Lavinia rubbed her eyes, trying to push the exhaustion of the past few days away and reminded herself that she just had to make it to Monday and everything would get better. On Monday , the new healer would arrive. She just had to get to Monday. Which made it a real shame that it was currently only Wednesday.
Huffing a breath, Lavinia plopped down on a couch in the employee lounge of St. Mungo's to wait for Miriam, who she was supposed to meet here. She was very tempted to just call their planned lunch off, but knew better. She was often tempted to cancel plans and spend the rest of the day reading at home. Or taking a nap. But Lavinia had been doing her best to make an effort lately. To try. Just as she'd promised herself she would.
Though, if she was honest, this was probably one of those times when she would have had a perfectly reasonable excuse to postpone. But... well, she didn't want to risk making it a habit and besides, Miriam had sounded so excited when she'd suggested they go out today instead of their usual Friday meal.
So Lavinia stayed where she was, closing her eyes and leaning her head back as she did. Merlin, she was tired. She felt rather like she could have just fallen asleep right where she was. Of course, if Miriam saw that, she'd never hear the end of it but... it might be worth it, Lavinia thought, for a few moments of extra rest.
The unfortunate reality was that ever since Bertie had retired the previous month, Lavinia, Robert and Elias had all been working extra shifts to cover the blank and it was taking its toll. Especially the extra night shift that Lavinia had picked up. Add in the lack of a proper weekend and she felt like she was constantly about to fall asleep. Not that she blamed her friend. He had certainly earned his retirement and Lavinia didn't begrudge him that for a moment.
Really, the worst part about it was simply that she missed him terribly and with her schedule so busy until the new trainee came in, she hadn't had the chance to do more than pop in for an hour or so at a time before running off somewhere, usually either to work or to bed. She'd promised her friend that as soon as she had a weekend, she would be making sure to visit him on it and cook for him as she once had, but until then she was forced to cope without his comforting presence.
Bertie, of course, had merely smiled and shook his head when she'd told him this and reminded her that she shouldn't worry so much. That he would manage and she mustn't fret. Lavinia had completely ignored him and continued to fret all she pleased. Which was plenty. The truth was that Bertie was getting old and she wanted to take care of him, wanted to pay him back for his many kindnesses in whatever little way she could. It grated on her not to have time for that. Not to have time for him. Granted, she also hadn't really had any time for herself in the last three weeks, but she couldn't really have cared less about that. Except to wish for more sleep.
Indeed, moments after this thought occurred to Lavinia, a voice pulled Lavinia from her contemplation. "You need to sleep more at night. You know," Miriam said drily, "when normal people rest."
Lavinia opened her eyes as she felt the couch cushions next to her depress under her friend's weight. Straightening up, she found the plump brunette smiling almost exasperatedly at her, an off mix of amusement and worry tinging the expression.
"Tell me about it," Lavinia yawned into her hand. "But the trainees don't start until this coming Monday so...." She trailed off with a slight grimace, rolling her shoulders slightly in what she knew was a vain attempt to loosen the tightness there.
Miriam frowned in sympathy. "There are times," she admitted, nodding in agreement, "When I'm glad I'm in a decent sized ward. Plenty of backup."
Lavinia pulled an emphatic face and stifled another yawn. "So," she started, looking directly at Miriam. "What's it going to be today? The tea parlor on WIlloughby? That curry place in Manchester? Or are we allowed to just sit on the couch and talk so I can avoid moving for the next several hours?"
Miriam snorted and rolled her eyes at her friend. "We," she informed her friend, with a touch of exasperation, "Are meeting Kama."
Lavinia frowned in surprise. "Why?" she asked, then realizing that had come out rather sharply. "Not that I don't like her, but... well. Just curious." Miriam didn't usually drag her girlfriend along to their lunches. Mostly, she suspected, because Kama had better things to do with her life than tag along on outings with Miriam's friends.
Miriam narrowed her eyes at Lavinia. "If I wasn't in such a good mood," she replied with extreme dignity, "I'd be very offended right now."
"Thank Merlin you're always in a good mood, then," Lavinia returned blithely, smiling a bit cheekily at the brunette, who batted lightly at her in halfhearted protest.
"Yes. Well," Miriam started, blustering slightly, "I'm in a better mood than usual, if you'll believe it."
