Saturday arrives way too soon. I decided that I needed to bite the bullet and face the world today. I am working 4:00 pm to close tonight. Maybe I should just call in sick tonight? Nahhh... I needed the distraction from the turmoil that consumes my life currently. Hearing my Mother's voice outside of my room, I sit up in bed to listen in on a phone conversation she is having with someone.
"I know Lori; I'm worried about her too... Yeah, it's been two days...No she's not eating; she just stays in her room most of the time... I don't know, I'll mention it to her... might do her some good. I'll let you know... okay... bye."
After hanging up, she calls out to me, "Mariah, honey. Are you awake? Come downstairs and eat something, please! We aren't lying in bed feeling sorry for ourselves today!"
I roll my eyes and snicker. I realize my Mom and Aunt were talking about me and knowing how my Mom is, I know she won't allow me to be a basket case today; she means business. She backed off and allowed me to grieve my way for two days, but she will be persistent today.
I answer her back, "Okay, I'm coming!"
Standing at the bedside, I slide my slippers on and stumble downstairs to the kitchen. I'm going to force myself to eat something today before I go to work. As I enter the hallway, I notice three sets of eyes boring a hole through me; my parents and brother sit at the table as I enter. My Dad begins to sing the same tune he's sang since I was a little girl after I woke up in the morning, "There she issssss... Miss America!"
I glance at him, forcing a smile, "Good morning." I mumble.
"God, sis, you look like shit! You smell like it too! Have you showered lately?" Drew says with a snarky undertone.
I sneer at him as Mom smacks the back of his head with a rolled magazine to scold him. "Geez, Mom! Someone has to tell her the truth!" he replies defensively.
Noticing the kitchen is darker than usual, I can see that the blinds to the window and patio are drawn, blocking the sunlight from shining through. I wonder, what are they protecting me from? Don't do it, Mariah! I refrain from peeking outside and trek towards the fridge to pull out the orange juice. I grab a glass from the cupboard and amble towards the kitchen table to sit with the orange juice in one hand and the glass in the other. Once I'm seated, I pour a glass of juice for myself. "Honey, I'll make you some toast, okay?" Mom offers as she stands and walks towards the pantry. I nod in agreement even though the thought of food makes my stomach turn.
After she finishes making the toast, she brings a plate over to me and sets it down; there's an awkward silence as they watch intently as I eat. I keep my head down to avoid their pity-riddled stares. Mom finally speaks up, "So, I was talking to your Aunt Lori this morning, and she was wondering if you would want to come and stay with her for the summer while you are off from school. She needs someone to temporarily work at the Assisted Living Center because the current activities director is on maternity leave through the end of August. She said you would be doing her a big favor."
I stop for a moment to contemplate, working on swallowing the dry toast that I have in my mouth, "Well, what about my job?"
Dad interrupts, "Honey, listen, waitressing jobs are a dime a dozen. Take this time for yourself before you start back in school. You are going to need your head clear to focus. That is the most important thing right now. Your Mother and I aren't concerned with your job. You are so close to being done; I don't want to see you give up what you have going right now over a break-up."
I take a sip of orange juice to chase down the toast, "Yeah, I mean, I'd like that. When does she need me by?" I ask as I take another bite of toast.
"Well, they want you to start on Tuesday." Mom blurts out.
I choke back the dry toast in my mouth and attempt to wash it down with the orange juice, "Wow, that's quick! So, does that mean I leave on Sunday or Monday?"
"We thought you could work tonight and let them know you are quitting after your shift. Then you can pack up and leave tomorrow morning." Mom responds.
I sit, silently contemplating before answering, "Okay, should I just drive straight through? Laurel, Mississippi, is like ten hours from here."
Dad reaches out to pat my hand, "We worked it out; we don't want you staying in a hotel room by yourself, so you can drive Sunday and stop at Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Renee's house to sleep and finish out your drive on Monday."
