Tommy's POV
After I thought I've had it all last night, I couldn't be more wrong. When I woke up this afternoon I wanted to check on Arthur. When I got to the Garrisson I found him half choking on the ground with a noose around his neck. He tried to hang himself but the noose couldn't hold him and broke from the ceiling, just in time.
What the hell was he thinking. I knew he wasn't in a good place lately, but to try this... the whole situation of last night apparently took him over the edge.
I had just finished my short but hopefully effective speech towards him before Vive bursted inside the pub. The bottom line of the talk was that he'd better not try this again and that he needs to suck it up, all the feelings, memories and horror of the war. We've all been there and now we're back, we're home and we have responsibilities where Vive is the number one example of. He didn't respond much to me only that the death of Finn is besides all his PTSD, a factor of him being so depressed lately.
"Arthur, listen to me! If you die, you'll kill her too" I said, referring to our sister while bending over his chair my face close to his.
"You'll kill her too and the rest of the family. You understand that? The girl lost her mother, her father who I don't even want to mention, she lost us for four years, her twin brother and now, she almost lost you too. She's fucking thirteen. THIRTEEN Arthur." I gave the table a slam with my right hand. Being all frustrated with the situation.
I tried to keep myself calm and ended the conversation with the following demand
"Get yourself together or find proper help."
I decided to get two glasses and drink the stress away. Arthur suggested to hide this from Vive, but since I already expected her wanting to see him today I knew she would notice the huge spot on his neck anyways. Besides that, the girl is not crazy. She would feel something's wrong and if we wouldn't tell her she would put the problem with herself like always and that's the last thing I want.
Now she's here next to me giving Arthur an unnecessary plea of her excuse story. Feeling guilty over something that's not her fault in any sort of way. How can she even think she could've saved him last night, against three men with weapons...
As soon as he raised his head to her I felt her body language change next to me. She noticed the wound immediately. It was just waiting for another outburst. I know Arthur's too embarrassed to bring out any words, also how does he want to explain this to her... he can't.
A few minutes later wherein almost nothing has been said other than some of Vive's confused words, she now stands in front of us. Arthur not saying anything is driving her crazy.
"FUCKING ANSWER ME!" she screams towards him. Her face is flushed with anger and her attitude speaks one and all confusing.
"Vive, I... I don't know what I was thinking..." Arthur says.
"Don't know what you were thinking? Well, I know what you obviously wasn't thinking of and that was ME! US!" she says pointing to herself.
I look at both of them. I see Vive fighting against her tears as breathing is getting heavier and heavier. I really want to intervene here, but for once, I want Arthur to solve this himself. This is all on him and right now it's between him and Vive.
Vive starts sobbing as she looks down at the floor and tries to wipe her face before any of us notice her crying. I can't stand seeing both of them like this. My brother, just numb and my sister heartbroken.
"I... I came here for YOU, to say sorry for being a coward yesterday but you don't care about me at all, you don't care about any of us! I wanted to ask you if you could teach me some things that would make me STRONGER so I could be a bit more like YOU, while you were here, trying to leave us for good by killing yourself!"
"Vive" Arthur tries to interrupt her not being too resolute.
"NO!" She screams on top of her lungs. Tears streaming down her cheeks.
"What would I do without you eh?! What about ME?! I swear to God, if I lose another brother I'll kill myself too and don't think I'm bluffing, I swear it, I.. I.. I'll cut my wrists or blow my brains out or..."
"Enough." I interrupt her.
Her saying this is enough for me to finally step into the conversation and end it. Vive squats down to the ground, not being able to breath well as she's not far away from hyperventilating again.
"That's enough." I repeat as I stand and walk up to her trying the get her upright again. When I want to touch her she recoils. Not looking at me or saying anything. I don't think I've seen her this angry before. Her face speaks volumes and in the same second she storms out of the Garrisson.
I let out a deep sigh and turn myself to Arthur.
"I'll go after her..." I give him a pat on the shoulder as I leave the pub as well. When I'm outside I look around but can't see her anywhere. She probably sprinted to... somewhere and now I have to find her. I'm thinking of a bunch of places she can possibly have gone to. The house, Charlie's yard, the cut.
I'll try the cut first. She probably wants to be alone and that's the place she normally goes to.
It takes me 15 minutes till I arrive at the cut. It's crowded around this time. I throw my cigarette right in front of my foot and step on it while screening the place. I walk through the factory on my way to the bridges. I come across a few men of mine and ask them about Vive. Apparently some spotted her walking towards the waterside. I sigh, she knows dead well I don't want her to sit on the waterside since it's impossible to climb out of the cut in case she would fall. It's good to have people all over the place to keep an eye open for me in situations like these.
