A/N: Hi guys back with another small update to this story and my apologies for the long wait. I've been very busy with work and with my other story but as promised I am not giving up on this one 💜 alright guys it's not very good but I'm going to shut up now and let you get on with it.
Amanda's POV
Simon had left already telling me that he would be back in a few hours and to call him if we needed anything, I sat down in the chair and leaned my head against the wall as I tried to think of what to say to Ant.
It was more than obvious that something really bad had happend at hospital I recalled the way he had looked when he had gotten off the elevator holding Dec in his arms and I felt my worry growing even more, I just had to find out what had happened.
I got up out of the chair and went over to the door that led to Dec's room and I knocked quietly waiting for one of them to tell me to come in, however after several minutes passed with no response I simply pushed the door open and walked into the room.
I looked around the room for the boys and as my eyes fell on the bed, or more accurately on the person lying in it my heart tugged. Dec had looked bad earlier but right now he looked down right fragile almost like he would break at the slightest touch.
His skin was white matching the Tshirt that Ant had dressed him in and his face hung slack as his body sagged into the bed, whatever had happened at hospital had clearly taken a lot out of him.
I came closer to the bed making sure to stay quite so as not to wake him and as I got closer I could hear those same wheeezeing sounds coming from his lungs, I frowned as I gently ran a hand through his hair.
I had thought he would remain asleep but to my surprise his eyes fluttered open about halfway and he moaned before he spoke, "A-Anth?" His voice was so full of worry and my heart broke at the sound, "No Declan it's just me it's Amanda."
His head turned weakly to look at me and I smiled gently at him watching as his face became even more worried, "W-where's Anth? I w-want Anth." His voice shook and I swear I could see actual tears forming in his eyes as they traveled around the room in search of his best friend, I sighed and stood up.
"Alright Dec I'll find him sweetie I promise just relax for me ok?"
He bit his lip and nodded as I looked around the room wondering where Ant might be hiding, I saw the door to the restroom was shut and I walked over to it.
I could hear someone inside and I knew it had to be Ant so I knocked on the door, I heard the tap turn on and fiannly just as I was about to call out to him the door opened.
I was shocked as I found myself face to face with Ant who in all honestly didn't look any better than Dec did, my poor boys I thought, he just watched me for a minute before he raised his eyebrows in a silent question.
"Dec's awake and he wanted me to find you."
I heard him sigh and his shoulders slumped as a deep look of saddness and guilt crossed his features before he shook his head and walked past me into the main room heading for the bed, I trailed along after him still not having any idea what was going on.
Ant's POV
I stepped past Amanda and moved quickly towards the bed feeling sicker and sicker as I got closer, why couldn't Dec just stay away from me he would be so much better off. Why couldn't I just stay away from him for that matter, I made up my mind then and there that once he was better that was exactly what I was going to do.
I was a danger and a jinx to everyone especially Decs and once he was better I was leaving and this time I would stay away for good. Away from both him and Stephen they would be so much better off without me.
I saw him turn to look at me as I approached and my heart tugged again as guilt continued to eat away at me, he looked so so fragile and so weak. I saw him try and reach for me but he didn't have enough strength just yet so I moved faster crouching next to his bed and taking his hand in my own running a thumb across the knuckles.
"Alright Kidda I'm here now, what's wrong?"
His lower lip trembled and tears filled his eyes as he spoke, "I woke up and you weren't here, you said you would stay with me and you left me Anth, you promised you wouldn't leave me."
I frowned at him why on earth did he want me with him all the time? I was the reason he always got hurt I was the reason he was suffering now, if he had any sense of self preservation he would have told me to get lost.
I saw his hazel eyes watching me and his lower lip trembling and I was quick to shut my emotions off and soothe him before he got himself all worked up again. "I just went to the restroom kidda I didn't leave you, I promise I won't leave you until you feel better."
I moved my hand up to his hair running my fingers through it as his frown deepened and he shook his head weakly, I was confused and he must have realized because he spoke again.
"No Anth you have to stay with me even after I'm better, please Ant don't talk like that mate you're scaring me again."
I sighed deeply at his complete lack of good sense the poor thing should have been throwing me out of his room and yet here he was crying because he thought I was going to leave him, he was right but still.
I shook my head at him and decided to do something I hated doing; I lied to Declan. "Sorry Decs I didn't mean it like that, of course I'll be here for you pet; we made a promise remeber."
He smiled and I could tell he believed my lie which did nothing to ease the guilt I was feeling. I could see his eyes drooping again and I stood back up smoothing the covers around him, "Go back to sleep Decky I'll be right here when you wake up."
He looked very uncertain and grabbed for my arm with his hand holding onto my shirt as he shook his head and held his other arm out, "Don't go can't you stay here?"
I shook my head in disbelief he wanted a cuddle? Declan seriously wanted a cuddle from the man who almost killed his friend and was always hurting him? I sighed it wouldn't do any good to fight him it would only make him more stressed and we were supposed to be avoiding that, "Alright then come here"
He gave me a weak smile and let go of my sleeve holding both arms up now, I bent down hiding a wince as the action sent pain thtough the wounds on my stomach and then again as Dec wrapped his arms around my shouders clinging to me in all senses of the word.
