So long as Raiden can remember, he woke up in the headquarters two years ago with no memories. Not even his own name.
"Your name is Raiden Oliver Kara."
It was Cyrus who told him his name, the first person he met.
But Raiden didn't care. He didn't care about anything or anyone at all. He didn't even care about himself. Not even an ounce of emotions was flowing in his body. He was like an empty person.
When he received his Blessing after a week since his wake-up, he carried out missions, hunted, and destroyed Outcasts like an automaton. But he learned how to feel emotions little by little from purifying Outcasts. Their despairs are like poisons spreading through his veins and infiltrating his empty heart.
The demonic beings are the reasons he can now feel emotions that he didn't have before. Emotions he always contemplates being a blessing or a curse.
Because at this moment, his emotions are drowning him.
Raiden grabs Cyrus's collar, anger and guilt crashing through him like a storm. When he speaks, his voice is low and trembling.
"Did you just say Raia suffered more than I did? Is that . . . Is that also the consequence of using her gift? It doubles the pain?"
Cyrus maintains a neutral face while staring at Raiden's blazing eyes.
Raiden lowers his head. "Dammit, Raia." His voice is almost a whisper as a wave of guilt washes over him.
He can't take the thought of Raia going through immense pain to heal him. Isn't that a little much for Raia? They aren't even . . .
"I don't have such a thing as a friend."
Raiden clenches his teeth, frustration coursing through him. He can't pretend it doesn't hurt after Raia flat-out denied him back there. But Raia reminds him of someone he used to know, someone he thought he'd already forgotten. The way she slays demons without a trace of pity for the souls she frees evokes certain memories and emotions in Raiden. She reminds him of his past self.
A living weapon.
But when she heals, she effuses warmth and pleasure akin to morning sunlight - a promise of a brand new day and a fresh start. Raia's healing is like hope; it is warm and comforting.
She's cold and warm at the same time.
Raiden has this urge to know more about her. He wants to see more of her face than the blank and cold expression she always wears.
He wants her to be his . . . friend.
"Where's Raia?" Raiden asks in hushed tones, still clutching Cyrus's collar. His knuckles have turned white.
Cyrus's face softens. "Kara."
Raiden grips his collar tightly and glares at him.
"I'm asking where is Raia! Where is she?"
Cyrus flinches, surprised by his sudden outburst. Raiden had never before shown such intensity of emotion, and he's aware of it himself. But he doesn't mind. He's changing and he can't control it.
Cyrus gently places his hands on the boy's shoulders. "Kara, calm down. I already told you that Raia did it herself. She wanted to heal you -"
"I didn't want it!" Raiden growls. His dry lips quiver as he fights back tears, repressing an emotion he is unfamiliar with. "I didn't want her to heal me. I just can't bear the thought of other people having to bear my pain! Just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. I . . . I don't want anyone to suffer because of me. I don't want to feel any more guilt."
He lets go of Cyrus's collar and speaks in a raspy whisper. His eyes feel heavy from unshed tears.
"These emotions, they're burning inside me, and I hate it," Raiden says before walking out of the room and slamming the door shut behind him. He clenches his fists as he stares down the long white corridor ahead of him. Then he closes his eyes and takes a deep, painful breath before walking away.
***
Following Raiden's departure, an eerie silence descends into the room. For a brief moment, Cyrus and Sonnet listen to it, their heartbeats filling the void. They have a sagging posture and their heads hang low as if defeated.
"My, I guess I can't do anything. He's changed a lot, that boy," Cyrus says in a calm, tempered voice. He is worried for Raiden; the youngster is changing quickly, which he sees as both good and dangerous for the Order, the Ministry, and Raiden himself. "His rapid change and current emotional state are concerning, and a disciple should not succumb to his emotions."
Sonnet issues a soft sigh. "It will not be good if the leaders find out about this. They won't like the change in Raiden."
"I know. They weren't even pleased when I told them what happened. He was severely injured. If it wasn't for Raia . . ." Cyrus's voice trails off, and he sighs. "I fear I may have spoiled Kara a little bit. I could have prevented his change, but I didn't."
A smile forms on Sonnet's lips. "But, you know, I kind of like this new Raiden. To be honest, I don't like the old one; he was too bland and inhuman to be called a disciple."
Cyrus raises a brow. "Raia?"
Sonnet shoots him a glare. "Raia is nothing like that. She may appear that way, but I have a feeling she has a good heart. I think she's a good person on the inside."