Lavinia tipped her head slightly to the side, her eyebrows flicking up as a smile crept across her face, glad her friend was in good spirits, even if it could easily have been simply because the spring rains had finally given way to a properly sunny day. "Oh?" she pressed.
But Miriam simply beamed and stood, offering a hand to help Lavinia up. Deciding there was no point in pressing since she'd probably find out reasonably soon, Lavinia took it. Besides, she reason, Miriam might be an open book ninety percent of the time, but on the rare occasions that she decided she wanted to keep a secret, if only for a little while, prodding her only made her clam up more, just for the delight of making her friends laugh when the finally found out that the big secret was that Kama had made her a pastrami sandwich. Which had happened. More than once.
So for now, Lavinia kept her mouth shut as Miriam pulled her to her feet. She swayed slightly for a moment, the blood rushing from her head. "Okay," she sighed once she felt steady again. "Lead the way."
And Miriam did, taking Lavinia along the streets of muggle London until they reached a little coffee shop Lavinia knew to be the brunette's favorite. Something that most certainly had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that it was where she and Kama had met. Nothing at all.
When they stepped inside, Lavinia's eyes caught sight of the woman they were meeting even as Miriam practically dragged her towards the little table in the back that she'd claimed. Odd, Lavinia realized as they approached. Both Miriam and Kama usually preferred a window seat, and there were plenty of seats available. But perhaps, she realized, they just wanted to be a bit freer with their affections today, something that was not always so very well received, as the two women had learned the hard way. So Lavinia didn't question it even as her curiosity about what particular secret Miriam was keeping grew with every step towards the lovely dark skinned woman who waited patiently in her seat.
Kamakshi Mishra, or Kama, as Miriam called her, was a stately looking woman with a sheet of long, black hair that Lavinia had always viewed with more than a slight twinge of jealousy because it somehow never seemed to get tangled. And even aside from the hair, she was undeniably beautiful. Her face, Lavinia had often thought, looked like it belonged to some sort of dignitary or royal, with its firm angles and small, mysterious sort of smile, a dimple always forming on only one side of that mischievous grin. But, the handful of times Lavinia had met her, Kama had never been anything but kind and amusedly exasperated about the sheer ball of energy that was her girlfriend of the past three and half years.
This time was no different and Miriam dropped Lavinia's arm and practically skipped over to the other woman, beaming widely. Kama grinned at her partner, pulling out the chair beside her in a single quick movement so she could sit, and waving slightly to Lavinia as Miriam dropped herself down and gave Kama a quick kiss on the cheek. Quick, Lavinia knew, not because she wanted it to be, but because they were out in muggle London, and Miriam had, in one of her more serious moments, admitted that they had been harassed more than once by people who thought relationships like theirs shouldn't exist.
Which was ridiculous, obviously, but Lavinia had never mentioned her thoughts on the matter. She didn't think she needed to. If Miriam had trusted her enough to never so much as hesitate or hedge when talking about Kama's seemingly endless virtues, Lavinia didn't think she needed to reassure her friend and she would rather just offer her a place where such prejudices never came up.
Now, Lavinia nodded and smiled slightly to Kama and sat down in the seat opposite Miriam, raising her eyebrows slightly and wondering what exactly this was all about. She had no problem whatsoever with Miriam bringing Kamakshi to their little outings, even if the third wheeling had occasionally made her wonder how the hell Remus had stayed so silent about it for years. She always shut that thought down as quickly as she could however. No matter how much progress she knew she'd made... she still didn't want to think about it. Still didn't want to remember.
Today, though, she'd gotten the sense from Miriam that this was for something different and that Kama was here for some reason other than that Miriam was ever so slightly over attached..
Indeed, the brunette met Lavinia's eyes across the table with a bright shine in them and a mischievous smile that had Lavinia's brows traveling higher.
"Dare I ask?" she inquired, glancing between the two women opposite her.
Kama snorted. "Stop playing with her, Mir," she chastised. "And hurry up," she added, glancing over her shoulder towards the case of pastries at the front of the shop. "I'm hungry."
Miriam turned to her girlfriend frowning, apparently completely forgetting that Lavinia was clearly here to be told some news that was important enough not to be able to wait two days. "You've been here for at least ten minutes, I'm sure," Miriam protested, "You could have ordered something."
"I was waiting for you," Kamakshi countered, her tone dignified even as her eyes narrowed in silent mirth. "It was only polite."
