WARNINGS: swearing, dirty talk, sexual tension.
After we've lugged both Jasper and the jaguar back to camp, some people begin to cook it. It's dark so everyone else should be as hungry as I am. Bellamy has taken lead quite quickly, making people line up for food and only giving it to them if they take their bands off. I'm just watching them be idiots. This is ridiculous. I'm not letting him regulate if I get food from my own kill. So, I walk up to the carcass, digging my fingers into the meat and pulling a chunk off. As I'm walking away, a hand grabs my arm and spins me around.
I look Bellamy in the eye, hand tightening on my sword. "Do I need to remind you who killed that thing? You don't wanna mess with me, bud. Especially when I'm hungry. So, let me fucking be."
"You know," he starts, squeezing tighter, "you're infuriating."
I pull my arm from his grip, swiftly bringing my sword to his throat. "And you're a bit of an asshole."
"That gets worse in bed," he says, cocking his head to the side.
"You're really mentioning sex with my sword at your neck?" I ask, copying his head movement.
"I'm mentioning sex because I can't get the thought of being on top of you out of my head," he says, letting a smirk on his lips.
I go on my tiptoes, keeping my expression angry. "Try harder."
I pull my sword down, spinning on my heel and walking away. My teeth sink into the food, savouring the bland taste. It isn't amazing, it tastes like chicken but I've never liked chicken much.
I walk to John's tent, unzipping it and stepping inside. He's not here. I frown a bit, zipping the entrance back down and setting down my weapon. I continue to chew on my meal as I start to eye my book again. That little thing is the bane of my fucking existence. It's mentioned in most of the nightmares I have. Why the hell did she leave it for me? Did she know it'd just drive me crazy? Did she think I'd have opened it by now? I mean, it's been nearly two years since she died and I'm still hiding from it like a coward. I've always been brave when it comes to fighting or flirting or sex but I'm spineless when it comes to emotions.
"Cam?"
I'm standing quickly, turning to look at the entrance. John is standing there, staring at me with questioning eyes. I wipe the leftover jaguar on my pants, stepping closer to him. I grin, resting my hands on his shoulders as I press myself into him. He avoids my eyes, keeping an annoyed look on his face.
"Oh god. What'd I do?" I ask quickly, stepping away from him.
"Oh, nothing," he says sarcastically, finally meeting my gaze. "Just flirt with Bellamy right in front of my face."
"That? That was barely an interaction. He wouldn't let me take my food so I threatened him a bit and he stopped," I say, casually forgetting the part about the sex.
"You looked pretty close to me," he says, jaw tight.
I let myself smile a bit. "Holy crap. You were right when you said you get jealous easily."
All of a sudden, he's in front of me. He takes my chin in his hand, forcing my eyes to his. "You're mine. Make no mistake of that, toy."
Fuck, that's the best nickname so far.
He must sense this as amusement creeps into his expression. "You like that one, huh? You enjoy being my little toy?"
"More than anything," I say, nodding and kissing him roughly.
_•_•_
The nightmares are worse tonight. I wake screaming with sweat covering my entire body. And I can feel the heat radiating off me. I pull the fur away from me, swinging my legs over the side of the mattress and burying my face in my hands. My breathing is shallow, spiking at times that I don't expect it to. Tears are falling down my cheeks without permission, staining my skin with my embarrassment and panic.
Hands on my waist.
I'm spinning around, punching whoever's there by instinct. My hands tremble after, my skin continuing to burn with heat. The strange thing is that my head feels cold. As if my body hasn't caught on to what my brain knows yet.
"Shit, toy."
My eyes focus, finding John with his hand clutching his cheek. "Fuck, I'm so sorry."
"It's alright. Don't worry about me," he says, shutting his eyes tightly as he tries to sit up straighter.
"Right," I say, standing quickly and pacing. I fan my face as he starts to grin. His eyes are wandering my rapidly moving body. I groan loudly. "Please, stop that."
He sighs. "Sweetheart, I can't help looking at your body. It's my only weakness."
"I know your other weakness and I will abuse it if you don't stop," I say firmly, shaking out my hands.
"What's this about, Cam?" he asks, forcing my head to shake. I hear the covers rustle and see him standing out of the corner of my eye. I don't acknowledge him but he's in front of me, grabbing hold of my arms and looking into my eyes. "Tell me why you're freaking out."
"It's not your problem so you don't need to worry about it," I say quickly.
"It is my problem if you're gonna wake me up every night," he says, frowning and dropping his hands.
"Well, they aren't going away anytime soon so you'll just have to get used to it," I say quietly, crossing my arms over my still naked body. He has underwear on but nothing else.