I continued choking down my toast as I try to picture how this is going to go. Uncle Jimmy is Dad's brother. He's an obnoxious guy; I'm not close to Dad's side of the family aside from my Aunt Rebecca, Dad's sister. Uncle Jimmy lives in Mooresville, Tennessee, with his wife Renee and his twin boys, Aiden and Conner, who are twelve years old. Despite not being close to them, I appreciated the gesture of opening their home to me as I pass through town.
Being as close as I am to my Mom's side of the family, I'm excited about my trip to Laurel. My Aunt Lori is Mom's sister, and Brie is her daughter. They are like my Mom and sister, honestly. "Okay, I'll go," I respond while hiding my excitement for getting the fuck out of this miserable place I call home.
The three of them watch as I stand up from the table and walk over to rinse my dishes before placing them in the dishwasher. "I'm going to go get ready for work," I mumble quietly.
Drew chuckles as I walk past, "Thank God! Go wash the sleep off stink ass!"
My Mom raises her rolled magazine to smack him again, but he covers his head with his hands. I ignore him as I walk past while sniffing my armpits. Yuck!!! He's right; I do stink! I haven't had the energy to get out of bed hardly in the past couple of days, let alone shower.
My Mom calls out to me from the kitchen as I run up the steps, "Honey, I'm going to call Aunt Lori and let her know you are coming."
I trudge upstairs to my bathroom and pull the lever to turn on the shower. I brush my teeth while waiting for the water to heat up. Stepping in, the hot water from the shower feels so good on my skin. I hear the words my brother says to me as I left the kitchen, and I begin to chuckle, "Go wash sleep off, you stink ass!"
This is the place where I can cry in private, where nobody can hear me. As the water cascades all around me, I look down at my perfectly pedicured red toes. Red is Aaron's favorite color; he always asked me to paint my toes red. Don't get me wrong, I like red, but maybe it was time for a change.
I hop out of the shower once I'm freshly groomed and tiptoe over to my vanity to pick out a medium gray color to repaint my toes. Then I quickly slip on my blue uniform shirt and black shorts. I sit down at my vanity to blow dry my hair before pulling it up into a ponytail. I don't feel like putting too much effort into myself tonight; this will have to do. I repaint my toes and slip on my ankle socks and black running shoes once the polish dries.
Before I head out, I glance at myself in the mirror, and I am shocked at what I see in the reflection. My face is red and puffy; my eyes are bloodshot. Why didn't I notice this before? My green eyes are dim and almost lifeless. Aaron said he always loved my eyes. My eyes are green, but my right eye has some sort of a congenital defect. A large brown spot takes up part of the eye color. It really pops when I have a tan. I force a smile on my face, but it's almost painful to do so. Come on, Mariah, get ahold of yourself! I lightly smack my cheeks, trying to shake off these emotions that attempt to take hold. I need to try to put some makeup on to cover up this red and puffy mess. I quickly put the minimal amount on, hoping to conceal the evidence of heartbreak. Grabbing my purse and keys, I yell out as I run out the door, "Guys, I'm leaving, be back late. Love ya!" Without looking back, I hop in my Avenger and take off down the road.
It's only 3:30 pm when I pull into the parking lot at work, so I sit in my car listening to the radio. Maybe this can give me a little bit of push before I start my shift. I sit and sing quietly along with the music over the radio until it gets closer to my shift. Once a few moments pass, I muster up all the strength and energy I have left and march inside.
The restaurant is packed with the start of the dinner rush. The sound of kids laughing, crying, yelling, families gathered around the tables, bonding, and spending quality time together. A group of regulars, middle-aged men, sit at the bar for hours with their eyes glued to the television overhead. I stroll to the back amongst the seated customers when I hear from behind, "Hey, Mariah, good to see you, darlin. How are you?" I turn around to find my boss Deb approaching me.
"I'm fine, Deb, how about you?" I respond.
"Oh, you know, I'm here, aren't I?" She responds jokingly as we walk to the back together. Damn it! I just realized I'm going to quit on her tonight. I hate doing this to Deb. She is so great to work for.
