A/N: Hi guys back with another small update to this story, sorry for the delay but things have been pretty crazy lately! Anyway I'm not gonna talk much except to say thank you all once again for all the amazing support you guys are awesome 💜
Simon's POV
I ran out of hospital and out into the parking lot looking for David and Alesha we needed to get back to the hotel and we needed to make sure the boys were alright.
I had talked to Stephen's doctor and a chill ran through my body as I recalled what I had been told, no wonder the boys had acted the way they had.
It was bad enough the boys had to visit their friend while he was practically on life support and then he had a heart attack and his heart had stopped all while they had been in the room!
I couldn't even imagine and dreaded to think what this had done to their already fragile mental states especially Ant.
What was even more worrying was the fact that I bumped into a nurse on the way down from Stephen's room and when she reconized me she had asked me how Dec was doing, I had been confused. Why was she asking about Declan?
I had asked exactly that only to feel my worry increase dramatically when she told me that Dec had fainted and had to be carried out of the room by Ant. That had been bad enough and had explained most of Ant's behavior but then I had been informed that she had sent them with a hearrtate and blood pressure moniter and if Dec wasn't improved in 12 hours we needed to bring him back here.
I felt another shiver pass through my body again now Ant's behavior made sense, the overprotectiveness, the crying, the apologizing, the tremors, he was probably on the verge of a total breakdown.
I had been told by the nurse that she had attempted to check him over as well but that he wouldn't let her, of course he wouldn't he wouldn't do anything to look after himself when Dec was hurt or sick.
I shook my head as I walked up to David who was leaned against Dec's car talking to Alesha, everything was such a mess and it only seemed to be getting worse. They looked up as I approched I didn't even say hello I simply told them to get in my car, Dec's could stay right where it was for now we had bigger problems to deal with.
David's POV
I got into the passenger seat of Simon's car as I shared a look with Alesha we were both confused and worried about what was going on.
First the boys had looked terrible and now Simon was acting odd as well, he was silent but it wasn't an angry silience more like a determined one.
I glanced over at him as he started the car and pulled out of the lot, "Simon whats going on? Is everything alright?"
He didn't take his eyes off the road as he grimaced before he spoke, "I don't know David, I don't know if everything is alright or what I'm supposed to do if it's not. All I know is that everytime I think we have this situation under control something happens and things go crazy again and I'm so worried and stressed and I just don't know what I'm supposed to do to fix all this."
I bit my lip at his outburst he sounded so frustrated and yet his voice was tinted with saddness and worry I sympathized with him I really did even though I had no clue what he was talking about, I was about to say something but then we reached the hotel.
Simon parked the car and got out slamming the door and leaving Alesha and I to run after him as he stalked up to the main enterance.
It was surrounded by press again but Simon didn't even seem to notice or care he pushed right through ignoring every question that was thrown his way.
"Are Ant and Dec having a mental breakdown?"
"Did Ant attempt sucide as well? Is that what the bandage was?"
"Is it true that Stephen Mulhern is dead?"
I winced at that last one while I prayed the answer was no, none of us would ever recover from that loss. I followed Simon through the crowd dragging Alshea after me and I felt a burning anger in my stomach as I noticed one of the reporters from hospital it was the man who had grabbed Ant.
He noticed me as well and he jumped in front of me causing me to freeze as he grabbed my arm just like he had to poor Ant earlier, my blood boiled and I snapped.
I yanked my arm away and placed a hand on his chest shoving him to the side as I pulled Alesha after me I watched him stumble before he regained his balance, "Haven't you caused enough harm for one day? Don't you have any sense of decency? You can clearly see we are all devastated and then we have to put up with people like you jumping us all the time, I'm warning you to back off!"
The man froze and so did everyone else as Alesha and Simon started at me open mouthed, had I really just done that? Had I really just yelled at and threatened a reporter? Silence regined for a minute and then I spoke again, "He was our friend, how would you feel if it was someone you cared about?"
I saw them all look down and a few even looked embarssed I decided that my point had been made and I grabbed Alesha's hand again pulling her into the lobby as Simon trailed after us, I didn't even regret what I had done they had deserved to be yelled at.
I walked over to the lift and pressed the button much harder than was actually nessecary and I looked up as I felt a hand on my shoulder.
