~ just a small TW before you read the chapter (it's quite late on in.) but it mentions a topic of scars from SH. Please don't let that put you off from this chapter as to me this is 100% going to be my favourite chapter to write so far because it has such a beautiful meaning. If you really don't want to, I won't force you. I love you <3 I also recommend you click the play button on the music if you haven't already!~
Harry Styles
7:32pm
I sit down on my couch with my fingers interlocked as the backs of my thumbs rest on the bridge of my nose. Part of me was so nervous to see Aaliyah today for reasons I didn't understand. Wether I was excited or nervous I wasn't sure. I don't know what it is, I've said it many times before about her, but I just feel as if me and her just click. Like everything is just right. But I didn't know if it was a two way street, I don't know how she feels towards me.
Waiting for everything to be just right for the both of us would involve both of us embracing the feeling of being nervous around each other sometimes or maybe even a little scared. That didn't matter to me as I interpreted it to be a sign that we are alive and ready to grow. If it meant it took Aaliyah a bit longer, then I would wait.
Right now it feels as if it's been 10 years when it's only been 10 minutes. Time is very slow for those who wait. Whereas it moves quickly when you're doing something you enjoy. I knew that it meant time would move really quickly with me and Aaliyah today. It feels like sometimes I blink and I miss everything she does or says. In reality I take it all in, in my head it feels like it's over so quickly and I wish it could last forever.
I decide to make my way to the fields early, I rub my palms together, grab my phone and camera and head out the door. I decided I'd walk to the field just so I'd get there roughly when Aaliyah would. I walk out of my house and close the door gently behind me and put the camera strap loosely around my neck so the camera falls to roughly where my butterfly tattoo was.
I got a butterfly tattooed on me because we delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. I got it tattooed on me because it reminds me to be less stubborn and get to know more about people. It's now become a force of habit that I feel like I need to get to know people deeper than what's portrayed on the surface. That's probably why I wanted to see Aaliyah a lot, not to be weird, just to get to know her a bit better.
As I walk around I see the setting suns beams pierce through the branches of the trees, illuminating the pink of the blossom and reds of the leaves. This was the perfect day to get pictures because I'd be able to saturate the leaves to enhance the colours. That's what I loved about photography, the idea that anything can become the main focus of the picture if you're willing to accept it.
I see the bright yellow flowers, now a honey colour because of the setting sun, swaying lightly in the gentle breeze. Sunset at almost 8ish was one of the best times as sunset is a time to reflect on your day. It's just quite peaceful. Aaliyah said something about a lake, I've always loved to dip my feet in ever since I was a young boy so I was definitely going to do that. Wether she did it too or not was up to her.
I make my way to the white gate in which most of the paint has been chipped of and open it causing it to creak slightly. I could tell no one was here because the only sounds I could hear were the rustling of the giant leaves of which grew out of the stem of the plant. I must admit, the more Aaliyah told me about the plant itself, the more I grew attached and fascinated as to finding out more.
What is the essence of a sunflower
Is the one question that's been on my mind ever since she said it. It is the main idea of the surprise i have in my journal for her. The journal is an important thing to me because when I eventually tell Aaliyah about it I just know she'd be grateful for it. It's just the type of person she was. That made me excited for the day I can eventually show her. God I couldn't wait to see her.
I make my way up to the top of the hill that over looks the sunflowers as I sit down, cross my legs and bring them up to my chest as the bottom of my arms rest lightly on them. And I wait.
I wait until I see her.
Aaliyah Moreno
It was now time to go see Harry. I looked at myself in the mirror as I adjusted the bottom half of my dress so it covered my mid thigh. I knew Harry wouldn't care. But I did. I did care how they looked and what was on them as it reminds me of a time I don't want to remember, ever. So I chose to interpret them as a map, the lines show me all the places I've been in my life to get me where I am today. I am happy now, and I intend to stay that way.
Either way I wasn't going to let that put me off the great adventure I was going to have with him today, no matter how small the moments were, the gratitude involved was huge. I was so beyond grateful for any time I got with him, I was also grateful that my friend was covering for me so I could see him. This man not only provided me with so many small adventures already but he was an adventure. There was still so much more to him that I didn't know, I've said that a lot, but I mean it.
I inhale a deep breathe through my nose
And out
I push gently on my eyelashes so they stay up and apply one last layer of lip gloss before heading downstairs and grabbing my book. My mum was napping with Cayden on the sofa as I looked quietly around for my dad. I couldn't see him anywhere so I guessed he was just at the shops.