"You can clock in early if you want to, honey, it's up to you; we could sure use ya." She suggests. Without hesitation, I clock in early to get my shift started.
My night was crazy busy and non-stop, but it was a nice distraction. I'm happy to report that nobody grabbed my ass tonight. Deb is good about keeping those middle-aged men and their ass grabbing ways in check. My stomach turns, and I feel overcome with anxiety as my shift is close to ending. After I finish cleaning and remove my apron, I approach Deb. She and I were the last ones to close the bar tonight, "Hey Deb; I'm leaving, but..."
She turns to look at me, "Okay, honey, wait for me, and we will walk out together."
I start to hesitate for a moment but continue, "I'm sorry, but I'm quitting, Deb. I'm leaving to go stay with my Aunt in Laurel, Mississippi, for a while."
Startled, she turns back around to look at me," Is something wrong?"
I look down at my feet; it's too hard to make eye contact because I know she's disappointed, "I'm going to help out my Aunt where she works for a while for the summer."
She places her hands on her hips and sighs audibly. "Okay, you know, if you quit without notice, I can't hire you back. Right?"
I reluctantly nod my head.
"You can drop your uniforms off tomorrow and pick up your last check, okay? Don't be a stranger now. You come and see me anytime you want to." She says as she wraps her arm around my shoulder.
"My mom will stop by to drop my uniforms off and pick up my check. Is that okay?" I ask her.
"That's fine, darlin."
We embrace and bid farewell to each other before I get in my car and drive off. The ride home was a blur; I feel like I'm on autopilot. As I pull up in the driveway, I hesitate for a moment before walking in. It's after midnight now, and I know I'll be left to lie in bed drowning in my thoughts. I'm sure Aaron and Lacy are out partying it up right now, living their best life while I'm left here to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart. It makes me wanna hurl just thinking about it.
As I tiptoe up the steps, I walk by Drew's room; he must be out with his friends; his room is empty. Good! No snarky comments tonight; I'm too tired to fight with him anyway.
I quietly enter my room, shutting the door behind me. I strip down to my panties, leaving a trail of clothes from my door to my bed. Once I reach the bed, I plop down. I'm worn out; what a long day. Within minutes of closing my eyes, I pass out.
I awaken the next morning to the sunlight piercing through the blinds directly in my face. I squint and hold up my hand to block the rays. With one eye squinted, I look over to see the time. It's 7:30 am. Nice! I was able to sleep for about seven hours.
Elated, I hop out of bed and start to get ready for my trip. Thoughts of Aaron suddenly cross my mind as I stumble to the bathroom, then I'm heartbroken again; that didn't last long! I welcome any amount of time I can forget about the shit that has hit the fan recently. Standing in front of the shower naked, I get a whiff of cigarette smoke from the night prior, almost as if it soaked into my pores. I turn the lever on the shower and brush my teeth while waiting for the water to heat up. Once it's hot enough, I climb in.
I can't help but think about Aaron and how his hands would explore my body; it made me feel safe, secure, and sexy. I imagine him making his way down to my sex and rubbing the small trail of hair down the center of my waxed cunt before he slides a finger into my slit. I begin to subconsciously run my hand down to the tuft of hair and start to massage my outer labia while thinking of him and his fucking amazing hands. I insert one finger through my slit, gently rubbing my flower. I lean my head against the bathroom wall, embracing the sensation that overtakes my body as I continue to move my finger around my sensitive spot. I reach out with the other hand and hang on to the shower rail to stabilize myself while my entire body clenches in anticipation of my climax as my toes curl. I let out a soft cry as I reach my breaking point where I imagine him claiming my body as his and I begin to sob uncontrollably. I miss him so fucking much; it kills me! This is so pathetic and sad. I quickly gather my thoughts, finishing my shower as I hop out.
I slip on my exercise pants and a cut-off t-shirt revealing my mid-drift. I want to be comfortable for my trip, so this is my go-to outfit. My ass looks amazing in these pants anyway, at least that's what Aaron always said.
