this one's a long chapter so be ready ahah but we're close to the end!!
Devyn's POV-
My whole life i've gone to think; live life to the fullest for you never know what could happen.
To come to think of it, I will never fully be satisfied. There is so much more that I can do, that I could've done. Maybe that's my fault, that I had wasted potential, on pills, weed, alcohol. Threw away a sacrifice my dad made, or Hermione, everyone who fought for me. I tossed it down the drain. I could carry this shamefulness around forever, or at least I did, until now.
Finally I have good reason.
I looked to Draco, it wouldn't be an easy task to talk to him.
But Time was a ticking time bomb.
Was it sick of me to finally feel like I had a purpose. Truly, my life was going towards something I wanted it to, that being for them. Because quite honestly, they saved me from myself, so I am now saving them.
"Frost-I'm serious." Draco inched to me. His hands and feet tied. The rasp of his voice showing through.
"I know...so am I-" I whispered back. Not making eye contact to meet his, that would crush me.
"I'm not letting you fucking do this." He harshly snapped.
To which I spoke- "You don't have a choice."
He tried to resonate with me. His voice using whatever it had left not to crack. But as all good things are, everything must come to an end. And this was just mine.
"Please-" He nudged his finger to touch mine.
"Don't do this to me." His voice broke. Straining through what could be ever known to be tears. Hurts to know this is the first time i've seen him show the sad emotion, under these fucking circumstances.
I breathed hard. My chest rising and falling, staying strong because I had to.
In the end this was my decision. My fall. My end.
"It's me..for all of you." I mumbled back. Surely I knew his act of selfishness couldn't be kept back. He wanted me alive, no matter hat cost for the rest of the group.
"If you do this- I will never fucking forgive you- I mean that. I swear to God you will regret this." He sputtered out. His pleads furiously changing to anger.
"You'll forgive me one day." I snapped back. Keeping strong locked eye contact with the ticking watch Lucius left on the table. 40 minutes left. 40 minutes to say goodbye.
"Now is not the time to be fucking courageous." Draco seemingly yelled, causing Pansy and Blaise to break conversation. They both gazed to Draco, anxiously putting his head flat to hang down.
-You're being selfish. Fucking selfish." The blonde boy finished off. His tone increasing every word he spat.
"Malfoy-" Pansy broke. I could tell she was more on edge then Blaise or Theo. Her small strand of braids that she loved to do so much, were undone. Her ruined mascara drying to her pale cheeks. Never in a million would I thought to see her like this.
The right thing to do would be to acknowledge him, but that would cause a fight. A final fucking fight with us, although it felt like all we did was fight.
"Tell me what you want from me." I felt his presence gleaming straight to my face, watching every expression I twisted.
"I want you to live your life." I muttered back, finally looking up to him. God he was a mess. This is what I was resented. A final glance to the way his iced hair would fall over his forehead, tickling his eyebrows, his defined cheekbones that structured with his jawline. But most of all, his eyes, Jesus Christ I could get lost in them. Swirls of thin grey, with feathers of chilled blue.
"Of course you do." He breathed back, rolling his eyes in the process.
Again, there was no phrase I could say that would make him any happier, or even to be fine with my decision. And that's okay. It's called "mine" for a reason.
"Great- fucking ignoring me. Like you always do-" His head was thrown back. "You're taking the easy way out again?" He raised his tone with a cynical laugh. Using his own temper against me, taking stabs at what he knew was a sensitive topic.
Lukas's posture stiffened. "Cut it out Malfoy." He dropped.
Draco gave another chuckle, pursing his lips to a smile. "So you're fine with this? With your oh so mighty childhood girlfriend just letting herself die?" His head was turned to Lukas's direction.
Lukas narrowed his eyes, "I never said I was fucking fine with it. I'm saying you're acting like a dick and you need to stop." He gave a rushed sigh.
-And you know, She's dying because you're involved with her. YOUR dad wants HER dead." Lukas was firing shots to an already unstable boy. Wrong move. This caused Draco to go more then enraged. I could see by the way his fists clenched, causing crescent shapes to his palms.
"So this is my fault?" Draco aimed back.
Lukas went mute.
