WARNINGS: smut, swearing, sexual tension.
"Mari, you gotta stop pacing," Monty says, rubbing his eyes as if he's exhausted with me. He probably is.
"I can't," I say shortly, eyes following the walls of the second floor of the drop ship.
They've been gone for hours. She could be dead by now. He could be dead. They all could be dead. I need to get this shit out of my head. I need a fucking diversion.
"Mari, they're smart. They wouldn't do anything not worth doing," Monty tells me, still tinkering with the wristbands in a booth.
"He has a death wish, Mon," I say, feet clanking on the metal.
"Why do you even care about him? He's an asshole," he points out.
"I know that," I say, stopping to look at him.
He shrugs at me, going back to his work. I bite my lip, suddenly knowing what can distract me perfectly. I walk to him, positioning my legs on either side of him and sitting in his lap.
His eyebrows raise quickly. "Woah, Mari-"
"Can I kiss you?" I ask, tilting my head to the side.
"What are you-?"
I ignore the protest, pressing my lips to his. I trail my hands up his neck, gripping his hair tightly. I feel his hands gentle on my back. I obviously wish he were more rough but not everyone can be John. So, I let myself take charge, grinding my hips down on him and pushing my tongue into his mouth.
"Woah," he says, pulling back but keeping his hands on my hips. He looks up into my eyes, shaking his head a bit. "What are you doing?"
"Distracting myself," I say, moving my hips again.
He stops me with his grip. "Please, Mari. You're not thinking straight-"
"Obviously not, but I need to get shit off my mind," I say, firmly grabbing his neck.
He pulls away again. "You're gonna regret all this in a few hours when Murphy gets back."
"If John gets back, you'll be regretting it more than I will," I say, eyes dropping to his lips.
"No, I can't," he says, slipping out from under me and standing. He keeps his eyes on mine.
I sigh. "Really? Not even a friendly make out session?"
He laughs a bit. "Yeah, that's not happening."
"Pity," I say, grinning at him.
"They're back!!"
"Fuck," I say, standing from my seat and rushing down the ladder.
Once I'm in the drop ship, I throw the tarp aside and sprint out into the darkness. My eyes are following the light of the torches, finding seven people walking back into camp. I run to them, seeing Clarke, Bellamy, Finn, and four others I've never met. No Charlotte. No John.
"What the hell did you do to him?" I ask Bellamy, crossing my arms over my chest.
"He's been banished," Clarke answers, nodding.
"What? Why?" I ask, frowning.
"He tried to kill Charlotte, he tried to kill Jasper, he held a knife to my throat. Should I go on?" she asks, eyebrows raised.
"Sure, he's messed up but-"
"You're really gonna defend him?" Bellamy asks, leaning over me.
I step away from him, eyes returning to Clarke's. "Where is he then? You just left him out there with nothing?"
"That's what being banished means," Bellamy says sarcastically.
He walks past me along with Clarke. Finn starts to but stops at my ear. "I gave him a knife."
I clench my jaw, looking up at him. "My fucking hero."
He walks off and I frown, going to John's tent. I suppose it's mine now. Once I'm inside, I sit on the mattress and dig my nails into the fur. How the hell am I supposed to stay calm if I don't have him to regulate me? He didn't know what he was doing but he fixed my moods when they were worse. I'm not attached to him or anything I just...need sex to survive.
My eyes land on the book in my bag. That was what he wanted. He said I should read the book. And now he might be dead and I can't let him down like this. So, I grab the book and open the cover without thinking. There's little, black letters on the inside of the cover in my mother's handwriting.
I know you're lost right now but I believe that you can fix yourself. I might be floated for this, Camari, but I needed to write this down. My complete faith is in you to change. You have all the power, my beautiful girl. I know you can do it. I'm so proud of you.
-Momma
Tears are spilling down my cheeks already as I trail my fingertips over her words. The only reason I'm crying is because her faith was wasted. I didn't change. I've had sex three days in a row with a sociopath and kissed a different guy earlier tonight. My problems have inflated. Maybe it's too late for me. I might as well just give in already. This is where my life is heading. I should embrace it. I'm too caught up in her message that I almost forget to check what the rest of the book says.
