(Requested by anon: (Maglor request) it could be something with anxiety or Maglor and reader fight😅 if you want to choose yourself be free I know I'll like it, your writing is amazing🥰 Also don't worry about getting things wrong, I didn't read The Silmarillion yet (hopefully this will change soon🤡) everything that I know it's because of tumblr😂
Author's Notes: Halloooo sorry this took quite some time hnnghhhhhh I had to read about Maglor and since I didn't have time to open my copy of Silmarillion I just read the whole page for Maglor on tolkiengateway and silmarillionwritersguild. This is my first time writing for Maglor so I hope you'll forgive me
Also, yes to hoping Maglor is still alive and yes to thinking that Elrond somehow SOMEHOW managed to find him 😭 please I need that in my life
Also I read he has an unnamed spouse? So we don't know if his wife went with him or stayed behind or anything at all sooooo woot woot
I went with the anxiety one though I'm not sure if I was able to write it properly. I think I do experience anxiety attacks (which I read are different from panic attacks) but I think everyone's experience is a bit different. If I wrote something wrong, please do correct me (in a nice way 😭 please have mercy on my Hufflepuff heart). This is also kind of based on how I feel uncomfortable and a bit nervous whenever there's thunder and lightning and strong winds. I just feel uneasy.
I hope in some way this helps you too.
Warnings: anxiety/panic attacks, mentions of suicide (Maglor wanting to throw himself into the sea))
"It is going to rain," your husband muttered, placing his harp onto the ground and walking to the window.
You followed his gaze and sure enough there were dark clouds in the sky. It was supposed to be a clear day and the two of you were planning on doing the laundry. You stood beside him and the two of you listened to the distant rumble of thunder.
"Maglor," you whispered. You slipped your hand in his. He squeezed it in response.
"I can hear the relieved sigh of the earth whenever there is rain," Maglor said, "for it brings life and hope. But I do not feel the same way. The dark clouds unsettle me."
Maglor looked calm but you knew better. You have been by his side for so long, you have memorized everything about him just as how he had memorized everything about you. The way his eyes were distant and wide and how tensed his jaws and shoulders have become, or how his hands have gone cold and how he shivered every once in a while—these things have been a regular occurrence and these were things you looked out for.
The coming of rain, of a storm, brought memories that Maglor deeply regretted and he dearly wished he could go back and change all of it.
He could vividly remember it. The pain, oh the pain of holding the jewel, one of which he and his brothers had sworn to retrieve. The pain was proof of all the evil deeds they had done because of an oath. It was proof that no matter how kind he could be and no matter how many heroic deeds he had done, the word 'kinslayer' will always be associated with him and his family.
Maglor could remember standing before the sea, with its waves crashing against rocks and cliffs. They were huge ones, as if the sea was angry at him and was trying to pull him into the water. And the sky! The sky was filled with dark grey clouds, as if it was also angry at him and was trying to block out any light that could give him hope.
He was tempted to throw himself into the water and drown. After throwing the Silmaril and watching the sea take it, he thought of following it and never resurfacing.
He was about to when you came running to him.
You had wrapped your arms around him and pulled him away. You could tell what he wanted to do. But even if you couldn't, you would have rushed towards him all the same. You knew of his despair, of his regret, and you were afraid that he would do something that cannot be undone. So you clung onto him and hugged him tighter. He had tried to remove your hold on him, tried to push you away.
But Maglor stopped when he heard you whimper, "Don't leave me."
And there he realized that he had been selfish for he had brought you into this mess, brought you into this life of being sundered and rejected by your kin, yet through all of this you stayed and loved him. For you believed the Maglor you loved and married was still in there, the Maglor that was not blinded nor pulled by the oath.
If he had gone, if he had thrown himself into the sea, you would have been alone. And even if you were brought back to the Undying Lands, you would have lived in shame.
So it was from there that the two of you lived wandering the shores. You found a place and built a house there and lived independently. No one knew the two of you were living there, not even the ones who had also come to love you despite your faults and misdeeds.
You lived there peacefully for many years but Maglor still relived his actions in the memories that were forever etched in his mind. And so he would feel anxious whenever rain came. There were days that it was much worse. All you could do on those days was cry and hold him tightly in your arms and help him remember to breathe. But as time went it became more manageable. Maglor still felt anxious but he could cope with it.
He tried hard to help himself in order to help you too. Because he could not bear seeing you smile for him, could not bear seeing you hold yourself together just so you could prevent him from falling into pieces. Maglor wanted to hold you too, wanted to be there for you too. You both only had each other now and he didn't want you carrying all the burden on your own.
Maglor turned to face you and you could see that today was going to be one of those days where he felt a bit worse. He had voiced out his worries on being a burden to you but you told him to never be afraid of asking for help, especially when he feels like everything is becoming too much for him.
You then led him to the bed and the both of you sat down. Placing pillows against the bed frame, you leaned on them and opened your arms to him. Maglor obliged and rested his head on your chest. The steady beating of your heart and the warmth that radiated from you helped him calm down. You ran your hands through his dark hair and placed kisses on his temple.
Still the anxiety grew and he felt like he was losing control over himself. His breathing became laboured. He could feel his heart beating, as if it was trying to break out of his chest. You felt this too and you gripped his hand in yours, trying to anchor him and remind him of where you both were.
"Maglor, take a deep breath," you said calmly. "Inhale for four seconds."
He did as he was told, and held his breath for two seconds, and exhaled slowly for four seconds. Maglor repeated this and you breathed in and out with him. The sensation of air passing through his nose, the feeling of his chest rising up, and the sensation of air leaving through his mouth calmed him and cleared his mind. When Maglor found he could think more clearly, he thought of you.
"You're with me, my love. You're not alone," you whispered. "This will pass, like how it always does. This will pass, like how the sun never fails to shine after a rain. You'll be alright. You're here with me."
Maglor lifted his head up and looked into your eyes. He always did so because your eyes always held warmth and love in them. You placed your forehead against his and smiled encouragingly at him.
"You'll be fine. It will pass."
He nodded and closed his eyes, focusing on the way you held him and pressed kisses on his face, on the way you softly whispered words of encouragement and assurance, on the way you smelled like fresh sea breeze.
At that moment, the sound of waves crashing and thunder rumbling and rain falling did not trouble Maglor's heart.
"I'll be fine. I am here. You are with me. It will pass."
Lilipas Din
—(Filipino; Philippines)
Meaning: (It) will (also) pass