Draco's facial expression flipped to disgust. Quickly turning his eyes to look around the room.
"So I guess we're all just fine with Devyn dying?" He seethed, his teeth gritted with his jaw tight.
"No one said that!" Pansy gave back, using her chest to front forward.
"-Well you're all acting like it." Draco gave a headshake, mumbling inaudible words.
I observed the conversation. Safe to say majority was drowned out by my thoughts, relishing on all memories that I had. The times I really did love life.
Their arguments were completely useless. It wouldn't alter anything, they were just wasting good breath.
My conscience zoomed back.
-Mate you cheated on her with Astoria! So you have no place, No fucking place to call her self centered." Lukas beamed out, his face now hot with irritation
Something that never came up with Blaise, Pansy, Lukas or any of them, is that Draco had a contract. He had a document that forced him to do the things he did. Essentially, it's spurred to him that if he doesn't fully succeed with his rights that were signed to his name, he would die.
And in no way would I let myself die, If Draco were to die anyways.
Leaving me to never really hold a grudge to him. Maybe I held one to Astoria herself, or Lucius or Lanet Yaxley, all of them. But never Draco.
"Oh you really are grand." Draco sucked his teeth with his tongue, "It's not fucking like that and she knows that-" He motioned to me with the tilt of his head. Yes, I did know that.
"Is that true?" Lukas looked to me, his lips frowned. As if I were deceiving him by not telling him sooner, but anyone in their right mind would know it wasn't my place to share.
"It doesn't matter anymore." I eased back to him, but generally speaking to all of them. All eyes to me, hesitating to say the wrong thing, because after all, this was the last conversation to be held.
20 minutes remaining.
I examined each of them in their states if despair. I cleared my throat, I wanted to talk to them in my last final moments.
"Pansy- I never thanked you fully for helping me that day in the girls bathroom." I spoke up. My eyed fully locked with hers. She tucked her lip in, head tilting to the side. Her guard to hold back tears incredibly failing.
"Don't mention it Frost- That is nothing compared to what you're doing." She indistinctly jerked back. She blinked heard only for a solid amount of tears to fall.
I got the notion she was the first to accept what I chose to do, and for that I was thankful.
"And Blaise if you don't mention me at your wedding, my fucking ghost will haunt you-" My eyebrows raised, a short smile peeling back to his.
"Wedding?" He dropped his jaw, his head rotating to Pansy.
"I told her we're getting married." Pansy mischievously stated back. Blaise Pretend to faint, his tongue sticking out.
"Not if I die first-" Blaise faded out. Realizing the meaning of his dark joke, and the fact that no one laughed. "I mean- ...I'm sorry." He looked down. I think he simply forgot, which is okay, it's a hard thing to even seem possible. But there's no time to pretend.
10 minutes.
I had to say something to Theo, To Lukas, And then lastly to Draco, but it felt right to save him to the very end. I wanted him to be last person I spoke to.
"Theo-" I softly directed.
He didn't respond.
"I get that you're angry. I guess you have a right to be..But I wish you the best, and erm thank you..thank you for being a great friend." I played with my words carefully, "You're an amazing person, just don't forget that." - A thing about Theo is that I realized how often he'd forget self worth. He genuinely cared about others, but lost himself in the mix. I tried my best to constantly remind him that he's living in HIS life, and not to please others, but himself. With me gone, I just hope that'll stick with him.
I closed my mouth with nothing left to say to him but "Okay-."
-Frost" He leaned in. Eyes watering slightly. It was terrifying to see.
Immediately, I stared back to him.
"If you forget about me, I swear to God-
-I won't." I cut his statement off. I mean the world on that statement.
There was no time to continue my conversation. I had to finalize with Lukas.
"God- this feels so stupid." Lukas jeered back, his image placed against the leather covered seat of the cart.
"I know." I reassured him, watching him helplessly.
"It feels like I just got you back, and now like you're leaving me again." He threw his hands down.
"I'm not leaving you entirely...I'll still somewhat be there ." Anything to lighten the mood, and technically I'd be there to watch over him.
He nodded, then broke eye contact. I nodded back. My heart breaking with every second I had left.
