Terror, agitation, dread, worry, concerned and alarmed. It was the 3rd time; Xiao Zhan woke up with a nightmare in that same night. Or rather he couldn't sleep at all. Feeling like his guts had been ripping from inside, he ran to toilet to threw whatever came out of him. He gagged when the feeling of being smothered dominated. Coughing and panting, Xiao Zhan slumped to the floor staring at the debris of blood he had hurled out.
Was it starting again?
No! He can't! he can't go back to those dark days!
After a rigorous attempt to get up, Xiao Zhan turned the faucet on, allowing the ice-cold water to hit him, to wake him.
Each and every possibility of Wang Yibo suffering and getting hurt – he felt that deeply. Yet the chill drops of water, crawling on his skin, weren't registered by him. Was he too numb or too sensitive? He couldn't tell.
His inner clock, shook him, reminding him of the long period, since he stood under the dribble. He dragged his feet against the floor, creating a trail of drops that seeped out of his wet clothes. He stood in front of his window, head hanging low.
His Sebum less fingers, trembled as he reached for the curtain, holding it without much strength. He's afraid, too afraid to look beyond.
It is the first time that he wasn't anticipating to look at the little star that twinkled in glory, just before the dawn.
"Are you alright, Yibo...?" He asked to particularly no one. His whisper died down just as it was born. Who would he ask about Wang Yibo? Who could possibly tell him? The Jiangs? Aside from Zhuocheng, nobody has personally met Wang Yibo. The Weis? His uncle just recently told him that he couldn't find any information on him. Then who could he turn to?
When orange hue of light penetrated his curtain, Xiao Zhan immediately pushed the drapery away to see the little star before it vanished for a whole day. But he was too late, the rays of the sun were too strong that it masked the glorious sparkle and hid it away.
Now his anxiety shot through the roof. He must know how Wang Yibo is doing. The way, he felt the gush of his blood, he knew a panic attack would be in order but No! he can't have that! He has to find Wang Yibo! He has to know how he's doing!
But how?
His frantic thoughts collided vividly as he was juggling to keep his sanity in check. Should he go to Luoyang himself? But what would that do? He didn't even remember where the testing lab was? And he was sure as heck, his uncle would not disclose the address precisely for what he was thinking.
But should he just sit back and let the man die? He could be on his last breaths! Anything and everything could be wrong with him!
The moist wind greeted his cold shell through his wet clothes. Suddenly, all the numbness subsided and he could feel his bones chill. He immediately run to the closet to grab few clothes. If he gets sick now, how would he help Wang Yibo?
Hastily he put on whatever he could find, he couldn't rationally think which of the shirts goes with which jeans. Among the piles of clothes, his eyes landed on a piece of garment, which had been laid forgotten since the moment it was bought.
Instantly, he recalled why he never wore it. It was the garment which he bought from the mall in Jiujiang when he bumped into Nyle Fang and Wang Hao Xuan.
That's right, Wang Hao Xuan!
He must know about Wang Yibo! He has to know about him!
Xiao Zhan rushed to get his phone only to remember they didn't exchange phone numbers. The disappointment couldn't last for long when Xiao Zhan recalled that they exchanged emails!
Frantically Xiao Zhan went to his mail box. Unable to register most of the mails, his eyes were only searching for Wang Hao Xuan's email. Ah! He found it!
XueYang@mail,com
His fingers worked on their own without much thought and before he knew it, he had already sent the mail directly asking.
XZ: How is Wang Yibo?!
He kept staring into the screen that would dim a little as the time went by and later would brighten again when he tapped on it constantly. He stared at it long, forgetting everything around, like in a trance. Hours later when the morning gleam died down did a reply came.
XY: ZhanZhan! I'm really glad you decided to contact me! BoBo is perfectly fine, why do you ask?
XZ: How do you know? Do you have a proof?
Xiao Zhan had become paranoid at some point but he learnt that it was better to be careful than to regret later.
XY: of course, just last night I sent him Catalogue of Beijin Museum. They are going to hold a Legos exhibition.
Xiao zhan read that again and again till his heart settled down and his brain accepted the fact. All the blood rush finally died down and he felt extremely exhausted. He had been on edge since last night.
XZ: Can we meet sometime?
Not even in his wildest dream Xiao Zhan thought that he would be taking the initiative to invite someone, especially not the ones who bullied him.
XY: Of course, I would love that. I'm coming to Beijing in few days for the museum anyway, how about we all go together there?
Museum of Legos.
Xiao Zhan once promised to take Wang Yibo to Shanghai Lego exhibition. He had wished many times to fulfill that promise, would he be able to do that now?
