His pupils dilated... gaze stayed fixed on the woman before him... too stunned to even blink his eyes...his brows slowly connected as confusion gradually filled his mind... couldn't find the right words to say for how could he respond to a statement that he never expected her to say...
Tzuyu clearly saw the surprise expression on his face... saw the confusion that soon joined it...
She lost herself... wasn't expecting herself to do something irrational yet her anger got to her head even before she could think of something else to say... she just hated that pity look on his face as he stared at her a while ago... it just reminded her of how hell her life was... how she lived under fear and how she had always ran away... that she had thought that meeting him would end her misery yet just like everyone else that she thought would put a stop to it... he was there... about to abandon her again...
With that, her gaze faltered... slowly set it away from him... her brows slowly curled and forehead creased as she again, put up another act that she was sure he won't be able to ignore...
"You have always protected me... even to the point of marrying that woman just so I won't be hurt... you endured a lot for me... what more do they want from us...?"
Jungkook was immediately baffled by what he had heard... about to tell her that it was not what she was thinking, only for her to beat him to it...
"I love you... and even if it will cost me to wait for you forever... I will oppa... just please, don't give up so easily..."
A muffled gasp escaped from him... heart was torn apart from what he heard from her... how can she manage to say that where in fact it was clear that she was hurting...? And how selfish he was for keeping her all this time despite the great odds of hurting her in the end...? She had done nothing but to be always there for him... yet all he could give her was nothing but pain and empty promises...
His jaw clenched... hands curled into fist on the table as he locked his gaze to her...
He was a selfish man... blamed everyone for what his life had gone to... and until now, he was still selfish... as if pushing away the only woman who gave him strength before... was it just because he had finally found his real love...? That having Rosé will be the only thing that mattered to him now..? No... for he knew to himself that caging Tzuyu would be much more selfishness... setting her free from all the pain he had caused her would look selfish in her eyes, let it be then... if it'll be the only way that she will find her true happiness...
He gulped down the forming lump in his throat... determination was written all over his face and upon seeing it, Tzuyu couldn't help but to feel a flash of defeat starting to cut right through her...
"You've already been hurt too much because of my selfishness... I should've let you go back then when things were starting to get bad... but I was scared... too coward to face my responsibilities alone... I used you as an excuse to hate the obligations that was given to me... used you as the reason to put blame on others and to hurt the people who had done nothing but to understand me..."
His last words came out like a stifled whisper as he remembered everything he had done to Rosé... and it was enough for him to flinch a bit as if his heart was being stabbed again by millions of needles... his hatred towards himself was starting to fill him again... how could he do those things to her...? Fed his mind with nothing but lies... created a false reason to put all the blame to her... too frail to confess to himself his incompetency... that he was all along just like his brother... too irresponsible of accepting everything that life had given him... seeking for an easy way to get to what he wanted... always thinking of what he wants...
Tzuyu kept her gaze locked with his, wearing an unreadable expression on her face as she continuously kept her silence...
Jungkook slowly reached for her hands... she didn't protest... allowed his hands to envelope hers and held it tight...
Tears welled up in his eyes as he looked at her... he knew she won't accept it easily... knew how much she was in pain right now... and he hated himself more for being the one inflicting it to her again... yet he knew it was the only way to set her free...
"I'm sorry Tzuyu-ah... but I can't lock you from the life you truly deserve... I'm sorry for being so selfish all this time... I loved you... it was all true...you're the first woman who had introduced me that foreign feeling... please don't doubt the years we've been together..."
He tightened his hold on her hands as he let out a deep sigh...
"But I am not the man who could give you the happiness and freedom that you deserve..."
Jungkook said with a faint smile on his lips... eyes full of affection as he looked at Tzuyu whose expression slowly gave out something differently from the blankness a while ago...
For upon hearing those words from him... something had suddenly pricked her insides... the walls she had created in herself shook a bit that her eyes automatically blinked the tears away that almost filled it...
