The Funeral
We watched, as they lowered her casket into the ground. I looked to my mother, who stood there with her sunglasses on, as a tear leaked from underneath. I tried to hold it all in as Meridian silently sobbed. Old Ms. Haddie Mae Peyton was like a second mother to us all...I never understood why God had to take her. She never did anything to anyone, except try to love them. No one had a grudge- an axe to bear, against Ms. Haddie…and if they did, she usually made peace with them by giving them some of her delicious chocolate chip cookies. I looked out the corner of my eye, noticing my dad walking up to us, while the reverend droned on with his memorial. I hated funerals…seemed like not too long ago- about a year or so, we had attended Grandma Grace’s funeral. She was my mother’s mom, and after that, Dad had taken a leave of absence from his job, so that we could console Mom. Ms. Haddie had come over a couple of days and with her help, Mom was back with us within a couple of months. Ms. Haddie was just that type of lady…she could always turn a bad situation into a good thing. I was gonna miss her….I was gonna miss her cookies, and her cooking too.
Like I said, I never understood why God had to take her. Just last year we found out that Ms. Haddie had diabetes, and had to get insulin shots- around the same time that she began consoling Mom. She never did make her appointments, as well as take her shots at the prescribed times…then in the brutal winter, when she was trying to make it to the city bus, she fell and twisted her leg bad. The hospital put her leg in a brace, but beknownst to all- that, was the beginning of the end for poor Ms. Haddie. Within a month, her leg condition had gotten worse, and when the doctors at the military hospital finally took a look at her leg, the bone hadn’t broke cleanly, but splintered, and did all sorts of damage, causing it to become infected. Amputation was the only answer…I’m not sure whether it was at the idea of the solution, or was it because her body had grown very weary and tired, but hours after surgery- Ms. Haddie died, from clotting, and other complications. That loss was another blow to my mother, because Ms. Haddie had been a family friend of hers, and our caretaker for most of Meridian and my life. We had heard the news, upon coming home from college.
I looked across, to the other side of the casket…there she stood- dressed in black, with a lace veil over her face to hide her emotions, her sorrow, her tears…but I could see through it. Jassandra Mills, Ms. Haddie’s granddaughter, had also known her as the closest thing to a mother- because Jassandra’s real mother had abandoned them- her and her younger brother, Kendryk, when they were young…Kendryk was three years younger, and Jassandra, Meridian and I were about the same age. When Ms. Haddie used to come over in the summer, she would bring them over, and we’d all play together…then somewhere along the line, things that didn’t matter before, started to matter- status, class, race, and popularity. Even though Ms. Haddie had lived off Forest and Hilltop, she sent Jassandra and Kendryk to school in the nicer neighborhood, because A) she was a widow of a Navy officer, so the district wouldn’t give her any slack, and B) my mother had arranged it so Ms. Haddie wouldn’t have to worry about them.
When we graduated, Kendryk was the only one left in school. I barely saw Jassandra anymore, and Meridian had long separated from us, becoming part of the plastic skanks’ pop club. I mean, yeah our Dad was a high ranked Navy official and we lived well to do, but I was never one to feign being a snob, when I was raised different. But Meridian bought into the whole “status has its privileges” thing and walked around like she was Ms. Shit. And then we all went to college-I went to the Naval Academy, and Meridian went to Johns Hopkins University to study at the Bloomberg School of Public Health. Jassandra had gone to Anne Arundel Community College, and started studying arts- painting, poetry, writing, and some journalism. This was my first time seeing her since high school…
Kendryk was beside her, holding her hand…he had gotten much taller, and buff since I last remembered him…back in school, he was getting tall but lanky as hell. Dudes would mow him down on the basketball court, and he tried to be scrappy as hell, trying to fight anyone he felt disrespected him…but no one wanted to fight him-because not only would they have to answer to Ms. Haddie, but Jassandra would put a foot in their ass. She was mostly quiet, but when you pissed her off, she would get into that “hold my earrings” mode. Pretty much now, Kendryk looked like he could hold his own and then some.