I fasten my pace and when I come closer I already see her sitting there with her legs dangling over the edge. I walk up to her and sit myself next to her.
When I look at her I see she's not crying anymore but her face is still red and her eyes are swollen. She's not giving me a look and stares blankly ahead.
"Still your spot isn't it?" I try to break the silence, but she doesn't respond.
"What's going on in your head Vive? Talk to me." I continue, trying to be a bit more resolute.
She now turns her head to mine looking at me confused as she almost whispers back.
"What's going on in my head? Are you serious?"
I know this was a stupid, rhetorical question but at least we're speaking now.
"Don't you care?" She asks me. "He's your brother too. Does it not bother you that he almost killed himself."
"Of course I care, why'd you think otherwise."
She stares at my face before answering.
"Because you never show it, it's just like with Finn. You never speak about him ever since he's not here anymore. Back there, you didn't say a thing either..."
I let out a deep sigh and pick another cigarette out my pockets.
"Vive, people deal with things like that in a different way. I deal with things different than you do, but that doesn't mean I don't care. All I do is care and try to make sure everyone's alright even though that's not always successful...
There hasn't been a day passed since I haven't thought about Finn alright and did it occur to you that maybe I already had a talk with Arthur before you came in today?" I give her a questioned look while I let out the smoke.
She gives me a soft smile, apparently satisfied with the answer I gave her.
"Why did Arthur do it you think?" her big blue eyes pierced on mine. I hesitate to give her the truth at first, but decide to do it.
"Look, Arthur hasn't been in a good place... mentally... for a long time. Actually since we came back from France. It's guilt that makes him feel the way he feels. When we were in France the three of us did go through a lot. A lot of fear, killings and darkness which is not something you forget just like that. When we came back, we just weren't the same boys anymore."
I pause for a moment to see her reaction. She's listening to me and I see she wants me to continue the story.
"He also blames himself for the things our dad did to you and he blames himself for the death of Finn even though that's more on me but... He just.. I think it's too much for him all of it and yesterday just took him over the edge. I know you are mad at him and disappointed, but don't take this too hard on him. He loves you very much. In France he did nothing but talk about you and honestly, I think you and Finn were the reason he didn't break back there. He needed to go home for the two of you, for Pol and Ada. We all had to. Now, he's just heartbroken, just like we all are."
I see her letting my words sink in as she stares at the cut again.
"Promise me Arthur will be alright... you promised me after Finn, that I don't have to miss another brother..." giving me an insecure look. I nod at her, scared to give her a promise I might break someday, but I do it anyways.
"I promise, he'll be fine".
There's a peaceful silence between us for a moment.
"Just like we all are... that's beautiful actually." She says.
I raise my eyebrow and smile a little. "You think?"
"If being a little heartbroken runs in the family, that means we're all in this together. That why we need each other. I probably need you three a little more than you need me, but you know what I mean." She chuckles.
I let out a deep sigh and chuckle as I stare at the grey sky above us.
"God Vive, if you only knew how much we boys need you in our lives, that thought of you wouldn't even come up in your head. You're the only one in this family with the genes of our mother and it's a shame you didn't got the chance to meet her, because then you would understand what we mean by that. Our mother... she was the sweetest and all her kindness, her beauty, her pureness... it's all in you. Not in me, Arthur, John and not even in Ada. It's in you and it was in Finn as well."
We never talk about our mother. Vive asked us so many times to tell her stories, but none of us ever did. I think it's just too painful for all of us. But now.. I feel like I need to.
"When she was pregnant with you and Finn, she already loved the two of you extremely much. She once told me that she already felt that the two babies inside of her, were finally going to look like her, both inside and out. She wouldn't do anything to harm you and Finn. Immediately quit the booze and the cigarets when she knew she was pregnant. And in her last months... even though her whole body hurt and she could hardly walk, she did everything for me, Ada, Arthur and John, our father. She kept all the balls in the air to prevent us from falling short. That's who she was."
Vive's still looking at me, now smiling from ear to ear. It's been a long time since I have seen her like this. She gets her legs out of the cut and sits on her knees, hugging me tightly from the side. I hug her back and blow away a blond piece of her hair that's in my face. I know this is something she needed to hear especially as I feel like she wants to be like me and my brothers so badly. All I want for her is not to be like us.
"The way you describe her, makes me think of you." She says, her head close to mine giving me the sweetest smile. Only she knows how to give me a lump in my throat.