"You are so carefree... you love life better than I do... you have dreams you need to fulfill for yourself and I won't be the person who will be the reason for you not to accomplish them... that every time I look into your eyes I would always feel a great guilt... for all along I'm only giving you false hope... I can't be the destruction of your happiness Tzuyu-ah..."
Silence consumed them right after his last word... as if the busy café suddenly became isolated for her... she was looking at him yet it was again emptiness that sheathed her expression... until after a while, her gaze faltered... she woke up from her trance as something cold touched her cheek only to realize a drop of her tears managed to escape her eye and stained her beautiful face...
How could this man break her defense with just those words...? All because of one woman, there she was... being told to what on what she needed in her miserable life... freedom...? Happiness...? The world was a cage itself... how can such things exist...? And how can a person like him, say those things as if he knew the meaning of it, if all his life he felt nothing but suffocation... and now being locked up once again with that woman she had learned to loathe... she doubted he would deny it was love...
Love... Tzuyu could only scoff by the mention of it... the idea of it was just too good to be true... and she could be the last person who would be of need of it... hated such illusion for she knew, she would gain nothing from it...
She hated herself for being frail before him... knew by then that an argument with him would be futile for the look in his eyes had said it all... she was nothing but just another speck on this earth... just like what others see in her as they look at her...
Hatred and bitterness filled her cold heart once again that she had missed the concern written all over his face... the hope in his eyes that she would hopefully be happy now that she's free from him... for all she could think was the side of being abandoned again...
A light chuckle escaped from her as she lowered her gaze towards their joined hands; immediately, disgust had stirred her insides... and Jungkook could only look at her in wonder...
How could he not do that, if her own parents abandoned her to the devil who knew nothing but to torment her life...? Of course... just like everyone else... he just used her... and now that he found someone new... he would just throw her away like a stinky, rotten trash... and she'll be back to the hell she had loathed, because it was the only home she knew she had...
She curled her hands to fist before pulling it away from his hold... she kept her head down as one of her hands reached for her face to wipe off her tears... awful... she felt awful towards herself for showing him a vulnerable side of her... it was more awful than feeling his lips against her skin... for she knows, looking like that in front of him would make him pity her more...
Jungkook kept his silence as he waited for her to regain herself... he was worried about her... wanted to comfort her but he doesn't even know how to start... doesn't even have the right to... how could he even do that if he was the one that caused her to be on that state? He could only hope that someone, much better than him could heal the pain he caused her... give her everything that she deserved... make her forget every bitterness that he inflicted in her...
After a while, Tzuyu set her hands down on her lap as she slowly gazed up to face him again...
Cold, hard expression met his gaze... a different Tzuyu had immerged in front of him that he could only stare in awe...
"Do you love her Jungkook...?"
It came out as bland as her cold expression... almost made him choke from such intimidating atmosphere that surrounded her... yet he managed to stay at ease... gaze softened by the thought of Rosé, that he even completely forget the woman before him...
"I love her..."
Sounded as deep as where it came from... his heart pounded mercilessly after uttering the words with Rosé's face floating inside his mind...
Tzuyu's lips twitched before a slight smirk of disgust formed on it... she would surely enjoy seeing his face in great agony once the love he truly believed would be futile against the unfairly judgment of reality... for she couldn't be humiliated just like that... he could not just throw her away as if he has nothing to do with her... she could not just always accept defeat like a pathetic loser she was all her life...
"She's lucky to have you oppa..."
She whispered... Jungkook was immediately startled by her response, a bit bothered by the stillness of her expression only to brush the thought away as her hand topped his and gave it a squeeze... he could only look at her in wonder again... watched as an empty smile curved on her lips before she stood up from her seat...
The next thing he knew, he was seating alone in the middle of a busy café... his eyes fixed towards the entrance of the café where Tzuyu had gone off...
Something inside him was a bit bothered... probably because he knew she was hurting inside... he could only bow his head in shame... kept telling himself it was all for the better yet can't help but to hate himself for doing it to the woman he loved before...
