CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
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THE WINDOW PANE THAT separated her from the unconscious brunette lying in a hospital bed was what she rested her forehead on. Peering in with red and swollen eyes, she couldn't believe how fast things spiraled out of control. The wedding had turned into a bloodbath, Elena wouldn't wake up, and she felt responsible for all of it.
She had suspected something was wrong inside the stables. It was where Caroline had instructed Tyler and Liv to put everyone's coats, but since she herself hadn't done it, preoccupied with everything else, the coats weren't exactly arranged tidily. By the time she found hers in the pile, the wedding had already started and music made its way to her ears. Although, when she went to leave, the door wouldn't open.
Since it was obvious the door didn't have a lock and it wasn't jammed, Mila began to panic almost immediately. She didn't want to assume the worst, but when screams hit her ears instead of the delicate sound of a melody, her fists pounded on the door and she called out for her friends, hoping one of them could hear her through the chaos.
She began looking for a different way out seconds later, too impatient to rely on anyone else to come to the rescue. Her eyes searched frantically around, only halting when she settled on a window up above on the second level. She threw her coat to the ground and gripped the ladder instead, trying not to cry at the possibility that the person everyone told her not to love had proven them right.
The window wouldn't budge when she had reached it; it had been painted shut but the red indents on the pads of her fingers showed how much she tried to open it regardless. She almost banged the window in frustration until she caught sight of a mallet left on a nearby stump. The glass shattered noisily when the blunt end of the tool collided with the window, but with all of the commotion coming from the other side of the barn, she doubt anyone heard.
That's how Mila had gotten the numerous cuts scattered all over her legs, from climbing out the window hastily instead of carefully. The only semblance of luck she had that night was the large pile of hay below that broke her fall when she jumped. Then, breathing heavily, she staggered around to the barn doors, where she hadn't been ready for what was on the other side.
A hand settling on shoulder startled her, and she peered up to see Damon standing beside her. Neither of them could manage even a partial smile. Their torn and bloodstained clothing spoke for itself whenever someone passed them by, but it only partially echoed how much of a mess they were. Mila was well aware her heart wasn't the only one broken, and through his own worry and distain, he realized that, too.
"I didn't know." She whispered, her voice hoarse. She really didn't want to cry again, but staring into Damon's pained eyes, she was on the verge to.
"I know." He nods.
"I thought he... I really thought – I'm so sorry." Her voice breaks at the end, her face twisting with agony. Damon shakes his head the other way, knowing what she was thinking.
"Mila, this isn't your fault. I know that if you really believed Kai was going to do that, you would have said something. You're one of the only people I can trust. I have and will never doubt you."
At his honest words, spoken with such convection, Mila unleashes the sob she had been withholding. Damon guides her into his arms, holding her while she cried into his chest. She felt as if she didn't deserve Damon's unconditional friendship. Or Elena's. Or anyone's really. Because she had been so foolish. She did something she knew she shouldn't have, and it was too late to fix it.
There was barely any registration of the uneven footfalls coming their way; Mila's face was still buried into Damon's suit and she was too busy focusing on getting her breathing under control. But then she felt Damon tense, his arms tightening around her, and that pulled her out of her depressing thoughts.
She turns her head just enough to get a glimpse of him, the sight just about breaking her heart all over again.
When the dirty blonde had made it inside, nearly everyone was sprawled out on the floor, dead or soon-to-be. Ric was cradling Jo, Kai was unconscious with a large shard of glass sticking out of his neck, and Damon was yelling at Elena to wake up. She planned on following Damon to the hospital, still in shock for the most part, but right before she was out the door, she saw Kai get back up. Of course she was relieved that he wasn't dead, but it was what lit the fuse on her suppressed emotions, all the anger and sadness flooding to the surface. She was gone before he had noticed her.
Now, thanks to confirmation from Ric earlier, Kai was a vampire. She didn't know all the details as to how and when he managed to slip vampire blood into his system, but it was just another thing he was willing to do behind her back. From Alaric's warning text to Damon, she also was well aware that Tyler was a werewolf again, and most likely the cause of the nasty wound on Kai's neck.
He was panting and sweaty, blood dripping from the gruesome bite and painting his already-stained dress shirt red. The werewolf venom was already taking such a toll, and without Klaus' blood, he was going to die. He put his life on the line time and time again, unafraid of the consequences, and this time his reckless behavior had caught up with him.
Mila didn't sympathize with him anymore, she knew he had done this to himself, but she wished things were different. She wished Kai had learned to let go of his anger. She wished that she would have appreciated more of what little time they had together. Because it was over now. Whether Kai lived or died, Elena woke up or not, there was no going back from this. Kai could sense that the moment their eyes met, and he realized what he actually had done.
"What's happening to me?" He managed to gather the words to speak, referring to the bite but found himself wanting an answer to a different question.