Cyrus doesn't respond, but he understands what she means. Raia's behavior bothers him, he won't deny it. But he knows what she went through before Simon adopted her. And she's still a kid, so she has a lot of room to grow. Both as a disciple and as a person. But that doesn't mean he won't keep an eye on her. Raia is now a part of their organization, so he's her responsibility.
"But for Raiden," he says after a long silence. "Speaking from the leaders' viewpoint, things aren't looking good for him. And I can't be biased as one of the Ministry's leaders. Maybe it's my fault he's the way he is. But we can't let him deteriorate any further. His emotions are primarily impacted by the demons he slain. And if he isn't careful, he will one day succumb to despair. That is what the Ministry is concerned about."
Sonnet casts a glance his way. She walks up to the window and pulls back the curtain to look out at the blue sky. The sun shines through the window, hitting the empty white bed and embracing her with gentle warmth.
"Don't overthink it, Bishop Galbraith," she says, her voice soothing and hypnotic. "Keep in mind that we have Raia. That girl, I believe, is a divine miracle."
Cyrus lowers his head and gazes at the silver cross ring he wears on his right hand. "Yeah. I suppose she can look after my brother for me."
***
Raia and Nathan stand in the pleasant afternoon breeze, looking down at the people walking down the street. Raia flicks a strand of hair away from her face and tucks it behind her ear.
Nathan sighs and leans against the railing. "All right, let's go." He runs his hand through his red hair and looks at Raia. "We'd better go back; Kara might have awakened by now."
Raia nods.
As they make their way to the exit, the door flings open and a disheveled young man emerges from the shadows.
"Kara?" Nathan blurts out, his eyes narrowed as he observes Raiden's sloppy appearance.
Raiden looks up. His shoulders move up and down as he breathes heavily, as though he was running. He casts a glance at Nathan before shifting his gaze to Raia.
They lock their gazes on each other for a moment, tension filling the air. Raiden then drags his feet toward her. He looks at her for a few seconds before speaking with a hesitant tone of voice.
"How are you feeling?"
Raia is taken aback by his question, but her face betrays no emotion. She arches an eyebrow at him and tries to read the person standing before her. "I'm perfectly fine."
Raiden averts his gaze. "Y-you healed me."
"I certainly did."
Raiden stiffens at her icy voice and direct answer.
Raia frowns and brushes past Raiden, but he grabs her wrist, preventing her from leaving.
"Wait, Raia."
Raia raises an impatient eyebrow at him over her shoulder.
"Thank you and I . . . I'm sorry," Raiden whispers, drawing a puzzled look from her.
"What?"
Raiden lowers his head, still holding her wrist. "I'm sorry you had to bear my pain."
"Sorry? What are you sorry for?" Raia's voice holds a bitter note, making him flinch. She squeezes her fists tight, piqued by his expression. "Kara, you're too soft for a warrior. That's the problem with you. You're far too kind and emotional. You're blinded by the desire to save everyone-that's impossible. Being an Aragon doesn't really mean being a savior. We stain our hands with someone's blood. We end lives. We . . . destroy an existence. We can't just be a savior alone, Kara."
Raiden opens his mouth, but no words come out.
"Keep this in mind," Raia continues, her gaze fixed on him. "Kindness can sometimes put you in danger, and it can sometimes result in even greater tragedy."
Raiden freezes. He then lets out a dry chuckle and shifts his gaze to the floor.
"And that's why being a destroyer is better?" Raiden asks, earning a bewildered look from Raia.
"What?"
He raises his gaze to meet her perplexed eyes. "I've been observing you as well, Raia, your words, your actions . . . and the way you perform your duties. You're not here to save, are you?"
It is Raia's turn to be speechless.
"It actually saddens me to see you purify and destroy souls without pity; you're like a cold-blooded disciple. But I have no right to judge you, as you may have reasons for acting that way. And it's not that I'm questioning your sense of morality. But . . . is being a destroyer alone really the answer?"
Raia stiffens. She feels as if he stabbed her in the chest, making her feel stuffy and uncomfortable and confused. Her lips part and her gaze drops, but she says nothing.
Raiden lowers his gaze, his face unreadable. "I . . . I used to be like that."
Nathan chooses that moment to step between them.
"Kara, she healed you, and she's now fine. Everything is okay now, so don't worry, man," Nathan speaks calmly.
