i didn't wanna get up.
i really didn't wanna get up.
but i didn't really have a choice in the matter.
"we could just skip school and say you're sick, dumbass"
"yeah... let's do that," i mumble, about to go back to sleep when my phone goes off. groaning, i have venom pick my phone up and hold it up in front of my face, squinting at the brightness of it before my eyes adjust.
hito: are you alright? do you need me to come with you?
i just let out a small sigh, taking the phone in my own hands to reply.
me: i think i'll be alright. you don't need to come. i'm just gonna skip today, say i'm sick, ya know? love you, hito
hito: ok, but if you need anything, i'm here. give her my respects, too
even though i know he can't see me, i nod, having venom place the phone back on the desk and roll onto my side, attempting to go back to sleep.
only for someone to knock on the door.
fucking dammit.
groaning, i get up, further wrapping my super soft fuzzy as shit blanket around me, and go to the door. opening it, i close my eyes at the bright light filtering in.
"what do you want?"
"whoa, you ok, rin-chan?" my eyes open tiredly at the voice, seeing mina, kyoka, and kaminari standing in the hallway. the pink haired girl, who had asked the question, was looking at me worriedly, but so were the other two, but kyoka especially. i sigh, nodding slightly and closing my eyes again.
"i just feel sick. i'm gonna stay behind and sleep it off. bring me the work, please?" i ask, opening my eyes to see the trio nod to say they would. as the other two walk off, kyoka lags behind and reaches out to squeeze my hand, making me smile weakly at her.
"you sure you're ok?" she questions softly, worry evident in her eyes.
"yeah, kyoka. i'm fine."
i lean down and kiss her forehead quickly then pull away, smiling as she blushes brightly then rushes off. i sigh, closing the door and further shutting me off from the cursed light, and venom pops up.
"we going while they're all at school, or do we wanna sleep the day off and then go later?" he asks with a blank tone, but i know that he's hurting, too.
"i'm gonna nap for awhile. see if i can get some sleep. can you try to keep the nightmares away?"
venom sighs, pretending to be inconvenienced, but we both know that he's just putting on a show. he needs something to distract himself from his thoughts on this particular day, and warding off my stupid nightmares seems to do the trick just fine.
falling onto the bed, venom retreats back into my body, and i try to get into the most comfortable position i can be in while in my little cocoon.
as a few stray thoughts flash through my brain, i let out a shaky breath and heat builds up in my eyes.
in the end, i managed to fall asleep.
———
waking up from my nap later in the day, i didn't feel any better, mentally. granted, i didn't expect much else since it's like this every year, but i guess i was kinda hoping that with all the new happy things that've happened to me this year, so far, i would've been able to go through this day with a healthier mindset.
that was wishful thinking.
i have venom get in the cup and place him in the closet while i quickly get changed, then walk out and let him out. grabbing my phone i see a text from neito, but i ignore it and turn my phone off for the time being. leaving my room, i quietly shut the door behind me as i try to be as unnoticeable as possible, but obviously that doesn't work out.
"sasaki-san? where are you going?"
i wince at tokoyami's voice, turning my head to the source to find him and quite a few of our other classmates all staring at me with confusion. it looked like word had gotten around about me being "sick" today, so they were obviously confused about why i was up and going somewhere.
"uh... pharmacy...? for, uh, medicine...?" i manage to get out, but it comes off as unsure and more like a question. i groan internally as i see some of the pairs of eyes narrow at me in suspicion.
"rin-chan, where are you going?" momo softly asks, moving to come towards me, but i recoil was she tries to reach out and touch my arm. i cringe at the surprised and sad look on her face from my sudden action, but i turn my head so as to not see her face. i'd really rather not feel more guilty than i already do, today.
"i'm just going out, i'll be back later. don't hold up for me or anything, i don't know exactly when i'll be back."
"sasaki-san, this is highly irresponsible and dangerous to your physical health! if you are ill, it would be best if you return to your room and allow your body to-" i cut the boy off by just sprinting towards the front doors, shouts arising behind me as i made my break for the exit. there was the pounding of feet behind me when i left the building, and i cast a glance behind me to see kyoka, kirishima, momo, iida, and a few others i couldn't make out standing outside.
"mask!"
