My nerves had been acting up ever since I had woken. Grindelwald and I had talked everything over, but still, I felt like something was going to go wrong. I had talked about it with Alyx, who sadly would not be able to come along since Grindelwald didn't want to risk the Ministry interrupting. I had argued with him on the subject, but he would not budge in his decision, and I knew that I would not be able to change his mind.
Besides my common worries for the rally, there were also the flashbacks that kept popping up more and more often now. They reminded me of what Lillian put me through, what my fellow students at Hogwarts had done to me, and what had happened to me at the orphanage.
My feelings had started to build up, creating this enormous pit in my stomach that ached every time when the thoughts returned to my mind, reminding me of every traumatizing thing that I had lived through.
It was at one particular moment that my mind shut off and I was reliving the traumatizing events at the Ministry. My freedom taken from me, tied to a chair I knew many people had sat in while being tortured. The flashes of light filling my vision as excruciating pain filled my body.
My body had fought and fought as if it was back in the Ministry, and as I returned to the present moment, my body ached and I felt sore, breathing hard as I wiped off the sweat.
Maybe Alyx had been, right? Maybe it will get less once I start talking to someone, I thought as I fell backwards onto the soft bed, rubbing my eyes, trying to wipe the tears away, but they refused to go.
Groaning in frustration I sat up and stared at the wall. I can't talk to her. I don't want to put this on her shoulders. She's not supposed to be the one carrying this, I thought as a visualisation of her face popped up in my head when I'd tell her.
I pulled my feet onto the bed and hugged my legs to my chest. But who else can I tell?
☘
I couldn't believe I was actually doing this, but he was my father, so I should trust him with this, and he might be able to help me.
So, ignoring my fears and anxiety I knocked on the door and waited for the first time since I was at Nurmengard for a 'come in'. It was only then that I opened the door and he looked up, curiously watching me proceed into the room.
I took the chair in the corner of his office and placed it in front of his desk so I would be facing him when we talked.
He didn't say a word, as I sat down, leaned on his desk and watched him. ''I need to talk,'' I said curtly as I stared into his eyes, waiting for a reaction. ''Go on,'' he said as he pushed the book he was reading away and watched me seriously.
''If you want me to stop, just say so and I'll go,'' I said. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable in this situation, but I hoped dearly he wouldn't so I could talk about what had been going on.
One of his eyebrows raised slightly in question, but he nodded anyway, waiting for me to continue.
I sought for words to start the conversation. ''I've been having flashbacks about the traumatizing things that people did to me, but they've been growing more constant and it's starting to freak me out because they're getting worse too. I can remember my thoughts, my feelings, the smells, their laughter. It's like I'm back there,'' I said softly, looking down at my hands.
''You mean that you've been through more than just what happened to you at the Ministry?'' he asked, his brow furrowed as his eyes filled with sympathy. I nodded quietly and waited for a moment before I looked up into his eyes and started,
''Do you remember when I was talking in my sleep and I punched you in the face?''
''Do you remember the name?''
He nodded and said, ''Claire.''
I flinched at the sound of her name but I ignored it and held up my hand to him, showing him the scar. ''She did that to me when I was eleven. Two girls were holding me back as she pushed the knife into my hand and pulled hard.''
I left him no time to react and quickly went on to the next situation until my emotions would overwhelm me.
''At Hogwarts, I wasn't particularly liked, either. I didn't have any friends, and those that were friendly to me were bullied into hating me, Robert was the only one who stood by me, he saw what they did. He knows.''
My voice faltered and he extended a hand, placing it on mine. ''What did they do?'' he asked softly as he looked into my teary eyes, which, despite my efforts to keep them in, were coming out.
''I fought them. But they were with five and I was all alone. I didn't want Robert to get caught up in it. They almost killed me that day,'' I whispered. ''If Robert hadn't gotten help....''
''And now I finally have the chance to be happy, to be myself, the past keeps haunting me, refusing to let me experience happiness in a sense that other people around me do. It feels so unfair and I want to make it stop, but I don't know how to.''
I blinked and started rattling about all the thoughts that had been spooking around in my mind.
''Sometimes I wonder if it's all worth it. The pain, the loneliness and the memories of everyone that ever made me believe I was worthless and a burden. And then I wonder if it's better to just leave it all behind, instead of just sitting out this ride, with getting absolutely no joy from it,'' I said as I squeezed his hands.
''If I hadn't been born, it would've been easier for most people, right? It would've been easier for Naomie, for you, for Robert because he wouldn't constantly be associated with me, it would've been easier Dumbledore, so he wouldn't have to pretend that he was on my side, or liked me at all,'' I said as I stared at my feet, feeling my emotions piling up in my chest, ready to burst out any moment.
Tears were now staining my cheeks and his brows were furrowed as he looked down at me, and it was only when I looked up at him that I realized his eyes were tearful too.
It shocked me but showed me that he did indeed care about me on a deeper level than anyone.
''Now, you listen to me. I am very glad that you've been born. And it saddens me that I've not been able to be there for seventeen years, and I hate to see the pain the world has put you through and the things that happened to you. But know, that you are here with me now. I will protect you, I will make sure you will never feel that way again because you deserve so much more than just the scraps of humanities happiness. And I promise you that you will be happy here, I'll ensure it. And for Naomie, she would be just as proud of you as I am right now,'' he said as a smile came to his lips.
I looked at him and felt my lips quiver and more tears spilt from my eyes as I jumped up from the chair and threw my arms around his neck. And for the first time, he hugged me back without hesitation, wrapping his arms around me and holding me tightly.
