I stood in my empty closet for the final time.
I spun around slowly, taking it in, and then walked out, shutting the door behind me.
Everything had a very final feeling about it.
Too final.
And I wasn't liking it one bit.
"Coming, princess?"
"Yeah, I'm coming," I said.
I looked back at Zayn, who was leaning against the door frame into my room.
"You don't want to leave?" he accurately guessed.
I shrugged.
Of course, tour was exciting. I wanted to travel the world with the boys. With my brothers; Of course I did.
But I wasn't quite ready to leave home.
Not when it felt like this.
"You'll be okay," Zayn said.
"Always," I said. I gave my room one last once over and walked to Zayn. He slug his arm over my shoulder and pulled me into his chest. I laughed and pushed against him.
"Six months until tour is over," Zayn said.
"Six months," I repeated.
It was set up to be a very draining, very crazy, very exciting six months.
-
"We go on stage in 10 minutes," Harry said.
"Am I coming on at some point?" I asked.
The six of us were in a locker room at the first show of the tour, in Sydney, Australia. The boys were warmed up and excited, which had me excited too.
"I'm sure they're going to want you to come on for a few minutes," Niall laughed. "I'll text you?"
"Yeah, that works," I said, nodding my head.
"First show of the tour," Liam said. He pulled me up out of my seat and spun me around. "Exciting stuff."
"My first show is tomorrow," I said.
"Even more exciting," Louis said. He pulled me away from Liam and dipped me down. He quickly pecked my lips.
"You guys are gross," Zayn said. I glared at him.
"Do I need to remind you of the one time I walked in on you and Perrie-"
"No!" Zayn laughed, "and I payed you 20 dollars to never bring that up!"
Louis pulled me up as I laughed.
"What were they doing?" Niall asked, an eyebrow arched in curiosity.
"Trust me, you don't want to know," I snorted. Zayn rolled his eyes.
"We should start walking," Harry said, "walking with us?"
"Of course," I said. I spun around in Louis' grip and he kept his hands where they were. He pulled me back into him and pressed a quick kiss to my cheek.
"We should go," Liam said. He nodded his head and the six of us started walking towards the stage. As soon as we left the room, Louis took his hands off of me completely.
We got that call from management while we were on the plane.
The beginning of our fake feud was starting.
And the deal I was forced to agree to, the paper I signed, it said that we would continue it until his contract with Eleanor ended in five years, not until mine ended in five months.
Louis unglued himself from my side and moved to the other side of Niall. He sent me an apologetic look and I gave him a soft smile to show him I understood.
We paused at the base of the stairs and I gave all of the boys a quick departing hug. Louis rested his forehead against mine.
"Remember when we're on stage later-"
"I know, Lou, I got it," I said softly. He pressed his forehead into mine a bit harder, just for a moment, before he pulled away. "Go kill it, guys."
"Of course, peaches," Liam said. He pulled me into a final hug and put his hand on the back of my head to keep me from pulling away. "Paul is going to hang out in the locker room with you so you don't have to worry about anyone coming in like... that one time," he whispered. I nodded and put a quick kiss on his cheek.
"Thank you. Go on, don't leave the girls waiting," I said. Liam pulled away and after one final once over, he jogged up the stairs.
The boys waved and followed him up onto the stage.
The screams suddenly got louder, and I was certain that they just arrived on stage into sight.
I walked back to the locker room and found Paul waiting for me.
He nodded, and I nodded back.
I slumped onto the couch and waited patiently for Niall to text me.
-
Nialler
your mic and ear pieces
are on the desk in the room.
get out hereeeeee
read 10:01
I stood up from the couch and looked around for the desk Niall had mentioned. I found it rather quickly.
My microphone had a purple band around the handle, and my ear pieces were purple as well. I smiled and turned the mic over in my hands.
Showtime.
Paul walked me to the stage and put a comforting hand on my shoulder. He gave it one squeeze, encouragingly, and nodded. I nodded back.
