Lavinia sighed and rubbed her eyes as she pulled off her green healer's robes. It had been a very long day. A very very long day. Even Bertie had looked worn down when he'd left at the end of his shift and Lavinia couldn't blame him. Losing patients was always hard and that it had been a child this time had left all of them with a sense of hopelessness no one particularly wanted to dwell on. Which was far easier said than done and by the time 6pm rolled around and Lavinia bid Elias goodnight, she was thoroughly exhausted, mentally and physically.
So it was that as she folded her robes into neat squares, the only thing Lavinia was particularly interested in was taking a nap. But she had errands to run first. Namely, she was running out of muggle money and needed to change some of the coins in her vault so they could go grocery shopping sometime soon. And, she figured, while she was in Diagon Alley, she might as well restock some of her potions ingredients because she was running rather low and even if she wasn't healing for the Order anymore, it didn't hurt to have the ingredients around. Just in case.
Actually, not healing for the Order was its own somewhat pressing issue because Lavinia was no longer at all certain of that decision. She'd said it in haste and pain and though she knew it would hurt terribly to ever come near a battlefield again, she couldn't stop thinking about what Bertie had said.
Have you ever considered that not choosing a side is precisely what's costing you?
The honest answer had been no. She hadn't considered that. But the more she'd thought about it in the days since that visit, the more she thought Bertie might be right. Not that she liked that in the slightest but it did make sense. She had refused to choose for so long, afraid of abandoning anyone she loved. But in not fighting for either side, in refusing to pick, she hadn't been choosing both halves of her life, as she had hoped. No, she had chosen neither. In her desperation to hold on to two things that were polar opposites, she had abandoned them both.
Which reminded her of the other thing Bertie had said: You can't save them all. And again, he was right and she hated it. She wanted to save them all. She wanted to somehow keep everyone safe, wanted to hold the pieces of her life together and sacrifice nothing. Which was impossible. That had been one of the more painful realizations that had followed the battle. There were going to have to be sacrifices and people were going to get hurt and she couldn't stop it. Because this was a war. And she could hate it and rage against it and wish it didn't exist, but it did. And her dreaming wasn't going to stop it.
Indeed, she knew, as she had probably always known and simply hadn't wanted to accept, that the only way the war was going to end was if one side won some decisive victory. And she knew which side that needed to be. She knew what choice she needed to make and which part of her life was going to be sacrificed. And she didn't at all want to accept it. She wasn't sure she could accept it.
So she hadn't gone to Dumbledore yet. She hadn't even told Sirius that she was reconsidering. She knew it needed to be her choice and hers alone. So she'd kept it a quiet, private thing and hoped that sooner or later, she could figure it out and make her peace with this awful decision before her.
Now, Lavinia sighed, tucking her robes into her little bag. This wasn't really the time for thoughts like that. She couldn't be distracted right now if she was going to Diagon Alley. So she took a deep breath and stepped out into the alley outside the St. Mungo's staff entrance, doing no more than glancing around to check for muggles before she disapparated.
If she was honest, she missed the walk to the disapparation points, not least because these days she barely got to see Miriam, even when their shifts did overlap. But she knew this rule had been changed for good reason. It was dangerous to be out in public these days, especially in muggle London, where everyone was handicapped by the inability to overtly use magic against Death Eaters who had no such qualms about breaking the law. So Lavinia sufficed with meeting Mirriam in the employee lounge and occasionally for tea and dealt with the lack of her morning walk to work as best she could.
Pushing away memories of the last time she'd seen Mirriam, notable only because of just how long the other witch had spent telling Lavinia about the muggle boy who'd moved into the apartment across the hall from her, Lavinia reappeared in the walled courtyard behind the Leaky Cauldron. Glancing around more out of habit than anything, she pulled out her wand to tap the appropriate brick and after a few moments, stepped through the archway that appeared before her. She proceeded into Diagon Alley without putting her wand away, keeping her fingers right around it and her eyes and ears alert. These were dangerous times after all and she wasn't foolish enough to pretend the streets or shops were safe.
Diagon Alley certainly looked dangerous these days. Half the buildings were boarded up and those that remained open were almost all empty. The streets looked like they hadn't been properly cleaned in far too long and there were squatters all along the sides of the roads, begging for help she couldn't offer.
She didn't like coming here these days. It made her skin crawl and set her teeth on edge. But it was necessary and no matter how many times Sirius protested, Lavinia wasn't going to let him anywhere near here. She was certain he was a higher priority target for the Death Eaters than she was. Which was also why she hadn't told him she was coming when she'd left this morning. She knew that was probably stupid, but she was selfish and didn't want him to worry. She also hadn't wanted to have that fight again because all it did was annoy them both without actually accomplishing anything.
