"T, what is it you aren't telling me?" I asked straight up.
"You called me T." He spoke softly. "And what are you on about?" He looked so confused.
"You and everyone else seems to be tip toeing around something with me, something that I feel like I should probably know."
He thought for a second, trying to pick the right words and phrase them in the right way.
"There are things that you don't know that, I enjoy you not knowing. Not because ... not out of bad intention just because... Because ... You knowing things like that about me right now, they would stop a lot of things ... a lot of possibilities"
"You should know that I'm incredibly nosy and the idea of things being hidden from me," I rubbed my forehead, "makes my head hurt." I breathed out.
He grinned. His fingers locking with mine. "Honestly that's fair enough. But you don't need to know these things right now." He whispered. "I promise."
"Okay," I didn't want to push him or make him uncomfortable, it could be anything for all I knew. "But if you want to tell me or talk to me about it, I'm a very good listener Timothée and I hope you'll take me up on that."
"I'm sure I will."
His reply shut the conversation down and all that was left was this feeling again, one that I kept trying to repress but couldn't.
He was looking at me, and he was seeing me - that's how he looked at me even when I didn't speak, like he really saw me. It freaked me out. I stood up.
"It's been lovely chatting but um, I've gotta go. I've got plans. I'm already late and Blix and Charles are going to kill me."
"Why?" He got up. Following behind me as I out my glass in the sink for Adele.
He was leant against the fridge. He really was beautiful. I washed up our coffee cups. "Why? I said I've got plans and I'm late."
"You haven't got plans." He stepped in front of me. "So why are you running?" He stood in front of the doorway.
It wasn't aggressive, it was just that the very little space between us stirred up feelings that either I knew I would have to act on now and maybe ruin everything or leave.
I ducked under his arm and got my bag from the kitchen table. "Yes I do.
"No you don't." He pulled me to him by my belt hook.
"And if I didn't how would you know?" I said looking square at him.
"Adele told me you guys were going to hang out all day ... and you Cara do not double book, that much I can tell."
I fell into his body like I would into bed. He was wearing a tshirt and jeans. My head turned to the side against his chest.
We stood for a second before he wrapped his arms around me, holding me to him.
"Everything is intense with you." I mumbled. I wasn't usually like this. I was going soft. Normally I'd be ... well I don't what I would be doing but it wouldn't be like this, this was so new, so unexpected.
I could hear him smile. "Sorry." His chin rested on my head.
"Don't be. I just ... I like breathing."
He laughed. He held my head at the base of my neck, his thumbs either side of my ears in a cradle and I looked up at him.
"And ... with you there seems to be difficulties sometimes."
I breathed deeply and exited the embrace. Too much.
"Will you hang out with me tonight?" He asked.
"I think I should take you in doses." I whispered
"What?"
"Nothing. I'm having dinner with my flat mates tonight."
"Okay." No questions asked. No usual insistence.
"I'll see you around though, right?"
The switch had been flipped back off. "Yeah sure you will." Cold.
I opened the door and turned back to see Timothée sat back on the sofa. He looked up slightly and smiled in a half sort of way.
I gave him a grin back but received nothing. I closed it behind me.