And then last was Draco.
"Draco-" I began.
"Stop." He refrained back. Looking down to the ground.
"No- I'm not having my last moment with you ignoring me." I boldly replied.
"You don't see it? do you.." His face was laced with pathetic pique.
See what. I felt confused, but all I know is that he was pissed. More then pissed actually, he was showing his true streak of giving up.
"You are breaking my fucking heart." He said under his breath. But I heard him. Vulnerability. His eyes didn't even bolt mine.
"I'm sorry." My voice cracked. Candidly my heart was broken already. It stayed like that, never had enough energy to try and piece back together.
"Me too." He answered.
5 minutes.
"I don't want our last conversation to be this Draco." I churned for him to just speak to me. I needed this just as badly as he did.
"Why- You're leaving. It won't matter if you're dead." He harshly declared.
"Is this how you want our last talk to go?" I smartly retaliated.
"No- You don't get to do that Devyn. You are making the fucking choice to say the "last talk". Bullshit, it wouldn't have to be our last talk if would just... just not choose this option." He ran out of breath. I wonder how long he held that in.
"I am doing this so you can live your life. Why can't you understand that?" I began to get agitated, everything was falling faster than I ever imagined.
"Live a life without you in it? I might as well be the one dying." He finished off with a low huff.
1 minute.
My eyes blinked to his statue like figure. His pale image enclosing on my figure. All the times I spent with him. It would be gone.
"Just know I love you.." I recently backed out.
"That's an empty word Frost." He didn't even shift his gaze to look at me.
"Not to me-" I tried to get in his view.
-To me it's the fact that when I wake up every morning I think of you. The way I can never fucking get you off my mind, I breath in hopes you're okay. I love you because you are you. Because you mean my own damn life." I genuinely gave him some definition of what Love ever meant to me. Because communication was the only thing left to do.
He didn't say anything back. A knife to my heart.
"And maybe one day you'll learn to love me again." I pressed on.
"-If not now, that's okay, you have time..."
"Stop." Draco attempted.
But I wouldn't. "Because when you're having the best day of your life, when you can be you're own person, not some twisted definition you're father wants you to be, but you. I want you to remember me, go back on how fucking much you loved me, and how I will never ever stop loving you." Absentmindedly, I was balling. Tears tracing over my cheeks.
His broken stare was shocked. He was crumbling to every word I expressed. But I only spoke the truth.
I saw his mouth open to speak.
But we got too carried away, and time was up, it it hurt so much, but Lucius was back.
"I would like to assume the decision is made?" His hands were clasped together, a wicked smile painted to his face.
"Yes." I stumbled with one fragile word.
"Excellent." His wand was clutched to his right hand, mine sticking from his pocket.
I swallowed hard.
"What is it then?" Lucius's fingers motioning to hurry up.
"My life- for theirs." I spoke cautiously, watching Draco's head shake.
His grin excelled to an even bigger one, a hysterical laugh slipped his lips. "I see you're above the average for a dumb girl...very, very smart choice." His feet stepped closer to my figure, wand directly over my heart.
"Well let's get this over with." His wooden wand tapped my chest.
Just one last time. The memory moving into a new house with my father, celebrating his birthday with mint green candles because he loved that color, watching him wither to death due to my life. Sneaking out of my dorm to go walk around the black lake with Hermione, her saving my life, then dying for it aswell. The times the Slytherin group invited me to their parties and we'd get high off our asses. But most of all the time I spent on earth, living and breathing for Draco.
To savor every single minute he made my heart hurt, caused my stomach to ache because I laughed so hard, for the endless tears that fall. All to which consisted to be him. Just him.
My back was faced to Draco, my hand in somewhat latch with his. Physically touching his cold body one last time. His pinky holding a promise with mine.
"I love you." He whispered. Straight to my ear, but right to my heart.
And to that, I will always love you Draco Malfoy, I pinky promise that.
Because after all, we never really have forever, but my love for you lasts eternity.
a/n- WE HAVE ONE MORE CHAPTER OMG OMG. it's a Draco POV so be ready for that..ily and ty for reading <333 i love the comments omg i read them all LMFAO
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