"Excuse me?"
A female voice came from behind and chased my thoughts away.
"I'm sorry" I muttered, taking a few steps away from the spot I had been standing on before.
Sighing, I took my phone out from my handbag when I finally decided; I'm going to call her. The time on my phone screen just confirmed that I had been waiting for almost 45 minutes in the same aisle of this supermarket and staring at the wide selections of cheese with none in my trolley yet. And there was no reply from her either.
So I put the phone against my ear, listening to the ringing on the line as nervousness kicking in.
"Baby?" A lovely voice pinched my heart, reminding me about how much I actually had longed for her compassion towards me. "Hey?"
"Hey, Jag. Am I disturbing you?" I chuckled in worry since she was working and I gave her a call for some stupid reasons.
"No, absolutely no"
"I'm sorry for calling. I texted you earlier."
"I didn't check my phone. Is everything alright, baby?" She asked that question immediately, expressing that she wasn't rushing to end the call like what I used to hear in the universe I came from, but she sounded genuinely concerned instead.
"Yeah. I'm just at the supermarket."
"And?"
"I was thinking of buying cheese to cook for dinner later."
"And?"
"Which one do you prefer, my darling? Cheddar or mozzarella?"
I heard her loud sigh.
"Just that?"
Laughing a little, I replied to her. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I know it's stupid."
"No, that's alright-"
"I'm about to leave, and you still haven't read my text, that's why."
I continued to explain, ensuring that she knew I wouldn't simply invade her working time with her investigating team. I had tried my best not to be the Chae I was before, who kept asking for attention at the wrong time. Thus, I wouldn't let all the efforts I had been putting on to make myself better got ruined by a cheese.
"I'm sorry, baby" But her charm was slowly winning over my defence mode. "Did I upset you?"
"Umm, not really."
"Alright then just grab mozzarella for me, please."
"Mozzarella it is" I laughed in relief, realising that she was my Lisa after all. She wasn't going to get mad at me for calling her.
"Chae?"
"Yes, love?"
"I have to go for a seminar in Glasgow on Sunday" She finally dropped something that I wished I would never have to hear again for the rest of my life, and it pressed itself on my tongue with its weight. "Can I go?"
"Lisa!"
I forced laughter instantly as tears began to well up in my eyes.
"What?"
"Are you asking my permission about your job?!" I distracted myself with a different perspective rather than focusing on the bad news she just told me.
"Of course I am-"
"You shouldn't have, it's your work stuff."
"I feel bad to leave you for 4 days just because a twat withdraws himself last minute."
"I'm fine with it, Lisa. You must go."
"Can you please come with me?" She initiated a negotiation, inviting real happiness this time by how thoughtful she was as my girlfriend.
"I have to work, jag."
"Emergency leave?"
"For 4 days? I don't think so, love"
"Why not?"
"Natalie isn't available for the whole week. She will go for a holiday in Santorini."
Lisa took a few seconds of silence before responding to me, making me anxious since I knew she was serious now like she just changed herself from being my charming girlfriend to the best detective in England that she was.
"So you will be home alone for 7 days straight?"
"Yeah, looks like it"
"You must stay at my place then."
I laughed again.
"What's the difference? I'd still be alone-"
"Well, at least my apartment is secured with guards around."
"That's not necessary, Lisa-"
"Stay at my place, or I won't go to the seminar" She surprised me with her strictness that I had never encountered in her before, and it made my heart thump a little harder against my chest. "Barking has high crime rates, baby. You know how worried I am for you to stay in such area."
"Love, that's the only area in London I can afford to pay."
"I have asked you to move in with me so many times-"
"Lisa, don't get mad at me please."
"I'm not-" She stopped immediately, leaving her sentence to remain unfinished. "I'm sorry. I'm just worried about your safety."
The hanging tears wet my cheeks when I had failed to contain them in place, thinking that it wasn't me who she should be worrying about. It wasn't me who would have my time ended any time soon. It was actually hers. It was her who would have danger waiting for her in days from now.
It was her who would leave me forever.
"That's alright, jag. Go back to work. We can talk later when you are home."
She sighed in defeat.
"I love you, Chae."
***
I had arrived at this place I called home earlier, feeling exhausted. It wasn't that my work had been particularly strenuous, but the thoughts and concerns whirling in my mind that had taken their toll. I could barely concentrate on what I had to do anymore.
"God," I sighed, splashing the cold water to my face as I stood against the sink. I already showered a moment ago, but still feeling the warmth building up around me. And the electricity that was cut off when I was under the shower earlier alerted my anxiousness because nothing happened yet like I expected it to be. I wasn't visited by someone...or something.
I pressed my palms on the counter, thinking about my plans to buy a train ticket to Scotland and spend the last moments I had with my girlfriend there. I refused to care about what I should and shouldn't do because, at this point, nothing else mattered than Lisa. Everything that I had here; temporary life and happiness would soon to vanish. And I had done terrible sin to earn it, so I needed to spend it to its fullest.