I slipped my ear pieces in, took a deep breath, and bounded up the stairs.
The crowd erupted and I waved to them, looking for the boys. They were at the end of the runway. I walked down towards them.
The walk felt endless.
"Sydney, give it up for Mickey Horan!" Harry said excitedly. The fans erupted even louder and I waved again, left and right and up and down, eyes bugging at how excited everyone was about my existence.
"Is everyone having a good time?" I asked, holding the microphone up to my mouth. I got a deafening chorus of yes' back. "Good!" I said excitedly, "because if you're not, they get fired!"
The crowd, and the boys, laughed. Niall waved for me to hurry and I did an awkward jog.
"Mick," Niall said.
"Ni?"
"Is it true that you will be preforming in this arena tomorrow night?" Niall asked. I laughed and nodded. "How many of you guys are coming to Mickey's show tomorrow?"
Most of the audience, about 82,000 people, screamed excitedly.
"That's sick," I laughed, "I'll see you guys there!"
"Hey," Zayn said next, "is it true that you helped write most of the songs on FOUR?"
"No!"
"Don't let her lie to you!" Harry said, "darling here did most of the work for none of the credit. Let's give her some credit now, yeah?"
The arena erupted, and I took just a moment to let my eyes flicker to Louis. He raised his eyebrows and we both looked away.
"Play the track!" Liam said.
The intro to Girl Almighty started. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, laughing. It was going to be Little Black Dress all over again.
Liam came in with the first verse. He grabbed my hand and danced playfully, singing "Her light is as loud as as many ambulances as it takes to save the savior woah, woah oh oh!"
Harry grabbed my hand next. He pulled me to him and dipped me the way Louis had earlier. I laughed loudly, not expecting it. "She floats through the room on a big balloon some say she's such a fake, that her love is made up, no, no, no, no!" Harry pulled me up, and passed me off to Niall.
"Let's have another toast to the girl almighty!" Niall sang loudly. He stopped playing his guitar to playfully *boop* my nose. My face scrunched as I giggled like a little kid.
Zayn grabbed me around the waist and started singing the chorus. "Am I the only, the only believer?"
The boys joined in and sang there's something happening here. Zayn sang his part again, and offered me the microphone. I sang the small yeah that he was supposed to, and he nodded before singing the chorus with the rest of the boys again. I hope you feel what I feel. Cuz I'd get down, I'd get down, I'd get down on my knees for you!"
Louis and I made eye contact. We had about five seconds to figure out if he was supposed to sing to me or not.
Niall decided for us. He grabbed me and threw me over his shoulder, running away from Louis. He sang the same beginning verse as Harry. When I looked back, still upside down, I could see the hurt in his eyes.
We had written this song together, and he couldn't sing it to me.
Niall put me down to sing his second part, before sending me to Harry. I had to laugh, because of I didn't the fans would think something was wrong. "Can we have another toast to the girl almighty?" He wiggled his eyebrows, and it made me let out an actual laugh.
Louis sang the next part while I was still in Harry's hold.
The rest of the song continued in that manner. At the end, all five boys literally got down on their knees for me.
I laughed and shook my head while the fans screamed. I reached for Louis to pull him up on instinct. He stood up on his own and I pulled my hand back as if he burned me.
I can't interact with him in public for the next five years.
That fact was starting to sink in.
I reached for Niall instead. I hauled him up and he threw his arms around me, rocking me back and forth.
"Sydney, let's give it up for Mickey Horan!" Liam called. The crowd got even louder. Niall loosened his embrace enough to wave the other boys over.
The six of us squeezed into a tight group hug. Louis was on the opposite side, and he was sure to very subtly press his forehead against mine.
The hug broke a few moments later.
"I'll see some of you guys tomorrow night!" I called into the microphone. I waved at the crowd again. "Bye," I said softly, now speaking to the boys.
I received five waves. And with that, I started walking off stage again.
