november 8, 2018
i woke up in billie's arms and closed my eyes, trying to fall asleep again. i didn't want this to end. it wasn't billies fault. i was just mad and put the blame on her because i thought i had nothing else to do. i shuffle closer to her and let in a deep breath, taking in her scent for what feels like the last time.
billie: morning
madison: hi
billie: how'd you sleep
madison: it felt different
billie: why?
madison: i don't know. maybe it's cause it's not my bed
she chuckles and yawns throwing her arm around my bare waist. her eyes open and she looks down, raising her eyebrows when she finds i'm still in my bra. she was wearing a big shirt she found last night. i try to get up but she pulls me closer
billie: don't go
madison: i don't have a choice
billie: yes you do. you'll make decisions in the future this is now. make the right decision.
every single time she says that my heart wants to break. i relax in her arms and she smiles
billie: that's what i thought
madison: shut up
billie: you love me
madison: i really do. sing to me smartass
wait a minute, let me finish
i know you don't care
but can you listen?
i have never heard this song before, but i didn't say anything.
i came committed, guess i over did it
wore my heart out on a chain
around my neck but now it's missing
hmm
you said don't treat me badly
but you said it so sadly
so i did the best i could
not thinking you would have left me gladly
she goes quiet and i look at her
madison: keep going
billie: that's all i have
madison: what do you mean? there's no full song?
billie: i made it up
madison: that's beautiful
billie: thank you
madison: that song is yours?
billie: yeah
madison: sing when the party's over
billie had recently dropped a new song, and i loved it with everything in me. of course, i didn't find the time to listen to it as much as i did the month it dropped but i still love it and i always will.
don't you know i'm no good for you?
i've learned to lose you, can't afford to
tore my shirt to stop you bleeding
but nothing ever stops you leaving
she takes a breath and stops singing. i look up at her and she starts to play with my hair. her eyes were filled with sadness and although i knew there was nothing i could do to change her feeling this way, i wished there was.
quiet when i'm coming home and i'm on my own
i could lie, say i like it like that, like it like that
i could lie, say i like it like that, like it like that.
don't you know too much already?
i'll only hurt you if you let me
call me friend but keep me closer
and i'll call you when the party's over
when she released the song we were in a good state, but of course she released it without me knowing. it was the fourth day we knew eachother and that day was the first time we kissed (chapter 4 🥺) i had only figured out she released the song when we were in a bad state, only because then we weren't talking to eachother and i was checking her instagram. i don't know if the song is about me, but wether it is or not my feelings for her refuse to change.
but nothing is better sometimes
once we've just said our goodbyes
let's just let it go
she stops singing completely and i look up at her. she smiles softly and kisses my lips before the door opens. i flinch and move but she grabs me and pulls me back into her arms. finneas looks at us both and then smiles
finneas: i knew you two can't go five minutes without eachother
madison: what's up finn
finneas: we aren't doing anything so you guys are free to do whatever today even if it's just stay in bed. don't let anyone else catch you guys though.
billie: thanks man
he nods then leaves and billie looks back at me
madison: ..what?
billie: you're perfect
madison: you're perfect
billie: i'm not the model here
madison: but with the way your body looks everyone wishes you were a model
billie: thanks ma
i smile.
billie: what do you wanna do today?
madison: anything
billie: wanna go home and chill in bed?
madison: okay
i get in the shower while billie gets her shit together and waits for me. when i get out and get dressed she pulls me into a hug from behind
billie: you look sexy as fuck
madison: look at you
she kisses my neck and puts her hands under my shirt, feeling my body
madison: bil stop
she groans and i turn around. she takes this as an advantage to slide her hands down to my ass
billie: she thicc tho
madison: you are too so shut up
billie: kiss me
madison: no
billie: please?
madison: can't you wait?
billie: fine.
i go downstairs first and isaac immediately grabs me
isaac: we're watching a bunch of movies, come on it's gonna be fun
they all run in their rooms and walk out like usual, running downstairs into the movie room. billie comes downstairs with her stuff and looks at me
billie: need a ride?
madison: bil-
isaac walks in and stops in his tracks looking at us.
isaac: were you guys talk-
finneas: maddie what pizza did you say you wanted again?
finn turns around and looks at me while holding his phone to his ear
madison: same as yours
finneas: right
he talks into phone and then turns it off, looking at me isaac and billie.
finneas: is there a problem?
isaac: were they talking?
finneas: no, billie just got downstairs and i was talking to madison
isaac: about her order?