Miriam just waved her away with a dismissive hand that left the other woman rolling her eyes and glancing at Lavinia as if to say typical, right? Lavinia smiled back and chuckled slightly, though she was now more confused than ever.
"Okay, okay," Miriam muttered, turning to Lavinia as well and simply glowing with excitement that did nothing to cure Lavinia's curiosity. "Take a guess," she demanded, grinning broadly enough that Lavinia though her cheeks might start hurting soon.
"Mir," Kamakshi sighed, her tone long suffering as she cast another longing glance at the pastries for emphasis. Miriam just lightly slapped her girlfriend's arm without so much as glancing at her, as though she already knew Kama was inclined to use her hunger as a means to pressure Miriam into hurrying up.
"Take a guess about what?" asked Lavinia, baffled, frowning at Miriam's intense gaze.
Kama opened her mouth, probably to explain and be the voice of reason, but Miriam jumped in, apparently deciding that Lavinia's words were close enough to a guess anyway.
"We're getting married!" she squealed and held up her hand where a ring glittered, one Lavinia hadn't noticed until now, exhausted as she was. Kama smiled, her dark eyes glittering joyfully as she too held up her hand just briefly to show a matching band.
Lavinia's mouth fell open. "Congratulations!" she exclaimed. "When's the wedding?"
"Two weeks from Saturday," Miriam announced, still smiling brightly, her cheeks pink and flushed, presumably from excitement.
"Two weeks?" asked Lavinia, shocked. Planning a wedding in that time frame was insane. She'd had only the tiniest taste of it and realized that it was a ridiculous enterprise really. She pushed that thought away too, focussing on the engagement and the happy couple before her, not the one that still made her heart ache and clench painfully.
"Well," Miriam hedged, "As it's not really a proper wedding, you know... Because of the legal issues and such. More just a party that we're calling a wedding. But I'm wearing a bloody nice dress and I'm forcing Kama to as well, no matter how much she protests and... you'll come right?"
All of this was said in quite a rush that ended with Miriam landing almost pleading eyes on Lavinia who blinked away her surprise. "Of course I'll come," she agreed, exhaling slightly at her friend's apparent doubt that she would so readily say yes. "I couldn't say no to that," she pointed out, even as part of her prayed that she'd caught up on sleep by then or it could end up being a very long day.
Miriam clapped her hands together slightly, looking like she was about to burst with happiness. Lavinia grinned, feeling something light and bright in her at the sight of Miriam's utter joy, even as her chest tightened slightly at the thought of attending a wedding, some small part of her brain thinking that it should have been her wedding. Should have been her day.
Suddenly, the ring on her finger was a deadweight.
But... But Miriam's smile was quite possibly the brightest thing Lavinia had ever seen so she shoved those pesky thoughts aside and listened to Miriam brainstorm increasingly ridiculous ideas for how best to throw a spectacular party in one's own backyard while Kama shushed her and reminded her that just because she didn't think the idea of sentient fireworks ws ridiculous, didn't meant the entire rest of the caffe wasn't worried for their sanity right now.
Lavinia snorted, listening to the exchange with only one ear as she reminded herself that it was good for at least someone to be so incredibly, easily happy. And Miriam... Miriam deserved her happily ever after. Miriam deserved to settle down with the love of her life. And even if the law, both muggle and, to a slightly lesser extent, wizarding, was against them, it was still a wedding. Anyone who knew these two, and certainly anyone who was going to attend would know that. And Lavinia, for her part, would remember to be happy for them. Would remember not to remember those words and the meaning of that ring and so many other things that were best left aside on a day like her friend's wedding.
When the day of the wedding rolled around, Lavinia found this particular tast far easier than she'd anticipated, mostly because she kept running into the sorts of people she'd never had occasion to meet before thanks to her limited exposure to the muggle world. It was fascinating and bright and incredibly informal, but with Miriam involved, she'd hardly expected anything else. At least Kamakshi had stepped in to be the voice of reason and reminded her bride that you couldn't go setting of Filibuster's Fireworks in the middle of a suburban muggle neighborhood.
