Layla
My fingers draw gentle circles on his back, the sheets covering the bottom half of his body. When I'm with him it's as if everything is right in the world, or in my world at least. There's a sense of peace that won't let me think about anything else because there's only him and me. But now that he's asleep and I'm left alone with my thoughts, it's difficult to keep myself in the present and not wonder about the what ifs. What if the family knew? What would they say? I close my eyes at the painful image in my head because even in the rare case that they would approve of the two of us being together, the first thing they would suggest is a wedding and that scares me the most. Not to mention that marrying a man like Hamdan has many other implications. I would not only be tied to him for the rest of my life, I would be tied to Dubai as well and to his job. Because no matter what I do, his job will always be more important. Yes, of course we could travel the world, whenever his schedule allows us to do so. And when he finally becomes the Emir I can only see this getting worse. A complete surrender of all of me is what's necessary, could it be worth it?
I scoot closer and hug him from behind, planting little kisses on the side of his face. He grunts and begins to turn around.
"How long was I asleep?" He asks, surrounding me with his arm.
I settle on his chest. "Not too long, fifteen minutes maybe."
"I don't want to move for the rest of the day." He complains.
"You said you had some meetings in the afternoon." I remind him.
He grunts one more time. "I can cancel, it's not like they can fire me."
I chuckle. "Well, I'm seeing the girls later on. We're going shopping."
"Let's just stay here." He suggests.
I stay quiet because I do want to go shopping with my sisters and I do think he should attend his meetings. Becoming one inseparable couple makes my skin crawl. Wait a minute... couple? We're not a couple, we're a... Ugh! I don't even know, I don't want to put a label on it. Besides, he's still engaged and that's another topic I've been avoiding, but I know that we must talk about it.
"Okay, I get it." He says. "It's too much, I know, I know. You can go shopping and I will go to my meetings. But you cannot blame me for wanting to spend the whole day with you."
I push myself up and peck him on the lips. "It's not that I don't want to be with you, but it's just--"
"Too much." He finishes for me. "Like I just said."
I smile and my fingers move up to play with his hair.
"I feel so used." He admits. "Like a piece of meat."
I chuckle and let my head hang.
"Is that what I am to you?" He asks while straightening himself up to make me lay down.
My chuckle intensifies when he tickles my ribs and his beard caresses my neck.
"Best meat I ever had." I tease.
He abruptly stops the torture, eyebrows up on his forehead. "Really?"
I squint my eyes. "Is that surprising to you?"
He puffs. "What? No! Of course no, I already knew that."
I laugh at his fake confidence. How much we laugh is one of my favorite things about us.
"I love the sound of your laugh, you've always had the best laugh." His face turns serious and he leans down to kiss me.
I kiss him back and I'm immediately dropped into a daze that is soon interrupted by the one thought that hasn't left my mind since he arrived.
"Hamdan."
"Yeah?" He mumbles while his lips move down to my neck.
"What are you going to do?" I ask.
"I'm going to my meetings." He replies between kisses.
"No, not about today." I correct.
He pushes himself up to look at me. "About what, then?"
I press my lips together. "Your engagement."
"Oh!" He rolls over to lay down on the bed. "Well, since you won't marry me, I guess I'll marry her and get that over with."
I spring up to sit. "What?"
"Do you care?" He challenges.
"Wh-- I-- Of course! I love you, I don't want you to marry anyone else!"
"But you won't marry me either?"
"Exactly!"
He laughs and extends his arms to me. "Come here."
I rest on his chest as before, his fingers moving up and down on my arm.
"Of course I won't marry her." He says. "How could I? I'll talk to our mother in January, like we had agreed. It won't be pretty, though." He finishes with a sigh.
"I know." I agree. "Do you ever wonder what it would be like if... you know, if they knew?"
"About us?"
"Yes."
"I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that they would be thrilled. I don't know, maybe if I wasn't engaged. But you know what? I don't care."
"How could you not?" I wonder.
He slides over to his side and looks at me face to face with both our heads resting on the pillows.
"I don't." He shrugs. "You have taught me so much since you came back and there are so many things I would be willing to change or give up, but not this." His palm lands gently on the side of my face. "Not in a million years."
---
My sisters do shopping a little differently. They have personal shoppers and they were kind enough to introduce me to them and I guess they're also my personal shoppers now. We usually arrange to meet at this beautiful upscale apartment where the shoppers bring clothes, shoes, bags, everything. How do they manage to get all of that? I have no idea. But they already know our sizes and style and they are very good at their job.
Hamdan stayed for a little bit longer and we... well, we kind of lost track of time and now I'm running late. I give my hair a little shake inside the elevator, it is still wet and didn't have any time for makeup or a cute outfit, I only grabbed a pair of jeans, t-shirt and white sneakers. The doors open right into the apartment and I find all the girls chatting and laughing.