Xiao Zhan didn't reply, he fell into slumber, fatigued after the whole fiasco.
Maybe in the future...
. . .
The pungent smell of formaldehyde was mixed with the scent of Lilies, forming a tempest of bitter-sweet gale. A young man, replaced the flowers of the vase –which he brought yesterday – to the ones he brought just now.
He let the curtains aside, allowing the fresh ray of suns to cast on the embalm, inside which was resting a beautiful woman.
Like a doll so beautiful, she laid there, sleeping for an eternity. The young man, wearing a green scrub and mask sat at the furthest corner of the mediocre room. His honey oracles gazed at the embalm, the light of the sun intermingled with that of the room and created bizarre patterns on the mirror that had sealed it.
After a long silence, he uttered words softly, almost like a plead,
"Mother."
There was no breath, no heartbeat, no motion, no nothing.
"Father is doing alright...for now. Brother is with him most of the time. But...it doesn't look like he can carry out for long...I-I don't know what to do – to save him."
The young man shifted his gaze to the window. He could spot the birds in a nest, chirping as their mother feed them.
"...If father dies, I'd be free."
He glanced back at the person, resting peacefully. Were those tears in his eyes or the reflection of the light?
"Brother would have to deal with the contract though, But I'm sure with Zhuocheng's help, that won't be hard to take care of. We'll be free, Mother."
We'll be free if father dies.
That little spark that daunted his eyes finally slid down, getting absorbed in the mask.
"I don't want him to go away..."
His silent sob got muffled with the fabric that was adorned on his face. Shortly, the patches of wet blobs formed on the green, as more tears slid down.
"Everyone will be gone..."
They were here but they were all gone. He wiped away his tears in false attempt to calm down, but his heart purposely reminded him the reasons where he should break down.
"Xiao Zhan isn't with me either. Our daughter is dead too...What would I do if he dies as well? What would be left of me?"
His mother was the only one, with whom he couldn't keep a façade. It would crumble like the little world; he had created in the dense air.
Memoires – that's the only thing he had left with him.
He cried there till his couldn't cry no more and as the gust shifted, making the curtains respond to the wind. He got up and closed the window – it will stay closed until he could come back again.
Silently he reached at the door to exit, turning around he bid farewell,
"I will come again, Mother."
If there was any soul left in her body, it would surely have shed tears.
. . .
His phone whirred like an annoying fly that would purposely sing a chorus solely near the ears. Irritated, Xiao Zhan moved his hand around to search for the cause of his distress. He would have annihilated it, if it weren't for the ID that displayed. He picked up, squinting his eyes.
"Hello, Yubin." He choked on his yawn when he heard,
"UNBLOCK ME NOW!!!"
Xiao Zhan immediately sat straight. He looked at the ID, since when does Yubin start sounding like Meng Ziyi?
"XIAO ZHAN!!!"
"Ziyi jie? Do you want to make me deaf? Why are you shouting early in the morning?"
"It's already noon! And I wouldn't be shouting if you hadn't block me."
Xiao Zhan even blocked her hospital number. What could he do? Meng Ziyi was sometimes, hard to deal with. And Xiao Zhan was not up for her horse power energy all the time.
Xiao Zhan looked at the watch, he confirmed it was indeed noon.
"So, what do you want Jie?" Xiao Zhan asked, slumping back, his cheeks rested on the soft pillow, till it bulged a pout.
"Have you seen the news yet?"
"No. Did president die?" Xiao Zhan asked uninterestingly.
"No. The Jin Corps lost the new deal with Baling Corps."
"So?"
"The deal would have made them invincible. They lost it, it's a big news." The contract was big, that it could be considered as losing a limb.
"Yeah? Why are you telling me that?"
"Tch. Who could I call to spank your butt? Do you know how big of a business Jin Corps is? Them losing a deal, is not a coincidence."
"Can you just go straight to the point? I'm sleepy."
"It was your adorable little baby brother Wang Zhuocheng, who made them lose the deal."
What!?
Xiao Zhan sat up with such a force that all stars crossed milky way with the effect. A-Cheng has taken over the business?
"How do you know?"
"Although he's being cautious, but those who knows him can guess what's he doing."
"Why would he do that?" Xiao Zhan asked more to himself. The Jins are his sister's family. If Zhuocheng destroys them, he would be destroying his sister's home.
"Maybe he wanted revenge..."
"Revenge my ass! A-Cheng isn't the impulsive type. What is he doing?"
"Are you sure, he's being impulsive? The way he wiped the deal; it shows how clear his head is in the game."
Xiao Zhan was speechless. He had no idea why Zhuocheng would even do such a thing?