So she walked down the alley quickly and quietly, headed for the crooked white marble of Gringotts bank. It was a reasonably quick process to withdraw money from her vault and change half of it into muggle bills and perhaps twenty minutes later, Lavinia was leaving the bank with her bag a little heavier and heading for the apothecary, one of the few shops that was still open. And thank Merlin for that too. Lavinia didn't know what she would do if the place closed. She didn't know anywhere else to get potions ingredients. She supposed Dumbledore would probably know somewhere, but Lavinia didn't like asking him for much of anything. It always felt like his answer came with a price, even though she knew that was ridiculous.
At the apothecary, the woman behind the counter looked rather cautiously pleased to see a customer enter and helped Lavinia with the efficiency of someone who didn't want her stay any longer than it took to spend her money. Which was fair, Lavinia supposed. No one knew who to trust these days. Strangers were dangerous and even people you knew could have been placed under the Imperius curse, which was rapidly becoming a problem for both the Ministry and the general public.
So Lavinia didn't overstay her welcome. She simply put the little boxes and jars she'd bought into her bag and turned to go.
Which was when she saw him.
He was standing casually enough that it could have been a coincidence that he was here when she was, were it not for the fact that no one just casually stood out in public anymore. And certainly not alone. Then again, Mulciber had nothing to fear. He was a Death Eater and had no one to hide from unless the Ministry showed up. Which they weren't likely to do without making a massive commotion that would give him plenty of time to leave.
She might have panicked or maybe just not left the shop until he was gone, but Mulciber started walking. Away from her. Lavinia blinked, watching him go, all too aware of the now slightly annoyed shopkeeper behind her who would very much rather she didn't linger here.
So she left, every nerve screaming at her to hurry. But she couldn't run. That would just draw attention. Instead, she walked as fast as she possibly could, her wand clenched in her hand and her eyes darting around her as her feet carried her towards the exit. All she had to do was get to the exit. On the other side of that brick wall, she could apparate. On the other side of that brick wall, she would be safe.
Ten feet. So close. So very close. Just a little bit farther.
Five feet. She could almost reach out and touch it. So close.
One foot. The bricks melted around her as she passed through, relief washing over her as she stepped into the watery sun of muggle London. Safe. She was safe. All she had to do was -
An arm wrapped around her at the same time a hand clamped over her mouth to stifle a scream she hadn't even thought to give. Panic surged through her, wild and violent and she yanked, trying to jerk away, trying to free her arm so her wand would be pointing at something other than her own feet.
"Hush, little traitor," said a voice in her ear that made her heart stutter and fail and her head go empty. Rowle. Rowle was holding her. Rowle had his arms around her and was whispering in her ear with too much joy in his voice. There was nothing at all in her head, no fight in her soul. Nothing but a screaming sort of panic in her heart which was begging her to run even though she knew she couldn't break Rowle's hold.
"We need to hurry," said another voice she recognized and Mulciber came into her field of vision and offered her a nasty little smirk as he pried her fingers from her wand. The paic renewed, filling her ears now like static and she wasn't sure she remembered how to breathe. "Someone might be coming soon," Mulciber added, looking Lavinia over as though he was making sure she was real. "You know, I expected it to be more difficult to catch you," he murmured with an expression that seemed torn between delight and disappointment. "I mean, we had to wait long enough for you to leave your precious protective enchantments, but once you did..." He shook his head and gave a little laugh. "The great Lavinia Selwyn," he scoffed. "Turns out she'd just a weak little thing. Come on," he added, a note of annoyance creeping into his voice as he looked over her head at Rowle, perhaps responding to some expression the latter had made.
Whatever spurred Mulciber to finish his little speech, Lavinia never knew and didn't particularly care about. In response to his words, though, she felt the body behind her move - a nod probably - and then, with no further warning, she was being pulled into the dark of apparition, Rowle's arm still holding her tight against him and panic still filling her ears like a symphony of silent screams.
A/N: So I lied, this one doesn't have stars. The next one does though. Also, I'm sorry for the cliff hanger, I know it sucks and its awful, but you'll find out what happens tomorrow I promise! There's not much else to report bc I didn't do anything today. Though I am wearing my favorite shorts and look damn fine. So there's that. Again, the transformative power of clean hair and cute outfit. I should really take notes for when I'm having a bad day, but do I learn? Nope. I'm bad that way. Don't be like me, folks. Take a shower when you're sad. It helps.
Anyway, as usual, I hope y'all enjoyed and I'll be back again tomorrow!