The wake was at Ms. Haddie’s home- I looked around, as my family and I were one of the few specks of white, who knew Ms. Haddie intimately. My dad had talked with Jassandra and Kendryk, gave them a hug, and left. People weaved in and out through the house, stopping to give either Jassandra or Kendryk a hug, and talk with them for a little while. I sat back, sipping on a glass of 7-up, when Meridian walked up. ”Are you okay, Mitchell?”
“I’m gettin’ by,” I breathed, looking into my glass, then looking to my twin sister. “How are you holding?”
Meridian looked down at the floor, as to not stare me directly in the eye. I rolled my eyes, looking away…ever since we had grown distant; I had been hearing rumors that Meridian had been dipping in the drug scene. That part didn’t piss me off-what pissed me off was her snorting coke in the bathroom at a wake of someone we both knew and loved. Have some goddamn couth and respect, fer chrissake. “God, Meridian will you get yourself together?”
“I can’t help it! It shouldn’t have been Ms. Haddie, Mitchell,” squeaked Meridian. I wrapped an arm around her. At that moment, Kendryk walked up. We shook hands and hugged. “Hey Ken, sorry about Ms. Haddie. I’m gonna miss her,”
“Thanks for all of yall comin,” said Kendryk. “Your mom wants to talk with you, Mitch,”-Meridian looked up to him, and put on a wry smile. “Hey Kendryk,”
I walked over to my mother, who was arranging stuff on the table with all the food dishes. She handed me a couple of empty trays and serving bowls. “Can you help Jassandra out in the kitchen, washing dishes?”
“Sure,” I answered. I weaved through the crowd, and into the kitchen, where she was. I paused for a minute, taking a second (or more) to admire Jassandra running the water into the sink. Her dark skin looked like silken chocolate…her bod was athletically toned…her dreadlocks looked like fine woven wool…her lips-
“Hey Mitchell,”
I snapped out of my trance. I wasn’t sure how to look…I wasn’t sure that she knew I was thinking about her, and I wasn’t sure at the current moment, if my face was red with embarrassment. I gave kind of a funky-assed smile. “Um…hey Jassandra,”- I sat the dishes on the counter, and walked to her. I gave her a hug. “Sorry about Ms. Haddie…are you gonna be okay?”
Jassandra’s hug laxed a little, as if she were comfortable with me holding her. I don’t know what all she was wearing, but she smelled good….I definitely know I could smell a hint of Cocoa Butter in there. I stepped back and looked her. “Look at you…getting a lil tone- been workin out, huh?”
Jassandra cracked a smile, while swatting my words away. She started putting the dishes in the sudsy water. “I run…do a lil yoga at the Y…so how are you likin the Naval Academy?”
I took off my coat, rolling up my sleeves and putting on the plastic apron Jassandra handed me. I started washing out the dishes. “I’m not complaining…its good- have to study a little harder, but it’s good,”- Jassandra started to spray off the dishes as I placed them into the next sink. “So what is gonna happen with this place?”
She stopped, cold in her tracks, and looked to me with a bit of twisted anger on her face. “Aint nothing gonna happen to this place…Kendryk has a couple years of school left. The house is paid for. I’ll just give up my dorm, and come back here,”
“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean anything wrong by that,” I said. Jassandra lowered her head and sighed. “I’m sorry…I shouldna snapped like that. I mean she was doing so well…and then, this happens. I feel like me and Kendryk are all alone again,”-Jassandra broke down as I took her into my arms.
“You are not alone…nor is Ken. I know my mother- she’s gonna make sure that you two are okay,” I said. Jassandra grabbed a paper towel and started wiping her eyes. “Sorry about crying on your shirt…I just miss her so much,”
“Me too,” I replied. “I remember when Ms. Haddie taught me to read better than I had been…and I remember you used to make fun of me,”
Once again, Jassandra cracked a smile and laughed. She played with my collar. “That was only because you had knocked out one of your front teeth, and when you read, air came through in a whistling sound…so I would sing that Snow White song ‘Whistle While You Work’” she laughed. She looked up to me rolling my eyes….then our eyes met. I could see the softness of her soul, the beautiful refuge in which she resided, and I wanted to be there. Jassandra then moved out of the way, and grabbed the next set of dishes. “So…how’s that twinny twin-twin of yours?”