"Alright" I breathed out, taking one last look of myself in the mirror before I exited Lisa's bathroom. "Let's do this."
I rushed to get to my phone that I placed on the bedside table, wanting to call my girlfriend and informing her that I would leave London for her, just like how she originally asked me to. I wanted her to know that I would be coming to Glasgow because that was where I should have been. There was no better place in this set of worlds than the one where Lisa was in. That was where I should be. Because I had made my decision to be with her until her last breath.
I was hers. And Lisa could have me any way she wanted this time.
As I held on my phone and about to press the green button on the speed dial, I heard a sound coming from the living room. I thought I might be mistaken it at first, but I waited for a moment more until I could clearly hear footsteps outside. So I put my phone down, eyes wandered to the small gap between the floor and the bedroom door.
And a low gasped came out from my lips when a shadow appeared under the door, indicating that someone was standing behind it. My heartbeat went to the roof, forcing me to choose between the possibilities that were served in my plate. It couldn't be anyone else than Lisa since this was her house. Only Lisa had access to this apartment. But my mind was sure about my girlfriend's whereabouts; in a hotel in Glasgow for a seminar and I was updated about everything before I went for a shower.
There was no way the shadow was Lisa's.
I jumped a little when the banging on the door surprised me. It was hard, putting the door under pressure like it meant to break. The weight of my breath wasn't enough to measure the fright I was feeling, and it pressed my chest against a wall that didn't even exist, yet the pain of it was too dreadful to be unreal.
My legs trembled as I walked towards the door, ears listening to my own breathing and thinking about whoever that was out there must have heard me as well. I was trapped in this small space with nowhere to hide, let alone run. So I turned the doorknob as soon as I had my grip on it, and my eyes witnessed a figure that appeared to be someone I loved right in front of me.
Our eyes stared into each other while our mouths were sealed. I couldn't get the strength to utter a word, and I guess she didn't need a voice to prove who she really was either. Just by the way she looked at me, I knew she wasn't the love of my life. Because nobody else could wear a pair of doe eyes like Lisa did. She wore them only for me.
"Chae..." She broke the silence between us, sounding more like a regretted sigh rather than a normal greeting. "I come here to tell you the truth."
"T-the truth?" I asked, watching her as she walked away towards the opened sliding door. Her steps were calm, unlike the banging she placed on the bedroom door earlier.
She nodded. "You know what I'm talking about."
Her steps met an end when the flying curtain touched her face. I could only see her side profile from the position I stood at, but the serenity that she expressed was clear enough when she closed her eyes, probably appreciating the soft fabric against her skin.
"You lied to me, Chae."
I gave her silence because there was no need for me to be pretentious. I knew well what she was talking about, and I was undoubtedly guilty. But the way she spoke was full of disappointment, making the fear in me slowly turn into sadness instead. Maybe because I expected her visit was to get mad at me for everything I had done to her, and she surprised me for acting the opposite.
"I really thought you were different from the others" She sighed. "You are my favourite so far."
The heaviness in my chest was no longer bearable as it pained my eyes and my jaw too.
"I'm so sorry-" I struggled with my words in a sob. "I wish there was any other way."
She didn't respond to me fast enough as if she got carried away by the curtain in front of her.
"Do you know, Chae?" She reopened her eyelids and continued looking at the night view. "There's no breeze at my place, let alone cold wind like this" She paused. "You have no idea how lucky it is to be born here, to live here."
I saw her full face when she turned her neck, inviting eye contact between us.
She flashed a weak smile.
"You will know soon when my place becomes yours," She spoke with a low voice. "You will know when we are finally together."
Looking down, I shut my eyes abruptly and squeezed tears out as I failed to restraint my cries at last.
"Please!" I raised my voice, pleading. "Please, I can't be with you."
"It's not a matter of you can or cannot" She let out her words, hurting my feelings even more than I thought I would experience. "It's a matter of you must" She resumed. "You must be with me, Chae."
Crying, I shook my head as I looked at her again.
"Please, please let me go."
"If only it was that easy"
"We can find some other ways to solve this-"
"But you're mine, Chae."
"I need to go, please let me go."
"You promised me. I have done everything you asked me to."
"I know!" I pressed my throat, trying so hard not to yell. "I was just stupid, I promised you a lot of things!" I breathed hard in between each word. "And I need one last favour from you, please, I need you to leave-"
"What about me, Chae?! I don't need you?!" She shouted all of a sudden, snapping me out from my sadness and selfishness. "I need you to love me! Why is it so hard for you to understand?!"
