I tossed and turned in my bed with my arms feeling across the now empty side of the mattress,
I sighed and shook my head trying to clear my thoughts of what could've been and what isn't.
it was late and i just didn't know what to do now that i was awake, i closed my eyes and cuddled my pillow close to my chest as i took in deep breaths before calming down enough to drift into sleep...
I tossed and turned in my bed with my arms feeling across the now empty side of the mattress. When I realised what this meant, I sighed out off irritation. This was night number- I've forgotten how many nights that my boyfriend didn't spend next to me in bed, but rather in his office. I clicked my tongue and stared at the ceiling, pondering over what i should do next. I eventually mustered up the will to get out of bed, put on my bathrobe and stride off to the office.
I passed through the olden oak wood door and found him. There he was hunched over his new project, a cream light coming from the table, illuminating the dimly lit room. I puffed out my cheeks and walked over to my boyfriend, putting my arms around his neck, rubbing his collarbone and chest. Alastor did not show any sign that he noticed my presence, no movement whatsoever, he was focused on what he was doing as usual. I've known him long enough to know that he notices my presence though. He would softly tap his foot on the ground, or hummed a certain tune. I stared out in front of me, not really knowing what to do.
" Al, baby, come back to bed."
" I'm still working on this right now, my darling."
Alastor kept fiddling with the piece of paper in front of him that was emitting the cream light. This had been going on for months now. Alastor would always be away from home and when he was home, he'd spend his time in his office. Sleeping in there instead of in his bedroom. Next to me. I bit down on my teeth.
" Come on, sweetpea."
Alastor just shook his head 'NO'
It's like whenever he reaches a certain point, a new discovery, it's not good enough for him. He keeps going and doesn't stop. It's like he's never satisfied with what he has, I barely even know what hes writing about in there.
Alas, I tried again.
" Sweetpea, the sun is about to come up. You need your sleep y'know?"
" Klawn, I know. I just need to work on this a bit more so please stop harassing me..."
A pause ensued between the two of us. Alastor focused again on his parchment and me not knowing what to say. A thought came to my mind, a question, one that I have been meaning to ask Alastor for weeks now. But i held off in hopes that he would realise on his own what was happening. Clearly, my hopes had gone down the drain. And so, i just dropped it.
" Why do you work like your running out of time, huh?" I asked with furrowed brows
Alastor's fingers kept on fidgeting with the fancy ink pen that was twirling around in between his fingers with his gaze fixated on what he was working on.
I breathed in and out deeply, I am supposed to be used to this.
" I can handle this..." I muttered under my breath.
i stopped hanging my arms around his neck and rested your hands on his shoulders, now looking down at him.
" Come back to bed, I miss you, sweetpea." I begged once more in a serious tone.
I had long given up on the sad, begging tone and taught myself to be more stern and serious with Alastor when I wanted something from him. But Al, as always, was stubborn and persistent. I've never managed to crack him, persuade him to leave his work and come join me in bed. And I didn't think this would be the first time.
" I'll be there before you know it." He replied
He promised me.
An empty promise, because I would return to my bed like usual and fall asleep alone like usual, and wake up alone like usual. I had to reach him, somehow, in some way. What would be enough to satisfy him?
" Well then. I'm going back to sleep." I said shortly
I tried to sound as irritated and sad as possible, but I just sounded tired and hollow.
I sighed out of disappointment from my partner, pushed myself off of him and walked out of the office, back to my empty bed.---
I shot up, sitting upright and straight while clutching my pillow tightly to my chest .
" God fucking damnit!?" I cursed out loudly before shoving my face onto the bed...
I had just gotten out of the shower and now I was standing in front of the mirror, trying on the suit I had bought earlier. It was a beautiful navy blue and white toned suit with matching shoes, I giggled as it fitted perfectly around my body. I spinned a few turns, put on the fruity scented perfume and hopped out of my room, I looked at my wristwatch and saw that it was almost 7 pm.
Perfect!
" Ooooh, sweetpea!" I called up from the hallway upstairs.
Where was my darling boyfriend? Maybe he was in the living room?
I walked over to the stairs and leaned over the railing, my eyes darting to the lower floor, a soft voice coming from below me.
" Yes. No- let's go. I'll be right there."
It was Alastor. Of course it was Alastor. My face turned from happy, to stone cold. How? How could he do this?! I had planned this for months, months! And now he was just gonna drop everything to go to some dumb meeting about the next big think for his territory? I breathed in sharply through my nose and leaned my hands on the railing.