“She’s still hangin in there at Johns Hopkins,” I answered. I looked to her, while starting on the second batch of dishes. “So how is Mister Andre?”
Jassandra looked to me with that twisted look again. “Don’t do that, Mitchell…you know I had to put Dre down. I need something, and somebody that is more than what he was amounting to. I cant spend the rest of my life in ‘da hood’…after Kendryk graduates school, I don’t know what is next, but I do know I cant stay here forever,”
“We’ll see when we get to that bridge,” I said, unknowledgingly. Jassandra raised her brow. “We?!”
“C’mon Jassandra…why you gotta always get all literal and analytical when I say shit? I wasn’t talkin about ‘we’ as in, me and you…it was just a general statement,” I said. “I know you made it clear a long time ago that there couldn’t be any ‘me and you’ after tenth grade…just don’t forget- it wasn’t just my fault,”
“You right…it was you and your friends fault,” spit Jassandra. My face contorted as I turned to her. “Oh? And your friends didn’t add fuel to the fire? Like, datin me was some inferior, bourgeois shit?”
Jassandra became silent, twisting her lips in a certain way that she usually does when she doesn’t want to admit that she was wrong. At that moment, my mother walked into the kitchen. She stopped, and stared at us, keenly. “Did I walk in on something?”
“No,” we both answered, at the same time. She gave us the “don’t bullshit me” look. It’s bad when your parents can see when you are lying- especially when your dad is a high-ranking Naval Intelligence official, and your mom is a civil lawyer. She smiled. “I remember when you two used to argue and pick on each other back when you were eight,”
“Mom…that is SOOO last summer,” I groaned. I put the last dish up on the drying rack and skeedaddled out of the kitchen, grabbing my coat as so to not give her anything else to try to figure out. Most of the guests were starting to clear the house, and Meridian sat on the sofa, talking with Kendryk. They looked to me. “How is she?”
“Jassandra is gonna be okay,” I answered. “You guys sure you wanna stay here tonight? We have rooms for ya at the house,”
“We’re good,” answered Kendryk. “I’m just wanna be sure that ‘Sandra is good,”- just then, mother and Jassandra walked into the living room. She gave Mom a hug. “Kendryk and I will be okay here…if we need anything”-
“Give us a call,” said Mom. Meridian rose from the sofa and gave Jassandra a hug. We said our goodbyes and left. The car ride home was silent…we all felt bad for Jassandra and Kendryk. They weren’t exactly our brother and sister, but yet they were close to us like one. It seemed like Kendryk was holding together okay, but Jassandra was putting on a brave front…after all, she was five, when their mother had cut out on them. Kendryk was 2, and therefore, couldn’t remember much…but Jassandra could, and would never forget.
We pulled into the driveway. I stepped out the car, unloosening my tie, and unbuttoning my shirt as we entered the house. Meridian quickly beelined to her room…I had an idea of her plans- get undressed, shower up, and go out to party and try to forget about being sad and depressed. Mother poured herself a glass of scotch. “So what are your plans for the evening, Mitchell?”
“I don’t know…I think I’m gonna just lie down for a while,” I answered. My head was still in the whole state, where you are asking yourself, “Is this real? Did this day just happen?”, so I needed a minute to sort things out. I walked upstairs to my room; passing by Meridian’s room…maybe she had the right idea- about going out, and trying to shake off the funk. I placed my coat on the desk chair, and lie on the bed…it had been a year since I had been in this room, and all the memories were starting to come back. My Taking Back Sunday, and Ludacris posters were still on the wall…my model World War II airplanes were still on my headboard shelf over my bed. I was supposed to had come back to retrieve them, but I never did. My “couple days” duffle bag was on the floor, as seeing how I was gonna be here for a few days to make sure Mom was gonna be okay, concerning Ms. Haddie…but I also worried about Jassandra. I thought about the time she was over, and in my room- we were supposed to be doing homework, but instead we were lying on the bed watching 106 & Park. I wrapped my arm around her waist…she didn’t object to it. In fact- she reinforced it with her own arm. We were close enough, and she smelled really good…I couldn’t help myself, and I know she had to feel the rise in myself nudging against her backside. Jassandra slightly turned to me and smiled. I kissed the back of her neck.
