She wanted a promise of honesty from him.
You can give her that much, he assured himself.
But could he?
What would being honest with her actually mean? Could he protect her if he was perfectly transparently honest with her?
The answer was simple:
No.
Yes you can, his mind argued back, Not TRANSPARENTLY HONEST but honest.
All he had to do was omit some truths.
He couldn't promise transparency and keep her safe.
He could promise not to lie.
"Alright," Draco agreed before he could keep overthinking it and back out.
In all the time that she had been here Hermione had not asked him for much. In fact she had hardly asked him for anything. If this, honesty, was what she wanted-ill-advised as it was- he couldn't deny her.
"Really?" her eyebrows rose happily.
He could tell she was trying to hide just how pleased she was at him agreeing to her request. He was glad she at least was happy because he felt like he was about to puke from nerves.
"Swear it," she said her face going serious. "Swear on your wand you will always be completely honest with me."
Honesty for him was going to be a stretch, but he would do it for her.
Complete honesty he was NOT ready for and was exactly what he had already worked out as too dangerous. Aside from the danger to her, Draco also had to admit that being completely honest with her would wreck him. He wouldn't last a week. She had seen more of him in her time at the manor than everyone else in his life had seen combined.
Out of self preservation he could not give her everything-he wouldn't survive it.
Still, he was careful not to say anything that would make her question.
Draco drew his wand and held it tight in his hand.
He looked down at the simple, yet beautiful helper that had gotten him through the last few weeks.
You'll hold me to it won't you? He thought and felt a distinct warmth echo back in answer. The wand in his hand would hold him to his promise he was sure of it and so he picked his words very carefully.
"Hermione Granger, I swear on my wand that when we are alone I will not lie to you." Said Draco. "May my wand prevent a lie from passing my lips when it is just the two of us alone."
Draco's wand glowed brightly and he felt a tingling in his lips.
"Thank you," said Granger and her face softened and became sweet. "It means more to me than you can understand."
Draco nodded with a small tight smile that was half grimace.
It meant a lot to her. It also meant a lot to Draco, though in a less pleasant way.
He didn't want to let anyone in, he had never wanted to let anyone in, and here she was making him feel like she was already half inside his soul.
"I need...sleep," said Draco, his shoulders falling.
"Okay," said Hermione with a nod.
Draco made his way over to the far side of his massive bed and Hermione made her way over to the side with her pallet.
"Draco?" her voice was hesitant.
"Yes?" he answered and she paused for half a heartbeat before asking:
"Are you okay?"
That was her first question to him after asking for the truth?
The words 'I'm fine' would not exit his mouth as much as he willed them to.
He felt a tingle at his lips.
Fuck me.
She was going to be the death of him.
That's what you get for promising no lies and swearing it on your wand, the voice in his head mocked him.
"I am as good as can be expected given the circumstances," he answered.
This is too much.
He already felt like a raw nerve and he needed to shut down before he broke down.
"Oh...okay," she seemed disappointed with his answer.
"You should just get some sleep Granger, it will do us both good," Draco tried to smile at her and he knew it didn't reach his eyes.
"I've slept already," she answered.
"For an hour..." he said his lips flattening into a thin line. "Oh," he paused remembering. "I brought you food," he handed her the brown package with a roll he and an orange.
Hermione rounded the bed quickly to meet him. When she took the items from him he was careful to keep their fingers from touching.
"Thank you, I'm actually famished," she said biting directly into the roll.
"I'm sorry I couldn't bring you something before," Draco apologized feeling horrible for leaving her without something to eat for so long.
"It's alright," she said through the bun in her mouth.
"No it's not."
"Draco stop beating yourself up over it," she swallowed her bite of food.
Fat chance.
"That's not going to happen," he said honestly.
"Well it isn't making anything better and it doesn't make me happy to see you upset."
Draco took a moment to process her words. Why would she care if he was upset? Wouldn't it make her feel better to know he felt bad about everything? Why not revel in his discomfort?
She cares if you're upset because SHE is a GOOD Person. It has nothing to do with you. She doesn't actually care about you.
"Fine, I'll do my best to not let it show," Draco answered, turning away.
"That's not what I meant Draco."
"Well it's the best you are going to get Granger," he said over his shoulder. "I can't change how I feel."
No matter how much I wish I could.
Out of the corner of his eye Draco saw Hermione shaking her head.
"What?" asked turning back to her slightly.
"Nothing," she answered and took another bite of the roll.
"I should have made you swear honesty," he said derisively.
"Do you want me to?" she asked and swallowed the food licking her lips.
He paused, partially because her little pink tongue darting out over the lips he now knew to be so soft and welcoming was distracting him from rational thought, and partially because he was actually considering her question.
"No," he finally answered after a long moment, turning to face her square on.
"No?" she looked confused and surprised by his answer.
This conversation is not going to end anytime soon unless you give her something to satisfy that curious mind, Draco told himself. She wants honesty and she's not going to leave you alone and let you sleep till you give a reason.
"I want you to be able to stay strong and protect yourself," said Draco honestly "And if that means you lie to me so be it."
"Draco..."
"Granger please," he looked at her pleading. "Let me be."
He was tired and had endured more in the last twenty four hours than should be bearable.
Pain crossed her face.
You asked for honesty, he thought incredulously.
Honesty doesn't mean you have to be an ass about things, the better side of him grumbled.
"I hope you sleep well," she said trying to be sweet, though he could tell his last comment had hurt her feelings.
"Thank you," Draco forced a half smile. He knew a good night's sleep was likely out of the question, but Hermione did not need to know that. "I hope you enjoy your meal and sleep well," he added sincerely.
"Thank you," she said and dug her nails into the orange he had given her pealing back the skin.
Draco turned away from Hermione and those lovely eyes that were looking at him so intently.
He stripped off his clothes down to his boxers before grabbing a set of pajama bottoms. He felt Granger's eyes on him like a caress at his back and he glanced back at her over his shoulder. She looked away and popped a slice of orange in her mouth.
Had she been checking him out again?
A flicker passed through him.
Perhaps the kiss hadn't been entirely pity...
Then Draco caught sight of himself in the mirror off to the side.
His ribs and face were still bruised. The myriad of cuts had closed and were scabbed over in hard brown lines.
He was ugly: bruised, battered and scarred.
She wasn't checking him out, she was looking at the bruises and marks because they stood out in stark contrast against his pale skin.
You don't even have your looks to charm her with, he thought angrily.
Not that she cared about or was affected by those anyways.
Now you're just ugly and object of her pity.
Draco threw his clothes angrily into the laundry basket in the corner violently.
Pain shot through his ribs at the motion and he winced doubling over.
If she saw his pain she made no acknowledgement of it and Draco was thankful for that small reprieve.
-
I hope everyone has a lovely weekend. I have a lot of edits to do before I can post next week. Leave me some love if you enjoyed this to help motivate me to get through all the work I have to do on the next part.