I wrapped my arms around him and gently lifted him up off the bed and into my lap as I took a seat on the end of the bed, I felt my heart tug even more as he nestled his head against my collarbone and sighed contently.
I stayed quite and still as he made himself comfortable and once he stopped moving I tightened my arms around him and shut my emotions off again reacting on instinct and previous experince as I started to gently rock us side to side.
I felt Dec's body getting heavier and heavier as sleep claimed him again and I started to run a hand along his back as those awful wheezing sounds started again each one like a knife in my heart.
It couldn't have been more than five
minutes before I felt him go completly limp in my arms and his body sagged against mine, I felt tears stinging my eyes again as I held him; we had done this countless times before but never after I had screwed up this badly.
I glanced at the clock on the nightstand and saw that it was almost time to check his heartrate again and I looked over at Amanda who I realized had been watching us the whole time.
She was looking very worried and very sad and as her eyes met mine I gave her a smile that didn't quite meet my eyes, "He's fine Amanda honest he's just cuddly when he's tired, he'll be fine when he wakes up again."
I saw her bite her lip but she nodded and then came close to us sitting on the bed and holding her hand towards Dec almost like she was asking permission, I nodded at her and smiled as she ran a hand over his back and Dec sighed in his sleep.
"Hey Amanda can you hand me the bag on the nightstand?" I tilted my head in the general direction and she looked confused but nodded and grabbed it dropping it onto the bed between us.
I held Dec with one arm as I opened the bag with the other and took out the little machine, "Ant what is that?"
I looked up at Amanda as she spoke and saw her staring at the little machine in my hand I bit my lip wondering how to explain this without telling Amanda exactly what had happened at Hospital.
I decided I was already lying to Dec why not just lie to Amanda as well, I wouldn't actually be lying anyway I would just be not telling her the whole truth.
"It's a blood pressure monitor for Dec, he sort of fainted at Hospital and the nurse told me that he needs to stay relaxed and calm and to check his heart rate every hour or so."
I waited to see if she would pick up on the fact that I was leaving out the part about how it was all my fault for causing Dec so much stress but to my relief she just said, "Oh" and then went back to watching silently biting her own lip now.
I decided that she believed my little half-truth and went back to what I was doing trying to balance Dec on my lap and hook the cuff at the same time struggling slightly before Amanda came to my rescue.
"Why don't you hold him and I'll put it on? Will that work?"
I nodded at her muttering a quite thanks as she took the little machine and quickly attached it to Dec's wrist, I smiled at the gentleness of her touch and I found myself feeling grateful for the fact that Dec would have such great people to look after him once I was gone. She snapped the little cuff into place and then looked up at me waiting for me to tell her what to do next, "Just press that little button that's all the machine does the rest."
She nodded and pressed the button and as the machine started to make noise Dec twitched in my arms, I knew Dec and I knew that he would panic if he woke to something squeezing his arm so I went to soothe him. However Amanda actually beat me to it and brought her hand up to rub at his back lowering her voice as she spoke, "Hush Declan it's alright we've got you."
Dec moaned a little and I hugged him gently which caused him to settle down and fall back asleep and I shot Amamnda a grateful smile, which turned into a frown as I saw that she actually looked a little uncomfortable almost like she expected me to yell at her. I bit my lip feeling shame and guilt wash trough me yet again, I had been yelling at her constantly all day and then I had backed away from her multiple times; why was I such a jerk?
"Hey Amanda.."
She looked up at me and I could still see that she was very wary of me expecting me to snap at her again, I felt another knife of guilt stab through my heart. "I just wanted to say thank you for everything, for looking after Decs and especaily for always being there for him. I know I've acted like a jerk lately and I'm sorry for that you really don't deserve it, I've just been so worried about Stephen and now Dec as well but that's really no excuse."
The machine beeped forcing me to cut off as I glanced down at it and felt my stomach churn as the screen flashed red again, I could see the little numbers and to my dismay they hadn't gone down very much his heartrate was only 112. I fought back tears as Amanda removed the cuff and laid it aside, I waited for her to say something only she remained silent and then she did something that took me completly off guard.
I watched Amanda lean foward and then wrap her arms around both me and Dec pulling us both in for a gentle yet firm hug, Dec sighed and relaxed further in my arms and I had to fight the urge to do the same.
Amanda's hug was so gentle and so warm and just for a second I had the urge to breakdown crying and tell her everything all of it but then I remembered that I didn't deserve Amanda's comfort and I remailned still and silent waiting until she broke the hug and sat back on the bed giving me a genuine reassuring smile that I certainly didn't deserve.
