Sofi de la Torre - Heartbeat
And if you find yourself astray
Cause something broke along the way Listen to your heartbeat
Because we're all chasing stories That we haven't told,
trying to buy What cannot be sold, I'm selling up
After school, I was heading to leave when Helen stopped me offering a ride home in her car David gave her.
"I was thinking if we could hang out." She asked breathlessly, propping her hands on her thighs wheezing for air. I had tried to pretend to not listen to her calling after me and she is breathless by filling a small gap, with me on my heels and her on sneakers.
"Is everything okay?" I ask in alarm. Because Helen here had lied about her job to David. She told him that she was a teacher here. Somehow the truth was revealed and now she has enrolled in the online classes as I, did to get a degree. That man sounds like every girl's dream and with the risk of sounding like a bitch. Helen doesn't deserve him, but after that trip to Fiji, instead of enjoying the luxury he is providing and enjoying the time between as she used to do in her previous relationships, she is working to channel the good person inside her.
"Oh... yes it is and it's not about me. Well... where can we talk in private." She bit her lip nervously.
"There is this diner." I offer reluctantly. Patting Van on his back as he was agitated in Helen's presence.
"No. That's not exactly private and you have to feed Van, don't you.?" She gave me a goofy smile. And I found myself agreeing to take her to my home.
I was worried about Van and my safety before climbing inside the car. But surprisingly, she was very careful and drove at a moderate speed. After reaching my home, I fed Van quickly and he dozed off immediately after that.
"What is it, Helen.?" I ask, plopping on the couch beside her.
She gave me another awkward smile, wringing her fingers over her lap. "Look, Zara. You know me. I'm not the one to gossip.." My brow lifted at that. "Just hang in there, okay." She said sharply, then quickly turned back to her previous meek tone.
"So... I was talking to David about you." I slump back on the couch. She was taking too much time. And I'm not exactly patient these days. Snapping on my guest would be the ultimate sin for me.
"Zara..." She chided, scowling at me.
"Please, continue." I sighed closing my eyes, already feeling jaded.
"Gian..." My eyes shot open, I sat up straight my back stiff as a steel rod.
"What about him.?" I say sternly, my anger simmering up.
"Look your name come up when we were talking-"
"Why the hell were you talking about me? Just go back to your normal selfish self and focus on what you want, alright." I started to push on my feet to stand up, but she placed her hand on my lap making me sit down again.
"I am so sorry, Zara. You have to trust me. I didn't tell anyone about your relationship with him. I was talking, your and Gian's name came up and he told me things about him." She said gently, looking at me in the eyes.
I gently pry her hands from my lap and shifted back into the couch tucking my legs beneath my body.
"We were friends and now we are busy in our lives. That's all and next time, just don't bring up my name during your pillow talk." I say in a clipped tone, hoping she storms out but instead, she slouched back on the couch. I grabbed a cushion, hugging it to my chest defensively, watching her with narrow eyes.
"David told me about the alleged ties the Armani family has with the mob. They are involved in illegal activities. There is no solid proof but-"
"Then you shouldn't name shame a respectful family, over some careless rumour with your partner after dinner." I say snidely taking a glass of water I have brought for us and gulping it down, along with some of my anger.
"The way you are reacting, Zara. I feel that you already know what he does apart from the real estate, restaurant, and clubs he owns."
"And what does David do, huh... Are you sure his hands are clean.?" I snap back at her. She closed her eyes taking deep inhales. I smirked, I have hit the mark. She will snap at me and leave.
"He is an architect. He works at his father's company. It's old money and I am just..." I avert my gaze from her looking at the blank TV screen blatantly ignoring her. I heard her draw another deep breath before she spoke again.
"Okay, Zara. I get it. But you must know one thing. If Gian forced himself on you, then David's family will help you out. They are also influential and they know people-"
My head snapped so quick, it gave me whiplash. My eye stung painfully, and tears gathered in my eyes. My mouth opened and closed but only air came out. I was mortified to even form a single word out of my mouth.
Helen flinched back and clutched her chest. A hoarse cry escaped from her mouth.
"Oh my God, Zara. Not you."
"No..." I meant to scream, but it turned out to be a broken whisper.
"I am so sorry." She leaned in, hugging me with pure sympathy. Her body shook vehemently as she sobbed.
I grab her hand to pull her back from me. Clearing my throat, I wipe my tears with trembling hands. "Gian didn't do that, okay. He didn't hurt me like that." I cry, cupping my face with my hands crying.