"Layla! Welcome!" Annie, one of the shoppers, comes to give me a hug while holding a hanger with a dress in one hand.
"So sorry I'm late." I apologize.
"Not a problem, dear. Would you like anything to drink?" She offers.
"Do you have any orange juice?"
"Sure!" She smiles broadly. "Have a seat and we'll get your drink, okay?"
I notice Maryam talking to a girl on the back of the room, maybe she works here too. The rest of my sisters are sitting in the living area. I kiss them both on the cheek and finally take a seat next to Sheikha, while Annie shows Latifa the dress she was holding when I arrived.
"How's the shopping going?" I ask Sheikha.
"Not great." She pouts. "Haven't seen anything I love yet."
I look over my shoulder and Maryam seems to be quite entertained in her conversation. When I turn my head, a young girl shows up with the orange juice I requested.
"Thank you." I smile and then turn to Sheikha again. "Who is Maryam talking to?"
She leans closer to me. "That's Shamma."
My jaw drops and I get some sort of tunnel vision. "Wh-- Sha-- Shamma who?"
"Our cousin, Hamdan's future wife." She replies casually. "I mean, if he ever decides to marry her." She adds in a whisper.
"What?"
Sheikha puts down a bag she was checking out to look at me. "What's wrong with you? You get here late and then you act as if you didn't know."
"Know about what?" I'm so confused I genuinely cannot put my thoughts in order.
She rolls her eyes, comes closer to me one more time and starts talking in a low voice and barely moving her lips. "That Hamdan wants to cancel the whole thing, not to mention that they have been engaged forever, it's beginning to feel awkward, you know?"
"Layla!"
I look over and Maryam is signaling me to come over to where she and Shamma are. I, on the other hand, want to die or at the very least run away from here. But seeing there's no way I can get away with that, I slowly stand up and walk up to them.
"Hey, sis." I greet her with our usual hug.
"There's someone I want you to meet." She announces. "Well, she was just telling me you met before."
"Really?" I look at Shamma.
She smiles her perfect white teeth at me. "Yes, it was a long time ago though, at Zabeel Palace, I distinctly remember your hair, we were probably like ten or twelve years-old. I'm Shamma, by the way."
I shake her hand and introduce myself as well, because I truly do not remember meeting her before. Actually, I don't think I'm able to remember anything right now. Her eyes are big and dark, her makeup naturally beautiful and an overall good aura surrounds her.
"She will be our sister soon!" Maryam says holding onto my arm.
"Well..." Shamma smiles painfully. "I'm not sure about that."
"Aw, Shamma, no. Don't say that." Maryam gives her a comforting hug. "You know how men are. They want to hang on to their freedom for as long as possible, but Hamdan will be so lucky to have you as his wife. Right, Layla?" She nudges at me.
"Uh..." I clear my throat. "I mean, yeah. Men can be like that."
"Oh, my god!" Maryam says abruptly. "I can't believe I didn't think about this sooner! Layla knows Hamdan like no one else, you should ask her all the questions." She advises Shamma.
Shamma's eyes look brightly at me.
"What? No!" I contradict my sister. "I don't know him that well, we didn't talk for years."
"Maryam!" Sheikha calls. "Your shoes are here!"
She runs to try her shoes on and then my temperature starts rising, I wonder if someone could open a window in here.
"Why didn't you talk for years with Hamdan?" Shamma questions me.
"Uh... It's a long story but you know, we kind of drifted apart for a while."
"But you're on good terms now?"
I am the worst person in the world. I have to be. Because here's this perfectly nice girl asking me about how I get along with her fiance, who happens to be the guy I just had sex with.
I simply nod my head for an answer.
"I wish I could get to know him a little bit. Maybe he wouldn't hate me if he got to know me first."
"What? He doesn't hate you."
Her face lights up with hope. "Really? Because I'm starting to believe he does. We were so close to setting a date a few weeks ago and then he backed down. My mother says I have to be patient but I cannot help to feel that he doesn't want to do it."
My throat becomes tight because I cannot believe I'm part of this, I cannot stand here and disrespect her even more by denying the reality or giving her some hopeful fake advice. She deserves better and so do I. I also deserve better than to be in the middle of this mess. What was I thinking?
I swallow the knot in my throat. "I'm sorry, Shamma, I just remembered I have some work stuff I need to do, excuse me."
I don't give her the chance to say anything else and fastly stride to take my handbag from the couch.
"I have to go, girls. I'm sorry."
"What?" Maryam wonders.
"Where are you going?" Latifa adds.
I leave their questions unanswered as I go into the elevator. Once inside, the doors close and I can finally sob and let the tears roll down. This is a new low for me, never before in my life have I felt this miserable. I could have done better, I could have made better choices and I didn't. I should've never come back here, that was the first huge mistake, everything that has happened since my arrival feels like a mistake, things that should have never happened and now I'm starting to pay for it.