Seeing Altan just show up out of the blue really got to me, in more ways than one. I didn't realize he was actually a beautiful man until I saw him after so long. His hair was a brownish blonde, his skin was glowing because of his dark tan and his eyes, they sparkled against the sunlight that I lost my breath looking at the angel of Altan standing in front of me. Joseph was right, he is fucking hot.
It’s been six months since then and I feel like death. Maybe it’s because I’m still on edge, or maybe it’s the stress of being on suicide watch and waking up every morning at eight in the morning.
I don’t know what got into me all those months ago but seeing him made me flip a switch, I was so mad at myself for hurting his family and all those lives and so I guess I flipped out on him because I was ashamed of myself. It didn’t help that I was surrounded by supernaturals who I affected greatly and had nightmares and night terrors every night with no ease. Seeing him made me remember everything I’ve ever done and with the added effects of the rejection. I just wanted to curl up and die.
Honestly speaking, that night was the night I had planned to end it all but when the organization’s agents walked in as I was getting on the chair to hang myself, I put up quite a fight because I was just done with it all.
Since being here though has been pretty great, I mean at first it was hell with the constant night terrors and hallucinations of past victims and Riley. I’ve done everything from music therapy, art therapy, one on one and group. It was pretty tough at first telling people of my personal life and past but It’s been great to meet ex hunters, some of which were my own men who have experiences with PTSD and wanting to change their lives.
To say they were surprised to see me here is an understatement, they know how I used to be, a monster and I see that now so when they saw me here getting help, they had their doubts as did I but I proved and am proving to them, myself and hopefully Altan that I am changing and trying to be a better person.
Everyday for the past few weeks we attend somewhat of a church confession where we confess one thing we’re ashamed of and have to write a journal entry about how we feel after. There were days we held memorials for the victims and let go of balloons with letters of apology and asking for forgiveness.
“Brent you have a visitor.” My case worker said as she peeked her head in. Who would be here so early? Kingsley doesn’t get off of work for another two hours.
“Um, ok?” I said and got off my bed and we walked to the sitting area where patients usually hang out but it was pretty empty today.
“Altan?” I asked as my eyes met his. I was beyond shocked.
“Uh, hi.” He said and I sat on the couch next to him.
“Hi…you’re here and alone?” I said, not really sure where to start.
“How have you been?” He asked.
“Good I guess. I’m trying to get better.” I said.
“That’s good, you look good. Are you eating? Sleeping ok?” He said and fired off questions.
“Thanks and I am eating, sleeping not so much.” I said playing with my fingers.
“What’s been going on?” He asked.
“Same thing that’s been happening for the past eight months. Everything from nightmares to hallucinations. How are you?” I asked before he shot off any more questions.
“That sucks, I’m sorry to hear that and I’ve been ok.” He said.
“That's good.” I said.
“So Brent, do you have time to talk? I think it's time we actually talked things out."
“Visiting hours end around just before dinner time so yea I have time to talk.” I said.
“How has your treatment been?” He asked.
“At first it wasn’t easy but it’s been ok I guess.”
“Have you made any friends?” He asked.
“Well ex hunters, men who I actually led, does that count?”
“If you’ve gotten to know them and connected then it does.”
“Then yes I’ve made a few.” I said.
“Good. This place is kinda stuffy, want to go for a walk if you're allowed? ” He asked, looking at me.
“As long as I don’t leave the facility then yes we can go outside.” I said and we walked outside and Altan grabbed my hand but I didn’t want him to feel any more awkward than he probably felt being here alone with me but it felt nice holding his hand.
"What activities do you do outside when the weather is nice?”
“I mainly work out and do yoga. If I’m feeling social then I’ll play basketball with whoever is on the court.” I said.
“That seems fun.” He smiled and I felt my knees go weak.
“Have you thought about me at all? About us? The reason I'm asking is because I know you're straight and so I have been wondering how you felt about me” I was waiting for him to crack and ask that question.