finneas: she never orders the same thing, it's always tacobell i'm just used to it but this time she wanted pizza. right maddie?
madison: yep
isaac nods then goes to do whatever he was doing
finneas: saved by me.
madison: thank you finn
finneas: no problem.
billie: wait what's happening? you're still coming over right?
madison: they want me to watch movies with them
she looks bummed as fuuuuck. isaac walks in then looks at finneas
finneas: ready for the movie mads?
madison: mhm
finneas: tell mom i said hi billie
billie: oh yeah okay
i look at billie and give her a surrowful look. she shrugs and leaves. oh man.
i should have kissed her
billie
when i got home i hugged my mom.
maggie: you okay?
billie: mhm. finneas said hi
maggie: billie what's wrong?
billie: nothing
maggie: i can tell when something is happening. your face isn't glowing with happiness and your voice has dropped. tell me what's up.
billie: it's nothing i swear.
maggie: i'll ask finneas when he gets home.
billie: finn's gonna come back?
maggie: yeah. he texted me this morning
billie: okay
i go into my room and start to write what's on my mind. hours pass and i find myself still writing. it's around 2pm and i'm bored out of my mind. i'm sitting on my bed with 3 bags of takis, my notepad and phone. i look at my wall with my luis vuitton blanket and remember the day i showed it to madison. i literally only show my wall to people i trust like close ass friends. that's why the blankets up there, duh. i grab my phone and message madison, asking what she's doing. risky, i know. but if we get caught atleast i can take the blame. surprisingly, she texts me back.
imessage
mamas🥵
bil: wydddd
mamas🥵: in my room u?
bil: i miss u :(
mamas🥵: ignore my question then🙄 i miss u too bil
bil: when are you coming home?
mamas🥵: idk, sorry babe
bil: alg. finn's coming home later, u can ask for a ride?
mamas🥵: i'll take it into consideration
bil: if you don't show up istg
mamas🥵: 😋
----
i leave that on read and put my phone down, lying on my bed. i just lie there and think about things. soon i fall asleep.
november 9, 2018
i wake up and turn around throwing my arm on my bed. my eyes open when they land on the soft blankets and my eyebrows furrow as i realise maddie still isn't here. or maybe she's downstairs? i check the time and it's 2am. i go downstairs and find finn and claudia on the couch watching a movie and eating popcorn. they both look at me and i smile.
billie: i'm glad you two worked things out
claudia: me too
finneas: oh yeah, maddie insisted getting a ride home from one of the guys
billie: which one?
finneas: dunno. we left before they did
billie: oh. do you think she's alone?
finneas: probably asleep.
billie: alright. i'm going over.
without another word i put my hair in a bun then grab my keys and head to my car, driving to madison's house. i had honestly hoped i'd find her alone. or asleep. when i get to her house there's only one light on; her room one. the door is surprisingly unlocked and i go to call her name out but am cut off with loud, familiar.. moaning. it was maddie's voice. i could tell. i go into the kitchen in complete darkness and grab a beer bottle out of the fridge then go to sit on the counter. a few beers later the moaning stops and i hear laughs then the light flicks on. i don't turn around to face them, instead take another sip.
madison: billie how long have you been there?
billie: about 5 minutes.
i take another sip
billie: who is it?
isaac: isaac? you could have just turned around.
billie: i just didn't want to know
isaac: didn't wanna know what?
billie: who madison was hooking up with while i was at home waiting for her.
i place the 5th empty bottle on the counter next to me and jump off it. i guess i was drinking fast. i turn and smile at them.
billie: i should be going now
i walk to the door and turn to them again.
billie: you two are good for eachother. don't end up having the relationship we did. get together sooner, before something happens.
madison: don't go
billie: desperate
madison: you've been drinking and we both know better. don't go.
billie: i'm sleeping in my car
madison: there's plenty of rooms in my house?
by now isaac was gone upstairs.
billie: and you think i give a fuck? no i really wanna get out of here because i'd rather be at home than in the same building as you. you can't turn me down because you felt exactly the same way with me and drew but you had a decision and that was to stay. my decision is that i wanna leave. so let me.
i walked out of the house and got in my car. of course i knew better, but i wasn't gonna stay outside for the rest of the night. finneas ubered to maddie's house and drove home in my car. the whole car ride was quiet but never awkward or intense. when we got home i went straight to sleep, not even caring about anything anymore
-----
tenks 🥰
1946 words