I finish packing and haul my bag, suitcase, and uniforms down the stairs, placing my unform on the sofa before entering the kitchen. My parents are quietly seated at the table as I enter, drinking coffee. Drew must have crashed at his friends' house. "Good Morning!" I chirp as I enter the kitchen.
"Good morning!" Mom replies cheerfully. "Morning, sis," Dad responds before taking a sip of his coffee. My Mom has an open house today, so I'm glad I will see her before leaving. I walk over to the refrigerator to make myself a bowl of cereal and a glass of orange juice. I need to eat; I need my strength for the drive, and honestly, the lack of food was wearing on me physically and mentally. I had no issues scarfing down my breakfast this morning. After I finish eating, I rinse my dishes and place them in the dishwasher.
I am startled as my cell phone rings; secretly hoping that it's Aaron, I run over to check to see who it is. I check the caller ID to find that it's the next best person, my cousin Brie, so I pick it up and answer, "Hello, bestie."
"Hey, Colie! I'm so excited you will be coming to stay with us for the summer. It will be like old times!"
"Yeah, I'm excited."
"I miss you! Call me when you get close! Love you."
"I will. Love you too, sissy," I respond before disconnecting the call.
My Aunt and cousin call me Colie. My middle name is Nicole. Sometimes they call me Colie, Coliebell, or Cole. It's a nickname that has stuck with me my entire life.
I approach the table where my parents are seated, "I guess I will head out now. Would you mind dropping off my uniforms and picking up my last check today? I told Deb you would do that for me, so I put my uniforms on the sofa downstairs. Maybe you can mail my check to Aunt Lori's house?"
"Sure thing, sweetheart," Mom answers.
I reach down to give them both hugs, grab my bags, and load them into the car. Dad provided me with a route from our house to Uncle Jimmy's and then to Aunt Lori's. I went through my bag and luggage one last time to make sure I had everything before driving off.
The ride to Mooresville was peaceful and therapeutic. I listened to music on the way to Uncle Jimmy's, stopping only once to use the restroom and grab snacks at the gas station. The sky was a crystal-clear blue; I kept my windows down to let the fresh air in.
After driving five hours, I made it to Uncle Jimmy's house. They were welcoming, but it was a bit awkward at first. I figured Dad had told them that Aaron and I split, but they refrained from bringing it up, to which I was grateful. The twins kept their distance, but I didn't mind since we weren't exactly close. Aunt Renee made tacos for dinner while we made small talk, discussing school and my trip to Laurel for the summer. They did everything in their power to make sure I felt welcome and comfortable.
After dinner, I retired to the spare bedroom to get some alone time before bed; I needed to unwind. I told myself that staying in Laurel would be good for me. Aaron would be outta sight, outta mind, and I wouldn't be forced to watch from my kitchen window those two have a wild affair right before my eyes. I miss him so much; I pray that I can get some peace while I'm gone. I turn to gaze outside the window before deciding to open it up and allow some fresh air in. I can hear crickets chirping off in the distance and the sound of the American Flag as it flails around the pole with the wind whipping it around wildly. Having the window open was comforting, and my eyes begin to get heavy; once I close them, before long, I fall fast asleep.
I wake up the next morning to a loud commotion outside my door. The twins appear to be fighting over their video games, and I can hear Aunt Renee scolding them. I quickly jump in the shower to get ready for the day. As I finish packing, I roll my luggage through the living room into the kitchen to greet everyone. Uncle Jimmy already left for work, and Aunt Renee makes breakfast while the twins are seated at the kitchen table. I join them, attempting to make small talk, which turned out to be unsuccessful. Aunt Renee serves our breakfast; the delicious aroma makes my stomach growl. I scarf down the eggs and bacon she made while discussing plans for a visit in the future. I believe she enjoyed having a female to converse with in the house, being outnumbered by males. Before leaving, I thank her and tell her that I appreciate her opening her home to me. We hug and bid farewell before I hop in my car and set out towards Aunt Lori's house.