"Oh. You didn't happen to pet a fuzzy, four-legged vampire killing machine, did you?" Damon mused, his tone contrasting with his grimace.
"How do I fix it?" His eyes stay on Mila for this question. She doesn't bother to say anything or move from her place, tucked away into Damon's arms.
"There's a cure in New Orleans. I'll go get it myself for you. Just tell me what you did to Elena."
"Oh, I can't do that."
His answer makes Mila's face twist with rage, her watery eyes settling into a glare. She couldn't believe how wrong she was about him.
Seeing her this upset makes him swallow hard, guilt clawing at him more tortuously than Tyler did. He knew he had done this to her, that his betrayal had severed everything that connected them. It was the first time he had made her cry, and he couldn't remember ever feeling this horrible. It didn't compare to his lonely time in the prison world, his overwhelming sadness that came after the merge, and all of the agonizing moments that came from growing up in a cruel and unaccepting household. Making her cry was the only thing that was capable of truly breaking his heart.
"The one thing you're not gonna do... you're not going to mess with me. I am in a very volatile state right now and I will start beheading people I don't like, starting with you — if she doesn't wake up and you don't step back away from us right now." Damon threatened, unaware that Kai was already worn down. He gave up on trying to maintain an apathetic attitude, leaning against the wall and trying to breathe through the strain in chest that hurt worse than his injury. "So, what did you do to my damn girlfriend?"
"You know, it's not as threatening when I'm seeing four blurry versions of you." He attempts to joke through the pain, but it didn't make him feel better in the slightest. Damon takes it as a cocky jab, though, and it's finally what makes him snap.
He lets Mila go and speeds over to throw him harder against the wall, making Kai hiss in pain. Mila gasps, not knowing what to do except watch the violent exchange, because really there was nothing she could do anymore. Kai wasn't worth saving. Maybe he never was. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.
"You're going to fix her! I know it's a spell. She's in perfect health."
"And she'll stay that way, until she wakes."
Kai notices Mila's lack of reaction, causing him shove Damon off of him with a newfound aggression. He was angry at himself for making her not care enough to defend him anymore. He was potentially dying and she stared at him like the lost cause everyone said he always was. The one person who believed in him, sacrificed for him, wasn't there anymore. He lost her.
"Young, beautiful, human Elena Gilbert, preserved in this moment indefinitely." He continued, moving past Damon in her direction. Damon was too busy trying to decipher what he was saying to notice, but Mila stayed still, upholding her glare, even when he was right in front of her.
"Please tell me you didn't." Damon whispered without turning around.
"Oh, I totally did," Kai confirmed, lifting his shaky hand up to caress Mila's cheek, but she flinched away from his touch. Her repulsion only intensified the hurt rooted and expanding in the core of his being.
Kai pretended not to be fazed, spinning around because he knew if he looked at her a second more he might have shed the tears gathering unknowingly at his waterline. He decided to extend his misery onto Damon, approaching him again.
"Damon, think about it. Everyday that you wake up without Elena in your arms, you'll have a burning desire to kill Bonnie," He said, trying not to think about how he would have to wake up everyday without Mila in his arms. "Of course, you can get it over with and kill her now. But Elena will probably never speak to you again. Right, Mila?"
He doesn't expect her to respond, which is why he turns to leave, but she finally says something to him. "Kai."
He goes to face her immediately at the sound her voice, the hope in eyes evident and unable to be masked. Kai had been so sure going into this that he would eventually have her forgiveness, and that idea shattered the instant he saw her, but now it was back. That belief that she loved him enough to look past all his impulsive, destructive decisions.
Before, he didn't know what he wanted, but now he did. He wanted her. He wanted to take it all back and wait for her outside that barn and not give in to the rage that convinced him he always had something to prove.
"Were you lying before? When you said you loved me?"
"No. Of course not." Kai answered immediately, but it didn't seem to be the right one.
"So you did all of this... while supposedly loving me?"
"This wasn't about you."
"How can it not be about me? You specifically went out of your way to do something you promised me you wouldn't do. You put a curse on my best friends that can only be broken by death. Because it wasn't enough for you, was it? I wasn't enough, what we had wasn't enough." Mila rebuttals, shaking her head from side to side at his audacity to declare otherwise.
"Do you still love me?" Kai questions, unable to hold back his biggest insecurity.
"Yeah, I do." Her answer surprises both him and Damon, who was inside Elena's hospital room but still listening in on their conversation. "But if it wasn't enough for you, then why should it be enough for me?"
He doesn't get a chance to gather words for a response because she went to join Damon and closed the door behind her, leaving him alone in the hall. She had said all she needed to, and now that she was done crying, done toying with what-ifs, she focused all her energy on being there for Damon. She wasn't the only one whose world was ending.