I gently tip toe out of the house and make sure I close the door gently behind me. As I turn around I'm met with the suns honey, golden glow against my face as I began to walk towards the front of our house to go to the sunflower fields. As I close the gate to my house with the book under my arm, I bite my lip gently and smile not knowing what tonight had in store. All I know was that it was going to be amazing.
I walked down the road towards the sunflower field as I see the sun making the petals of the flower glow brightly. I loved the sunset. The sunset was a beautiful and magical alchemy of light and dark. So is life.
I open the gate slightly causing it to creak as I walk through what feels like many rows of sunflowers. As I walk round the corner I see a man sat with his legs crossed against his chest with his arms resting gently on them. The orange sun highlighted his tattoos more than before and made his eyes go an even brighter green which I didn't even think was possible. He was wearing his usual white, airy top exposing his tattoos on chest and top of his butterfly. The suns beams bounced of his silver cross necklace which dangled loosely on his neck.
Harry.
I feel the pace of my steps quicken the more I realise that he is a real person. And he was waiting to spend a sunset of his life with me. The thought of that made me blush immensely. I walk up to where he was sat as he stands up and rubs the back of his jeans down slightly.
"You got a hole in your jeans" I say sarcastically as I nudge his shoulder gently. He looks down and realises my joke
"Oh wow. What a comedian." He says through laughter as he looks at his naturally ripped jeans.
"I see you brought your book" he says as he puts his tattooed, jewellery covered hands in his pocket and squints one eye shut so the sun is out its view.
"I see you brought your camera" I say while smiling as he looks down at it and takes it in his hand.
At this moment neither of us were saying anything. We're just looking deeply into each other's eyes. We kind of just stare. There's an understanding there that goes much deeper than words ever could. A connection so real that I can't say anything as the words I could never say were the things I felt. I simply could not describe what I felt in this moment other than peace. I was in a peace of mind the deeper I looked into his emerald eyes in which felt like home. A single pair of eyes have never made me feel so warm and embraced, let alone a whole person.
"Shall I show you the woods?" I say as I take his hand in mine while feeling his rings caress my skin gently.
"Please do. I'm excited." He says while smiling.
Hand in hand, I lead him down the hill as our heads duck under a few metres of trees and branches. I couldn't help but laugh slightly as the leaves brushed passed my cheeks as the sun pierced through. I stop in my tracks as I hear Harry follow closely behind me.
"What's up?" He whispers.
"Are you ready?" I say as I look over to him deeply in his eyes. He doesn't know what to say so he just slowly nods.
"Okay." I say as I turn back around to brush one last giant leaf out of the way to reveal the most beautiful forest in which I'd never get tired of. All the natural red, yellows and pinks merged together. The birds singing lightly in them as the ground was covered in isolated paths. I've always been so drawn to forests, quiet and mysterious yet also inviting. The beautiful place where everyone is accepted as the tallest trees stand strong in the silent safety of the environment in which it grows. The trees will keep every secret while also providing the air you breathe and never asks for anything in return.
"Woah." Is all Harry managed to say as it was clear to see he was at a loss for words as he moved in front of me to stand up straight and take in every inch of this forest.
"It's stunning isn't it." I say while following closely behind with my head facing up as my body slowly turned around.
I slowly walk a bit further up as Harry gets some pictures of the tops of the trees to the soil in which they grew out of and started before they became what they are today. I will never get tired of this forest now that I have discovered it. Mother Nature certainly always had her surprises.
"Aaliyah." I hear Harry's voice say from behind me. I spin around slightly as I smile at his calming voice. But before I could process he had taken a picture of me. I couldn't help but chuckle slightly as I jog over to have a look. Harry was looking down at the picture while smiling, causing his dimples to pop.
"What?" I ask while chuckling.
He looks up at me as if he wants to tell me something but he stops himself and shakes his head as he returns it to look at the photo.
"Tell me" I say as I nudge his arm playfully
He looks back up at me with a curl in front of his right eye yet you could still see the green through them. His eyes pierced into mine as he hesitated to tell me.
"Would I be imposing if I called you beautiful, Aaliyah." Harry whispers with a shaky voice. I was stunned by his words as they came as a shock to me causing what felt like one million butterflies to swarm my stomach. I smile at his words and shuffle my feet as I look down at the ground.
The next thing I know is Harry's forefinger and thumb rest lightly on my chin so my eyes are once met again with his as our noses are millimetres apart.
"Because either way. You are." He says making me smile and blink slowly without realising.
