "I don't even know what it is. I've only ever had trash relationships in the past. I'm not looking to get hurt again."
A coldness seeped over Blake's heart in that moment, hearing her words, never expecting that would be her reply to his confession.
Whilst it hurt, it also annoyed him.
"When have I ever hurt you? I'm not your ex," he asked her.
Nicole was left wide-eyed. "What?"
"You told me about him about him whilst drunk," Blake revealed. "I never mentioned it, because I didn't want you to feel embarrassed or awkward about it."
All cards had to be laid out on the table now, there couldn't be any holding back.
Nicole felt both embarrassed that she'd told him that and angered that he'd kept from her. It was her worst moment. Her painful secret. She never intended on sharing it.
"That wasn't for you to know. You had no right. You should've told me," Nicole told him in annoyed.
Blake scoffed. "When exactly? When should I have told you? Before or after you practically accused me of taking advantage of you? Which by the way, if you say about last night, then don't you even dare."
Nicole knew his words were true, she'd woken up scared that time too, and never even gave him a chance to speak before lashing out at him.
"I'm afraid you're going to sell me this dream and when it shatters, I'm the one who is going to be left in pieces," she then said, letting him in on what she felt.
In that moment, Blake wanted to kiss her and throttle her for being like this.
He stepped forward and placed his hands on her shoulders.
"You absolute nutter, I haven't done this before either. The chase, the pining, the longing, the date. I've never done any of this for anyone. That alone should tell you how I feel," he said.
"I'm scared of falling for you," Nicole whispered, her head bowed once again.
Blake smiled. "But I already have."
When she finally look at him, her eyes were reddened with the tears she was trying to keep at bay.
"We're only going to crash and burn," she told him.
Blake placed a hand on her cheek. "That's not for you to decide. You haven't even given us a proper chance to know anything about how we'd be together."
Nicole moved back, leaving Blake's hands hanging in the air.
"I can't," she told him.
Blake ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at the ends in frustration.
"I don't get you," he said. "I thought I did, but I clearly don't. You're this amazing girl, beautiful, feisty, brazen and brave. You're telling me you're afraid of feelings?"
"I'm allowed to not feel the same as you," Nicole replied, her defences were up.
"You are. Of course, you are. But you're denying yourself something by being a coward," Blake told her.
"I'm not a coward," Nicole snapped at him, angered by him calling her that.
Blake looked at her, raising a brow. "Aren't you? You're the same person who ran to Milan."
"That was for work," Nicole retorted.
"Tell me that it was all because of work," Blake said, partly believing some of that decision was because of him, something that he'd always felt but never told her.
Nicole opened her mouth to reply, but faltered, and couldn't even get the words out.
She had gone mostly because of work, but she couldn't deny that it was after hearing Mia and Chloe talk about Blake and her, and prospect of being a couple, that scared her and pushed her to confirm.
Blake then let out a humourless laugh. "I can't even accuse you of stringing me along, because you've said you don't feel the same way pretty much the whole time. But I still accepted it. I didn't plan on sleeping with you last night, but we did anyway, and it was fucking amazing. You hold all the strings, you always have when it comes to us."
Nicole felt awful. She had tried to keep him at an arms-length when it came to her, telling him that they wouldn't happen, but she herself didn't make it clear enough and couldn't stay away. She was to blame and she knew it.
"I didn't mean-"
Once again, Blake stepped towards Nicole, her back was now to the wall, with him towering over her.
"If you aren't so into me, then what was last night?" He questioned her. "Why agree for the date? Was it pity? Boo-fucking-hoo, Blake's got short straw when it comes to parent's, lets give him a little pity date. Was that it?"
"No," she vehemently refused.
"When I was so indifferent with you after you accused me, why did it effect you so much? Why did you cry? Why couldn't you deal with it?" Blake carried on to bombard her with questions, ones which she didn't have the answer to.
Nicole sniffed, her breathing a little shaky.
"I don't know," she whispered.
Blake moved closer, cupping her face, forcing her to look at him.
"When I'm near you, why can't you push me away? When I kiss you, why can't you pull away? Why do you want me around? Why do you look for me? Why do you need me?" He asked her.
His questions were messing with her mind because she had no answers to them, and Nicole was rarely ever left speechless, so it bothered her that it was only him that could render her so.
"I don't know," Nicole told him.
"You do know," Blake said, trying to force her to confront her feelings, ones that he knew she had.
"No. I don't," Nicole cried out and pushed his chest and Blake moved back.
Blake shook his head. "You're lying to me and yourself."
He couldn't help but look at the girl in front of him and feel like she was slipping away.
"We're not meant to be," Nicole told him.
"Who says? Who fucking says?" Blake asked, really wanting to know where the hell she was getting her assumptions from.
"I'm sorry. I just can't do this," Nicole said.
She quickly stepped away, trying to go past him, but Blake caught her wrist, pulling her towards him. This caused Nicole to crash into his chest.
He wasn't letting her go with one final say in all of this.
"Last night was one of the best nights of my life. I know I love you, but it's clearly not enough. If, after everything, you still don't feel anything for me, well then, I guess you never will," he said.
Nicole looked up at him teary-eyed, but through the blur of her eyes tears, she saw Blake's eyes were raw with pain too. Pain that she'd caused.
"But I'm done," he then told her.
It hurt to say so, but he felt heart broke and whatever they did or didn't have, couldn't continue any longer.
"I'm serious, Nicole. I'm done. I love you. I can say it with my chest, but it tears me apart that you don't love me back. I'm not going to force you to say it back or make you feel the same, at least not anymore."
He gave her a longing look, before stepping away completely, letting the cold surround them once more.
"I'm going to get dressed and then drop you home, after that, you won't hear from me, other than if we're in at a group event. Your presence effects me but I'm not going to do that to myself. So, I'm done," he said.
Nicole felt her own heart break at his words.
"Blake, I'm so-"
"I need to get ready," he said, walking away to get dressed.
Neither of them saw this morning going like this. From a blissful night, it turned into a shitty morning.
***
Who expected things to go this way?
Poor Blake's little heart.
He thought things were going to finally go as he's constantly imagined, only for it to come crashing down.
I've had that after looking at exam results. Anyway...
As I've mentioned this is a slow burn book, so of course I wasn't going to let things happen that easily.
If you've read my other books, you'll know this.
Next Chapter: Blake needs a hug
Hope you liked the read :)