Raiden's face contorts in rage. He grabs Nathan's collar and glares at him, tiny sparks of fury visible in his eyes.
"Everything is fine now? Don't you know how much she suffered because of me? She suffered more than I did! When she heals, the pain she feels is magnified. Do you think my guilt can withstand that?"
Nathan freezes and his face turns pale. His eyes slowly shift to Raia. Of course, he's already aware that Raia bears the pain of the person she's healing. But he has no idea she will suffer that much.
"Your guilt?" Comes Raia's bitter voice, seizing their attention. "Don't you think you're being a little selfish? You're always thinking about your guilt. I just healed you because I owed you. I repaid you because you saved me from the Blood Demon. So don't mope about it because I didn't do it for you. And don't apologize to me because that's insulting."
Raiden stares at her with widening eyes, speechless. He opens his mouth to say something, but instead turns on his heels and walks away.
Raia watches his receding figure. She lowers her head and mulls over what has just occurred, ignoring the sudden tightness in her chest. She's well aware that she was too harsh on him, but she is too frustrated for being confused.
"Is being a destroyer alone really the answer?"
Maybe Raia is wrong. Maybe she's just blinded by her selfish desire for freedom. Or perhaps she is simply afraid of disappointment, which is why she chose the easiest and simplest path. But what's wrong with that? If being a cold-blooded disciple makes things easier, then so be it.
She's willing to play the bad guy if it means having the sharpest blade. For herself. For the world. For a brighter future. She doesn't mind being the villain in someone else's play. Because the truth is, she already is, at least in the minds of some others, particularly those whose lives she has mercilessly destroyed. Whatever they call her, a savior or a destroyer, a hero or a villain, her goal is all that matters. After all, she's doing it all to make the world a better place.
"How are you feeling?"
She already expected this to happen. Of course, Raiden would be upset if she healed him because he is afraid of the guilt that will haunt him. But she hadn't expected him to ask about her wellbeing. None of the people she healed before had done so. None of them cared about her.
However, was Raiden's question asked out of genuine concern or out of guilt?
His eyes conveyed both.
But most of all, it is the first time someone has rejected her healing. Raiden's behavior is unlike that of any of the humans she had healed before. He isn't like the other humans who are greedy for her power.
He rejected her miracle and is even worried about her.
Nathan lets out a sigh, breaking the stillness, and runs his hand through his hair, giving Raia a sheepish expression. "Hey, I'm sorry about that. But we can't really blame Kara. He's going through a rough patch."
Nathan's expression changes as he looks at her, and Raia immediately recognizes what that expression means. She pierces him with an icy glare when he opens his mouth, preventing him from expressing any sympathy for the consequences of her power.
No more pathetic sympathy that only serves to make me look pitiful.
Nathan clears his throat and says something else instead. "Look. Frankly, I'm surprised myself. I wasn't expecting Kara to act like that. He wasn't really that emotional."
Raia looks at him as if he's just said something stupid.
Nathan sighs. "What I mean is . . . Kara isn't the same as he used to be. He was colder than you are."
Raia gives him an icy glare, causing him to take a step back. "I-I'm just kidding," he stammers like a child.
"Anyways, I ain't kidding about Kara. He has changed. When I first met him two years ago, he was nothing resembling a human being. It's as if he has no emotions at all, that he's literally devoid of them. He was always out hunting Outcasts, whether or not he's been assigned a mission. And once, when we were sent on a mission together, I couldn't quite believe what I was witnessing. He's a merciless warrior, truly deserving of the title Destroyer of Darkness. He was killing Outcasts without a second thought. He appears to be a weapon himself, a machine designed solely to kill demons."
Nathan narrows his eyes and crosses his arms across his chest. "He wasn't even interacting with us, so I assumed he was antisocial, but boy, he didn't care about anything other than hunting."
He stretches his arms and smiles at Raia. "But as time passed, he began to change. He's now capable of displaying emotions, which is a good thing because emotions are what defines us as humans. So I'm relieved to see Kara finally acting like one." Nathan cracks a dry chuckle. "But I guess his emotions are getting a little out of hand, eh?"
Emotions.
Raia lowers her head and looks down at her hands. Something is tearing at her heart, but she has no idea what it is. Could that be her emotion? She doesn't understand it, and she doesn't give a damn.
"Emotions don't suit you, kid. Just be a good girl and heal without complaints."
Raia balls her hands into fists. Emotions are what make us human? Perhaps being a weapon has overshadowed my humanity.