She looked away, dragging her gaze out from the balcony again while I stared at her and thought so hard to initiate another round of negotiation. Even though I knew this might be the last time for her to entertain me, considering how many times she had given me opportunities to prove myself worthy—I still wanted to try.
"Do you know how much you mean to me?" Her voice had a slight trembled in it, luring my attention only to her rather than thinking about myself. "Do you know how it feels like to listen to prayers, hopes and dreams, but none of them is for you?" She sounded sadder than she already was, which creating guilt in my soul. "They only ask from God, from Michael, from Gabriel" She murmured. "Only people like you, Chae...only you asked from me."
She turned her body this time, facing me without withdrawing herself from the sliding door.
"Only people like you make me feel important," She said. "So don't you ever think you can simply ask me to let you go."
"But I-" I stuttered because of the unsatisfied sob that urged to be released. "I love Lisa."
She smiled again, and it looked so forceful.
"I can be Lisa for you."
"You're not her-"
"I can wear this face, this body, anything you want me to look like."
"But you are still not her!" I finally yelled this time, getting frustrated of how my feelings and wants were taken less seriously. "Nobody can be her! Do you understand?!" I spoke and noticed how her eyes changed from holding grief into growing anger. "I don't want to be with you, and I'm going to my Lisa now."
My tongue was glued right after I finished my last sentence when my eyes were drawn to a vivid, intense colour of red that came out from her arm. A loud rattling sound followed as my heart thumped faster again, eyes looking at a flickering flames chain being dragged out from her skin. It was moving like a snake, gliding down along her hand and only stopping when it wrapped itself around each one of her fingers.
"I hate to have to do this, Chae," She said with gritted teeth, causing even greater fear in me as if seeing a blazing chain that I had never seen before wasn't enough to scare me. "Especially to a soul like you, but you left me with no choice."
Sniffling, I forced myself to speak. "Please? It doesn't have to be this way."
"Come here then" She called before turning her body again, and she stepped on the balcony floor. "Come to me, and I'll tell you something."
My eyes blinked for a few times, pushing out the remaining tears to my damp cheeks. I feared her. Even though she looked exactly like Lisa, I still feared her for what she really was; a creature that knew no mercy and full of deceits. But it was on my will that she was here with me. It was on my own request that opened the door for her to get into this world. It was on my own greed and desires that invited her in my life.
So whatever it was, I had to take all the consequences, and I began with making these small steps towards a place next to her.
"We both know you won't leave the front door" She talked with a low voice, and I could see her looking at me from the corner of my eye. "You know you aren't going anywhere tonight," She paused. "Except to my place, right?"
I sobbed, again, pressing my lips together as my sight turned blurry. And I nodded with an unwilling pain across my chest.
"I didn't mean to scare you, Chae. I just wanted you to change your mind" She said softly. "But I hear your heart, words that you don't need to say" She spoke as calm as she could, yet the terror in her voice drummed my heart harder. "So I know this isn't going to make any difference, I just love to ask you one more time" She breathed against my left cheek. "Are you sure you don't want to be with me?"
I couldn't find any strength left in me to voice out my words, so I nodded again without hesitation, without using the last chance she had given me like it meant nothing.
Feeling her light touches on my forearm that made me flinch a little, I heard her voice again.
"Look at me, Chae" She whispered as her touch turned into a grip around my wrist. "I need you to look at me."
I swallowed the lump in my throat before I turned my body to face hers, keeping my eyes down for seconds longer and looking up to meet her stare.
"You're one brave soul..." She whispered as she attempted to touch my face, careful not to do it with the hot chain. But even with her cautiousness, I already felt the heat. "What else can I do for you, Chae? For one last time."
"I-I'm scared-" My breath hitched as my whole body quivered.
"I know, baby..." She responded, cupping my face gently, and that was when the pain struck me like lightning. "Let me help you."
"Please..." I cried, feeling the tremble of my bones as I tried to fight the suffering that was just a beginning. "P-please do it gently."
"I'll try my best" She convinced me and silenced my sobs with her lips, kissing mine in a way that reminded me of my Lisa—kind and promising. I was frightened while waiting for my fate or to feel another force of pain that only exist out from this world. So I kissed her back with eagerness and sorrow, imagining a person I truly loved to my death. At least it made me feel less scared. At least it made me feel like I was in her safe hands.
Breaking the kiss, I rested my forehead against hers while gripping on her shirt.
"Take off your necklace, Chae" She ordered. "Hold it in your palm as hard as you can" She continued. "I promise you it will help, even just a little"
I listened to her immediately by snatching my mother's cross off my neck. My tongue started to pray, reciting all verses that I remembered about repentance. And the greater the pain as time passed, the louder I prayed to God; the only one I should have prayed to. I guess the torment started with the sight of my entire arms being covered by the burning chains, animal wings of the creature opened wide and she flew up before she went down the railing, dragging me with her as I screamed into the darkness.