--
She looked at her friend with a faint of sadness in her eyes... she let out a deep sigh as he just looked at her with those dead eyes...
"Are you mad at me...?"
She asked him... only to hear a slight scoff from him as he tore his gaze away from her and looked to the side...
She immediately looked for Taehyung right after her last class... a bit bothered on what happened earlier during lunch... he was just acting weirder than he usually was... making her bothered if she had done something to displeased him... her silliness got her to think that he had probably failed his subject because he wasn't able to pass the project he asked for her to model...
Taehyung was a silent guy and a very unpredictable one...if only she could read minds... he always left her wondering with everything he does and right now was not an exemption of it, leaving her with the slightest idea of what was happening...
"I'm sorry..."
She whispered mournfully as her lips pouted... she caught him behind their building, on his way out the back gate of the campus... she lowered her head, hands clasped together... completely blaming herself from the thought of him failing his subject because of her...
Taehyung's eyes immediately widen and head snapped back towards her... his brow rose upon seeing her state but overall startled upon hearing her apology...
"What for...?"
He can't help but ask... wasn't able to control himself to sound worried for that was what he really felt that moment... wondering what came to her mind this time for her to apologize to him suddenly...
He watched her as she played with her thumb as she clasped her hands together...
"For the painting... did you fail your subject...? I told you, you should have looked for someone else..."
He almost choked with what she said... couldn't believe that she still had not forgotten about it... and as he contemplated with her words... he almost rolled his eyes... how could she be so innocent...?
He let out a deep sigh... his gaze softened as he continuously looked at her... he didn't mean to make her feel bad... probably she was confused by what he acted earlier... but he himself was suffering from the same confusion, only it had almost driven him crazy... for the past week, she was nothing but a walking epitome of sadness because of Jungkook and it had drained him all the strength to make her happy not until earlier... the smile that he had been persistently working on the past week
was plastered on her face... only it was not because of him... but because of the same guy that inflicted her the agony she once suffering...
Never in his life he had felt this great need to be with someone... just the fact that he doesn't have the right to even hold her hand was tearing him apart... he knew he had to stay away, not to spoil this stupid illusion he was creating in himself... yet no matter what he does, he couldn't help himself not to stay away from her... there was just something in her that had driven him to think and for his body to act on its own to always be there for her and protect her...
How could he be so careless, that now, he was causing her to be confused and sad because of him...? He thought... and with that, another sigh escaped him as he slowly lifted his hand and reached for her...
A slight smile formed on his lips as he lifted her chin to face him and saw how her lips pouted... oh, he really was trapped under this woman's spell... such a sin to be wishing of kissing her lips... stop... just stop... he kept telling himself...
"You sure have a wide imagination..."
Her round eyes immediately filled with wonder... still, the pout on her lips didn't vanish and when a strand of her hair fell loose on her face, Taehyung lost his control... reached for it and tucked it behind her ear, not missing to caress her face in the process... it felt so soft against his skin... and the way the ginger color of sunset hit her angelic face... she looked so divine that had driven him to completely lose himself just by looking at her...
"I lied..."
He continued... Rosé kept her silence and slowly her head tilted to the side... Taehyung held his gaze towards her... maintained a calm expression on his face... despite the turmoil inside him as he battled against his overflowing feelings...
"There was never been a project... music is my course Rosé... I just wanted to paint you..."
He simply said... it had lessened Rosé's confusion a bit, but can't help but to be curious this time... slowly the pout on her lips disappeared and got replaced by a smile...
"Why..? Why would you want to paint me Taehyung-ah...?"
She asked teasingly... never knew the effect on him of what she was asking him...
He slowly put down his hand against his side... never tore his gaze away from her... feeding himself by her beauty and once again, drowning himself to the bliss of being able to see her...