"I'd suggest to call back your sister to Jiang villa before things get rough." Meng Ziyi said and cut the call.
Xiao Zhan was too stunned to process anything. But he did realize why Meng Ziyi warned him, deep down she still cared for Xuan Lu. And that realization was unsettling for him.
Xiao Zhan brushed his thoughts away before they would form a whirlpool and dialed Zhuocheng's number. To his dismay, all of his calls went to voice mails.
He defeatedly called his uncle Jian to ask for all that mess.
"How's my A-Zhan doing?"
"I'm good uncle. How are you and Madam Jing?"
"We're fine as well. Good news is, A-Cheng has finally taken over the company. I am helping him getting used to the things around." Liu Jian Min certainly sounded excited, but that was the exact reason why Xiao Zhan couldn't ask him about the deal.
Uncle Jian doesn't know about that?
Of course, he wouldn't. If Zhuocheng planned something, he would be discreet about it. Lu Jian Min was the naïve one, if it weren't for Zhang Jing Tong, the Jiang corps wouldn't be at the splendor it was now.
"That's good to hear. Um... I was wondering when could JieJie come back to visit again?" He wasn't the one to deceive, so he found it hard to neglect the topic.
"Ah, funny thing, San Niang just mentioned that A-Lu and A-Xin are coming back to Jiujiang again. A-Xin wanted to take admission in his friends' school, so A-Lu had him transferred here."
In the middle of the year? No way it was coincidence. And Xiao Zhan knew who would be behind it.
Madam Jing! Guess there was no need for Xiao Zhan to worry. It confirmed his doubts about Zhuocheng getting involved with Jins. Theoretically, Zhuocheng had got good understanding of business but no matter what, he's still new to the practical world. And wiping off a big deal so discretely, Xiao Zhan could bet his soul that Madam Jing was aiding him. The Mother-Son duo could ruthlessly smash their opponents. Xiao Zhan was both proud and scared.
"Right, then I'll try to visit near XuanXuan's birthday."
"Oh! That would be wonderful."
"Then, I'll be going."
"Of course, take care A-Zhan and I'll be hoping for more calls from you."
"Mn. I will."
Xiao Zhan heaved a sigh and put his phone on charge while he prepared something for himself to eat. After eating and cleaning, Xiao Zhan picked up his phone again and checked his mails.
XY: if you don't want to go to museum together, we can just have lunch hm?
Wang Hao Xuan probably felt that Xiao Zhan was uncomfortable so he asked for lunch instead. He wasn't uncomfortable though; he couldn't picture himself with all of them. Especially not to a place where he once promised to take Yibo to.
Briefly, he replied.
XZ: Yeah, that'd be good.
XY: Great!! I can't wait to see you again.
The reply came too fast. Aside from fixing the dates, Xiao Zhan didn't respond further. Later on, he put on sponge bob soundtrack and begun to stretch. He carried it out for about half an hour, afterwards he took a quick shower and reported his psychiatrist about his almost panic attack.
Doc: 'Why did you have the panic attack?'
XZ: 'I thought, Yibo was confined in the lab. It has been rebuilt.'
Xiao Zhan honestly replied.
Doc: 'How do you know it has been rebuilt?'
XZ: 'I asked my Uncle Bowen to check on it and he confirmed it.'
Doc: 'Sorry for being nosy but why did you want to know about the lab again?'
XZ: 'It was because of Zheng Fanxing – your trainee assistant. He's a survivor like me. I wanted to know, if maybe by some miracle, other children survived as well.'
Doc: 'That is understandable but Zhan I'd advise you to not get yourself involved in anything dangerous again. You have me and your family to support you, so don't rush into danger, is that understood?'
XZ: 'Yes!'
Doc: 'Good. And according to what you described, you slept in the morning and because of that, you skipped your Morning medicine?'
XZ: ...yes?
Doc: 'Now, instead of taking half you have to take the full tablet of Paroxetine.'
XZ: 'But that's so bitter...'
Doc: 'It is. Why not bake cookies for yourself to eat afterwards?'
XZ: 'And I'll add chocolate in it.'
Doc: 'Yes, dark chocolate only'
XZ: '...but that's also bitter and you said it's alright to eat chocolate, it's antioxygen or something.'
Doc: 'Antioxidant. And precisely because of that, bake with dark chocolate. Sugary chocolate doesn't do much good.'
XZ: 'Fine. I will send the picture of yummiest cookies and won't give you any. So, don't regret it.'
Doc: 'I'll look forward to that.'
And Xiao Zhan really did bake the most delicious cookies. He spent the remaining afternoon and evening preparing for those and once he had his dinner and medicine. He set up his phone on the table and ate the cookies in front of it.