"Every night?" he asks, eyebrows high.
"Most," I answer, chewing on the inside of my cheek. There are already scars there.
"What are they even about? Maybe if you face your fears, the nightmares will go away," he says, shrugging.
My traitorous eyes drop to my bag for half a second before I've even realized what I've done. He's already crouching down, looking through it. I tell him to stop, grabbing at his shoulders. When his hand grazes over the book, my breath hitches. He stops, going back and pulling the book from the side pocket.
He stands, twisting the little, tattered thing in his hands. "This?"
"Please, don't," I beg, hands clenching to fists.
"What's so special about this?" he asks, going to open it.
"No, please!" I shout, reaching my hands out to him.
"It'll take a lot more than that to get me to stop, sweetheart," he says, successfully opening the cover this time.
"I lied to you!" I shout, forcing his eyes up to mine. He shuts the book and I let out a breath, continuing. "The other night, when I was talking, I lied. You asked how I got locked up and I told you that my mom got floated for stealing portions. That was a lie. She was caught stealing that...for me. And I still haven't read it and I don't really want to at the moment."
His eyebrows raise as he looks down at the book. "So, you're running from it then?"
I sigh, nodding. "Yes. And she's in my dreams most nights, ordering me to read it. And I just can't."
"Yes, Cam, you can-"
"Don't tell me what I can do. I know what I'm capable of and right now, I can't read that...thing," I say, pointing a shaky finger at the book.
"Sweetheart, you killed a fucking jaguar yesterday. You can do pretty much anything if you can do that," he says, throwing his hands out to the sides.
"Not today," I say, shaking my head.
He pauses, frowning. He tosses the book onto the bed. "Fine. I won't make you read it."
He pulls his pants on along with his shirt and walks out of the tent. I sit down on the bed, fingers brushing the velvet cover of the book. My stomach turns just with the contact of it. I'm going to read it eventually. Maybe now is as good a time as any. The thought itself makes me a little queasy.
I stand, getting dressed and stuffing the book back in my bag. I walk out of the tent, standing in the entryway. My eyes wander our newly established camp. They started making a wall while we were gone yesterday. It isn't amazing but they're still working on it. I can see Bellamy with John a couple feet from a tree. They're throwing knives at it. John turns for a few seconds to catch my eye. He raises his eyebrows as a question but I just shake my head. He nods, turning back to Bellamy.
There are pained shouts that attract my attention. They're coming from the drop ship. I storm over there, stepping inside quickly. Jasper is laid out on a table and Clarke seems to be examining him.
"Are you a professional?" I ask, walking over.
She turns to look at me for half a second before focussing her attention back on Jasper. "No, but my mom is a doctor."
"Lucky," I mutter, stepping over to the wall and leaning against it.
"What is that supposed to mean?" she asks, keeping her eyes down.
"It means that my mother was never successful like yours. No, she was more of the slutty type. Runs in the family, I guess," I say, shrugging.
"Just because she's not a doctor doesn't mean she doesn't care about you," she says, clearly preoccupied.
I shift my stance. "She also happens to be dead."
She pauses for a second before returning to her work. "I'm sorry."
"I bet you're tired of saying that, huh?" I say, frowning.
"Why do you hate me?" she wonders, finally stopping and giving me her full attention.
I grin, shaking my head. "I don't hate you, Clarke. I envy you. You were loved. You had a family. I was treated like garbage for my entire life."
"Maybe you shouldn't pity yourself," she suggests.
I breathe a laugh. "I don't pity myself. Sure, growing up with practically nothing sucked but it made me strong. I'm glad I was put through hell because now I have all the experience in the world. Something you probably barely have."
Jasper's screams become a little louder and I frown. This poor kid. I feel terrible that he had to go through all this shit. And I think I recognize him from somewhere which means he definitely wasn't privileged. He must've had a tough life too. Though I know I shouldn't make assumptions.
"That's it."
My eyes dart up to find Bellamy and Octavia walking through the entrance. They really look just like each other when I can see them together like this. They even walk the same.
"Well, that's my cue to leave," I say, pushing myself off the wall and going to walk past Bellamy.
He grabs my arm, leaning down closer to me. "Decided anything new yet?"
"Go fuck yourself," I reply, pulling myself from him and walking out of the drop ship.
I look around, finding Harper sitting alone on the ground with her back against a rock. I decide that girl talk is better than silence so I walk over to her. She moves over to give me space to sit and I do. My arms rest on my knees as I look over at her.
"So, how's it going?" I ask, tilting my head to the side.