"You don't have to be afraid, Zara." She sniffled, shaking my shoulder.
"I am not afraid of him." I finally shout, my limbs trembled in agony.
Gian kept saying that he wasn't a good man. Turned my every offer to give him pleasure, to have sex. We would have still spooned with each other to sleep. If I hadn't made a move on him. He had not come clean about himself. But he loved me and I still love him.
"I am not afraid, Helen..." I say sternly, wiping my tears. "Forget what you heard and don't... by any means. Take. his. name. again. Gian and I used to be friends. You know, I don't become friends with people easily. I need time to get back to my life before him. So please, I am begging you, Helen. Don't say it again." I plead with her, between my sobs. She gave me a curt nod wiping her tears from the back of her hand.
"Fine then. David and I are going out on a date. You should join us, his old friend Justin is also coming. It will be a double date." She said casually, but her eyes held a challenge.
"I don't have to prove you anything and I don't want to date. I prefer my single life." I say snidely, going to the kitchen to check on the coffee I had forgotten.
"I am not asking you to become his girlfriend, Zara. Just get to know him." She retorted, following me to the kitchen. Her gaze roamed to the kitchen, momentarily forgetting what we had been talking about.
My eyes rolled and I huffed grabbing two coffee mugs for us.
"Since when do you care about my single life, Helen. You never cared before. Is this a part of the nonselfish Helen 2.0.?" I mock, not meeting her eyes. I bit my lips and pinched my eyes closed for being this rude to her. But she mustn't snoop around, or talk about Gian like that. He won't hurt me but he isn't exactly fond of her.
Putting on a stoic face I turned around. When my eyes met hers she took a step back as if I had hurt her physically. My heart ached, but she has no control over her mouth and I don't want her or David to be in the middle of a crossfire because they think that Gian had somehow hurt me in an unimaginable way.
"I did care about your dating life. But I wasn't sure how you would react to having your first date in a park with a guy you met on social media. And that's all I had before David."
"You didn't even talk to meet until this academic session began, Helen. Give me a break." I turn again. Sprinkling the coffee with cocoa and cinnamon more than it needed.
"You were so prim and proper, Zara. I thought you would dismiss me if I had tried to talk to you.." She strangled out, my hand hovering over the coffee mug faltered, and my eyes flickered towards her finding her gaze to be fixed on the ground.
"I just had two dresses..." She flushed with shame and humiliation. Her tears filled eyes met mine again. "And you looked like those mean girls in my school. I was insecure and I am not ashamed to admit that I enjoyed every time when the teachers didn't reciprocate your kind gesture." She bellowed.
"When the school session ended, I took a summer job. There I realized how the rich snobs actually demean you. Neither you nor those girls in high school came close to reality. I made you vamps in my head. I realized my mistake. I met Justin through David, he is a good guy just like him."
She wiped the tears from her face and this time, my head hung low in shame. I only wanted her off my back because I don't want her or David to come under anyone's radar by looking into our lives.
Helen nodded with conviction as though coming to a conclusion as she spoke. "I get it that you are under duress. He won't like to see you with another man. Sorry, I am so sorry. Call me if you need me okay." She said finally and turned to leave.
I close my eyes making a sense of what she had just said. She still thinks that Gian had hurt me physically and controlling my life. If I...
"Helen, wait.!" I call after. Her hand gliding to open the front door faltered, she glanced at me with tear-filled eyes.
I cross the room with long strides and stretched my arms in surrender. This conversation had already taken a drastic turn very quickly. I'd thought she would leave after narrating to me about her new rich life. I should have considered this is some new Helen.
"I am sorry." I apologize with honesty.
"I know you are, Zara. I know that this.... this is... Oh, God.! It's making me worry even more I-" She began to cry again and I facepalmed myself.
"I'll go..." I yelped in frustration. "But... if Justin and I don't get along. Then It'll be on me. Completely my decision. Just don't take..."
"Don't take Mr. Armani's name, I get it. And you will like Justin. I would have gone for him, not David If I had met him before." She beamed.
"There is my Helen." I mutter, playfully rolling my eyes. She lightly punched on my arm giggling.
She squeezed me in a hug before telling me that they will be picking me up tonight. I was expecting she would give me at least a week. I sigh in defeat, leaning my head on the closed door behind her. What have I gotten myself into?
*****
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