-
The boys came back to the dressing room after the concert was done.
They were sweaty and gross.
Niall approached me for a hug and I shook my head no, holding my arms out to keep him away. "Don't touch me until you shower!"
The boys had their own ideas. They wrapped me in a hug, laughing hard, while I groaned. "You guys are disgusting!"
"You love us," Zayn said. I rolled my eyes and nodded.
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you aren't gross," I said. I wiggled between them so they would let me go. Louis brushed sweaty hair up off of his forehead and raised his eyebrows at me. I raised mine back.
"Let's go check out the bus," Liam said.
We hadn't even been to the tour bus yet. We came to the arena straight off of the airplane. My head nodded, along with the other boys'.
We left the dressing room and walked through the stadium, to the exit. The tour bus was waiting outside for us.
It seemed bigger than the last one from the outside. And when we walked in, I was certain that it was.
I spun around to take it in. We were in the kitchen, which had dark floors and counters. It looked like there was a living room off to the right, but I had other intentions.
"I call the bunk furthest from the bathroom!" I shouted. The boys laughed and we all stayed still for just a moment, before we scrambled into the bunk room. I took the bottom bunk furthest from the door, and Louis claimed the one over my head.
The other boys picked theirs. Niall and Zayn took the ones across from us, and Harry and Liam got stuck with the bunks by the bathroom.
"Haha," I mocked playfully.
"We can still kick you off the bus, don't push it," Liam joked. He smiled to make sure I knew he was only playing. I scoffed and shook my head at him.
The six of us walked back out into the kitchen. Thankfully, the cupboards were stocked with ramen noodles for us to eat.
Harry cooked our food for us, while the rest of us sat in the living room. Niall and Louis were playing Mario Cart, and I was snuggled into Louis' side.
Niall lost his game, and handed the controller to me. I laughed.
"You want me to beat him for you?" I asked, eyebrows raised.
"You can't be me, love. I'm the best," Louis said.
"Okay, hot shot, don't get too cocky," I said.
Louis laughed. I pulled away from Louis and sat up. I cracked my neck and rolled my shoulders, which made the other boys laugh.
Louis suggested that I chose the course. I picked Waluigi's stadium, which made his eyebrows raise.
"What, too hard for you?" I asked tauntingly.
"You're awfully confident," Liam noted.
I smiled evilly and watched the countdown on the TV. The game started.
And then, three minutes later when it ended, Louis threw his controller down in defeat.
"What was that you were saying about being the best?" I asked. Louis pouted next to me.
Harry poked his head in, then. "Why were they yelling like that?"
"They were yelling because Mickey just whopped Louis' ass at Mario Cart," Liam howled. Liam, Niall, and Zayn has red faces at how hard they were laughing. Harry bursted out laughing himself.
"Alright, lads, we get it," Louis sighed.
"No, no, this is golden," Harry said, "I'm going to tweet about this."
"No!" Louis said frantically. The energy in the room shifted at his outburst. I flinched at his unexpected volume. "you can't tweet anything about us interacting, not with the contract."
I shakily inhaled and nodded my head. Louis put his hand on my leg and rubbed it gently, as a silent apology.
Contract this and contract that.
"Oh yeah," Harry said lowly, "I forgot."
"How about we all just go to bed, hm?" Niall asked. "Long day tomorrow."
"Long day every day," Zayn reminded. Alas, Niall, Zayn, Liam and Harry left Louis and I in the living room alone.
They could tell we needed a minute, and I was thankful they were giving it to us.
Louis sighed, and then I sighed.
He grabbed my hand and rubbed over my knuckles with his thumb.
"I didn't mean to shout like that, I'm sorry," he apologized.
"It's okay," I said, "I know you didn't."
"I'm sorry that we have to have the stupid enemy front... I wish we could just love each other and have it be simple."
"Love isn't simple," I said softly, "but it's you and me when the curtain closes. Always."