I turn to the first page, finding a drawing of two people fighting. One has an axe and the other holds a sword. My hands flip the pages quickly and I continue to see fighting positions with captions and small descriptions. I can learn well from this. It seems like these strategies are well coordinated and the technique seems a little complicated. It's the same technique that my mother taught me. I'm guessing she learned from this book. Well, I might as well use it.
"What's that!?"
I put the book down, rushing to the entrance of the tent and stepping outside. Everyone's eyes are to the sky. I follow their gaze, seeing some kind of flaming mass hurling through space. It's headed down here. It goes out of sight through some trees. What the hell was that?
I'm rushing to someone for answers, soon realizing that Clarke and Finn are both missing. They must've finally decided to bang out their issues. I find Bellamy looking up at the sky with a worried expression.
"What was that?" I ask him.
He looks over at me. "The Ark must be sending us help."
"Wonderful," I reply sarcastically.
He faces me. "Why do you sound disappointed?"
"Only because you might've had the slightest point when you were being a fucking dictator. They won't forgive our crimes. They might've sent us down here to die but at the end of the day, they'll always feel superior, right?" I say, hugging myself since it's gotten a little cold.
"Do you wanna come with me to make sure they'll never come down here?" he asks, smiling just a bit.
I scowl, turning to face him. "Just because I agree with one of your points doesn't mean I'm not actively angered by you. John was worth saving and you might not have seen that but I did. So, go on your little mission alone, dick."
I spin on my heel, walking back to my tent. Maybe I can learn some new fighting positions. God knows it'll distract me which is just what I need right now.
So, that's what I spend the night doing. I examine the drawings carefully and then execute them. Once I have the move down, I go on to the next. It takes my mind off things which I'm grateful for. It's also amazing exercise which I appreciate. The only problem is that by morning, I'm completely worn out and my mind is free to go wherever the hell it wants. I need another distraction. I need sex.
I'm outside of my tent, reviewing the guys I haven't given even a second glance to. John wanted to be my only and I upheld that to the highest degree. My eyes were on him and only him. But now I'm ranking the men here. There aren't many that I'd fuck. Maybe a civil conversation is what I need right now to reason with me. Monty.
I walk to the drop ship, entering quickly. He isn't on the first floor so I climb to the second. He's in the booth, working on the bands. I stroll over, sitting across from him. When his eyes meet mine, he grins.
"You're not here to seduce me, are you?" he asks.
I laugh. "No, not now anyway. Thought I could use a distraction."
"How can I help?" he asks, smiling.
I let myself smile back. "Just tell me what you're doing."
"Well, it seems I've fried all the wristbands-"
"So, this thing is useless now?" I ask, gesturing to the metal on my wrist.
He nods. "Unfortunately, yes."
"Damn," I say, grabbing one of the screwdrivers he has and wedging it under my bracelet. I apply enough force to break it open. I place the thing on the table just in case he needs it.
"Well, I'm hoping there was a radio in that ship that crashed. I'm really just holding out hope for that," he says.
"Not that your science is boring me but I'm gonna find something else to do," I say, standing.
He chuckles. "Sure. Bye, Mari."
"See you later," I say, waving shortly as I climb down the ladder.
The first thing I see once I'm outside is Bellamy walking back into camp with mud on his boots. He's alone. And damn if he doesn't look smoking. His hair is hanging in his eyes and he's heading right for his tent. I make an effort of jogging to intercept him before he can make it inside.
"Hey, Cam," he says half heartedly, glancing around.
"I'm gonna keep this short. You're hot and I have a lot on my mind so I want you to fix that," I say, nodding.
His eyes snap to mine, confused. "Why the sudden change?"
"You know why," I say, grabbing his hand and pulling him into his tent.
It isn't too much different from mine. This one has two mattresses instead of one and real covers. There's even a little table by the beds. I don't waste much time in pushing Bellamy onto one of the beds and climbing on top of him.
"Woah. Wait," he says, propping himself up on his elbows. I frown at him as he sighs. "Is this about Murphy?"
"Of course it is," I reply easily, kissing him.