''I'm sorry for putting you up with this,'' I said softly as I buried my face into his shoulder. ''Never apologize for that. It's important you talk about this. But do remember that I'm still a father in the making, so no judgement please,'' he said as he retreated and grinned at me.
☘
There was a deadly silence as he walked to the middle of the room, slowly people dispersed to create a path for him, watching him stare at the ground in front of him as he took the last few steps to the centre of the room, halting beneath the chandelier.
I noticed a woman in the back, hooded and seeking shelter in the shadows. Her bright grey eyes piercing the darkness as she stared at Grindelwald with mixed emotions, sadness, longing and...she suddenly smiled. I was watching her with a frown, but then I realized I must be standing out if I continued watching her any longer, so I returned my focus to him.
He was still staring at the ground, a frown on his face, and soft mutters were erupting among the crowd until he suddenly looked up and stared into the faces of his followers. The mutters immediately stopped and all gazes were fixed on him.
''Surely there are different reasons for your presence here, tonight. But most of you have come out of curiosity. Some fueled by anger or confusion and others by disbelief. I understand your emotions and reactions,'' he said as his eyes found the faces of the crowd.
''But you must understand that the Ministry is not to be trusted. They seek to destroy everything we have built from the ground up. Everything we have striven to achieve,'' he looked around at the people, his glance resting on me in the shadows.
We had a moment of eye contact and as he continued, my eyes drifted to the woman once more, who was now looking around intently, seeming to be looking for something, completely ignoring what was happening in the middle of the room.
A frown came to my face as I watched her eyes roving the people in the room, silently ticking people off her list, until suddenly, without warning, her eyes laid on me. Her shadowed features and striking eyes scratched my memory, and the overwhelming feeling I got when we had eye contact, made me look away almost instantly, sensing my cheeks reddening slightly.
''Now they realize that we are growing more powerful and making progress, they have grown anxious. They have started taking drastic measures that will endanger the life of an innocent child,'' he paused and looked around at all the faces staring back at him in anticipation, some frowning, others watching him anxiously. ''My child,'' he added in a voice that was barely audible.
I could feel my heart thumping against my rib cage as I looked around at the people, and for a moment I was afraid that they'd hear it. Anxiety filled me at the silence and only grew as murmurs exploded all around me. He waited a few seconds before he raised his arms, subtly telling them to be quiet.
''Friends, I was as shocked as you. It has not been long since we have been reunited. Before then, I had no knowledge of her existence. And whose fault was that?'' he asked, his voice rising slightly as he looked around.
''It was the Ministry. They took her from me, kept her from me, forcing her to go through pains you cannot fathom. Forcing her to grow up in an environment that has left her broken and shattered. It was them, that kept her from me. As they did her mother,'' he said, his voice suddenly dropping at the last sentence.
''What they did to her is unforgivable. They have taken her childhood, her memories, her heritage. And I decided that it was enough. She deserved no more pain,'' he said, his voice soft as his gaze fixed on the floor once more as silence enveloped the room.
''The Ministry has held her accountable for something she did not do. They were to take her life. The life of a child. They tortured her, as an innocent. They controlled her and degraded her. And they dare to call themselves righteous,'' he said. ''If that's what our society is based on, then I question in what world we are living.''
''Those of you that have come here to attempt to either take her or make an attempt on her life, you will be dearly sorry and I advise you to leave, now. If I find you plotting against her or me, you will have to face the consequences.'' There was complete silence.
''For those of you that are here, and still loyal to me, know that I am no less devoted to the Greater Good. We will create a better world for us, for our loved ones and those that are different from ourselves,'' he went on.
As he paused, I dared another glance at the woman in the shadows, who was still looking at me intently. I could feel my heart thumping in my chest as I watched her and started moving away to the window. I had been so concentrated on her that when the applause burst out, I gasped in surprise as I tightly held my wand.
However, my attention was quickly drawn to a man, sneaking through the crowd, the brim of his hat covering his eyes and casting his features in shadows as he made for the door. I furrowed my brow as I followed him out into the hall.
I watched his form stride toward the entrance door. I pushed up the hood of my cloak and hid behind the stairs, peeking around the corner as he took out his wand and started waving it around.
My breath caught. He was trying to break the protective charms Grindelwald had put up. Only a second passed as I took my wand staring at him and waiting for a good moment to strike until he suddenly turned, looking my way.
I gasped and pulled back as quickly as possible. I noticed by his movements and his facial expressions he was nervous and terrified to get caught, I almost pitied him, but the fact that he was about to betray us, fueled me with determination to make sure he couldn't.
I heard some noise coming from the room where currently everyone was, and I groaned silently as I realized Grindelwald was busy and I was going to have to fix this myself.
So, holding my wand tightly and carefully progressing down the hall, careful not to make any of the floorboards creak. Until, I heard footsteps behind me, and the man at the door turned around, staring at me anxiously.
I was currently trapped between these two people and momentarily I wasn't sure what to do until suddenly there was a bright light flashing past me, hitting the man in the chest.
He froze and fell over which gave me the perfect moment to turn around, holding out my wand as I watched the mysterious person.
It was the woman with the hood, her wand in her hand, not pointed at me. ''Take off your hood,'' I said as I watched her dangerously. Suddenly the eyes clicked in my mind. They were Lillian's.
She slowly raised a hand, tugging at the fabric of her hood until it slipped off her head, revealing long brown hair.
My breath caught as I watched her. It wasn't Lillian, but the fact that I had mistaken her eyes for Lillian's wasn't strange, since they were almost exactly similar to one another as they were to mine. But where Lillian's eyes held hatred and anger, hers held kindness and a hidden sadness.
''I think you recognize me?'' she said as she put away her wand, and looked at me with a smile.
It was Naomie. It was my mother.