"My father wanted me to be an architect just like him... he said I wont get anything from playing those stupid instruments... from creating noise... I thought he was right... almost gave up music because I thought I was just really making a fool out of my hobby... not until one girl caught me sneaking in their family's piano during his father's birthday... I thought I was the happiest that night not until I saw the look on her face when I ended a piece, I thought music was beauty not until I saw her...she was just breathtaking... the way she smiled, the way her eyes twinkled as she looked at me... she was the one admiring but for me, it was the other way around..."
It had already been years since it happened but for Taehyung it was as if it just happened yesterday... everything was so clear to him... it was insanity for others, but for him it became his only inspiration to continue on with the music that he loved...
"She told me how I played beautifully, I could sneer at her statement, doubted that she was just bluffing... for it was my first time hearing someone praised the only thing that I know I am good at... but the way she looked at me... every doubt inside me immediately vanished... she told me I should play some more... as if it was the easiest thing... yet I couldn't help but to agree... she... she just made me feel weak even though it was our first time meeting each other..."
Rosé just looked at him, and he knew that she had probably forgot about it already... the memory that he had treasured the most was just one of those ordinary moments in her life... such shame...
"That girl... made me swore to myself to play... to continue on with my music... to be better with it... to create more beautiful music for her... and it wasn't just the idea of playing was my goal anymore but to be able to play for her again... to see that smile on her face as she watches me... the feeling of having someone loving what I am doing... she had become the reason on why I am doing what I do now..."
Rosé's face lightened... having the slightest idea that she was the one he was talking about, for she was just too overwhelmed by the fact that her silent friend was finally opening up to her... couldn't help but to feel happy and lucky for the woman he was talking about...
"Who is she..? Have you seen her again...?"
Her curiosity got over her that she missed the sadness that flashed his eyes after she asked him...
"I was scared to approach her again... she was just too amazing that I cant help but be intimidated and could only watch her from afar... always wondering if she could still remember me... but I guess not... she loved art... she and her sister would go to art galleries... and I would be there to just watch her... too coward to approach her... until the day came that my family had to leave..."
The smile on her face slowly disappeared not just because of what happened to him but because at the back of her mind, something in his story had caught her attention... the party... the boy that was playing in their family's piano, the girl's love for art... her eyes slowly widen as realization came to her little by little...
"I became better... had talked to my dad that I couldn't do anything aside from music... and when the moment came that I was able to play before her again... it broke me apart for it was the same day that she said her vows to another man, and to make things worse it was my friend..."
He could only let out a bitter smile as his gaze slowly fell on the ground...
Rosé's body stiffened... her heart jolted in shock as she put the pieces together...
'It can't be...' she thought... It can't be her...
Taehyung gaze up to her once again and saw the clear surprise on her face... it was just suffocating to keep it to himself all this time... he feared it would break him down if he won't be able to let it out... his crazy admiration for her... and he thought just by telling her this would make him have his peace... but it didn't... it just drove him more to push further more...
"I wanted to have a moment with that girl... even for a while... I wanted to see that smile again, capture it for myself... I've been making fool of myself for still loving someone who's already bound to another... but I can't help it... not when I can see that she's hurting... not when the man that supposed to care for her has someone else in his life..."
She gasped... couldn't breath as she heard each word that escaped his lips... this
was not one of those weird moments of her friend anymore... she's supposed to be happy that for once he was normal... but with what was telling her... her heart was slowly tearing apart...
"I love you Rosé..."
He whispered yet enough for her to hear each word... she was immediately taken aback... felt her knees weak that he needed to hold her on one of her shoulders to keep her on her posture...
"That it breaks me knowing I can't have you no matter what I do... that forever, I'll be just a shadow watching you from afar... I don't care... just... just let me love you even just from afar..."
And that completely broke her... tears spilled out from her eyes and ran down her cheeks... it felt so surreal... couldn't believe that she was actually hearing those things from her... what did he see from her...? She doesn't deserve it... he couldn't love her... not when her heart's beating Jungkook's name...
"Y- Taehyung-ah..."