“Every day since I met this guy and he made me realize a lot of things. I can’t lie to you though, just the thought of you drives me wild. I’ve come to the conclusion I’m Altan sexual.” I said and I could feel his grip tighten and he snickered at my joke even though I was serious.
“I’m being serious here. I mean, I’m only here because of you, I’m doing this for us, me.” I said biting my lip nervously. Oh my God I broke him.
“Altan?” I asked.
"So what are you saying Brent?" He asked and I looked around to spot a bench and walked us over to it and sat down. I kept a hold of his hand because honestly, it was nice and the warmth felt nice coming from his touch.
"I have had a lot of time to think about my life being here and the day you rejected me keeps playing in my mind. The look on your face is one I will never forget but one day I hope to see a different look from you, a look of love when you look at me Altan. I am getting better and I will prove to you that I am worth being your mate. I want there to be an us." I said while looking into his beautiful bright blue eyes to show him I am serious about being his.
"For many months I wanted to well to be blunt I wanted to make you suffer for all you have done, not just to Kody but to my uncle and his mates, to all of the people you have hurt but, listen before you say anything please. Now I don't feel that way. I have avoided the topic of Brent with anyone at home because I didn't want their opinions and thoughts on what I should do to confuse me and stress me out because they aren't me, they don't know how I feel inside. My papa does to an extent but he's not me, he and my mama had their own issues to deal with and it took them over nine years to actually be together, nine years. I don't want to wait nine years to be with you Brent. Even though I rejected you, I still feel a bond with you and no matter the time or distance, it's still there and to me personally that means something and I think it means that we should give us a try. Whenever you get out of here, we will give us a try so let me ask this before I say anything else, have you asked for forgiveness and do you feel you were forgiven?”
"Yes I have asked and prayed to God every day and night and even been baptized to rid me of my sins so I hope I was forgiven for all I have done."
“Do you regret what all you have done?” He asked.
“More than you know, I can’t sleep without remembering and thinking about all I’ve done even if I was manipulated it was done by my hand. There’s not a day since Adriel gave me back my humanity that I’m not burdened with guilt. It’s one of the reasons I snapped that night because I saw how much pain I caused you and your family as well as the thousands of people grieving the loss of their loved ones."
“How did hunting make you feel?" He asked.
“At first I felt it was the right thing to do. I was making my parents proud so why not. Then my girlfriend died and I said ‘hey you’re avenging your girlfriend’s death’. Then those lives turned to a thousands more and it made me sick. As I became more aware of my actions, that’s when my parents decided to turn off my humanity.” I looked at my shaking hands in his and sighed.
“How do you feel now?" He asked looking into my eyes.
“Lighter than air that I don’t have to be that person anymore and I can be who I want without feeling ashamed.” I said honestly.
“What is one thing you would change if you could?"
"There's a lot I would change and the very first thing would be to go off with Chase when he begged me to go with him, to get out of the life and watched him walk away, leaving me like I didn't matter but now I know why he left. He didn't want to see me as a monster and he wanted me to be his brother again."
"Do you think you will be able to face Ethan, Kody, Zac, and Chase?"
"I’m hoping one day I can but I’ve hurt them all so much and one being my own brother, I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to face him when he begged and pleaded for me to go with him but I was too far gone.”
"You would be surprised how much he actually wants to see you, to see the real you again. He loves you Brent, that has never changed. He has talked and talked about how wonderful of a brother you were before he found out about what your family did. He wants his brother back and he wants you to be an uncle to their kids, to be a part of their family. Now the other three, you have some work to do but don't get discouraged and think the worst."
“You sound so sure of yourself.” I laughed.
“I’m a tiger God that feeds on the will and emotions of people. I know them, I wouldn’t lie to you about this.” He said with such seriousness.
“Ok I’ll believe you.” I sighed knowing it was a losing battle.
"Good because I Altan Colleen Blackstone accept you, Brent Lee Walker as my mate now and forever." Wow...I was not expecting him to say that, at all.
"I Brent Lee Walker accept you Altan Colleen Blackstone as my mate, now and forever." I said and the next thing I know, his full plump sweet tasting lips were on mine in a passionate kiss I have never felt before by anyone I have ever kissed.
