I felt nervous about going to Viv’s home and it wasn’t even anything to do with the threat of an angry husband to deal with, it was just the thought of seeing her again.
I don’t think I could deny my feelings for her any longer, I know what this thing between me and her was supposed to be but like it or not it had evolved into something else. I clutched the big bouquet of flowers I’d bought for her, that in itself was something I didn’t do very often, a lame gesture to cement the fact that I was sorry gripped in my hand anxiously while I waited for her to answer the front door, a dog barked inside loudly, the door opened slowly and there she stood my dream, dressed in ripped jeans and a white vest top, she obviously no longer felt the need to cover up now it was all out In the open or maybe she was challenging me, seeing how I dealt with being faced with her scars again.
“Hey” we both said at the same time, smiling at one another she certainly didn’t look like she was holding a grudge against me as she stepped aside for me to enter her home.
“I’m sorry about how I acted the other night, I don’t know why I was like that" I say softly, taking her little hand In mine. “for you" I hand her the flowers.
“Thank you, but I think I made it worse by carrying on keeping up this stupid pretense all this time, keeping my name and body from you, I didn’t help the situation“ Her selflessness in shouldering part of the blame and not lashing out at me, surprises me. I think she’s about to tell me more but instead she pulls my hand to move me along behind her but instead I tug her back against my chest enjoying the feeling of her on me again before crouching down and stealing a kiss from her, when I try and deepen it she pushes me away “Not here Marshall" she sounds serious and I hold my hands up in defeat.
“Come with me, I want you to meet someone" her voice is shaking and she looks anxious all of a sudden, my own anxiety rising as I let her take me by the hand and lead me throughout the house, if I wasn’t so busy thinking about if she had a kid or a pet she wanted to introduce me too, I might have noticed the medical equipment dotted here and there, I might have noticed the ramps throughout the single floored house but I was too distracted by thoughts of her really.
Something catches my eye and I turn watching as a guy slowly appears from another room in a wheelchair, it’s not an ordinary wheelchair either, I notice he’s blowing into a pipe to make it move, she drops my hand like its burning her suddenly, once he’s directly in front of me he gives me a critical once over, his eyes meeting mine and I feel the weight of his glare before he speaks in a strange hybrid of an American and Australian accent “Don’t be rude Jasmin, introduce me to the man who’s fucking my wife “ he doesn’t remove his eyes from me and I glare back at him, internally my whole body clenches, sweat breaks out on my brow and I then take a step back, I feel like I’m being ambushed here, why the fuck didn’t she warn me what she was doing? I knew this was too good to be true, I don’t know how to react, I just stand staring back and forth between the two of them. Jasmin, she’s called Jasmin the fact I know that now makes me happy, her name suits her, soft and feminine I think.
“Jack this is, Marshall, Marshall, my husband Jack!” I’m shell shocked what kind of shit is this, I’m confused.
He speaks again while I’m trying to find my balls and make some words come out “I know she looks like a circus freak without her clothes on so I’m thankful you could even do it with her to be honest.” Jasmin shrinks in height beside me looking even tinier than usual, cringing at her husbands hurtful words and my first reaction is that I want to punch him in his twisted fucking face right now.
She just takes it, takes the shitty way he speaks to her and does nothing, God I want to hurt him but I’m guessing the fact he’s only moved his head while I’ve been stood in front of him means he’s badly paralysed, what in the fuck happened to these two?
“It’s not hard work to fuck a beautiful woman” are the first words that come out of my mouth while we stare each other out, Jasmin looks up at me, her big eyes watering and I just want to whisk her away and love on her until she forgets his hurtful words.
The same hurtful words that might have come from my lips if I hadn’t kept a lid on it and remained silent two nights ago.
Despite the fact that she’s made me furious for not warning me what was waiting for me when I got to her home today I still want to protect her and keep her safe.
“You were not my choice for her” these two have lost me for a second until I remember the night we met, this links back to then, his emphasis on the word ‘my’ shows this whole thing was about him controlling her with his choice.
Danny who didn’t even show up. Fucking dick.
“Can’t imagine I’d be anyone’s first choice for someone who deserves much better” is my reply.
“But then again if Jasmin fell in shit she’d come up smelling of roses, how lucky she was to fall on the dick of a famous, multi millionaire” he spits out sarcastically at me, her sharp intake of breath beside me indicates he’s not alluded to his feelings of her taking the control in this situation.
For once he’s rendered me speechless and if one of us doesn’t put a stop to this, I’ll end up throwing my fists around and in this situation that would not look good.
This is about to turn into a dick waving contest, a contest I’d win obviously.
“He knows everything Marshall, we don’t have any secrets” Jasmin sounds timid beside me and its not a tone of voice I recognise from her, I don’t like it and I don’t like the fact that he knows everything and I know precious little.
“But I’m kept in the dark?” my voice is a little more shrill than I’d like but I’m getting wound up by these two now. Jasmin looks down at her feet while Jack smirks at me, thinking he has the upper hand.
“Is this some kind of game for you both?” I’m about ten seconds from walking out of this shit show. Is this something they’ve cooked up between themselves for amusement? does this bastard get his kicks this way now?
“Not at all Marshall, my wife has needs and by the sounds of it, you just about satisfy them, if I wasn’t paralysed it’d be my dick she would still be happily bouncing on.” I tell you this fucker has no shame.