Her voice shook but before she could even say more... he reached for her face and wiped off her tears stained face with his thumbs... he cupped her face... his brows slowly met, cursing himself for making her cry... and couldn't help but feel remorse with himself once again for the rejection that was written all over her face...
He shook his head... with a slight smile on his lips he signaled her not to speak... "I know... and I don't want you to feel bad about it... it's my own feelings and not
yours to control... I'm sorry for being so cold to you... it's my only way to control my
feelings... I'm still afraid that once I told you, you'll run away from me... but now that I told you... are you going to...? It's okay if you do... it won't lessen my feelings for you anyway..."
She looked at him incredulously... not because of his persistent confession but because of the thought of her not being his friend anymore...
She immediately shook her head no as she held on to his hands that were cupping her face...
"I won't do that to you Taehyung-ah... I only have few friends... b-but... why... why me...?"
She whispered her last words... his story was just not enough basis on why he should love her...
He smiled down at her... his thumbs continuously caressed her chubby cheeks, taking this opportunity to hold her even for a while...
"I have my reasons...and I tend to keep it to myself"
He simply said as he let go of her face... he won't push himself more... don't want to hurt her more than what she was probably feeling right now... for he knew it will be futile anyway... he was already too late, was just too blind to admit it to himself back then... but knew from the start that it always been his friend that filled her heart... despite the pain Jungkook caused her... still, it was him that Taehyung could see in her eyes...
"Can I just hug you for once Rosé... but... it's okay if you don't want... I mean, I've been so-"
Before he could even finish his statement, Rosé had already thrown herself in his arms... buried her face on his chest and started to cry again... Taehyung's heart swelled in bliss... couldn't believe that finally he had felt her in his arms... with that, with his shaking hands, he slowly wrapped his arms around her and bowed down his head as he inhaled her scent... didn't manage to contain his tears as it slipped out of his eyes...
They stayed like that for a moment... he was shaking as he held her tight... not minding the people that could see them... for finally one of his dreams came true... he felt lighter than before... he would protect her... always, not as a lover but as a friend... he would make sure no one would cause her harm as long as he lives...
--
"Are you okay...? Did you cry..? Why are your eyes so puffy like that...?"
Jungkook asked her as soon as he arrived and saw her standing at the balcony of their room... he was feeling so heavy right after his conversation with Tzuyu... something inside him still told him that everything was not in their proper place yet... but that uneasiness got replaced when he saw his wife... replaced by the worry on how she looked like when she faced him... he immediately darted towards her and gathered her in his arms... cupped her face between his hands and made her look up to him...
Rosé shook her head as she wrapped her arms around his frame and struggled from his hands and manage to bury her face on his chest... she doesn't want to talk about what happened between Taehyung and her earlier... decided to keep it to herself for the meantime for even just remembering it put pain in her heart...
"Rosé-ah..."
He called worriedly... caressing the back of her head to soothe her on whatever she was thinking...
"Tell me what's wrong..."
He kept his voice tender...now containing himself from feeling mad to whoever made her upset...
She slowly looked up to meet his worried gaze... and before he could ask her again what's wrong, she tipped on her toe as she reached for his face and kissed him on his lips...
Jungkook's eyes widen... his heart jumped and he thought it even escaped out his ribs... she just kissed her on her own...
It was a simple and fast peck on his lips but enough to send shivers through his entire body...
The night started to deepen... she kept her gaze locked with his as an overwhelming feeling washed over her for her to blurt out the words she had been protecting not to tell him...
"I love you..."
She whispered... and tears started to fill her eyes again... this was just too much for her... she was staking everything now... she knew telling him those words would take away the last card she had... but no matter what the consequences would be, she will face it...
"Wha... what did you say...?"
His voice trembled... he could be just mistaken with what he heard because he was too eager to hear it from her...
"I said... I love you..."
She said as her face twisted and her lips curled as she broke out to tears... her next words came out as a blur as she choked on her own tears... Jungkook couldn't help but to let a slight laugh... he cupped her face again before crushing his lips with hers...