One of my favorite things in life was to travel by a vehicle and just have a long, relaxing ride. It seems ironic to call it my favorite because I probably had just done it only once in my whole life. I remember my mother took me and my brother to Sacramento in the summer of 1979 to visit my grandmother. A five-hour journey from Santa Maria to the heart of California seemed exhausting for an 11-year-old but I found myself enjoying the entire ride, falling in love with the sceneries and views that my innocent eyes were seeing. I consider it a wonderful thing that happened to me as a child that I never had a chance to experience again.
The rays of the morning sun was seeping through the window of the rented cab that I was in. It felt warm on my skin as I was leaning to the side of the window, my eyes staring at the view outside along the long roads of Los Olivos. The familiar feeling of being in a moving vehicle felt good. Kind of nostalgic. It was only a short---barely an hour---drive but I found myself unable to take my eyes away from the road. The blur of the trees was hypnotizing and it temporarily made me forget that I was getting farther and farther away from the place that has become my home for the last two months, the Neverland Ranch.
Leaving was harder than I ever thought. I smiled bitterly when I remembered Sarah's face, wet in tears as she beg me not to leave. Tilda and Anna gave me a hug but the other maids just stood there, not even meeting my gaze.
"We could do something about this," Sarah said, holding my hands. "I believe you, Jane. Maybe we should try convincing the boss---"
"I've already talked to the boss," I replied. My eyes were swollen from crying myself to sleep last night. I displayed a bitter smile. "He wants me out of the ranch. Let's respect his decision."
"But---" she paused. She wiped her tears and shook her head. "This is so unfair!"
I hugged her. My friend, Sarah. The friendship that I developed with her was one of the best things that the ranch gave me. There was no assurance that we'd see each other again and my eyes watered at the thought. I said goodbye to Tilda and Anna---the other two maids that I had fun being with. I looked at the other maids and tried memorizing their faces. Dana the head maid. Mary. Stella. Karen. Lia.
Lia's emotionless eyes were looking back at me. The two of us were looking at each other for a long time and she was the first one to break the eye contact and looked away. It was painful to think that one of them was the reason why this happened to me and while I didn't wanna accuse anyone without any evidence, I felt something strange towards Lia. There's something about the way she looks at me. I didn't wanna think it was her but I couldn't help it and deep inside I was having suspicion.
I didn't see the boss when I left the ranch. I tried looking around wishing to at least catch a glimpse of him before leaving but he was nowhere to be seen. Though it was hard, a part of me wanted to leave. When he refused to believe me even when I tried explaining, I realized that there was no point proving my innocence if his mind was already fixed in believing that I was a thief. Even if he didn't tell me to, I would leave. I'd rather leave than be in an environment where someone hates you secretly that she stole a necklace only to put it under your pillow so everyone would blame you. I would rather leave than be looked at with accusing, disgusted eyes. Being able to work in the ranch was a privilege. It was hard to digest that all of this was happening and I tried being optimistic by thinking that I could just find another job---though not as high-paying as the ranch---but at least I could start again.
"We've reached Santa Maria."
My mind drifted back to reality when the driver spoke. The bearded middle-aged man looked at me through the rear view mirror. "Where should I drop you off?"
"Just around E Main Street."
The driver nodded. I put my eyes back on the road and looking at the crowded and busy streets caused a small smile on my lips. Santa Maria. Home.
The driver helped me unload my things when I reached my destination. I stopped for a moment and stared at the old apartment building in front of me. I felt. . happy. I hadn't seen this place for two months and I couldn't express how I missed it. My sudden return wasn't planned but it really felt good to be back.
It was Sunday so I was sure that John, my brother, was home. I struggled to carry all my bags inside but I managed to bring all of them up the second floor of the building. Some of my neighbors greeted when they saw me, happy to see that I was back. I stopped in front of the white door numbered 77 and dropped everything that I was carrying on the floor. I took a deep breath and knocked my knuckles against the wooden door. When it creaked open, my brother's eyes immediately widened when he saw me standing in front of him.
"Jane!"
He jumped at me. I almost lost my balance but I hugged him back, my smile immeasurable. We shared a tight hug for a moment before he let go and asked me, "Why are you here? I thought you're working."
"Well," I shrugged my shoulders. "Surprise."
John helped me to take all my things inside. My eyes immediately roamed around the entire place and I sighed as I saw the familar look of the interior of our small apartment. It's been two months since the last time I've been here and it felt good to be finally back home. And it felt good to see John again. I missed this little dork.
It was about 11 am and I was starving since I didn't have my breakfast before I leave the ranch. There was an omelet on the table that John cooked earlier but it was only good for one person so my brother decided to cook another one for me. I didn't even bother to change my clothes and right after the food was cooked, both of us sat on the table facing each other and ate.