" Alastor. "
I used his real name, which meant i was pissed off. Even he knew it. He froze in his path to the front door, he seemed to turn around and face me, but he didn't. So he's a coward as well as a traitor.
" I have to leave." He said, it in such a cold, absent-minded tone that a shiver ran down my spine. As if I didn't know he was about to leave me again for another one of his work meetings. He's unbelievable, honestly. He unfroze and resumed his path but I wasn't just done with your so called boyfriend.
" Alastor!" I said, I raised my voice because I didn't know how else to catch his attention, this time it seemed to work though. Alastor stopped once more and turned around this time, facing up to me. Looking at me as equally furious as i looked at him.
How dare he?
" Look around you, Klawn! Do you even know how lucky we are to be here right now at this moment? Don't you see that I need to take this opportunity?" He asked with erradick hand movements
He was unbelievable. This is exactly why he should stay with me and not waste any time on stupid work meetings and shit, this has been going on for far too long and i have had enough of this.
I didn't start dating him seriously just to have him leave at any godforsaken moment.
" You don't even know how helpless and powerless I feel when I'm around you! It's like your never happy with what you have, Al." I said raising my voice with each word i spoke
" Klawn, look, nearly everyone is trying to take over what is mine. There is so much more i need to do-"
" No, you look around yourself Alastor! Isn't this enough?"
I gestured around myself. To the house, the office, to myself. He just shook his head and glanced off into the distance, he summoned his microphone. Alastor really was just gonna leave me again. I tried one last time.
" What would be enough for you Al? To be satisfied?" I asked, the one question that i have been holding in for as long as i ca remember
The door slammed shut and just like that he left, Alastor was gone. I breathed out slowly, letting my anger and frustration simmer. Alastor was dancing on very, very thin ice. I pushed myself off of the railing and walked back to my bedroom, tears welling in the corners of my eyes.---
I woke up with a loud thud and a massive amount of pain coming from my side, i sat upright and ran a hand through my hair as a loud long sigh let through my clenched teeth.
i layed down flat on the ground still hugging my pillow...
A month passed since the diner incident. Alastor and I were still together, but us being close was an entire different story. My ideas and attempts to console with him ran dry, I was fresh out of options and ran dry of ideas.
And out of breath.
I didn't want to try anymore, I've had enough. It was nearing the suspected summer for hell and to be quite honest, i could use a vacation. I needed to be somewhere else, away from Alastor for now, at least until he gets his shit together, perhaps one of my friends could house me for the time being. As the idea creeped into my skull, i got up from the couch and took a seat at my desk, grabbing some stationary paper and a pen.
As the idea formed in my head, my hand started writing on the paper.
" I'm going to stay with a friend, just for awhile"
I announced as soon as i entered Alastor's office, a neutral tone linger onto my voice. There he was, pencil between his fingers wearing a black button up top.
I thought my eyes deceived me but no, Alastor actually looked up from his work and was now staring into my eyes. He looked at me for a second, a mildly puzzled look on his face but then he have me a simple nod.
" Yeah, okay. I mean- have fun dearest." Alastor responded
He walked past by me and gave me a quick peck on the cheek, the air felt dry and awkward around us two.
Was he really going about it to easily?
I licked my lips, i felt myself coming back up from the dark pit. Surely he could say no to a getaway, right? It would be fun and Alastor could relax, maybe even spend some more quality time together. I turned around and decided to try one last time, i felt myself walking over to my partner, who was busy sorting out his 'equipment', my arms instinctively go around his neck, as always.
" Take a break. Mhm? You could come with me to meet some of my friends for a month or so?" I asked as i rubbed his collarbone and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He seemed to - dare i say - ponder over the thought for a second. Was he really, truly thinking about leaving his work and joining me for the summer? All hope left my heart, however when he shook his head and turned around.
" I have to finish this and send it away to an associate of mine." He said shortly before-
I didn't even care anymore. I walked out of the office, climbed up the stairs to my bedroom and started packing for my getaway to my friends place. Everything probably would be better after the so called 'summer' in hell, when all if this had blown over and Alastor was done with late night writing sessions and meetings with associates and his bloody territory.---
I fluttered my eyes opened and rubbed some dry drool off of my cheek before tossing my pillow back onto the floor beside me and walked over to the closet i had across the room and got ready for the day to come, i tossed a look over to my clock and read the time.
" Four thirty four am."