He doesn't ask any more questions. His hands merely grab my back. My hands go to the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head. Wow. He has a great body. I push him back down, kissing him as he tugs on my shirt. He pulls it off, tossing it on the ground. I pull him back up as he starts to kiss my neck. My hands reach for his pants but I can't really undo them at this angle. He takes a break from my mouth to unzip his jeans and throw them on the ground. The next thing I know, he's laying me back and undoing my jeans. He gets them off along with my underwear, pulling me down so my face is level with his.
My lips are at his ear. "Take off your underwear."
He follows my order, dropping them on the ground. I brace myself with my nails in his biceps. He slides into me and there's only one thought that comes to mind.
John's bigger.
It still feels good but definitely not as good as John. I pull his lips to mine, hoping that'll make me feel better. He is a good kisser.
Not better than John.
I ignore the thought, meeting his downward thrusts with upward ones. You know what, this really isn't doing it for me. I roll us over so that I'm on top, riding him. His head tilts back in pleasure as his hands find my hips. I like this position, it's better than missionary in my opinion. Maybe that's just because if I'm doing it with someone less experienced, it's better. And if I won't have the most amazing time, at least I can give him one. I have to admit though that this feels one hundred percent better. I'm gonna have to fake my orgasm but that's alright. I'll probably be close too. It's fine. I'll just have to live with it.
Afterward, he collapses beside me and keeps heavy breathing. I did end up cumming but only just. I admit that I squeezed it in. Not like John who had me wrapped around his finger the entire time. I shouldn't think of him. There's a slim chance I'll ever see him again.
"Was I right?" Bellamy asks.
I look over at him. "About what?"
"Was I better than Murphy?" he asks, tilting his head to the side.
I grin, planting my lips on his chest before standing. "Decidedly not."
"Damn," is the disappointed word that I hear from the bed.
I turn to face him. "Don't be discouraged. I've had sex with a lot of guys so it takes a lot to pleasure me which you did. You deserve my congratulations."
"Thanks then," he says, still not smiling.
I wipe the sweat from my forehead. "It's times like these when I wish there was a shower down here." He grins at my joke and I smile. "You're cute when you smile. You should do it more often."
"Bellamy!!"
He stands quickly and starts to dress. I copy him but at a slower pace. He walks out of the tent and I follow him as he goes to the drop ship.
My hand grabs his wrist as he turns around. "What's going on?"
"I don't know. I'm gonna go see," he says, turning again.
"Bellamy," I say, forcing him to stop and look back at me. "Why do they need you?"
"Just wait here and I'll be right back," he says, making a final attempt of turning around.
I grab his shoulder, making him look at me. "Don't treat me like one of the hookers you can pick up in the mess hall." I pause, nodding toward the drop ship. "I wanna be in there."
"You?" he asks, eyebrows high.
I cross my arms over my chest, shifting my weight. "Yes, me. I'm not incompetent. Do you know what I got on the combat exam?"
"I got a ninety nine," he says, clenching his jaw.
"I got a one hundred. I'm the best fighter you have. So, don't act like I don't have a place in there because I do. Just the same as you, maybe even more," I say, stepping closer. "So, get out of my fucking way."
He sighs, stepping to the side. I smile smugly at him before storming toward the drop ship. As soon as I'm inside, I see people crowded around a little table. Clarke, Finn, Monty, Octavia, Jasper, and a girl I've never seen before. She has tan skin and brown hair tied back in a ponytail. She's very skinny, wearing a red jacket and a tight, grey shirt. She's hot. I'd definitely hit that. Damn it, Cam.
"What are you doing here?" Clarke asks, frowning.
"She's gonna be sitting in," Bellamy says from behind me.
"Right," Clarke says, nodding as if she understands some deep secret.
I roll my eyes.
"I'm Raven," the tan girl says, offering her hand to me.
"Camari," I say, taking her hand and shaking it.
She lets go, eyes returning to everyone. "We better get down to business then."
"We're making flares," Clarke says, nodding. "We're hoping the Ark will be able to see them and stop the culling."
The culling? Are they executing people? I wouldn't put it past them but still that's pretty terrible.
"Well, I don't know much about that so I won't be much help," I say. "Also I just don't really feel like it."
I push past Bellamy and exit the ship. I need something to do. No doubt they've already recruited everyone for their flares. Can I actually get some sleep? The last couple nights have been full so I haven't actually had a good night's sleep. Maybe I could do that.
WORD COUNT: 2717
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