“Don’t start nothin you can’t finish,” she said. I gave a sly laugh. “Is that right?”
Jassandra then rolled to me, her full lips just inches away from mine, so beautiful, so chocolatey yummy. Her eyes had that same look as she had in the kitchen earlier today when we connected. She then looked me over. “I love your blue eyes, and you have a wonderful smile,”
“I’m really wantin to kiss those lips of yours,” I said. She lie there, with her lips parted open, waiting for me to go in for the kill. Jassandra’s lips were indeed soft and warm, when I kissed them…impulses shot throughout my body as our lips kept touching and locking. I wrapped her in my arms, as we fervently pecked at each other’s lips; that’s when Meridian burst into my room. We jumped from each other, straightening our clothes. My guard came down as I sighed in anguish. “Dammit Meridian, don’t you believe in knocking?”
She gave a little twisted evil smile. “Kendryk is here…basketball practice is over for him. So Mom will take them home now,”
“Bye,” I barked. Meridian still held her smirk, as she backed out the room, closing the door. I looked to Jassandra, who laughed a little. We got off the bed, and started gathering her books. As she tried to leave I grabbed the belt loop on her jeans, pulling her back to me. She smiled, looking at me. “Don’t start nothin you can’t finish, Mitch,”
“So can I call you later on tonight?”
“C’mon Mitch…you know my Grandma,” replied Jassandra. “She don’t like me talkin on the phone on school nights- even if it is my cellphone,”
“Okay,” I breathed, in disappointment. “I guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow then. Study hall?”
“I’ll be there,” said Jassandra, with an anxious smile. Her teeth were perfect for her smile. We kissed once again, and then she left…there was something electrifying about her, that I just couldn’t get over. I walked back to my bed and lie down, turning the TV to the History channel. The door opened, and in steps Meridian with that same malicious grin on her face. I rolled my eyes, because I knew I was in for some fuckery. “What do you want, Meridian?”
“How do nigger lips taste?” she asked. I’m sitting there, looking at her with this fucked up look on my face at the revelation of what she just dropped out of her mouth…what in the blue fucking hell is wrong with this girl?
“Get the fuck out of my room, with that Meridian…and don’t ever step to me with that racist shit again,” I growled.
“No disrespect”-
“Whaddya mean, no disrespect? Jassandra has been with us too long for you just to be sittin there callin her some random ‘nigger’…what the fuck is wrong with you? You know Mom and Dad didn’t raise you to be all like this?”
Meridian sat there a minute, looking down…she always did that action, when she knows she has fucked up with me. “I’m sorry, Mitchell…you are right….I just wanted to know how it felt, kissing a black girl…?”
“The same as it does kissing a girl period,” I answered. Meridian looked at me with curiosity written across her face. “Do you like her? I mean like, ‘like her’ like her?”
“She’s okay,” I answered, trying to downplay the intensity of my feelings for Jassandra to my twin sister. But she could read through that…she grew a sinister smile again. “You’ve liked her for a while…I can see that on your face,”
“What I’m trying to figure, is, why are you all in my business? Don’t you have some girlfriends to be talking to on the phone?” I retorted. Meridian jumped up looking all whiny and pouty. “Geez, I can take a hint…I’ll leave you alone,”-she left the room heading back to her own I guess. I started working on my homework for the night.
