It was time for the Vytal Festival. Tension was through the roof. Your team had even learned to communicate somewhat and you guys had group attacks that all had the words "ass" and "hole" in them.
It was definitely not incorporated by you. Definitely not.
You were still learning to communicate. You were used to being solo. Of course communicating didn't mean you couldn't still be an asshole.
Your team had been called in to face against a team from Haven. Oobleck had announced their name but you had tuned him out.
They looked real sus. One of them looked like a wannabe Grim Reaper and he had that scythe to match. There were two girls who looked like twins. One was rocking dual pistols while the other had dual daggers like yours. The final guy was rocking a katana with a black and gold handle.
They tried to look intimidating and cool.
You: Yoooo! Y'all look like superhero wannabe's. Go back to riding Batman and letting Wonderwoman lasso you guys.
Katana Dude: Who is Batman?
You realized your mistake.
You: Forgive me God for I have sinned and broken the fourth wall.
You put on a brave face.
Wannabe Grim Reaper: God?
You: Fuck!
They looked at you weirdly and you stared straight back. Before you felt somebody pull you back by the back of your shirt.
Sarah: Sorry about him, he got dropped as a kid.
You: My mom said it was an accident though!
Sarah stuck her tongue out at you.
You: Real mature.
Sarah: Says you.
You: Well yes, I did say it. Your point being?
Sara: Nothing.
You: That's what I thought.
Oobleck: Let the battle begin!
Your team and the other team were both shocked. They didn't even hear the damn countdown. You were the first to snap out of it and you got one solid shot on one of the twins that instantly depleted their aura to yellow. This causes everybody else to come back down to Ear-err Remnant.
Your team went on the offensive. The biome that had been picked were half Desert, half rocky plains.
Zack and Sapphire engaged the twins. You and Sarah engaged the two dudes. You faced the Grim Reaper wannabe.
You: Yo, Grim Reaper wannabe, did your mom leave you? Cause she sure couldn't leave me alone after she saw what I was packing.
You winked.
Grim Reaper Wannabe: Did all this happen in your dreams? Cause no girl, let alone my mom would want you.
You: I beg to differ. Anyways, have you seen turtle porn?
When you said this, you projected your voice so the whole arena could hear. This was all part of the plan. The other team froze, confused and appalled by what you said.
Them: What?
That was what your team needed as you shot the dude in the face and followed up with two swings to each arm. His aura went to red.
Zack and Sapphire had finished their people off. Sarah's opponent had come back quickly enough to parry Sarah. You and the rest of your team just stood back and watched.
Zack: Aren't you going to help?
You: No, I'm too lazy and I need to save my energy for when I watch turtle porn.
Zack looked at you weirdly, but he was much too used to it to comment.
You: Aren't you going to help?
Zack looked surprised at the question.
Zack: No, why?
You: I'm just saying, if you look cool and all, Velvet might give you a little something as a reward.
Zack: Fuck off.
You: Hey, I'm just trying to help. I wouldn't mind if Velvet su- (Sapphire looked at you threateningly) if Velvet sucked lollipops, yeah lollipops.
Sapphire just huffed and looked back to Sarah's fight, which was still going strong.
You: Can you hurry up and finish the fight? I'm hungry.
Sarah: A little help would be nice!
You just shrugged.
You: Deal with it yourself. Even Zack defeated his opponent. Do you really want to stoop to his level?
Zack: (indignantly) Hey!
Sarah huffed but parried a blow with her bow, which you couldn't figure out how it withstood hits if it was made out of wood.
Sarah got one solid blow with her fire dust-infused arrow, which ended the fight.
Oobleck: And team ASZM takes the victory, they have quite the strong side with y/n l/n leading the way.
You: I know I'm great. Don't worry, I only simp for hippos.
Everybody looked at you weirdly and Sapphire slapped her head in exasperation. Zack acted like he didn't know you. Your team walked off the stage, wanting to go eat food.
You guys went to a ramen place with the biggest bowl of noodles you had ever seen. You got the one with kiwis, Sarah the one with extra meat. She had winked at you when she had ordered and your little friend became alive.
You were wearing sweats so nobody could see. It wouldn't go away though and you even thought about pretending to go to the bathroom to relieve yourself. You were saved, however, by Weiss.
Your dick instantly softened at the sight of her and you let out a breath in relief.
Ruby: Hey guys! Did you see our match?!
You: No, I pay attention to relevant things only.
Yang: (growling) Care to rephrase that?
You: Pickles! I like pickles! The long, slimy goodness!
Weiss: Yang, leave him alone. He is too much of an imbecile.
You: Sorry for not being up to your posh posh standards Ice Queen! Some of us don't like sucking our dad's dicks.
Nora: Weiss sucks her dad's dick?
Team JNPR had appeared to eat before their match.
You: Of course! That's old news. New news is turtle porn! Save the damn turtles! Poor little turtles, taking an entire year to ejaculate cause they slow.
Pyrrha slapped the back of your head.
Pyrrha: Let's move on. Y/n, are you going to watch our match?
You: (sweating bullets) Yeah definitely!
Zack: He's not, he was going to go watch turtle porn.
You: I thought it was bros before hoes?
Zack was about to respond when his eyes widened and he pointed behind me. I turned to get met with a blow to the face.
You: Owwww! What the fuck man!
Pyrrha: Call me a man and I'll make you unmanly.
You: (gulped loudly) when did you get so violent?
Pyrrha: About the time y/n l/n entered my life.
You: Good to see I'm rubbing off on you.
Yang: You can rub on me too y/n!
You made a disgusted noise at the back of your throat.
You: Hell no.
Then JNPR was called to the arena and you and your acquaintances went to watch. It was a massacre, from the start you knew who was going to win. Pyrrha looked so fucking hot though. You could see her tits jiggling as she fought. 'Woah y/n! Calm down bud, we know your horny but save that for the turtles' you thought.
When the fight finished, you went to meet JNPR.
You: Damn, the other team sucked.
Jaune: No, they were pretty good.
You: No, they were bad. That was the only reason you won. I don't know if you know this Jaune but if you win anything, it's not cause your good, it's cause your opponents are bad.
Pyrrha slapped you.
Pyrrha: Don't be mean y/n.
You: Your asking for the impossible. It's like asking Ruby to get a brain or for Jaune to become handsome or for Ice Queen to stop sucking her dad's dick or-
Sarah: Okay okay we get it!
You: Knew we were gonna get there in the end.
The next bracket was announced and you guys saw you were up against Emerald and Mercury.
You: Well, I'm off.
Zack: Where are you going? We need to train.
You: After I binge-watch kangaroos fucking each other. It's fucking brutal when they kick each other and their balls burst.
The males winced involuntarily and everybody else turned green.
Sarah: Did you have to say that?
You shrugged.
You: Toodles!
A/n: THAT'S A WRAP! FINALLY, the long awaited chapter is here. Its not the 5000 words I originally had but wattpad is a bitch. Enjoy and as always, please review!