So Lavinia chatted with people she'd never met, muggle and wizard alike and danced the night away with strangers and acquaintances and, somewhat unexpectedly, Bertie, who apparently had been something of a friend to Miriam these past several years. Not that Lavinia was at all surprised the two got on well because they certainly seemed like a pair that could have spent hours simply opining on the virtues of flower gardens, but somehow, she'd never noticed. It made her almost ashamed, actually, that's she'd paid so little attention to her friends' lives these past few years. But... but it was hard to stay unhappy when she was surrounded by as much joy as seemed to have been concentrated in this particular party. So she pushed the thought away and threw herself wholeheartedly into the very uncontrolled dancing.
It was a while later, as the party was winding down and the songs getting slower that Lavinia finally managed to get a dance in with Bertie, going slowly to accommodate his creaking joints. As they revolved, mostly on the spot, something struck Lavinia so forcefully and suddenly that she nearly stumbled, leisurely and measured though their movement was.
Bertie laughed slightly at her clumsy feet and smiled at her, then frowned very slightly at the shock he found in her features, his forehead creased with more than its usual wrinkles.
"What is it child?" he asked quietly, the words easy, gentle.
"I just realized..." Lavinia started, then broke off and shook her head, laughing slightly, more at herself than anything else. Bertie raised one eyebrow very slightly and she smiled at him. "I'm happy," she explained, wondering why the words felt so foreign on her tongue. Like she hadn't said them in a long long time. Which, she realized, she hadn't. "Really, really happy."
Bertie beamed at her, something shining in his eyes that told her understood exactly what that meant and exactly why that was something that had hit her with the force of a punch to the gut.
Because she was happy. She felt like she could have laughed the night away, could have danced until her feet were raw, could have just... smiled through it all. She felt bright and warm and so full of something that felt good. Something that felt like love. Love for the friend who had taken about ten minutes to decide that her fancy shoes were useless anyway and tossed them aside, love for the woman who had made her friend smile with a fervor Lavinia had rarely seen. Love for... for life.
And it had occurred to her then that it had been a very long time since she'd felt anything at all like that. Too long really. And that she felt it now... that happiness compounded with something steely and proud, something that felt like victory. Because to be happy like this... it meant something. It had to. So maybe it meant that the world was finally turning around. That Lavinia was finally turning around. That those months she'd spent forcing herself to try, every hard moment she'd made herself push through, every time she'd pushed at the void she knew was still there in her chest... all of it had been worth it. Had been a battle fought and won.
So she tipped her head back, grinning at the strings of lights over the lawn in which they stood and laughed up at the stars, feeling like she might just float away from the sheer joy of this moment.
A/N: So I did not write a chapter today because Thursdays are fucking stupid. This is my professional assessment and no one should challenge it. No, for real though, Thursdays are not great for me. I have class from 9-10:45, then 10:45-12:00 (no joke, I literally close one virtual lecture to join the other), then 12:20-1:35 and finally 4:10-6. It's insane. I ate breakfast at 2 and finished it at like 3. I also finished my coffee around 4 so that's a real problem actually and I'm worryingly hyper lol. Sleep will be fascinating tonight. So basically, by the time I finished with classes, it was dinner time. So yeah. Thursdays are stupid.
I think I'm still going to update tomorrow, though, just bc I have only 1 class (4 hrs of Orgo lab, whose excited!!), so I'll definitely be able to write a chapter, but what I'm learning is that I can't count on writing a chapter on Thursdays (see: they're stupid). My guess (and this is just a guess, so don't hold me to it) is that updates during the school year are going to be Monday, Wednesday, Friday and weekends. So like, 5 days a week? But again, this is a guess and school work might seriously ramp up. Still, even if it does, writing this is what I do with my free time by choice and I need something to keep me sane so... this may well be it. I'm going to try to keep up at least 3(?) updates a week but I might be able to do more. Honestly, who knows and I shouldn't plan while hyper, but I need tangible achievements in my life that don't involve "yay, I finished a 4 hr psych reading and now there's 5 hours of criminal justice reading and 6hrs of Orgo and someone send help I'm dying". And "I wrote a chapter of my really long fic today!" is a reasonable and tangible goal for my every day life. And those are good. Also I'm sorry if this made no sense. Remember the coffee at 4? It's going strong. My brain is running in circles rn it's amazing. Can you tell by the parentheses? I need sleep and I am now concerned (TM). So we're going to make an attempt and just... kinda... pray I guess. Or maybe I'll just make a great first impression on my lab TA. We'll see.
Anyway, as usual, I hope y'all enjoyed and I'll be back again tomorrow!