I saw Simon look at me with worry as he spoke, "David are you alright?" I considered it for a minute and I felt the anger fading as quickly as it had come up. I nodded, "I'm fine Simon just had to make a point" the lift arrived and I stepped in pulling Alehsa with me before I held the door for Simon, "Come on let's go and see about our boys."
He shot me a look but I ignored it and he let out a sigh before he climbed in and pressed the button I looked down at Alesha and saw that she was giving me the same worried look as Simon, I gave her a smile. "I'm fine Alesha stop looking at me like that, are you alright?"
She had been very very quite all day and even more so ever since the whole incident at hospital when Dec had reprimanded her for pulling him away from Ant, she hadn't meant any harm and even Dec had resssured her he wasn't mad but I could tell she was still beating herself up about it.
She looked hesitant and had to think about it for a minute but she finally nodded and then went back to looking down at the floor lost in thought, I made a mental note to have a talk with her later the last thing we needed was another person having a meltdown or losing their cool.
The lift stopped and we all got out walking down the hall towards the boys' rooms in silence, I could feel the tension in the air and I wondered what kind of a mess we were about to walk into this time as Simon knocked on the door and Amanda appeared looking stressed and worried.
Amanda's POV
I opened the door and almost cried in relief when I saw Simon, he had filled me in on everything over the phone earlier and I had immediatly gone back into Dec's room to talk to Ant only to have him keep giving me the whole "I don't want to talk about it" routine.
I was beyond worried for him he didn't move he didn't speak he just sat there and held Dec in his arms and his face would go blank as he became lost in his thoughts. The only time Ant seemed aware of what he was doing was when he took Dec's blood pressure and even then he did it with a very cold very distant attutude and everytime he looked at the cuff his face twisted up and I expected him to burst into tears.
He never did however and I found that more unnerving than if he actually had cried, tears I could understand but the way he acted now made me feel sick with worry. He acted calm very calm and it was way too odd.
Yesterday he had been a wreck and then he had a panic attack at hospital and now when I had found out he had wittnessed Stephen having a heart attack and then Dec passing out he was calm as could be? Something was definitely off and I didn't like it hopefully Simon would know what to do because I was really getting scared for his wellbeing.
Simon came into the room and sighed before he spoke, "Where are they?" I gestured to Dec's room before I answered, "They are in there Dec's asleep in Ant's arms but Simon I'm worried for Ant he won't talk he won't even look at me he just keeps holding Dec and ignoring me."
I felt silly as I heard my voice shaking it was stupid to get so upset and I knew I was probably overreacting but I couldn't help it. I was so scared and so upset I was terrified that Stephen was actually going to die or that Ant was going to hurt himself and my heart lurched as I tried to imagine what would happen if we lost one of them.
I felt tears stinging my eyes and then the next thing I knew I was full on crying I felt silly but I couldn't help it and I saw Simon reach for me but Alesha beat him to it and the next thing I knew I was crying on her shoulder as she led me out the door.
"We will be back in a few minutes you talk to the boys I'll look after her." I heard Alesha's voice and then I felt he tighten her hold on me and I as much as I hated to leave the boys I gave in and let her pull me out the door.
Ant's POV
I felt bad about the way I was acting towards Amanda and I knew I was worrying her which only made my guilt worse but I didn't know what she wanted me to say. She wanted me to talk to her but what was I supposed to tell her?
That I was nothing but a jinx? That I hurt everyone I cared about? That I was always messing up everyone's lives with my worthless existence? That I was the reason for Stephen's near death and Dec's now very fraigile state? That I hated myself?
I couldn't tell her any of that Amanda didn't need to be concerned with my problems she had more important people to worry about people who were worth worrying about, people who weren't me.
I heard Dec whine in his sleep again and I shook myself mentally before I soothed him again.
"Easy Decky you're ok, just rest and you'll feel better when you wake up." I cuddled him slightly running a hand over his back again and feeling my already broken heart break a little more when he sighed and relaxed in my arms again.
Why did he trust me so much I didn't deserve it all I ever did was hurt him and drag him down, I almost started crying again but I stopped myself. It would do no good to cry just like it would do no good to talk about things with anyone, the damage had been done and now my decision had been made.