It's day two of my trip, and the weather is warm, the sun is shining, and the skies are a crystal-clear blue as the day before. I take in the scenery as I continue the road trip towards Aunt Lori's. I called Brie to let her know how far away I was as I stopped to fill up and have a bathroom break.
A few hours later, I pull into the long driveway to Aunt Lori's house. It's been a while since I've been here, but it's just as I remember, a beautiful stately colonial with black shudders and a bright red door. I hop out of the car, grab my bags, and walk towards the front door. Suddenly, Brie busts out the door running towards me, "Hi Coliebell!!!!"
I stop to put my bags down on the ground and reach my arms out to her, "Hi Brie...Umppphhh," I choke out as she tackles me while wrapping her arms around my neck. While maintaining my balance, I match her embrace. I missed her so much, she's like a sister to me, and I know the feeling is mutual.
She reaches down and grabs my bag while leading me inside, "Come on in! Let me help you with your bags!"
I follow behind her, and as I step into the front entry, I see Aunt Lori standing in the kitchen with a glass of wine reading a book on the island. She looks up from her book, "There's my honey bunny! Hi Coliebell!"
She sets her wine down and approaches me, wrapping her arms tightly around me and planting a kiss on my cheek, "Hey Lala! I missed you." I respond.
I've always called her Lala or Las. Aunt Las is the one I go to whenever I need to talk; she's my confidant. Mom is very uptight, reserved, and judgmental, so I don't feel comfortable going to her as I do Aunt Las; she is a good listener. She looks at me so lovingly and says, "I've missed you too, baby girl. I'm so glad you are here to help me this summer, honey. I can't tell you how mad the ladies at the Center have been not having any activities planned while Gina is on maternity leave. I know you are good with hair and makeup, so I think they will enjoy having you pamper them like beauty queens."
I'm getting paid to do make-overs? Hell yes! Sign me up! "Oh, yeah, sounds like fun to me. I'd love to!"
Aunt Las grabs my shoulders, "Great, well, you can start tomorrow. Before those ladies start to ambush me!"
Aunt Las begins to cook dinner, and Brie leads me to the spare bedroom, where I will be staying to unpack my things. About an hour later, Las calls us down for dinner. She prepared spinach stuffed chicken with garlic mashed potatoes and a side salad; It was delicious!
After dinner, we march upstairs, I slip my pajamas on before Brie, and I lay out on the bed, hashing out old times, laughing until we nearly pee ourselves. Before we realize it, midnight approaches; she leaves the room, allowing me to get some sleep before I start work tomorrow. I look forward to starting at Dolewood Assisted Living Facility with my Aunt. She is the Director of Nursing there. She's the one who inspired me to become a nurse. Seeing how much she loves her job being and around the residents and the workers, I'm excited to get to know everyone myself.
The next morning, I excitedly hop out of bed, shower, then put on a pair of jean shorts, a white tank top, and a maroon and navy flannel. I style my hair, put on my makeup, and slip on my black combat boots. I creep downstairs while toting my makeup case with a nail polish bag and peek around the kitchen doorway. Aunt Las is hanging out at the kitchen table as I enter, taking a sip of her coffee. She notices as I approach her, "Good morning, baby doll! Grab a croissant and chocolate milk, and we can head out."
I set my cases down and grab a drink and a croissant, then I sit down at the table next to her, "I'll drive today, and as you get comfortable with the route, you can come in a bit later, so you aren't stuck with me until 5:00 pm every day. Brie is still asleep; she probably won't wake up until noon!" she mentions as she gets up from the table and puts her cup in the dishwasher.
I quickly scarf down my croissant and finish off my milk before leaving moments later. As we pull up, the building is small but cute. There's a large sign with big letters that reads Dolewood Assisted Living Facility out front. The entrance looks welcoming and well maintained. Aunt Las and I hop out of the car; I follow close behind her while toting my bags inside.