"copy!"
i'm engulfed in less than a second, the shocked gasps of my classmates filling the air before we leave the premises, swinging ourselves into the air.
oh, god, v. i can't believe we just did that
"they kinda deserved being ditched for being nosy little fuckers"
they were being nosy, but i was just flat out rude by leaving them like that. fuck, i'm gonna have to explain shit when i get back
"heh, that's gonna suck"
just as i'm about to make a comment, we come to a stop at our destination. it was always upsetting how familiar we were with this place.
venom slowly retreats back into my body, and i shiver slightly before walking in the direction i had gone in so many times over the last seven, almost eight years since what had happened.
stopping in front of what i was looking for, i kneel down and bring my hands together to say a quick prayer. once done, i burn some of the incense and lean back on my legs to look at the writing.
SASAKI GINKO
mother, daughter, wife
xxxx-xxxx
sniffling, i allow the tears that i'd been fighting all day to fall as i stare at the headstone.
"hey, mom," i greet, voice cracking a bit, and i let out a small, pathetic chuckle from crying.
"i'm sorry it took so long for me to come by. i, i just had a lot goin... i had a lot going on. me and the rest of my class, along with neito-kun's class got attacked by, uh, by villains, and um, one of my uh, classmates and i, like, got kidnapped," i ramble, more water building up behind and falling from my eyes as i talk, but i resist the urge to bury my face in my hands like i always do.
"i, uh, i met the uh, guy who did that to, uh, you. he was a, uh, horrible guy. i kinda killed him, mom. god, i'm sorry. i'm sorry i don't regret doing it, mom. i'm sorry that he did that to you. i'm sorry you were forced to have me, i'm sorry your parents disowned you and gave you to that guy because they hated me. i'm so fucking sorry, mom."
i was full on heavy sobbing with every word i spoke, my body shaking so much from all the emotional turmoil i put myself in.
"mom... i'm sorry, too."
i glance at venom, who materializes arms and wraps them around me as we sit and stare at the grave of our mother. the woman who, despite all that she had gone through because of us, still loved and cared for us the way a mother should.
"i still miss her so damn much, rin," venom states, pain in his voice. i reach up and loop one of my arms with his, showing him the assurance that i'm here for him just like he is with me.
"me too, v."
i turn back to face the stone, almost zoning out, but then the symbiote states, "oh, yeah! rinnie has a girlfriend, now, mom! which, honestly, took too long in my opinion, but-"
"venom i swear to god-"
———
arriving back at the dorms later, i didn't even take into account that my classmates would be worried. i just felt like i did every time her birthday anniversary of the anniversary of her death came up, which basically meant that i was depressed and emotionally exhausted as always.
but i didn't expect to be bombarded as soon as i entered the heights.
"sasaki! where have you been?! you being sick and leaving does not help you get better, so go to your-" aizawa begins his lecture, but he stops when he noticed i'm about to cry. he sighs, shaking his head before looking opening his eyes.
"just head up. get some sleep, get some food, whatever. you can tell me if something is wrong, sasaki, alright?" i take a few moments before i nod, quickly moving past him and rushing past everyone else before they can see the tears in my eyes.
it sucks when people see me cry.
i unlock my door, go inside, and then close and lock it behind me before throwing myself on the bed and wrapping myself up in blankets again. just as i'm about to try and drift to sleep, again, there's another knock on my door.
"rin?"
i flinch, but don't reply.
"rin? please, let me in. i'm really worried. you don't have to explain anything to me, i won't ask that of you, but please, just let me in."
do it
i roll my eyes slightly but then use my quirk to unlock the door and open it enough for her to slip in, and quickly retract the feeler.
kyoka slowly walks over to where i am on the bed, kneeling down in front of me to where we can be eye to eye. she gives a worried look, but then smiles and reaches out to stroke my cheek, and i let out a small, sad smile.
"you ok?"
i shake my head, reaching out my arms to pull her on the bed with me, and i bury my face in her neck. i take a deep breath, but then more thoughts enter my brain, and i start crying again.
kyoka was tense at first when i pulled her into my arms, but she relaxed and wrapped her arms around me in return and allows me to cry as much as i need.
i didn't know how long we stayed like that.
but when i fell asleep, i didn't have any nightmares.
—————
i know, y'all probably wanted another chapter going along with the plot of bnha
but i've had this in my head for quite awhile, so yeah. the whole thing with kyoka coming in at the end was spur of the moment but i thought it was necessary so that kyoka could see that rin really does trust her enough to show what she's like when her traumas get to her, you know? because when someone truly does trust you, then they show that by being vulnerable with you.
i know, i'm just rambling, but i thought this would be a good point for them to start truly opening up to each other.
my babies. god, i love them.