"As are you Harry." I say in return because I'd be lying if I said he wasn't. Everything about this man I was in utter awe of. The way his eyebrows furrowed and caused a crease between his eyebrows when he concentrated, the way his dimples popped as his smiled, the goofy laugh he did when something made him happy, the way his eyes lit up as he spoke words of nothing but joy. Just, everything.
"Shall I show you the lake? The sun might go soon." I say breaking the silence between us. It wasn't an awkward silence, but a silence in which we were both trying to process what was said.
"Please do." Harry says as he follows me and eventually jogs up so his forearm brushes against mine as our pinky fingers lightly touched. Neither of us could resist the urge of holding hands anymore, it was as if they were magnets that couldn't repel.
We walk along the paths while still taking in every inch of the trees as we begin to hear the sound of more birds meaning the lake was nearby. As we walk hand in hand around the corner we are met with a small grass hill which over looks the lake.
"Here we are" I say as I lead Harry to sit down on the bottom of the grass hill with me where I gently lean over and dip my hand in the water and create ripples in the water which was once calm. I feel Harry shuffling beside me as I see him take his shoes and socks off, he rolls up his ripped jeans as he puts his feet in the water.
"Is it cold?" I ask while chuckling slightly
"Nope. Just right." He says making me not think twice about doing the same. I take my shoes and socks off as i edge closer to Harry. I rest my hands behind my back and feel my toes break through the water as I kick them around gently. I always feel like if I don't dip my feet in the water I might miss the feeling of being alive.
As me and Harry both face the horizon we see bursts of gold melting into saffron. It's the time of day in which looks like it's as if it's been spray painted by an artist. The sky is an infinite movie to me as I never get tired of what's happening up there, it's always a climax.
I hear Harry get up out of the water to go dry his feet off. I still stay sat with my feet in the lake. Harry goes to take his camera as I hear it go off implying he'd taken a picture of something. I don't look back as I'm too lost in the awe of the pastel coloured sky. My train of thought is interrupted as I hear Harry sit down behind me as both his legs separate so their either side of my waist. I hear his camera go off again, implying that he'd taken a photo of me. I couldn't help but chuckle to myself.
"Aaliyah." I hear Harry's voice from behind me. This time his voice was shaky and had a hint of sadness is it.
"What's up?" I say as I turn around as my eyes are met with Harry. Except his eyes are not met with mine, his are looking at my leg. I quickly look back down and realised I pulled my dress up so it wouldn't get wet but I revealed my scars. I pull my dress down and clear my throat as I feel my eyes fill with tears.
Harry Styles
As soon as I saw those scars on her legs I knew not to ask questions. I could see how much upset and distress she was already in. She was such a beautiful and bright soul that I could never of thought anything like this to be permanently embedded in her skin.
But what made her strong was that despite whatever hurt her, it could've been a million things, She spoke of nothing but happiness.
My arms found her body and tightly embraced her as if she was an otherworldly dream that I never wanted to let go of. As my mouth opened, this is the sentence that found its way out "The person sitting behind you will always stand in front when you need them to." It was something I had never said before and I could feel her warm body try to shift around and hug me back. Do you know why? It was because she finally believed in the words someone had told her and I will always protect her at all costs.
"Aaliyah I won't ask why-"
"I put this front up to keep anyone from seeing the fragile and fearful girl within me. But would you protect her if I let you in?" She whispers lightly. Her words made me hug her tighter
"Always." I whisper in her ear as I rock side to side with her gently laying in my arms as we watched the sunset.
"No one knows about it. I just feel like I've let everyone down by doing it." She says as a tear stumbles down her cheek. At this point I shift to sit in front of her as I hold her face in my hands gently as I say
"Aaliyah. Every experience you've had, both the good and the bad will eventually get you to where you're supposed to be. Every win, every loss, every mistake and every milestone that may come your way. Don't be afraid to fuck up sometimes. Get lost, get so lost and find yourself over and over again. It's okay if you don't know what to feel along the way or if you can't figure things out as you go. It's okay to change your mind and perhaps walk away from someone or something you once loved. It's okay. This is your life Aaliyah, your mind, your soul, your body, yours. And you don't need validation from anyone other than you...
I just hope it doesn't take you a lifetime to realise how special you are." I say as I wipe the continuous tears that fall down her face.
I hug her tightly again, this time with her head in my shoulders as I hear her muffled voice in my top say
"You mean the world to me Harry."
-
A/N: I cried a lot writing this chapter, which is actually the longest one of the book so far with 3000+ words!
This chapter has been my absolute favourite one to write so far and I hope you liked it too.
Side note: if you ever go through SH or the mentality of doing something like it, please please please pm me. I'm always here