"Pretty good," she says, nodding a bit.
"I'm just gonna cut to the chase because I'm really curious. Do you have your eye on anyone?" I ask.
"Not anyone in particular. I've been scouting though," she says, making me laugh. "Bellamy is cute but he just seems so focussed on leading. And he's, like, six years older than me."
"Age is just a number," I reply quickly, nudging her with my elbow.
She giggles. "You're thinking about it then?"
"Oh, god no. He isn't my type," I say, watching him leave the drop ship and grab a couple guys to go hunting.
"Who is your type then?" she questions, smiling at me.
I smile back. "John fucking Murphy."
"Really?" she asks, eyes searching for him but unsuccessfully.
"Are you clueless? I've spent the last two nights with him and we share a tent," I say, grinning.
"I'm not very observant," she jokes.
I laugh. "Obviously."
"So, Murphy...is he good in bed?" she asks casually.
This is the kind of shit I like when I take part in girl talk. Comparing of dick sizes, sex talk, new positions to try out. It's better than talking about feelings to me. Better than crack.
"Very," I respond shortly.
She laughs. "And you're gonna do it again?"
"I'm hoping but I'm on thin ice," I admit, frowning.
"Why?"
"Nothing to concern yourself over," I say, smiling at her.
Clarke walks out of the drop ship with Wells and Finn and they walk into the woods. My dirty mind goes to the worst place imaginable. Even though I know they're not sneaking off to have sex, it still crosses my mind.
"What do you think that's about?" Harper asks, turning to look at me.
"Not sure," I reply, standing and nodding at her.
I walk to the drop ship, getting inside. Jasper isn't down here on the table. I hear the groaning from up the ladder and I go up there. The Asian guy and Octavia are both up here with Jasper who lays on a different table. He's covered in sweat but somehow shivers at the same time.
"He's not getting better, huh?" I ask, sitting on the floor next to the Asian guy who's staring at Jasper.
He shakes his head. "No."
"Clarke went to get medicine," Octavia says hopefully, sweeping the hair from his eyes.
"It'll be fine, I'm sure," I say, just really hoping to calm her down. It's no use dreading over someone who will be dead soon.
There's shouting downstairs and I immediately go down there to investigate. Everyone is squished together in the drop ship and I mean everyone. The door is shut too.
My eyes meet John's and I lean down to speak in a low voice. "What's going on?"
"There's fog outside. It's yellow and seems like it burns to the touch. We have to stay in here until it's gone," he says, nodding.
I groan, watching some guy push another one. "Hey!! Don't be assholes!! We might be stuck in here for a while and the last thing I want is a riot!! So sit down and shut up!!"
I turn on the ladder, climbing back up to my old company. They look at me expectantly and I explain our current situation. They look exhausted. I can't exactly blame them. It's been a long couple of days.
"What's your name?" I ask the Asian guy, tired of calling him that. I stand and move to Jasper's side.
"You don't know my name?" he asks, frowning.
"No, that's why I'm asking. You're welcome," I say, fake curtsying.
He breathes a laugh. "I'm Monty."
"Nice to meet you," I say, nodding at him. "My name is Camari. You can call me Cam or Cami."
"What about Mari?" he asks, eyebrows raised.
"Sure. Why the hell not?" I say, moving to look down at Jasper.
He's clearly awake since he's still groaning in pain. I place my hand on his forehead, feeling burning heat. Nevertheless, I sweep his hair away from his eyes. My other hand finds his shoulder as I look him in the eyes.
"Do you wanna pick a nickname for me?" I ask, tilting my head sideways.
He shuts his eyes for a second before croaking, "Mar."
I smile softly. "Mar it is."
Within the hour, Jasper's volume increases. Octavia stands by him and tries to calm him down but it isn't much use. I just bite my nails and pray to god that the fog will lift soon. Monty went down about twenty minutes ago. I'm not sure why, he just seemed like he needed a break from watching his friend suffer. It must be difficult for him.
"Shut the hatch!" Monty yells, scrambling up the ladder and falling onto the ground.
I grab the hatch, pushing it down as Octavia rushes to me with a pipe. She wedges it in the door, locking everyone out. Banging starts on the door. People want Jasper dead. He's being too pained for them, huh?
"Open up!!"
That's John.
"What the actual fuck, John!" I yell back, kicking the hatch.
"He's a lost cause, Cam! Don't you see that!?" he shouts back.
"All I see is a selfish dick trying to kill someone in pain! Sort out your priorities, asshole!" I respond, pounding my fist once against the hatch.
After that, the banging and shouting stops.
WORD COUNT: 2830
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