That's why I wouldn't talk to Amanda because I had already decided to take myslef out of Dec's life out of all of their lives and nothing she or anyone said was going to change my decision, it was for the best and I just hoped that someday Dec would forget all about me because that was the best thing for him right now.
The doctor had told me to eliminate the stress from Dec's life and that was exactly what I was going to do, I heard the door open again and schooled my expression into the one I had used earlier the same calm mask that I hoped calmed Amanda down a little.
"Amanda for the millonth time I'm fine and I don't want to talk about it."
I kept my tone firm but polite as well and I thought she would leave but then I jumped as another voice rang out, "It's not Amanda and I don't care if you don't want to talk about it, you don't have a choice Ant you are scaring us all to death so we are going to talk whether you want to or not."
I cringed at the sharp tone of Simon's voice I didn't mean to worry him, I didn't want to worry anyone that's why I was leaving them so they wouldn't worry. I felt harsh tears stinging my eyes and I fought hard to get them under control I wasn't going to cry in front of Simon anymore I was strong enough to hold myself together until Dec was better and then I could I do the right thing and leave him and everyone would be better off.
I heard Simon come close and I he knelt down in front of me looking me dead in the eyes as he spoke, I saw anger and frustration but also a touch of compassion and I almost broke down and told him but then I recalled his words about scaring them to death, no no best to just stay quite and stick with the plan.
"Ant what happened at hospital?"
My heart lurched, "I don't want to talk about it Simon."
"Ant!"
I jumped Simon was getting angry wih me but I was still determined to keep quite so I tried again rasing my voice slightly, "I said no Simon, I don't want to and you aren't going to make me."
A look of anger flashed across his face and I felt Dec starting to stir in my arms, all this fighting wasn't good for him and as Simon spoke again his voice was quite loud; "Why do you have to act like that? All we want to do is help you and yet you keep puhing us away! Don't you understand? We care about all three of you and this whole situation is killing us all, it hurts to see you all in such a state and all we want to do is help but you won't let us!"
I jumped as Simon ended up practically shouting at the end and I felt cold as his outbrust confirmed my earlier thoughts he was better off without me they all were.
I wanted to apologize to him to fix things but I didn't know what to say so I just stayed quite watching as Simon paced around the room trying to regin in his anger, I saw David approach him and I heard him say something which caused Simon to look sheepish.
I saw Simon walk over to me and he knelt down again, i waited for more yelling bracing myself but instead I got a sad, "i'm sorry Ant I shouldn't have yelled at you."
I spoke before I thought, "It's fine Simon it's only me after all I deserve it."
I saw a look of pain cross his face and David's as well, "Ant don't say that you don't deserve it, I'm sorry I didn't mean any of that I was just frustrated."
I shook my head at him and I was about to tell him it was fine again but then Dec started to stir in my arms and I foucused my full attention on him.
His eyes fluttered open and he lookeed on the verge of tears as he spoke, "A-Anth w-what's going on? W-why is everyone sh-shouting?"
I felt my heart tug and I was quick to soothe him cuddling him close, "Nothing Decs everything is alright I promise, Simon just had a little outburst you know how he is."
I tried to make a joke but Dec didn't look convinced and then he started to cry a little which broke my heart even further, "Aww Kidda please don't cry, everything is alright I promise; I'll take care of everything all you need to worry about is getting better."
His lip trembeld a little and he buried his face in my shirt as he cried, the poor thng was frightened now and I saw Simon looking guilty again. "I'm sorry Ant I didn't mean to scare him."
I shrugged as I continued to comfort Dec, "It's alright Simon it was my fault just like always."
I saw him look confused but I didn't care anymore what he thought about me, I wouldn't be around much longer to worry him anymore or frustrate him to the point he resorted to shouting.
I was sorry Dec had gotten scared but honestly I was kind of greatful for Simon's little outburst it confirmed that I was doing the right thing, that this was truly for the best.
A/N: Well guys that's it for now and I know this story just keeps getting darker and darker but I promise there will be a happy ending eventually, so thank you all for sticking with this story.
I know it's not very good and that's why I am so so thankful for all of you 💜💜 so massive thank you once again and I hope I can update this story again soon.
Until next time Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