He moaned in delight, enjoying every bite as the crumbs seduced his tongue.
He later sent that video to the psychiatrist while grinning like a devil.
[The picture does not belong to me. I am sorry for posting without permission]
. . .
The city was downing with different people, carrying different air, emphasizing the color full lime light of the Beijing city.
Xiao Zhan was waiting for Wang Hao Xuan in the coffee shop. His finger traced along the rim of the glass brimming with ice tea. Honestly, he was a little nervous. He had prepared many things that he wanted to say. Especially, how he was going to ask for Wang Yibo's number. In case something happens, he should be able to at least confirm about his safety. That would put him at ease a lot.
"ZhanZhan!" Came the cheerful voice of his ex- friend. Xiao Zhan simply nodded with a smile.
"Ah, sorry. I tried to force Nyle Feng to come but he just... –"
"It's alright!"
Wang Hao Xuan had the courage to confess his wrong doings and apologized but Nyle Feng was someone who couldn't even do that. Maybe he was too ashamed? Maybe he had too much pride? Xiao Zhan was not someone to judge, nor to concern about things like that.
"So, how are you?" Wang Hao Xiao asked, settling down.
"Mn. I'm good."
"Great! What would you like to drink? My treat!"
"Ah! No, it's alright. If you don't want, I would like to return soon." He has the session with his psychiatrist afterwards and they were going to discuss his CT reports.
"Oh, okay." Wang Hao Xuan looked a little sad and Xiao Zhan almost felt bad but right now, he would like to prioritize his mental state over everything else. It was alright to be a little selfish for him as well.
"Then I will have Ice tea as well." Wang Hao Xuan said, ordering the same drink as Xiao Zhan.
There was a brief silent before Xiao Zhan mustered his courage and initiated.
"Umm, So, H-how you've been?"
"I've been good. Got a girlfriend recently." Wang Hao Xuan said with a tint of red on his cheeks. His behavior was like a teenage girl in love, it made Xiao Zhan feel a little at ease.
"That's good to hear."
"What about you ZhanZhan? Do you have a lover?"
"Ah! N-no." Xiao Zhan was taken aback by sudden question. He was not expecting him to be talking love lives. But his answer made Wang Hao Xuan sigh in relief.
Silence again.
"Um...I was wondering if I could have umm, Ah... W-wang Yibo's number – you don't have to if you don't want to!"
Wang Hao Xuan stared at him with open jaw. Xiao Zhan cursed himself, He didn't take Wang Hao Xuan's number and there he was asking for Wang Yibo's?
"Of course!!!" Came an enthusiastic reply.
Xiao Zhan heaved a sigh of relief and took out his sticky note. He handed it to Wang Hao Xuan who said while writing down,
"Old school huh? Wouldn't it be convenient to just save it in your phone?"
"Ah, no. I prefer it this way."
Xiao Zhan was not going to look at the number let alone save it. He was there but not ready yet.
"How's everyone else?" Xiao Zhan asked, to kill the awkwardness around.
"BoBo's been busy with I don't know what, he doesn't tell me a thing. All he does it scold me."
It felt surreal, talking about Wang Yibo like that. It felt too foreign. Just 3 years ago, Wang Yibo was his everything and now he was his nothing.
The fate had its own way to mock people.
Wang Hao Xuan talked about Nyle Feng's wedding. That was where he met his girlfriend. He also said, Wang Yibo was too busy to attend so it was just the two of them from the old squad.
But what Xiao Zhan found odd was, that not even once Hao Xuan mentioned He Peng. Were they fighting? Wang Hao Xuan was the type of friend, who would surely visit He Peng in the jail. But wasn't he bailed out?
"Umm. What about H-He Peng?"
Even though Xiao Zhan hated that man, he still wanted to know how he was doing. After all, last time he saw He Peng, it was with Wang Yibo.
Hearing that question, Wang Hao Xuan's face twisted in shock, confusion and pain.
Xiao Zhan panicked seeing that. What if Wang Yibo and He Peng really are together? He wouldn't be able to bear that. But Hao Xuan's answer shook him tremendously.
"Didn't you know? PengPeng is dead."
He Peng is dead?
At that point, a shiver ran down his spine. The possibilities were endless. Accidental death, by court or even Xiu Qing killing him. No matter how much Xiao Zhan hate He Peng, he never wished him death. He never wanted him dead.
"I thought you had received it but I guess you didn't. He wrote you a letter. Those were his final words before... he committed suicide."
Even a person like He Peng could commit suicide...!
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Sorry for errors and wait.
The Email is fake, if it does belong to someone, I apologize, it was pure coincidence.
Lily is Chines symbol of Mother.