"Reid?", Emily asks gently from behind me.
She rests her hand on my back between my shoulderblades and the contact makes me jump slightly. She whispers an apology before sitting cross-legged next to me.
My back is rested against the side of my desk and as uncomfortable as it is for my neck, nothing can be more painful than the stabbing in my chest.
"What's wrong?"
I clear my throat and spit into my full trash can before I attempt to speak to her.
"I-I don't know if I should do it." My voice is hoarse and weak, and I can't help but be disappointed in how small I sound.
"Do what?"
"Any of this. Maybe... I should just let it go."
"But you love her", she says.
"I barely know her", I scoff.
"You put yourself through the wringer for the past, what, three months for this woman? Why would you go through all that trouble just to back out now?"
I sigh as I consider her words. I know why I am having second thoughts, but I don't want to say them out loud.
"Talk to me, Spencer", she pleads.
"Right now, she's just a fantasy. She has the face of the woman from my dreams and I have created a character around her that I have fallen in love with. I don't know what she's really like. Once she gets out, she becomes real, and I don't want to be proven wrong, so maybe it's better that I never find out the truth."
"Do you really want to be left guessing for the rest of your life? If she isn't who you thought, then at least you'll know you got an innocent woman out of jail. If she is, then you've got your happily ever after."
"Emily, I think I've seen this film before and I don't like the ending. Guys like me never get the fairytale ending, we're the type that the princess has to step on to reach her true love."
Emily takes the can from me and places it on the other side of her. She then reaches up for the tissue box on my desk and hands me one. When I bring it up to my face, I find that it quickly gets soaked with tears that I didn't realize were falling.
"We all love you, Spencer. We want you to be happy, and if you never get to know her, you may be letting your princess walk out of your life."
"She already walked out of my life, only she was in handcuffs. I don't think I'm strong enough to go through this again. I'm sorry, Emily, I really am. Thank you for doing all of this for me, but I can't do it."
I pull myself to my feet and ignore the headrush I get. I collect my belongings and stuff them into my pockets. As I pick up my bag that she had brought out to my desk, I catch Emily's sullen look.
"Thank you for caring, but this is a battle that I'm not strong enough to fight."
I walk to the elevator and I have to blink the cloudy tears from my eyes to see the lit buttons. As the doors close in front of me, I catch Emily looking at me from my desk and the others from the round table room.
I don't have enough energy to be embarrassed. Maybe I deserve to have my team watch me cry. They are the princes and princesses, while I am the jester in the kingdom of broken hearts.