the good side by troye sivan
Sage:
"Hi" I let out as I open the door to the compartment I see Cedric in.
"Hello, darling!" he says smiling up at me "Are you okay?"
"Yes, yes, I'm fine." I lie.
I look around the small room. He's all alone and he's close to the window, nearly falling out of it. A book is in his lap and he must have been reading it before. Both of his sleeves are rolled up but both his arms are faced down, odd. He's never alone, always with a group of people.
"Are you? You know, okay?"
"Yes, get yourself over here." I sit in his arms and take the book from him.
"What are we reading?" I recognize the cover as the same one I saw a few nights ago and my eyes go wide. I can't believe he's actually reading this, much less reading it in public.
"Oh you know, just picked it up, though it looked interesting."
"Oh sure," I say, playing his game. He kisses my temple and takes the book from my hands, muttering something I couldn't quite pick up. "What did you say?"
"Nothing, let me find our place." He flips through a few pages and seems to find the right one.
"No, Ced what did you say? I let it go last night. But not today" I tease, he hesitates for a moment
"I said mine, your mine." he draws out into my hair.
"Mh I like that sound of that."
"Good," he says and begins to read. The book is definitely what I thought it was. It's erotic and in no way the innocent type of reading people expect from us. I try to make him set down the book multiple times as we are in public, but he continues to read, pulling me even closer into his erection.
I knew this wasn't a good idea but how could I resist. With his wide smile, glimmering eyes, and hair that's always getting in his face. Just as the main character and their love interest are falling into another, sexual encounter, I turn back and stop him.
"We are in public Ced," I say through gritted teeth, turning back to look at him, he grins widely and says
"That's the fun of it." my eyebrows raise and he presses his lips to mine. Our lips intertwined and he tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear. In return, I pushed my hands up into his hair pulling at the roots.
"Uh-uh," he says pulling back "remember we are in public," he says taking the hand that was once in my hair and tapping my nose with it teasingly. A cheeky grin lights up his face and he says
"Now what's gotten you so worked up?" I assume he means the state of my knickers and not my mind but he almost instantaneously corrects himself and says "up here," tapping my head.
"Nothing," I bring myself to his lips again but he pulls back.
"C'mon Sage, talk to me." I shaky sigh leaves my mouth as I try to hide it in a laugh
"Don't worry about it Ced, it's nothing."
"Sage, darling come on." I decide at the very minimum part of the truth is what he deserves.
"Let's just say my nightmares have to do with the Malfoys, and going to their Manor is just bringing on some nerves." he makes it hard to keep eye contact, it feels like his eyes are digging deep into my soul, and even if I lie he'll know.
Even if I don't tell him one specific detail. One small little memory, he'll find out. He'll find out about it all, one way or another. But I'd rather take it the slower way, even if it's harder.
"Figured as much." he lets out with a small sigh.
"You, you what?" I spit out totally and utterly confused, I guess he really does figure it all out.
"Well, you've been nervous since you told me you were staying with the Malfoy's for part of the break. Whenever you're around Draco your mood changes. You try to act normal, crack jokes now and again. But mostly, it's strained and not reciprocated. Then when he had that meltdown, everyone came to find you. Then there is the obvious, waking up screaming his name, in my bed, Merlin Sage what the fuck was that!"
He nearly yells the last part. I'm now sitting next to him completely stunned. By the end of his speech, his face had turned red and his breathing became ragged. His hands were clenched tightly together, knuckles white as can be.
'I don't know what to tell you." it's true and it's the only thing I can think of saying.
"Just, tell me you don't love him, tell me you weren't having a dream about a different guy, in my bed, telling me you love him."
"I don't, it wasn't, it wasn't like that. I'm sorry I can't, it's not like I can control them. The nightmares, I mean they are nightmares, it's not like-" he pulls me into his arms as I begin to shudder. I cling to him because reliving it for another time in the same 24 hours is too much, and he feels so so safe.
"It's okay, it's okay, shh, I'm sorry, I never meant to raise my voice. I know you can't control them, I'm sorry darling. Shh, come her Sage." He brings me closer and rubs my hair soothingly.
I don't know why I react like this. It's not as though he's done anything too terribly wrong, but I can't help it. It's like my body has a physical reaction to Malfoy. It used to be good but now it's just bad, all bad.
My breathing goes back to normal and I feel his heartbeat underneath my cheek slow as well. He holds me and I hold him. It didn't matter how much my mind was still racing, or the fact that I still had to go to the Manor in less than an hour.
All that mattered was that I was here, and I was in his arms, and he made me feel again. Feel more than ever.