“Jack, please stop” Jasmin speaks before I can answer, taking that step towards him, Jasmin takes my hand in hers and pulls me back, squeezing briefly, begging me not to start a fight with a man who can’t defend himself, his tongue could cut through fucking glass though its that sharp.
“I’m tired Jazz, put me to bed and Marshall, keep making my wife happy, but don’t you ever forget who she belongs to” this fucker better wheel himself off before I hit the headlines for decking him.
“Wait here, please...... Please Marshall” Jasmin asks before walking over to him and pushing him back through the doorway he came from giving me ample time to stew in the fury building inside of me.
The door is open slightly and I find myself looking through the gap watching as she disconnects various tubes from his wheelchair, reconnecting them to the bed and then she lifts him, that tiny woman arranges him and lifts that fucker, manages to get him in the bed, some of my anger limps away at the sight of her caring for him untill I can’t watch them any longer, so I look around and spotting several photos I wander over, no wonder she can lift him, he’s a shadow of him former self.
Handsome fucker can see why she fell for him, I look nothing like he did back then, he’s all tall, tanned, square jawed and muscles. I guess maybe his muscles have wasted away now, due to lack of use and I feel sad, sad for Jack and for Jasmin.
He was obviously used to doing so much, sports and she said they went on adventures together, there’s a photo of them paragliding somewhere exotic.
I regret instantly the thoughts I had before, if the boot was on the other foot I’d be more than a little bitter about the hand that life has dealt me I supposed. I don’t know that I would deal very well with being trapped in my own body, my brain still firing on all cylinders, memories would be cruel I imagined but it seemed like Jack had a lot of spirit about him still.
“Can I get you a drink?” Jasmin disturbs me from my thoughts and my anger at the situation turns its attention to her now.
“You don’t have a carer for him” is the first thing I vomit out and she visibly bristles with anger and it turns me on.
“No I married him and I take my vows seriously, till death us do part, in sickness and health and all that.” Fuck that’s like throwing petrol on a fire, I’m standing in front of her, fists clenched at my sides before I can blink.
“Did your vows include adultery? your holier than though with the vow shit but its still my dick making you cum Jasmin.”
She slaps me hard across the face and I might deserve it.
“Don’t you dare Marshall he knows everything, he suggested this remember.” She pushes back at me, “Don’t you do this” but because I’m asshole I’m going to keep pushing back at her. I feel a need to project whatever the hell it is that I’m feeling onto her, to hurt her.
“Doesn’t mean you have to fall on another man’s dick to get your kicks” I fire back at her. I can’t stop being cruel to her and I don’t understand it fully right now.
“Get the fuck out of my house you pig” she shoves me hard towards the door and I stumble righting myself quickly.
“The truth fucking hurts doesn’t it Jasmin.” Although my anger has pretty much taken over, I’m relishing saying her name now.
“It’s not just about sex you asshole, it’s about more than that now.” She starts crying while still shoving at me and suddenly I need to know, I need to know if she feels about me the way I feel about her, grabbing her hands gently, I try to hold her still, she struggles though.
“Tell me then baby,” my voice softens and she looks up me, her big chocolate eyes filled with pain and tears threatening to spill over. She looks over towards Jack’s room before gathering herself together and turning back to me, she looks harder now. I feel like shit for pushing her.
“No I won’t, this whole thing just proves that you don’t deserve to know” and with that she turns and walks away from me. I don’t leave, I stand and think about whatever it is she’s trying to say.
Five minutes later having calmed down I walk back through to her kitchen, the sight of Jasmin crying because I can’t keep a lid on my anger and feelings turns my insides out, I think I might throw up and I move quickly wrapping my arms tightly around her waist from behind, resting my lips against the back of her neck I whisper the same words over until she eventually relaxes in my arms “I’m sorry baby”
It’s dark by time I leave her house, we haven’t spoken much but I was just happy to sit and hold her when she let me.
This was an awful situation to be in and everything else aside I wanted to help make her life better and easier, I just didn’t know how.
So I found myself driving towards the one person who might be able to help, wasn’t sure if he’d slam the door in my face or not but I was pretty sure that Denaun would know the right thing to do here.
Parking up and walking towards his house, my bruised ribs reminded me that we had not parted on the best of terms yesterday, seems I'd already done a lot of apologising today but I was still ready to do more, Denaun forgiveness at this time seemed even more important than Jasmin’s because I had a fear beginning to grow within me that I would never be the winner in this shitty triangle, hell she’d already told me once she’d never leave her husband and that was before I even knew about his disability.
I would lose my heart over her and the fallout might not be the prettiest thing anyone of us had ever witnessed.
Denaun dogs barked loudly as soon as I knocked his door and I could hear him grumbling to them about unnecessary noise pollution, it made me smile until he opened the door and I saw his bruised and swollen cheek, fuck!
“Well you’ve got a nerve, you wanna fight some more dickhead” he gets into a boxing stance and holds his fists up in front of his face, I don’t move.
As I begin to raise my hands up in surrender, he mistakes my gesture as one of me getting ready to fight him, he starts jogging on the spot and throwing air punches “Come at me bro, I’m ready”
My body sags, no fight was left in me at that moment “I need your help.... Please” my voice croaks with the lump and tears I feel beginning to form there and he stands down immediately, grabbing my arm and pulling me into a big bear hug, it’s not what I expected but I hold onto him, overjoyed that he hasn't turned me away and have a little sob in his porch way.
Take Me To Church
By
Hozier