"How were you while I was away?" I asked, cutting the egg with my fork and shoved a piece in my mouth.
"You're brother is all grown up, of course I was fine." He chuckled. "You should've told me you're coming, I could've prepared, y'know."
I just sighed. "It wasn't planned."
"So how long will you be staying? When are you going back---"
"I am not going back."
He stopped. He looked at me, his brows pulled together. "What? Why?"
I didn't speak. I didn't know how I would tell him but it seemed he's getting it.
"Are you telling me that you just lost your job?"
I nodded but I forced a smile. "Don't worry, I would just find another one."
John didn't answer. He just looked at me, at my swollen eyes, and it seemed that he knew that there was something wrong. My brother knew me enough and he probably felt that I wasn't okay so he didn't ask any more questions.
"How did you spend the money that I sent you last month?" I asked, trying to change the topic of the conversation. I sent him my salary for the first month of working at the ranch.
"I paid the rent," he replied. "And I bought groceries."
I nodded and smiled. Good kid.
"But there was a. ." He paused. "Problem."
"Hmm?" I looked at him. "What is it?"
"Dad came home about a couple of weeks ago. He took the rest of the money."
I literally dropped the fork that I was holding and it fell in a clank on my plate. "What?!"
My brother looked down. "I'm sorry, Jane. I couldn't do any---"
"Did he hurt you?"
He shook his head. "No. But he told me he would if I didn't give him the money."
I clenched my fists. That man. Why did he have to do this?
I stood up and hugged my brother.
"I'm sorry, Jane."
"Don't be. It's not your fault," I said. Good thing he didn't hurt him. We really should need to find another place to live so that man could no longer find us.
I sighed. I thought he already left Santa Maria. When will he ever stop bothering our lives?
I had some money with me---my last salary from the ranch---but I knew that this would only last us for less than a month. I didn't wanna waste time doing nothing so the next day, I already decided to start looking for a new job. Right after John left for school, I went out looking and applying for any job vacancy that I could find.
It wasn't easy. There were some opportunities in one of the agencies that I inquired in but the jobs were outside Santa Maria so I didn't apply. I didn't wanna leave my brother again after he told me that father came here while I was away. I was worried for his safety and I couldn't risk it.
I ended up being hired in a local fast food just few blocks away from our apartment a week later. The payment wasn't that high but I thought it was better than nothing. John and I would come out of our apartment together every morning and while he was headed for school, I would proceed to my working place. That had become our routine and we would see each other again later at home after my shift was over. I was happy to see that my brother had improved a lot after two months of being alone here in our apartment. Before, I used to have a hard time waking him up every morning for school but now, I'd wake up only to see him already facing the stove, cooking breakfast. My day off was during Saturdays and I'd spend it accepting cleaning and babysitting jobs from our neighbors and my brother would help me. He would babysit the next-door neighbor's kid while I was doing the laundry, or sometimes we would wash the car of Mrs. Allen---the landlady---to gain some extra cash.
Two weeks after leaving the ranch, everything had started going fine. Though it was exhausting, I was doing good with my job. I was starting a new life and I thought I'd already moved on but everything suddenly came back to me one day when my brother went home from school bringing something in his hand.
"Hey Jane, look," he said, smiling. "I got this from my classmate. Watcha think?"
It was a Michael Jackson poster.
I was preparing the foods on the table and I stopped when I saw it. I suddenly felt something on my chest when I saw those printed eyes on the paper, staring back at me.
"I'll put this next to David Bowie's poster in my room---"
"Get rid of that."
John looked at me as if he couldn't believe what I just said. "What?"
"I said get rid of it," I repeated in a low, expressionless voice. I continued on fixing the dining table. My brother had no idea where I worked before so he simply didn't know that he was holding the picture of my former boss.
"Why? It's cool," he said. "Don't you like Michael Jackson?"
I dropped the spoon on the table forcefully. "Can you just listen?! You're not putting that damn poster anywhere inside this house or I'm gonna rip that myself!"
John's face displayed a surprised expression when I raised my voice. He looked at me and didn't speak, and I suddenly realized my mistake.
"Sorry," I said, sighing. My hands were shaking and I looked down, refusing my brother's gaze. Immediately walked to the bathroom and locked myself inside, leaving him alone in the kitchen.
I washed my face and stared at myself in the mirror. I couldn't believe I just acted like that over a simple poster. I couldn't believe I just raised my voice at my brother when he didn't even have an idea about everything. My eyes started watering and I blinked numerous times to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall.
I sighed.
It was just a simple poster, but I couldn't believe it had affected me this way.