And Meridian was doing her own homework- telling her friends about me and Jassandra. I’m not big on Meridian’s friends, but I especially don’t care for Pennel Phelps and her pet snoop Gissele. Pennel is short for Pennelope, of course but she hated being called that because Pennelope sounds like an “old, rich, white heiress’ name” (her words, not mine), and she felt she did not imbue that embodiment, even though her family was pretty wealthy, and not only were they rich, but her father and her grandfather, were both, very prestigious surgeons. Pennel’s family had a fortune invested in the healthcare/pharmaceutical market, and therefore, they weren’t going broke anytime soon. Pennel liked me, although the feeling was not mutual…her father kept trying to push Riley Kessel in her direction (he was going to go to Johns Hopkins also, and become a medical doctor), but Pennel had her mind made up, that she wanted a military man…she had liked me even before she found out I was going to the Naval Academy, and upon finding that tidbit out, just made her want me more.
I wasn’t the captain of the football team, I didn’t do student council, nor any of your other various organizations, but I did do the cross-country race team. I loved running…it was one of those things that let my mind flow elsewhere, while my feet carried me along the way. I was pretty athletic in other sports-you have to be, if you make a bold statement by enrolling to the Naval Academy- but I didn’t care to play the whole game of showing the whole school who was the most athletic monkey. I’d let other folks to that, and let God sort out who’s who when it is all said and done. For me, ever since that day when my dad took me to the Navy shipyard, and I seen those gigantic, prestigious, magnificent battleships, and how everyone respected my dad with the salute, and the camaraderie- a brotherhood of sorts, I had made up my mind…I wanted to follow in my dad’s footsteps and become a Navy officer.
So you can imagine by the time we go to school the next day, everyone is gossiping about me and Jassandra. I wanted to kill Meridian. I’m at my locker, getting my books for the next class when Andre “Dre” Hammond walks up…and it aint nothin nice. Dre was the son of a military man also…but his father died. Dre’s mother could only afford to stay in the Hilltop, and because of the fact that his father hadn’t reached a certain mile marker in his career span before he retired, they didn’t get the full amount of pension pay to cover his family after he died- hence, no moving out of the bad neighborhood, and skewed perceptions of the military, that he felt chewed up his father, and spit him out when they were through with him (though he said “shitted”, instead of “spitted”). He hated me for three reasons- A) I was white, B) I was in a military family, who were living well, and C) he liked Jassandra.
I looked to him, as I closed my locker…the way his eyes looked, I was sure as hell he was gonna bust me in my shit (my mouth). “Oh, so you and Jassandra are goin together? Y’all a muh fuckin couple?”
“Dre…it’s just a rumor,” I said. I’m not sayin it, so that we wont fight, because I’m no punk…I’m not in the mood to fight, but I’m also not gonna play terrified white boy either. “And if it was true, why are you buggin about it? That’s between me and her,”
“Know yo role, cracka ass cracka, before I put you in yo place,” sneered Dre. Of course, we're all in each others’ face by this time. I’m starin into his beady brown eyes. “You gonna put me in my place? Lemme see that,”
“You best to back da FUCK up, or that aint gonna be all you see,” barked Dre. “White boy get a lil black pussy, think he bolder than a muh fucka,”
“At least one of us is getting some,” I sniped. With the quickness, Dre’s hand came up, and palmed my face…he pushed me back, my head slamming into the locker. All known reality around me faded away as this high pitch beep sounded through my head. I folded into a fetal position, as I couldn’t shake that sound…my head was banging like hell!
I heard my name being called in echoes…as my hearing started to return, I looked up to the security rushing Dre off to the office. Jassandra and her friend Courtney were over me. “What the hell happened? And why are people saying you and I are going together?”
“Meridian,” I answered, with a grimace on my face. One of the teachers lifted me up. “Go to the nurse’s office, and have your head looked at,”
“I’ll walk with you,” said Jassandra.
We walked slowly down top the nurse’s office, as the bell rang. I kept looking at the ground…how much worse could this get? Meridian told the wrong people about Jassandra and me, and now this rumor is started, and then- I get chumped by Dre…this day already sucks to hell.