"It's alright Ant honestly I understand it's been a very stressful couple of days for all of us, please don't feel bad I'm not mad at you. I'm just worried Ant I already almost lost one friend and I'm not eager to repeat the experince again that's why I keep reminding you that I'm here if you ever want to talk or if you need anything. Honestly I would be more worried if you weren't a little on edge after everything that has happened so please don't feel bad for snapping I am not mad at you and I still consider you one of my closest friends."
I felt a few tears in my eyes and quickly blinked them away before she could see, Amanda was way too kind especially to people who didn't deserve it. I choked out a quite, "thank you" and then I was forced to stop as my throat got uncomfortably tight and tears stung my eyes again.
I heard Amanda's soft voice once more, "You're welcome Ant honest, now is there anything I can do for either of you?"
I started to shake my head but then a thought crossed my mind, I had promised to take care of Declan from now on and even though that meant leaving him for his own good that also meant making sure that he would have someone to look after him even after I was gone.
I fought to keep my voice steady as I spoke again, "Actually Amanda since you asked there is one thing."
She looked up at me and raised her eyebrows waiting for me to speak, I was pleased when my voice remained even as I made my request.
"Amanda this might seem like a strange request but....Dec he... well he takes some looking after and I wanted to ask...if anything ever happens and I can't look after him anymore would you be willing to take care of him for me?"
I dropped my eyes as I finshed my sentence and I heard Amanda suck in a sharp breath and then remain silent as I waited for her speak holding Dec close as my heart beat almost as fast as his, please let her say yes.
Amanda's POV
I gasped as Ant finshed his request, what on earth was he talking about? He had said if something happened to him, what did he think was going to happen? I felt sick as I thought of the possibilites, oh god please don't let him be thinking what I think he's thinking; I couldn't bear it and I knew that it would break Declan beyond repair to lose both his friends.
I saw Ant look down as he waited for my answer and I didn't know what to say, I just sat in silence for a minute silently panicking as I wondered if I should call Simon or maybe even 999; I tried to calm down a little maybe I was ovveracting maybe Ant was just worried after everything that had happened with Stephen.
I took a deep breath gathering my thoughts before I spoke again, "Ant why do you think you wouldn't you be around to care for him? Did you...do something to yourself again?"
I waited for his answer with my heart in my throat, what if he had done something? Would he actually tell me if he had? I shuddered as I realized that he probably wouldn't, oh god what was I going to do?
I saw Ant look up at me and his face clamed and looked very sincere as he spoke again, "No no Amanda I didn't I swear it's just this whole thing with Stephen made me realize that if something were to ever happen to me again that Declan would be on his own and you guys took such good care of him last time; I would feel a lot better if I knew that someone had his back in case there comes a day when I can't be there for him."
I calmed slightly the poor thing was just worried for his best friend, I placed a hand on Ant's leg pleased when he didn't stiffen or shake me off; "Hey Ant don't think like that nothing is going to happen, you and Declan are going to be together for a long time yet. However if it will make you feel better I promise I would be more than happy to look out for him alright? Don't ever worry about him being on his own, he's got you and he has us; he will be fine Ant you'll see."
I saw his eyes fill with tears and he shot me a grateful smile which I returned feeling worried when I realized that the smile didn't quite meet his eyes, I really did need him to open up to me about what had happened at Hospital earlier.
I started to speak but then my phone rang and I pulled it out to see that it was Simon calling, I sighed; "Ant I have to take this I'll be right back though will you and Dec be alright for a few minutes?"
I hated the idea of leaving them on their own but Ant nodded and I stood up walking towards the door only to glance back as I answered the phone and I saw Ant cuddling Dec very close and my heart tugged in response Ant really did love Dec.
I stepped through the door as Simon spoke, "Amanda I found out what happened and we really need to have a long long talk with the boys especically Ant...."
Ant's POV
I watched Amanda leave and I felt a small weight lift off my shoulders at her promise to take care of Dec after I was gone, Decs would have such great people to look after him that before long he would forget all about me.
The thought brought tears to my eyes as I felt Dec's weight in my arms and his hair brushed the underside of my jaw, I hated to leave him I loved him so much.
I cuddled him close trying to commit to memory the way he felt in my arms, the way he nuzzled into my collarbone, the way he fit in my arms perfectly our height differnece working to his advantage for once.
This was one of the last times I would ever hold him because once he was better I was leaving him one way or the other; he would be so much better off without me. I knew it was selfish but I wanted to remeber this moment just sitting here comforting him like we had done so many times before.
He let out a small sigh in his sleep and my heart tugged as a tear fell down my face splashing onto his shirt, I loved him so much and that's why I had to leave; I had to keep Dec safe.
Dec had to be protected and even though I hated to admit it and I knew he would try and convice me otherwise I knew that as long as he was around me he was in constant danger, Declan had to be protected from me becasue I was the one who had done this to Stephen and I couldn't bear it if I ended up doing the same thing to Dec.
A/N: Well guys that's it for this update and I know it was short and boring but I am really really trying hard with this story so I hoped you liked it a little and hopefully I'll see you all soon for another update. As always thank you all so much for all the amazing support and please stay safe out there 💜💜💜