song of the chapter: yamaha - delta spirit
*✭ 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟔𝟎✭*
With open hearts and an open mind, we were ready to master our second conference with the teachers and Mr. Griffin. It meant a lot to us, that we were given the opportunity to do this, even though some of the teachers didn't even bother to show up.
Among them was Mr. Fitz, but if I was being honest, I preferred it that way. If he didn't care what we had to say, he didn't need to stand in our way either. Him not bursting in in the middle of everything and complaining about how we didn't have any responsibility and didn't know what we were doing worked just fine for me.
Now the room was filled with teacher who cared or at least pretended they did. And Mr. Griffin of whom I still thought he allowed any of this happening just because Luke and I had blackmailed him.
Either way, we were standing once again in front of everyone, presenting what we had talked about. Luke and I also wanted to ask if we could throw a party at the top of the Gym after we had been daydreaming about it for the past day.
But we had to set our priorities which were clearly to talk about getting a therapist and to have Charlie start an own Club.
The room fell silent as everyone had arrived and it was now our turn to speak up. Charlie began with asking to start his own movement and with this none of the teacher seemed to have a problem. Not one of them.
I hoped that it was because they were all anti-racist but a part of me didn't quite believe it. It just didn't seem to fit together. When they didn't even want their students to have rights, I just couldn't believe that they'd stand up for equalities among all the people in this planet.
But then I remembered that most of the conservative teachers didn't even show up, so we were left with the ones who had... let's call it potential.
We would never know why they allowed it without much discussion, if they truly cared or if they just thought that it'd be good for the reputation of the school. And no matter for what reason, they did it, which already meant a lot.
Our next request was more challenging, however.
Imagine standing in front of a group of roughly thirty adults, most of them being too old to remember how it was to be a teenager and half of them thinking that all our problems just existed in our head. And then try to explain to them that you needed help, that you needed someone to talk to, that you needed a therapist.
They didn't understand. They shook it off with ease, a look on their face that told us a sentence everyone of us had heard at least once before. It's just a phase. The look said.
But some things aren't phases. Problems aren't necessarily phases, they could be, but not all of them were. If they were, it would've meant that they would've go away all by themselves if you just left them alone.
Then try to ignore the feeling of not being loved by your family,
Try to ignore being stared at at school.
Try to ignore the feeling of not being listened to.
Try to ignore the hate you feel towards yourself.
Try to ignore the trauma a past relationship left on you in.
Try to ignore the names you're constantly called.
Try to ignore being abused.
These were all common things teenagers had to fight with day by day, and no it was not just a phase. We might be young but that didn't mean that our problems were less real.
And most adults just didn't get that.
"Why should we spend money on a therapist?", Mr. Griffin raised an eyebrow, "As if you would tell someone you've never met before more about your problems than you would tell your friends."
"Yes, we would", I protested, "it might be easier to talk about what bothers us to someone we don't know than to our friends."
"What bothers you", he repeated my words in a mocking manner. "You all haven't even lived your lives, there can't be much that bothers you."
I pressed my teeth together and crossed my arms in front of my chest. Of course, they didn't care. I should've expected it. "That's the problem!", I raised my voice causing everyone to go silent and turn their heads to me.
Griffin frowned, squinting his eyes together. Deep crinkles covered his forehead and the colour of his skin turned to a rosy pink. Only by the looks of this, it was sure that he was being furious. "Miss Cox, I'm asking you to either calm down or leave the room", he pressed through his teeth.
"No, I'm not calming down." I was more than just upset. We had made so much progress already. I couldn't leave this room without getting what we wanted. I just wouldn't. "We have feelings. We are hurt and you all don't give a fuck about it"
I wanted to continue. I wanted to scream and to riot, but a hand was laid over mine. I did not need to check to whom it belonged. "Calm down Beanie", he whispered into my ear, "They won't listen to you like that. Don't give them any more reasons to look at teenagers as if they were another species."
I looked up meeting his ocean eyes, that bored into me. We only held eye contact for a few seconds, but they were already enough for him to catch me, to remind me of who I was and of what I had to do. He was right. I had to pull myself together.
I closed my eyes, tightening the grip between our hands and breathing deeply. I needed to let go of the anger; they mustn't see how much it bothered me.
"We know that you have feelings. And I know that the life as a student can be stressful but that's why we have our teachers of trust. When you have problems, you can go to them, but this school is not going to pay money for a therapist. There are already enough opportunities to talk in this school."
I sighed. Talking to our teachers was not the same thing than talking to a therapist. Our teachers never learned how to solve problems. They knew how to solve equations but not the riddles of a student's mind.
Therapists were trained for that. All they did was listen to other people's sorrows and help them overcome them. You couldn't compare a teacher with that.
But at this point, it didn't have any use anymore. We had failed and we had to accept that.
*✭𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞✭*
i had to get tested for covid yesterday, but no worries, the test came out negative.
I've had symptoms over the last days but apparently they just wanted to trick me haha
the only thing I'm mad about is that i missed a 4h exam and now I have to make up for that one day :o
anywho, i hope you liked this chapter, if you did please leave a vote :*
I've decided to have 3 update days :) this way my updates are consistent but not too much :)
so my updates will from now on be on Monday, Wednesday, and Sunday xx
-amora