Louis offered his pinky and I latched mine with his. "Always," Louis repeated, "we should get some sleep too."
"I'm not even tired," I attempted. It got cut off by a yawn.
"Yeah, right," Louis laughed softly, "let's go to bed, love."
He and I walked through the length of the tour bus, to the bunks. I peeled off my hoodie so I was in just a t-shirt and joggers. I took my prosthetic off and set it on my bunk, before climbing up into Louis' with his.
I wiggled into his chest and wrapped my arm around him. "Goodnight," I mumbled.
"Goodnight!" the boys called back.
I snorted in laughter. They didn't realize I was talking to Louis.
"Mario Cart," I whispered to Louis.
"Shush," Louis quipped back.
I closed my eyes and listened to his breathing, mixed with the other boys'.
Tour had officially began for us.
I was on my second tour with the boys, and I was a completely different person than the first go around.
Does it ever drive you crazy, just how fast the night changes?
-
The next day, the boys and I were on the same stage as we were the night before. But instead of fooling around during their sound check, they were fooling around during mine.
They were dead set about me singing Night Changes.
"I'm not singing Night Changes during my show!" I laughed.
"Why not?" Liam pouted.
"Because," I laughed, "I don't need people thinking the song about a girl losing her virginity is about me!"
"But it is," Louis quipped. I glared at him, as if to say I cannot believe I helped you write a song about me losing my virginity to you and then you not only played it for the boys but also put it on the album.
If looks could talk, that's what mine would say.
Louis and I had that conversation while we were writing the song in question.
-
"Did you lose your virginity to me?" Louis asked.
"What?" I asked, looking up from my lyric book.
"I've been trying to figure it out since that night," Louis said. I furrowed my eyebrows at him, confused.
"Louis, you know about-"
"That doesn't count," Louis said. "like, rape and sex aren't the same thing. At least to me, totally different. Virginity is a social construct and it doesn't matter anyways, you know? But I don't think it can be taken, I think you have to give it away."
I paused for a moment to consider that.
Louis was my first time having sex. All the times before, that wasn't sex. It wasn't consensual.
He proved I could trust him before, during and after.
"Yeah, I guess I did lose it to you," I said with a shrug. "What do you think of this for the chorus?"
-
"Are we coming on stage during a bit of your concert?" Zayn asked.
"I'm sure there's a handful of people who only bought my tickets in hopes of seeing you, so sure," I laughed.
"That's not true," Harry argued. I raised my eyebrows.
"Let's not kid ourselves, we all know a big part of my success is my relation to Niall," I laughed. Niall scoffed.
"Maybe at first, but I wouldn't say that anymore," Niall said.
"You really think you told out an arena that holds like 80,ooo people got sold out because people were hoping to get a glimpse of us? That's ridiculous," Liam asked.
"Okay, fine, you're right," I relinquished, "most of the people are going to be here for me."
"Your first solo show is in a giant arena," Niall laughed. "Talk about going big or going home."
"I told Simon I was only going to do 20 shows, so I guess he chose the biggest arenas with the most seating."
"Oh, Simon, ever the businessman," Harry mumbled. "But seriously, you should sing one of our songs."
"I'll think about it," I laughed.
"Do you have your set list?" Liam asked. I patted my pockets, and then pulled out a piece of paper.
On Purpose
No Words
Run and Hide
Mirage
Feels Like Loneliness
Don't Want It Back
Shadows
Space
All We Have is Love
Thumbs
"Night Changes should go here," Liam said, pointing between Shadows and Space. I laughed and nodded.
"Okay! I'll sing it, just get off my back about it," I laughed.
"Mickey!" A security guard called. "You and the boys should get backstage, the fans are coming into the arena soon."
"Lets go, then," I mumbled.
The boys and I walked offstage, into the back room. Louis and I sat down in an armchair together, and I threw my legs over him.
"I have my first ever concert in like three hours," I said.
I can't believe this is happening.