Breaking apart I almost felt lost without his lips on mine. It felt so right, so natural. Almost as if I was with Riley again.
“So about you leaving…” He said with a sly smirk.
“I can leave in two months…” I said slowly and watched for his reaction just to tease him.
"Ok, your recovery is the most important thing Brent, nothing else matters right now besides you getting back to yourself one hundred percent. I can come visit on the weekends and when the two months are up, I will take you home to live with me." My mouth just dropped to the floor. If this guy thinks I’m spending another minute here he’s surely mistaken.
“Get me the hell outta here or so help me you’re staying with me.” I said chuckling.
"Wait, you were joking? With this?" God he’s so adorable when he’s being gullible.
“Yes, Altan, I was joking. Since I technically checked myself in or rather the organization did, I can pretty much sign myself out because it falls under voluntary admission.” I chuckled and he blushed a deep red.
After we went back inside I packed whatever things I had brought or was given and I signed out and prayed I never had to see this place for as long as I lived. Then it all hit me, I’m going to be living with Altan freaking Blackstone. Someone kill me now.
As we pulled up to his place I saw an all too familiar car. Chase’s car.
“I don’t know whether to hug you or smother you.” Chase said standing up from the chair he was in and I saw his all too noticeable baby bump.
“Calm down mama bear.” I teased and I smiled when he attached to me like an octopus.
“I missed you so much asshole.” He said sobbing.
“I missed you too, shrimp.” I snickered and picked him up bridal style and we walked in the house.
"So, how have you been? Are you still working as a nurse?" I asked as I gently put him down on the couch and sat beside him. Altan went into another room for what, I have no idea.
"Mhm I'm actually the head surgical nurse for Dr. Balwin and I have nurses I am in charge of who are wonderful people and hard workers. I've been great, especially since I met Kody in Paris, ever since then my life has changed dramatically but in a good way."
"You were in Paris?" I knew he left but I didn't know exactly where he went.
"Yes, I was there for a few years and I worked in a hospital as an ICU nurse. I loved the city and everyone there was so different from Americans, it was a learning experience as well as a fun time. Maybe one day we can go and I'll show you where I worked and give you a tour of all the best spots."
"I would like that but Chase, I don't deserve to be treated kindly by you, not after I hurt you so much. I want to apologize from the bottom of my heart for every single thing I have ever done to hurt you. I was not myself for most of my life and you could see that which shows me that you are the only one who truly knew me. You saw a change in me and tried to help but I pushed you away and I will always be sorry and always regret that. I know I have a lot to make up for Chase and I will do everything I can to get back to the way we used to be, to that brotherly bond we once had. There is nothing holding me back this time, no hold on who I am, our parents are dead so there is no excuse as to why I can't prove myself to you and everyone else that I am turning a new leaf. Please don't give up on me." Seeing his face soaked with tears broke my heart but I could see he isn't sad.
"I never gave up on you Brent, I knew you were in there somewhere. I will never give up on you either. You have always been my hero, my best friend and half of my heart. I love you so much Brent." He said as he cried and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around him and just held him as we cried.
I looked to the doorway and saw Altan leaning against it with a smile on his face.
"I told you." He mouthed to me and I chuckled softly, he was right. I nodded and he went back into the room he was in.
"So when is your baby due?" I asked after a bit of us holding one another.
"Your nephew is due in two months. Kody is the father. We already have Corey, Amilia, and Dexter and this little guy. He was a surprise. We didn't think I could get pregnant because it's been a long time but here we are, a healthy Beta baby boy. Oh also Zac is pregnant with an Alpha this time. Five kids for us so far."
"Wow that's amazing, gotta ask how it works with you being male later. Are you hungry?" I asked and he nodded.
"Actually I made food while you both were talking, that's what I was doing." Altan said so we went to the kitchen and sat down at the island and Altan put plates of food in front of us.
"Thanks Atlan." Chase said and didn't wait another second before he started eating.
"You're welcome."
We ate as we talked and I couldn't help but to think, I hope to God this is the start to a better future.